


Guns and Roses: Part II

by RanebowStitches



Series: Guns and Roses [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Asexual Character, Blow Jobs, Eating Disorders, First Kiss, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Medical Procedures, Negan is the good guy, New Family, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rick is the bad guy, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, almost suicide, clothes have no gender, doctor visit, feeding tube, tags are subject to change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-09-15 07:36:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 96,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RanebowStitches/pseuds/RanebowStitches
Summary: Negan's got two new additions to his home and a handful of new worries and cares. As his feelings develop for Carl, he toes the line between father figure and lover. Helping Carl and Judith heal from being captives of Rick's is a whole other weight on his shoulders, and his mental health starts to take a toll on him. Can they adapt to family life, or will some tough choices need to be made along the way?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a roleplay written by me ([Ranebowstitches](https://ranebowstitches.tumblr.com/)) and [Matthew-the-neko-boy](https://matthew-the-neko-boy.tumblr.com/).
> 
> In this chapter, I’m Negan, Dwight, Gina, and Matt is Carl, Judith, Daryl, and Ezekiel.
> 
> Welcome to part two! Get ready for some fun family hi-jinks and a lot of stress for Negan! Woo!

When the trucks arrived back at Negan’s place, everyone filed out and Negan began barking orders. He let Maggie and Ezekiel pack up their own people, their help done with. He’d send them compensation once things settled.

He called for Dwight, waving the man over. “Take Daryl here to a guest room. Get him a hot shower, clothes, and food before he stinks up the whole place. Whew!” he said gesturing to the other man and holding his nose. He laughed as Daryl glared at him, trying not to turn red with embarrassment. “I’m just bustin’ your balls, man... which are nice by the way!” Oh, Negan couldn’t help it. It was so perfect. Dwight motioned for Daryl to follow him and he rushed after Dwight into the building, trying to cover himself the best he could.

“Gina!” Negan called next. She stepped up to him and saluted. “Take these two to 2B and order whatever food they want. Help Carl give Judith a bath if he needs it, but otherwise you can leave them unsupervised.”

Carl held Judith close to him, having her chest rest on his. She slept happily as she listened to the boy’s heart beat in his chest. Carl looked up at Gina with a small smile as he held the little girl.

“Yes, sir! Let get my riot gear off real fast,” Gina said to Negan, heading towards the wall that held the gear and stripping down.

Negan leaned down towards Carl while she did that. “I’m gonna put your dad in one of my cells and then I’ll be up, ok?”

Carl looked over at Negan, smiling softly. “Okay,” he said with a small nod. “We’ll wait to eat with you.” Turning, he walked into the building trailing Daryl and Dwight, knowing Gina would follow once her gear was off.

Negan shook his head, watching them walk away. He caught Gina before she followed and told her that they didn’t have to wait for him to get there to eat. If they were hungry, they should just eat. Gina nodded and trotted off after the kids.

Negan turned and walked through the crowd of people to the truck that held Rick. Ezekiel was standing outside it, waiting for him.

“He still out?” Negan asked, tilting his head towards the truck. Ezekiel nodded. “We’re just gonna dump him in a cell for now. I’ll see what Carl wants to do with him later.” He put a hand on Ezekiel’s shoulder and squeezed. “Thank you for all your help today. I owe you big time.”

Ezekiel looked at Negan with a small sad smile. “Anything to help young people in need. You don’t owe me. Just be there for me if I am in need,” he said slapping a hard hand against the mans back as a sign of companionship.

Negan grunted at the slap on his back, almost losing his balance, but he smiled up at Ezekiel. “I can do that. Now, let’s get this prick into his new home.” Negan grabbed the truck door handle with his free hand, Lucille at the ready in the other, and yanked it open. Rick had been strapped into one of the seats and was still flopped limply in it. Negan lowered his bat. “Alright, you wanna hold Lucille or you wanna carry him?” Negan asked Ezekiel.

Ezekiel smiled and shook his head, “I’ll carry him, I’ll give you a rest,” he said and grabbed the man, putting him over his shoulder much like Negan did hours prior. “Lets get him in a cell before he wakes.”

…

When Daryl got to the room, he quickly went to the bathroom, locking himself in going through the cabinets and drawers much like Carl did that night a few days ago. 

Dwight let Daryl do as he wished while he called the kitchens to have them send up a dinner cart. Negan didn’t tell him if he needed to watch him or not, but he assumed not since they’d rescued him from Rick’s place specifically. He stood outside the door in the hallway and waited for the food to come.

Carl walked back to his room with Gina close behind. Judith was still mostly asleep in his arms. “You don’t have to come with us unless you want too,” Carl said to Gina quickly as they got up to the room.

Dwight waved at Carl and Gina as they appeared. Gina waved back at Dwight and moved in front of Carl to unlock the door. “Please, I’d love to keep you company!” She held the door open for him and Judith, gasping when she saw the box of kittens. “Ooo! They’re so cute!” She leaned over to look in the box. “Wow, they’re so young. You’ll let me know when they can leave the mom, right?” she asked, turning back to Carl.

Carl smiled at the woman’s excitement. “Yeah, of course. They’re so cute.” He smiled and rushed over to hold his favorite. “This one is mine. His name is Kilot.” He’d renamed him for the third time in a day. The kitten he picked up was white with tan and black patches. “Judith will get the all white one. Which one do you want?” he asked smiling.

Gina looked at the kittens and hummed. “I quite like that one.” She pointed at a kitten that looked like it had been split right down the middle, one half black, one half white.

Carl smiled. “Yeah that one’s super cute.” He reached out and rubbed that one’s head as he put down Kilot. 

“Oh, what do you want to eat? Our chefs can make  _ anything _ !” Gina said, pulling her phone from her pocket and waiting for his answer.

“I’m gonna wait for Negan.”

“Are you sure? He said you could eat without him. If you’re hungry, you should eat. At least let me put in the order. What’s you and Judith’s favorite foods?” Gina asked, already dialing the number. 

“I don’t know what Judith likes all that much, but I love chicken nuggets. I think she’ll like them too,” he said and kissed the girls head. “But, I wanna bathe her first.”

Gina nodded, ordering a meal of chicken nuggets with sides of fruits and veggies and milk and water to drink. She put her phone back in her pocket. “Do you want me to help you with a bath?” she asked, tilting her head in question.

“Um, I think we’re good,” Carl said, getting up. “So… I’m just gonna go.” He moved back into the bathroom quickly.

He hadn’t given back one of the guns he’d took. He hid it in the back of his pants, wanting to make sure this place was safe now that Judith was here. He got in the bathroom and locked him and Judith in.

Gina sighed. She thought she had really connected with Carl, but she had a feeling trust was a hard concept for him, understandably. She made herself comfortable on the bed as she waited for the food.

…

Negan moved in front of Ezekiel to lead the way to the holding cells. There were only five and they were all empty, Negan not liking to use them. He preferred putting people up in his guest rooms and talking over disagreements, not locking them up and forcing them to do what he wanted.

He pulled open the heavy metal door to the first cell. It was a ten by ten room, bigger than most prison cells, and contained a toilet and a thick, soft foam pad to sleep on. The walls were white and the floor was concrete. Negan had Ezekiel set Rick down on the pad so he could unlock the cuffs.

Ezekiel dumped the man onto the bed and just glared at him. God, he hated the man. “He doesn’t deserve this. When my men checked the kids bedroom they said he had a yoga mat and a pile of towels on the ground that the girl was sleeping in. There were scratches on the walls and blood. The kid was hitting his head in the wall trying to claw his way out.” Ezekiel glared at the man on the ground in front of him. 

Negan got the cuffs off, frowning at Ezekiel’s word, before he hurried out and closed the door, locking it securely with the help of one of his men who had the cell shift.

On the walk back, Negan called a few people and got a schedule set up so that someone was always down there watching Rick, and for meals to be brought to him. 

“He’s sick. Please tell me you aren’t going to let him have a good life down here. He doesn’t deserve anything good like those kids. He deserves to be treated like he’s treated all his victims.”

Negan sighed, turning to Ezekiel. “He’s going to get a basic meal three times a day, and he’s going to stay in that room until he dies.” Negan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I-I can’t be a monster like him, Ezekiel. I can’t treat him like that.” He sighed. God, he wished he could just kill the man. He didn’t want to have to deal with him living under his feet. ”If he gets out of line somehow, I’ll iron his face, but I’m not cutting off any limbs.”

“You’re a better man than I, Negan. You’re stronger than you know,” Ezekiel said, rubbing the man’s back. “Maybe we could get answers out of him. Like why he does the things he does.” He sighed rubbing his face. “As it is, good doing business with you as always. Sorry it had to be like this.” He reached out his hand to shake. 

Negan clasped Ezekiel’s hand in both of his and shook it. “Thank you again. Please, keep in contact.” He watched Ezekiel gather his men and leave before turning and heading back to the elevator, going all the way up to the guest bedroom floor. As he ascended, he realized that Maggie hadn’t said goodbye. He shrugged it off. She was probably eager to get back to her child.

The elevator stopped on the kitchen level and Negan moved aside as two carts of food were loaded on. The waiters gave him respectful nods and they all rode up the rest of the way in silence. Negan held the doors open for the waiters to leave first.

“How’s he doing, Dwight?” Negan called down the hall to Dwight who was still standing in the hallway. Dwight shrugged as he opened the door for the food.

“He went into the bathroom and hasn’t come out yet, so I assume he’s just taking a shower.”

Negan nodded. “Alright, well just leave the food in there and continue your post out here. He might come out looking for Carl.” With that, he followed the other cart into Carl’s room. “Heya, Gina. What’s shakin’?”

Gina rolled her eyes at Negan but stood at attention. “Carl is giving Judith a bath. He said he didn’t need my help,” she said shrugging. Negan nodded, he assumed Carl could take care of himself and his sister, but he had wanted the help to be an option for him. He wanted Carl to know that he wasn’t alone anymore.

“Thank you, Gina. You’re dismissed. Go home to your family.”

“Thank you, sir,” Gina said, stepping up to him and placing a quick kiss on his bearded cheek. “You’re a good man, sir. Don’t change.” She smiled at him and left. Negan sighed and smiled, hopping up on the bed and leaning against the headboard. He groaned as his muscles relaxed. It’d been a long ass day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Judith start getting settled in until Negan gets reminded of a harsh memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys know the drill by now, yeah? Who is who and all that~
> 
> Enjoy!

Carl started up a warm bath, placing Judith on the toilet and slipping off her dress and under garments. He took a baby wipe and wiped off waste and other things he ignored from her thighs. He tried to not look at her ‘parts’. He didn’t want to because he knew he’d be angry. “Come on Darling, you ready for bath time?” he asked, her with a fake smile.

She nodded excitedly, clapping her hands. “Ya!” she screamed happily.

“Good girl,” he said turning around and stopping the water. Jesus did he hate the sound of bath water filling up, but he felt fine. He had a gun, the door was locked, and he was alone in the room.

He picked Judith up and put her in the water, not looking at her thighs. He looked at her face instead. “You’re so cute, Judith.” He kissed her forehead, grabbed a cup from the sink to wet her hair. He started humming a oft lullaby as he washed her.

Outside, Negan listened to the sound of the bath water running and closed his eyes. He thought about what Ezekiel had said, about the state of Carl’s and Judith’s room. He clenched his jaw as anger shot through him, but he took a deep breath and relaxed. It was fine. They wouldn’t be going back there ever again. Negan was going to provide them with whatever they needed whenever they needed it.

He took out his phone then and there and did some searches for a vet and a teacher, among a few other things. He made a few calls and got some things set up, an easy thing to do with the influence he had. He had hung up after his last call and realized he could hear Carl humming through the door. It was the song he had sang for Negan for ‘punishment’. Negan wondered if he could get Carl to sing for him again. He leaned his head back against the headboard again, closing his eyes and drifting off.

…

Carl finished washing Judith up and got her out of the water. He wrapped her up in a towel, rubbing her dry as she giggled. He smiled at her, and then scooped her up like a princess and unlocked the door.

He walked out with Judith in his arms, seeing Negan on the bed. He felt so strange whenever he was around the man. He didn’t know why though. He knew he wanted the man's approval but be knew it was something more.

Carl went to the dresser and pulled out one of his shirts from a drawer. All he had was medium shirts, so it was a dress on Judith. He rolled the sleeves and tied a knot in the bottom of the shirt so it stayed like that. He leaned in and kissed her nose as she giggled.

Negan stirred at the sound of the giggle, cracking his eyes open slowly. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Wow, he felt old. He stretched his arms over his head, sitting up. He noticed Carl and smiled at him, and then saw Judith swimming in a too big t-shirt. He grinned and hopped off the bed, coming over to the siblings. He crouched down to Judith’s level. “Hi! Are you all clean now? I like your new ‘dress’.” He laughed, looking up at Carl. “I’ll get her some clothes more her size soon. Also, if you want any, let me know. We could make a shopping day of it.”

Carl nodded softly smiling at the man. Judith reached up and grabbed Negan’s facial hair, giggling. Negan grimaced slightly as Judith pulled at his beard, taking her hands gently and pulling them away. Carl smiled at her. “Yeah that’s a good idea. That’d be fine,” he said, petting the girl’s hair.

Soon, a knock came from the door and a man came in. “Sir, we couldn’t account for two guns when we did the weapons count,” he said. It was fat Joey.

Negan scooped Judith up as he stood, cradling her in his arm. She was so small, but she fit so perfect into the crook of his arm. He turned to Fat Joey. “Well, we lost a few men and haven’t done a cleanup yet, so they might still be at… his place.” Negan didn’t know if Judith would recognize Rick’s name or not, but he wanted to avoid saying it around her anyway. “Check the trucks again, but until we do a cleanup, don’t stress over it.” The only other thing he could think is that one of Maggie’s or Ezekiel’s men had taken them by mistake, but honestly, it was just two guns. Nothing to get in a tizzy over. 

He looked down at Judith and grinned, softly tickling her with his free hand. “Isn’t that right, Judith? We’re not going to worry about it!” The little girl squealed happily, bouncing up and down in the man's arms as he tickled her.

Negan laughed, looking back at Fat Joey. “Is that all?”

Carl made a little sound to get Judith to look over at him when Joey and Negan were talking. He did this weird thing like he was trying to sign to her. Judith closed one fist and left the other fist open with her thumb up, moving her hands a little before looking up at Negan.

“Yes, sir. We’ll do a recount. Sorry for the inconvenience, sir,” Fat Joey said as he left the room, closing the door from behind.

Negan turned to Carl once the door was closed, unaware of the silent words between the siblings. “Chicken nuggets, again, huh?” He snorted, catching a glimpse of the food cart. Carl looked over to the cart and smiled at the chicken nuggets, beginning to pop them in his mouth happily. “At least eat some of the other stuff too.” It had come with corn and mashed potatoes.

Negan walked over and picked up a chicken nugget, handing it to Judith. A mewl came from the box behind him. “Oh, give the mother cat some chicken. I called a vet, by the way. They’ll be here tomorrow.”

Carl nodded eagerly. He ate the breading off three nuggets before putting them in the box with the mom. “Judith, aoooh.” He opened his mouth. Judith smiled and copied after him.

“Aoooh,” she said and Carl put a half nugget in her mouth smiling. She squealed happily and chewed it up before swallowing. She clapped excitedly. “More, more!”

Negan watched, curious about how the siblings interacted. There was obviously much that they had developed together to help them survive Rick’s dungeon.

Negan was opening his mouth to ask, when there was another knock at the door. He looked over, but the person didn’t automatically come in. Negan hummed and handed Judith over to Carl, who took her quickly, walking over and opening the door. Maggie waved at him.

“Oh! Maggie, I had thought you left already,” Negan said, stepping outside, closing the door but not all the way. Negan was in view through the opening of the door.

“I was about to, but I remembered I had something for you,” she explained, digging around in her pocket.

“For me?” Negan cocked his head to the side. He sucked in a breath when Maggie pulled out one of Rick’s tapes. She handed it over, Lucille’s name glaring up at him. Negan took it in a shaking hand. He felt like he’d been sucker punched in the stomach.

“We destroyed the rest, but I figured I’d let you decide what to do with that one,” Maggie explained. She could see the pain swimming through Negan’s eyes, and she was sorry she had to be the cause of it. Well, she wasn’t the cause of it per se, but she was the reminder, and sometimes even that is just as bad.

Negan closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “Thank you.” His words were barely audible. Maggie nodded put a hand to his cheek.

“Call me if you need me again, Negan.” And with that, she walked back to the elevator. Negan stood frozen with the tape in his hand.

Carl watched as Maggie and Negan interacted. He saw the tape in Maggie’s hand and he thought about the tapes in his bag that she’d given to him. He reached down and felt the baggie and the necklace in his pocket.

He quickly got a glass of milk, getting Judith to drink half of it, just as the two were done talking.

“Negan, I think we should let Judith nap and then we could see the tapes,” he said looking at him as he reached out his hand with the necklace and the black velvet baggie.

Negan had his eyes shut again and was just breathing as the tape shook in his hand. He clenched his jaw as hot tears rolled down his face. No. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to, didn’t need to. He just wanted this to be over and done with.

Negan shook his head at Carl’s words, opening his eyes and glaring at the tape in his hand. “No. I’m not watching any of them. You can, but I’m not.” The tape fell from his fingers and landed in front of him on the floor. He took a deep breath before crushing it under his boot. The satisfying crunch of the tape was music to his ears. He stepped on it a few more times just for good measure. When he lifted his foot away, the tape was in a million pieces, utterly destroyed.

Negan took a deep breath before saying, “Dwight.”

“Yes, sir?” The man spoke up from one door down, having silently watched everything.

“Clean this up.”

“Yes, sir.”

Negan turned back to go into the room and saw the necklace in Carl’s hand. He reached out slowly for it, taking it gently from Carl. He made his way to the bed, sitting on it, gazing down at the necklace, before he lost all stability on his walls and burst into sobs.

Carl looked at the man, shocked, but he quickly got Judith and ran out to Daryl’s room.

Daryl opened up and saw Carl’s panic and took Judith from his arms. “Take her for the night. Sorry, I’ll explain later,” he said and kissed Judith’s head before running back to 2B. 

“Negan, Negan. I don’t know how to help. Did you not want the necklace? I’m sorry,” he said sitting next to the man, rubbing his back. “I’m sorry Negan.”

Negan shook his head and curled his fingers around the necklace, drawing his hands into his chest. God, he couldn’t believe he was breaking down in front this kid. The day had been long and hard and Negan was emotionally drained and tired. He just couldn’t hold on any longer.

He tried to take a deep breath and stop the sobs, but he could only get in short bursts of air. It took another moment before he could turn to Carl and stutter out, “I-I m-miss her… s-so much.”

He leaned forward, burying his face into Carl’s shoulder, as another wave of tears hit him. 

Carl just sat there and excepted the man's tears. “I’m sorry, Negan. I couldn’t imagine how you feel,” he said letting the man cry. “I can’t imagine loving someone as much as you loved her. She was a lucky woman, Negan. I didn’t know her that well, but from the few days I knew her she seemed like a wonderful and beautiful woman who was happy with you and her life.”

Carl held his baggie and looked to the bag of tapes on the floor. He closed his eyes. “But, I still wanna watch all my tapes. I wanna see them all again.”

Negan nodded into Carl’s shoulder at the boy’s words. He was glad Carl had got to meet her, even under such horrific circumstances, and he understood Carl’s need to watch his tapes. He’d just have to do it alone.

Gradually, Negan’s sobs lessened and his tears dried. He felt hollow, but better somehow. He stayed leaning against Carl for a few minutes more as he caught his breath. He soaked up the feeling of being close to him, leaning slightly into the hand that was rubbing his back. He wanted to engulf Carl into a hug and hold him, but he was still uncertain how much would be too much.

Negan sniffed as he sat up, rubbing at his reddened eyes. Carl’s shoulder was so wet from his tears. “Thank you, Carl. I’m… sorry you had to see me like that.” He took a deep breath and let it out slow, looking at the necklace in his hand. He glanced back up at the boy and at the bag in his hand. “Will you come with me for a moment? There’s something I want to show you.” Negan moved off the bed and held a hand out for Carl to take. 

Carl nodded a bit and got up from the bed. “You’re fine Negan. You saw me say things that nobody else knows so we’re even,” he said smiling at the other man. Negan gave Carl a small smile back. He sure had heard the boy say a LOT of things while he was drugged.

“And yes, show me whatever you want, please,” Carl said rubbing the man's arm now, blushing a bit himself. He loved the contact they had together. He loved feeling the man's skin touching his, even if it was under a negative touch category. 

“Judith is staying with Daryl, so I’m free the rest of the day,” he said rubbing his bicep still. He looked over at the clock. It was only two.

Negan shivered slightly at Carl’s hand on his arm. He couldn’t deny, he’d love to have those hands all over him. “Ok, come with me.” Negan took a quick step away, making Carl’s hand fall off of his arm, but he caught it in his and held it as he walked towards the door, softly pulling Carl along. In the hallway, the tape Negan had crushed was cleaned up and Dwight still stood in front of Daryl’s door, looking bored. He glanced over as Negan appeared.

“We’re going to my room,” Negan informed him. Dwight nodded, and if he had any thoughts on the fact that Negan was holding Carl’s hand as they walked down the hallway towards the elevator, he kept them to himself.

Carl looked down at his hand where Negan held it. His own hand was slightly cold and boney, but because of its rather small size it fit very well in Negan’s. He squeezed it lightly as he scampered off with him to the elevator, not missing the look that Dwight had on his face when he walked with the older man. 

In the elevator, Negan pressed the only button not marked with a number, a “N” instead, and that was outlined in gold. Negan didn’t let go of Carl’s hand as they ascended. 

“What do you want to show me?” Carl asked Negan as the door closed to the elevator. He literally had no clue. He guessed maybe Lucille’s ashes? But maybe not. 

He was getting a bit antsy and he needed to look in the bag to make sure what he wanted was in there. Maybe he would look with Negan after Negan’s surprise for him.

“Pictures. Memories,” Negan said vaguely. He ran his thumb softly over Carl’s knuckles until the elevator dinged, a slightly different ding than the other floors, and the doors opened. Negan pulled Carl inside his room. 

They stepped off the elevator and into a large double room. One side of the room was a fully stocked bar. The other held three couches, all four people long, arranged in a bracket shape around a coffee table. On the wall hung a giant TV and stereo system. The windows in the living room were floor to ceiling bullet proof glass and lit up the place with the afternoon sun beautifully.

Negan walked past all of that, going down the center that divided the rooms and turning down a hallway. They passed a couple doors before Negan stopped at one and took a deep breath. He hadn’t actually been in here in a long time. Oh god, if he started crying again...

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Carl explore a few parts of each other and then settle down for a movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing right along~ Sorry for the wait. The holiday season is busy busy for me!
> 
> Enjoy~

Turning the handle, Negan opened the door and led the way in. The room was lit with soft track lighting around the ceiling, illuminating everything without being too harsh. “This was her studio.” Negan said, looking around.

The walls were  _ covered _ in photos. Black and white, color, Polaroid, you name it. Pictures of Lucille, pictures of Negan, pictures of the both of them. Negan had them all memorized. 

In the center of the wall across from the door, a large print of a photo was framed in an elegant dark chestnut frame. The photo was of Lucille. She was standing on the edge of a pier overlooking a body of water. The wind was blowing her long dark hair every which way, and she had one hand up to hold onto her sunhat. The picture had been taken when she turned halfway around to look back at Negan, a huge smile on her face. Negan’s blurry finger could be seen in the corner of the photo.

A small table sat under this photo with two candles on either side and a wedding ring in the middle. Negan let go of Carl’s hand and walked to it, placing the necklace down next to the ring. 

Carl looked around, pretty amazed at the elegance and beauty the room had. Not to be rude, but Negan didn’t look like one for tastefully designed decor considering the man’s usual attire is a leather jacket, red scarf, and a deadly modified bat stained with blood. This was not what Carl was expecting. 

He followed the man into the studio looking around to see pictures of him and the woman. He smiled, Lucille looked so beautiful. She didn’t look like what Carl saw those days they were together. His dad had choppily cut off all of her hair. She was bruised, starving, and exhausted, but Carl could recognize her because through it all she never lost the look of love and hope in her eyes.

“When I knew her, I could tell she was a beautiful soul.” Carl looked around at the pictures with a smile. “She was so carrying and loving, and she was such a good person. She cared about anyone she saw, and she’d ask me about them whenever I saw her.” He smiled a bit.

“You are a lucky man, Negan. You got to be with a wonderful woman who loved you very much. I didn’t know it was you she was talking about, but she told me about you every day. Told me about how you were a good man and how much she really loved you.”

Negan smiled at Carl’s words, holding back a fresh wave of tears. “Yeah, that sounds like her,” he said, voice thick with emotion. He turned to look at Carl. “I’m glad  _ you _ were there. She didn’t talk about her time there, wanting to just forget it, but she had mentioned it wasn’t all bad. I didn’t know what she meant, but I think she meant you.”

Negan stepped closer to Carl and gently pulled him into a hug, resting his cheek against the boy’s head. “Thank you, again.”

Carl smiled and hugged the man back, breathing in his cologne from his scarf. “You don’t need to thank me for telling you the truth. Her fourth day there Judy was born. Her last three days, I let her see Judy, and she taught me how to hold her so her head wasn’t falling. Taught me how to make diapers and how to feed her. Without her I would have been a horrible big brother.” He smiled a little. “She liked holding Judith.”

Negan’s arms tightened a bit around Carl. He huffed a laugh into Carl’s hair. “Fuck, kid. You’re gonna make me cry again.” He positioned his head so that his chin was resting on Carl’s head, bringing up one hand to the back of Carl’s head and threading his fingers through the soft hair there.

“She wanted to be a mom so bad,” Negan said, voice almost a whisper. A sad smile spread across his face. “I’m glad she got to be one for Judith. Just for a little bit.” A couple tears rolled down Negan’s cheeks but that was alright. His heart felt warm. Hearing about his wife being the strong and kind person he knew she was, being surrounded by her face and the memories the photos brought, holding Carl in his arms… yeah. He’d be alright. Negan tilted his face down and placed a soft kiss atop Carl’s head, humming contently. 

Carl smiled a little and let man hold him for as long as he needed. He liked the humming and just the sincerity of the hug and just the raw affection he was being given. He could just eat it all up.

“I’m sorry you have to go through all of this Negan.” He cuddled into his chest, listening to the man's heart beat and feeling the mans vibrations of his chest as he hummed. “I think my Mum’s ring is in the black bag. And something of mine too.” He said softly, still snuggling into the man’s arms, just basking in the warmth. 

Negan sighed, content. He’d like to hold Carl all day long, but that was unrealistic. He leaned back, moving his hands up to cup Carl’s face. “Alright, I showed you mine, you can show me yours,” he said, smiling down at Carl. “Let’s go to the living room.” Negan led the way, taking hold of Carl’s hand softly again.

He sat them down on one of the couches, sitting nary an inch from Carl. “What did he take from you?” Negan asked, glancing at the bag and then up at Carl. Negan had a flicker of a bad feeling he knew what it was.

Carl scooted closer to him so their outer thighs were touching. He reached in the baggie and pulled out his mom’s ring first. It was white gold with a good size princess cut diamond with other smaller diamonds cut into the sides of the ring. “He let me take it for a few days after we killed her, but then he took it away to put it in the frame hall,” he explained before pulling out the other item.

It was a smallish jar full of liquid. In the jar was a large clearish milky white orb with feathery red stains attached to the back. Carl turned the jar around to see the familiar blue iris and small black pupil.

Negan sucked in a quick breath when Carl turned his eye around in the jar. Yeah, that’s what he was afraid it was. He stared at it for a moment before looking at Carl and saying, “You know… that’s sick, but it’s also  _ sick _ , y’know what I mean?” He looked back at the eye in the jar. “Gross as hell, but cool as fuck.” He chuckled awkwardly, not sure Carl’s feelings on the situation. He bumped his leg against Carl’s. “What are you gonna do with it?”

Carl just held it in his hands, nodding softly. He leaned in and put his head on the mans bicep, sniffling. “It’s so weird to literally look into your own eye.” He chuckled a little. He put it down and went quiet for a few moments. “I wanna take out his eye,” he said abruptly. “I want to pour antiseptic into it and rip it out. See how he likes it. See if I can get him to thank me.” He growled.

Negan sighed and placed his hand on Carl’s thigh. “Kid, don’t.” Negan shook his head. He knew the feeling of wanting to do to others what they have done to you, but he also knew that an eye for an eye made the whole world blind. Negan knew a lot of anecdotes, but in this case, that last one was almost literal. “If you do the same thing to him, you’ll be no different than him. I know it’s hard. It takes strength to not give into that primal feeling of revenge.” He traced circles on Carl’s thigh with his fingers. “You’re not like him, Carl. You’re better than him. Don’t sink to his level.”

Carl sniffled and looked at the man's fingers as he touched him. He liked the touch. He crossed his arms huffing, upset. This isn’t fair, he thought. “I’m just upset because I miss the old him.” He sighed. “I want answers from him. We used to be normal and do normal stuff when I was in first grade. Like, go to McDonalds and go to the park and stuff.” He cuddled into his side. “But then, it all started to shift in second grade. He used to throw me in the tub when he filled it with hot water and hit me,” he muttered. “It just escalated from there.”

Negan wrapped his arm around Carl’s shoulders and squeezed him closer. “I’m sorry, babe. Some people just… change.” He nuzzled his cheek into the top of Carl’s head. God, how Carl had managed to survive so long was beyond Negan. That was easily ten years of abuse. And yet, Carl had kept his sanity enough to accept Negan’s help in taking his father down. He was a tough kid.

“He’s in my cells now, Carl. I’ll let you do whatever you want, but I’m not even speaking to him unless I have to,” Negan said, sighing. “I would encourage you to just remember the good times you had, and forget the bad, but I understand that that’s not easy and you want answers. I’m not sure how much you’ll get out of him though.” He kissed the top of Carl’s head again. It was becoming a habit. “Whatever you do, just be careful.”

Carl blushed harshly, looking up at the man as he said babe. No one ever called him that before. It kind of flipped his stomach but in a good way. A shiver went down his spin as his head was kissed. He loved the feeling of the man on him. 

“I don’t know. I’m just scared for Judith’s sake,” he said. “Don’t know now much she’s gonna remember. I’ll just stick to watching the tapes and things for now,” he stated before looking up to meet the man’s eyes. “So, what do you wanna do for the rest of the day?”

“If you wanna watch the tapes now, I can set that up for you here. I won’t watch them with you though, know that.” Negan shrugged. “Other than that, we can do whatever you want to do. I sorta thought the rescue would take longer honestly.” He chuckled.

His stomach suddenly growled, and Negan realized he had never ate. Did Carl eat? “We can order some food and veg out on the couch? I’ve got a wide variety of movies to choose from.” He grinned down at Carl and bounced his eyebrows.

Carl looked up at him smiling. He wanted to see a movie. “Yea. That seems like a fun idea. I wanna see a movie. But I’m not too hungry,” he said and cuddled back to the man. He felt a bit sad he didn’t want to watch them. He wasn’t upset, because why would the man say he wanted to. It just made him feel like he was too fucked up for the man.

Negan fished his phone out of his pocket as gently as he could to not jostle Carl. He loved having the boy cuddled up to him, so he wasn’t getting up anytime soon. “Well, I’m ordering food anyway,” he said. He wanted Carl to eat something other than a few chicken nuggets, but he wouldn’t force him. Negan called the kitchens and placed his order, setting his phone down on the couch and grabbing the remote when he was done.

“What are you feeling?” he asked, turning on the TV and navigating to his movies. Negan had one of those multi-disc DVD players that could hold hundreds of movies, along with every streaming service. “Comedy? 80s? Chick flick?”

“I don’t know the only movie I remember seeing is Bolt, the movie about the puppy where the girl gets kidnapped. It was a cartoon.” He smiled. “Mom and her boyfriend Shane took me to see it,” he said smiling excitedly. “What do you think I’ll like?”

Negan hummed, scrolling through the movies. He skipped past every horror movie at breakneck speed. Definitely not. He went through the cartoons, but decided he wasn’t in the mood for one of those. He was going through 80s when the elevator dinged. “Oh, one second. I have to open the door.” Negan excused himself, peeling Carl off of his arm, and retrieved his food. Carl pouted like a child as Negan left him and went to the door. He waited impatiently like a bratty child for Negan’s return to the couch. Negan thanked the waiter and wheeled the cart of food back over to the couch, moving it to the coffee table.

He poured a cup of root beer for himself and one for Carl without asking. He then made two plates of food (Caesar salad, mac n cheese, and stuffed peppers) and left Carl’s on the table in front of him before sitting back down next to him. He showed off his plate to Carl, practically waving it under his nose. “Mmm, looks good, right?” He taunted playfully with a smirk on his face. “Sure you’re not hungry?”

“Yes I’m sure. I don’t need a lot of food. And I want to stay in shape,” Carl said crossing his arms as the food was waved in his face. He didn’t want to get fat. His mother always talked about, so he was pretty terrified of it. Negan choked slightly on his salad at Carl’s comment. In shape?! The kid was skin and bones! He looked at him, incredulous.

“So, when do you think I can start playing with the kittens? And working for you? Do I get money?” Carl asked, unaware of Negan’s gawking. He wanted to know all these things, he had a lot of questions now that they weren’t in life or death situations.

Negan swallowed his food and cleared his throat. “Carl, you’re so skinny. I’m not a doctor, but I don’t doubt that you’re  _ too _ skinny.” He sighed. “You can’t work for me until you can pass a physical, and trust me, right now you can  _ not _ .” Carl was strong, Negan’s jaw was proof of that, but brute force wasn’t enough. Negan looked at Carl with an ‘I’m sorry’ face. Negan would really like it if he’d fill out so the bones in his hands weren’t so prominent. He wanted to feel like he could touch the boy and not break him. “But, when you do start working, you’ll start off at minimum wage like everyone else did. Twelve dollars an hour.”

Carl looked at the man, wide eyed and shocked. He couldn’t believe he thought he wasn’t good enough physically to work for him. “Do I need to remind you I took about four of your men, who all passed your little test, out? I broke through your whole security system and would have gotten to you if it wasn’t for that one guy, all after taking two separate beatings and eleven days living off of three cups of oatmeal. I’m the best man you got!” he yelled, shooting up and getting in his face.

Negan looked up at Carl, his face steeled, emotionless, and put another forkful of salad into his mouth. He crunched the leaves before speaking. “It’s not about strength, it’s about health,” he stated and shrugged like this was the most simple concept in the world. “I’m sorry you had to live off minimal food before, but that’s not what will be happening here. You don’t  _ have _ to survive eleven days on three cups of oatmeal here. You don’t have to  _ survive _ here. Just live. Work. Breathe.” He set his fork down on his plate and cocked his head at Carl. “It’s not much to ask.”

Carl sniffled a bit and stood up a bit, getting out of the man’s face, feeling embarrassed at his hot temper and seemingly eagerness to jump down the man’s throat. “Fine...” He sat down next to him. “I just… okay.” He honestly didn’t know what he meant. To survive is to live. Aren’t they the same thing? “What will I be doing for you?” he asked. He dismissed the minimum wage comment. He really had no idea how money worked, how much food, clothes or diapers cost or anything like that, so right now that information meant nothing to him. He just knew money was good and he needed a lot of it.

Negan shrugged, glad that Carl had calmed down. He was used to dealing with people in his face, but he really didn’t want to have to lay down the law for Carl. “I’ll probably have you shadow Dwight or Simon or Arat if they’ll let you. Just be another guard.” He turned and looked Carl up and down. “Unless, there’s something else you’d rather do? I’m reasonable to new ideas.”

He finished off the food on his plate and set it on the table, taking a drink of his soda, before leaning back into the couch. He gave a pointed look from Carl to his untouched plate, but he felt like that was a battle he had lost for the night. “But, don’t worry about that right now. I’ll provide you with what you and Judith need and want until things settle down and you both heal up. Ok?” Negan reached out and chucked Carl under the chin softly, smiling.

Carl liked that idea he liked the thought of being a guard or something. He would be good at that. He blushed again when the man reached out and touched under his chin. He leaned into it a bit while slowly relaxing back into the couch. 

“So what movie are we going to watch?” he asked him, looking back to the TV. He smiled a bit while waiting for the mans answer trying to change the mood. 

Negan’s phone buzzed. Denise had texted him. “I have Dr. Carters on the line. He says he can do an appointment for both kids tomorrow at Saint Kellins Children’s hospital. No questions asked.” She wrote. Dr. Carters worked at the hospital Negan owned, and was pretty close with the Saviors as a whole. Negan also usually compensated well, so he was always glad to help.

Negan grabbed the remote again, seeing his phone screen light up next to it. He read the text quickly and sent back an affirmative. Negan was kind of scared to hear what the results would be on the kids, but he knew it needed to be done. He turned back to the TV.

“I’m thinking an 80s movie. Those are always fun,” he said, flipping through them. His eye caught one and he hummed. “You ever hear of ‘Back to the Future’? I think you’ll like it.” Negan hit start on the movie before digging a blanket out from under the coffee table, throwing it over both of their laps. He pressed another button on the remote and shades fell down over the large windows, successfully bathing them in darkness except for the TV. Negan relaxed into the couch and threw his arm around Carl’s shoulders, glad to finally be able to just relax.

Carl smiled a little and cuddled back into the man’s side as the movie turned on. “No, but it seems cool.” He giggled looking at the screen as the movie started. He looked behind them as the screens went down. It seemed so cool. He reached out and started to drink his soda as Negan threw the blanket over the two of them. “Thank you, again,” he said, leaning against him. “How expensive are cars?” he asked looking up at him.

Negan hummed. “It depends on the car,” he said. “If it’s used, you can get them for like two thousand dollars, but they probably won’t last very long and will need to be fixed more often. Newer cars average at like thirty or forty thousand.” He looked down at Carl as best he could in the low light. “Why? You want a car? You gonna run away from me?” He smirked, teasingly.

“No, I’m thinking about driving to stores to buy things and stuff. How much does a TV cost?” he asked before looking back at the movie. He wasn’t the best person to watch movies with. He just had so many questions.

Negan chuckled. “It depends on the size. They can go from like sixty bucks to five hundred.” Negan pointed at the one they were looking at. “This one is five hundred.” He looked back at Carl, raising an eyebrow. “But, you don’t need to worry about any of that. Seriously, I’ll get you whatever you want, babe.” Negan put his fingers under Carl’s chin and turned his head to look him in the eye. “Ok?”

“Really?” He blushed a little looking at him in the eyes. “What’s the cost?” he said confused at him. Why was this man just so nice? “If you’ll give me whatever I want then why would I need money?”

“The cost is getting to spend time with you. The cost is getting to watch you and your sister grow up and thrive. The cost is whatever you want to give me.” Negan smiled fondly down at the boy. He’d captured Negan’s heart and didn’t even know it. Negan chuckled. “You can still buy your own stuff if you want, but I mean I’ll buy big things and necessities. You spend your money on fun stuff. Or save it up. You’ll outlive me, you know.” Negan dreaded the day that Carl wouldn’t need him anymore, but he knew it’d happen someday. Carl would want to move out, want to take his sister somewhere beautiful. Maybe by then Negan would want to retire, but until then he wanted him close and near.

Carl smiled a little. He felt like this all wasn’t real because if truly felt too good.  “Is this like a dream or something?” He giggled a bit keeping eye contact. “Thank you, Negan,” he said smiling. He never had this before. Like ever. “Can I like, tell you things? About everything?”

Negan laughed softly. Yeah, he was rich and he was spoiling Carl more than the average family could, but it was sad that Carl thought that Negan, doing what he considered was basic care, was all a dream. 

“Yeah,” Negan answered. “Whatever you’re comfortable telling me, you can tell me.” Negan’s eyebrows knitted together slightly. Did Carl want to tell him about how he’d been treated by Rick?

Carl cuddled into the side of Negan’s body, getting up and then putting his legs out on the couch, knees bent so he was fully on the couch and as close to the man as possible. He loved feeling his arm around him made him feel safe. “You can’t get mad if I tell you okay?” He looked up at him nervously, licking his lips. “Promise me you wont get mad at me.” He said nervously, shifting his weight back and forth anxiously.

Negan chuckled nervously. Why would he get mad? “I promise,” he said, steeling himself for whatever Carl could be about to tell him. He would try his damnedest not to get angry, but it’s not really up to him what his emotions do. He wasn’t about to explain that to Carl though. He squeezed Carl’s shoulder encouragingly.

Carl swallowed thickly and looked down, picking at his thumbs again before clearing his throat. With Negan’s reassuring touch he felt like he could say it. “Once… I tried to kill Judith.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan takes the kids swimming, but it's all fun and games until someone throws a fit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to have a big trigger warning just letting you guys know, but for now, enjoy this wonderful chapter~

Negan tensed up for a second. Had he just heard right? A tight smile spread over his face. Ok, obviously Carl had to have had a good reason, right? Maybe he was trying to put her out of her misery? Negan cleared his throat and asked, “Um, why did you try to do that?” He slid his hand from Carl’s shoulder to his upper arm and traced circles there.

Carl smiled looking at Negan’s hand on him. He felt comfortable and safe with the other. “It was before my dad rented me out. When I was fourteen, and I knew I was going away, but I didn’t know dad would save me and bring me back. I just knew I was going away. No one was going to be there to protect her, and I was scared because dad already played with her once, and I wouldn’t be there to help her so I put the pillow over her face and I- I don’t know.” He sniffled.

Negan was more shocked at a couple things Carl said in that statement than in his previous one. Rented Carl out. Played with Judith. Negan felt the bile in his throat rise.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them to look back at Carl. “I understand. You were trying to protect her the only way you could.” He brought his hand up to the side of Carl’s head and pushed it towards him so he could place a kiss on the opposite temple. “It’s ok, Carl.”

Carl smiled a bit and cuddled into the man’s side. “Thank you, Negan,” he said, sniffling a bit. He let everything go for now. He didn’t have the emotional stability to talk about much more so he stayed silent as they watched the rest of the movie.

He suddenly nearly jumped into Negan’s lap. “What are they doing?!” He screamed as the car speeded towards the two main characters.

Negan snorted out a laugh, squeezing Carl softly to calm him down. “Just watch! You missed the first bit, but that car is a time machine, wait for it…” As soon as the car got too close to Marty and Doc for comfort, it suddenly vanished, leaving behind only two trails of fire. Negan wooped. “88 miles per hour, mother fucker! Yeah!” He laughed again looking back at Carl. “Sorry, I really like these movies.” He grinned. 

Carl just gawked at them, shocked at the absence of the car. “Is this like a magic trick? That's fucking crazy!?” he said looking up at Negan mouth still gaping. “I-I they-?” This was a hell of a first movie.

“Nah, kid. It’s science!” Negan wiggled his fingers and laughed. “Watch, watch, it’s gonna come back. See, they set the car to go one minute into the future. So once one minute passes for them…” On the screen, Doc checked his watch and quickly pulled Marty out of the way right as the Delorean came shooting back into existent.

“See! And now, Doc had put his dog, Einstein, in there with a clock, and see!” Negan pointed excitedly at the screen as the door to the Delorean opened revealing Einstein wagging his tail. “The dog’s clock is one minute off because he skipped over that minute!” Negan settled back down, still grinning. “Fantastic storytelling, I tell ya.”

Carl looked at him, back at the screen and back to him smiling. “That was   
so fucking wicked!” he said bouncing in excitement. “I don’t want to sound stupid but… like, is it real? The science? Can it really do that?” he asked, shocked. “That’s like so crazy.” He laughed.

Negan chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, time travel has not yet been invented. Unfortunately, it’s only in the movies.” Negan shrugged. There was a bit with some shooting coming up, before Marty would be sent to the past, and Negan wasn’t sure if it’d trigger Carl or not. He traced squiggles on the boy’s arm to distract him just in case. “But it makes for great cinema, huh? This is the first of three movies and they’re considered some of the best in all of movie history.”

Carl giggled a little as he was touched. He put his hand out and touched the man’s knee, letting his hand lay there on the man’s thigh, absorbing the heat. “Okay, a little less wicked, but still really cool.” He smiled up at him. “It’s the greatest in cinema history? What’s that?” He smiled. “That’s so crazy. How did you get your hands on it if it’s the best?” He smiled and rubbed the mans thigh slowly.

Negan shivered at Carl’s hand on his thigh, shifting it slightly closer to him. He wondered if Carl knew what he was doing to him or if he just liked the touch. Kid didn’t even know how movies worked, so probably the latter. It pained Negan that Carl was so out of touch with the world and society. He really did just grow up under his father’s thumb.

“Like, the history of all movies,” Negan explained. “Out of every movie ever made, and there’s been a  _ lot _ , this movie is one of the best.” On the screen, Marty had made it to the 1950s and was trying to convince the 1950s Doc that he was from the future.

“Movies don’t cost that much to buy,” he continued, “depending on their release date and popularity. Newer movies are like thirty or forty dollars sometimes but most are around twenty or cheaper if they’ve been out a while. You don’t even have to buy the dvds anymore!” Negan threw his hand up in exasperation. “They have these streaming services that you pay monthly for and they have tv shows and movies just at the ready.”

Negan was probably confusing the fuck out of Carl. He’d have to take him to a mall or a basic department store or something and just let the kid see everything he’d been missing out on.

Carl looked up at him shocked. “That’s like super awesome.” He giggled, getting closer. “Thats crazy! So you can watch any movie because of this service. How do the movie people feel about this? Thats super cool.” He laid his head on Negan’s shoulder giggling. “This is like the coolest thing ever.” He rubbed his hand higher on the man’s thigh just so he didn’t have stretch his arm out as much. 

“I mean they get paid for making and selling the movie, so it’s fi _ NE _ .” Negan sucked in a quick breath as Carl’s hand rose on his leg.  _ Fucking hell, kid, warn a man. _ he thought, relaxing into the touch, a dusting of pink on his face.

“Judith would like this stuff. She lost her shit when I drew a face on the wall in chalk.” He laughed a bit. She was only four so she would be excited about anything but still.

“Yeah, they make kid shows and movies too. They’re bright and colorful and usually try to teach kids stuff like letters and numbers, or good lessons like being nice and sharing.” Negan leaned his head over and rubbed his cheek on Carl’s head. That hand on his thigh was still getting at him, but he let it be.

The boy giggled happily again, bouncing a bit, “Yeah, I think I remember something like that when I was little. She’s really smart. I think she’ll like those styles of things.”

Negan smiled. He focused back in on the movie, watching Marty trying to navigate the 50s and help his father get together with his mother. Absentmindedly, he let his hand trail up Carl’s shoulder to his neck to the back of his head. He gently massaged the back of Carl’s head and right behind his ear.

The boy smiled happily, watching the movie without much more interruption. He cuddled into the man’s touch and whined a little, much like the day he was drugged.

When the credits began to roll he smiled. “That was amazing!” he yelled looking up at him.

Negan grinned down at him. “I’m glad you liked it! In the second movie they go to the future, which is funny because this movie was made in the 80s so the future to them is our present now. It’s great to see what things they got ‘wrong’,” Negan air quoted with his fingers. “And what things they got ‘right’.” Air quotes. 

Negan stretched out his legs, resting his feet on the coffee table. “We can watch it if you want, or we can do something else?”

Carl nodded a bit and looked over at the time. It was almost four. “Maybe we could do something with Judith for now, and then we can watch more stuff when she goes back to sleep?” he asked with a small smile. He was pretty excited. “Oh my god, can we go in the pool?!” he asked, bouncing up and down with a smile on his face.

Negan laughed and pressed the button on the remote to make the blinds slide up the windows. The late-afternoon-almost-evening sun lit the room in warm light. “Sure, kid. Do you think Daryl will want to join? I feel kinda bad just leaving him there without explaining anything. I’d like to talk to him.” Negan really had meant to go talk to the other man after he’d gotten cleaned up, but his emotions changed that plan. 

Carl shrugged, still smiling, jumping up out of Negan’s arms and standing. He was bouncing again. “Oh Jesus, I’m so fucking excited. Daryl might want to come with just to watch. He, uh- doesn’t exactly trust you yet.” He laughed a little smiling. “But you always can try and bribe with gifts and things. He likes whiskey, and shine. He liked hunting too.” He giggled.

Negan stood, stretching his arms up to pop his spine. “Ah! A whiskey drinker, ay? Sounds like a man after my own heart,” he said, moving around the couch and heading to bar on the other side of the room. He ducked down, his voice floating up from behind the bar, “Well, I'm not above a little flattery.” He popped back up with a full bottle of his favorite brand of whiskey and a grin. “Alrighty, let’s go!” Negan walked to the elevator and held his hand out for Carl to take. 

Carl smiled excitedly and scampered over to take the man’s hand in his before entering the elevator. “He may not want to drink with you yet, but he’ll come around. He also might want to stay in my room tonight.” He forewarned Negan. “Daryl’s a bit protective.” He said squeezing the others hand lightly.

Negan hit the button for guest room floor and shrugged. “That’s understandable. I’m not forcing anyone to do anything.” He squeezed Carl’s hand back.

When the elevator doors opened, Negan led the way out, heading towards Dwight who was now sitting in a chair outside of Daryl’s room, reading a book. He looked over, saw Negan, and immediately placed his book mark and stood.

“At ease, man,” Negan chuckled. He knew standing watch was a boring job. “Has he come out for anything?”

Dwight shook his head. “He opened the door once, saw me, and went back in.” Negan hummed and nodded.

“Alright, well,” he turned to Carl, letting go of his hand and pushing him softly towards the door. “You should probably be the first face he sees.”

Carl knocked on the door with a firm hard knock. “Daryl, it’s me!” he called out before going inside. Daryl was on the bed in front of Judith, beside him was the rod that held up the shower curtain. He took it down as a weapon to use. Judith was playing with the tissue box behind him. 

“Hey, Daryl, sorry about earlier.” Carl smiled, walking in. As soon as he got within five feet of the man, he did the same thing he had done earlier that day; grabbed Carl by the wrist and pulled him behind him. He was so quick Negan could have blinked and Carl was ripped away. Carl almost fell on his face because of how fast Daryl pulled him.

“Woah, woah, hey!” Negan threw his hands up, still holding the bottle of whiskey by the neck in one of them.

Dwight couldn’t see into the room, but at Negan’s reaction he slipped into a defense stance, hand on his gun. “Sir?”

Negan looked at him and shook his head. “Stand down, Dwight. It’s alright.” Dwight relaxed but was still on guard. Negan looked back into the room at Daryl and smiled at him. He waved the bottle in his hand. “Peace offering? Carl here says you’re a whiskey man.”

Daryl silently looked back at the Carl who offered up an awkward shy smile. He looked back at Negan and gave a short nod. “Yea.” He looked at it. “First, you gotta tell me why the hell the kid got bruises all the way around his neck.” His voice was low and quiet but it still had a gravelly masculine power to it which Rick clearly couldn’t have beat it from him.

“It was my fault Daryl,” Carl said quickly, putting a hand on the man’s shoulder which was now clad with a gray sweat suit. Judith sensed the tension in the room and quickly looked around at everyone.

Negan lowered his hands slowly, fidgeting with the bottle. He shook his head at Carl’s words. “They’re from me,” he said, awkwardly waving his free hand. “But, in my defense, it was self defense. This little badass almost got a bullet in my head.” He chuckled. How far they had come. “It was… before I knew him.”

Daryl looked back and gave him a ‘You fucking did what?!’ look, and Carl just smiled awkwardly giggling a little.

“Yeah, that’s why I wasn’t there for the past few days. Dad sent me to kill him. But like, we’re super good now...” There was a long pause of Daryl just looking at him. 

“So... how about we all learn how to swim and then we drink?” Carl smiled including himself in that. He wanted to get shit faced.

Negan snorted. “If you think I’m letting you drink, you’ve got another thing coming.” He shook his head, stepping into the room finally and setting the bottle down in the bedside table. He wiggled his fingers at Judith and smiled at her.

“But, yes, Carl wants to swim. Would you and Judith like to join?” Negan asked, looking back at Daryl. 

“What? No fair!” Carl pouted. “Please, Negan? Please!” Carl begged him with a pout looking at his eyes, trying to his a smirk. “It’ll be fun? I can behave.”

Daryl looked at the kid in indifference. “If he drinks, I’ll be there,” Daryl said, just wanting to make sure everyone was safe. 

“Yeah, and Judith will come swimming with us,” Carl said picking up Judith off the bed.

Negan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked at Daryl. “I’d… really prefer he didn’t,” he said, “but this is your gift, so do with it what you wish.” He gestured to the bottle. Negan had already dealt with drugged Carl, he wasn’t really curious to see what  _ drunk _ Carl was like. 

“Also, I am not comfortable taking both Carl and Judith to the pool without another adult,” he explained. “I can’t hold Judith and teach Carl to swim at the same time.” The pool wasn’t really kid friendly. It had a shallow end, sure, but that sloped right into the deep end. He was also afraid Carl would try to prove he could learn to swim faster than he could and end up over his head… literally.

“Our resident lifeguard is currently out of commission because someone,” he glanced at Carl, “put a few bullets in her.” Negan was of course referring to Arat, with whom he still needed to check up on. “So, I can get someone else to watch her, but she obviously knows you and would be more relaxed with you.” He nodded at Daryl. 

“I’ll come,” Daryl said and looked at the two, sighing a bit. “But, do either of you even have swimsuits?” he asked. 

“Um- I didn’t think of that.” Carl said and looked up at Negan. “But, I’m sure Negan has something. He literally has everything here.” Daryl stepped back and reached over to rub Carl’s shoulder. Negan didn’t know this, but the grabs and that touch was one of the first times Daryl was able to touch Carl in months. 

Negan nodded, already having thought of that. “Yes, we’ve got spares in the locker rooms.” His stuff was there as well in his own locker. “We’ve even got swim diapers and kid suits because some staff like to bring their families.”

He moved to the door, holding it open and waving his arm with a flourish. “After y’all.” He waited until the three had exited and started making their way down the hall before turning to Dwight and saying softly, “The shower rod is on the bed. Put it back where it goes. Then, you’re dismissed.” Dwight nodded. Negan clapped him on the shoulder before following the rest of the group. 

Carl waited patiently at the elevator, bouncing the now fully awake, and seemingly happy, Judith on his hip. Daryl was practically on top of the siblings. It was nothing personal. It was just he had some problems after Rick. 

Carl smiled excitedly. “They have bathrooms that people that aren’t a boy or girl can use,” Carl just blurted out. “And we watched Back to the Future while you watched Judy,” he said smiling.

“Alrighty, c’mon!” Negan said pressing the button. The doors opened almost automatically and everyone piled in. Negan thought for a moment while they descended. He’d need to get at least Carl and Daryl ID chips so they could use the elevator without him or his staff. They were reserved for employees, which Carl wanted to be so that was fine, but he hadn’t yet asked Daryl if he’d like to join the team. Negan looked over at how Daryl was hovering over the kids. He’d probably join just to stay by them.

The elevator dinged as it reached the pool floor and the doors opened. Negan led the way out. “You’ll find swim trunks, swim shirts, swimsuits, everything, in here.” Negan opened a door that was unmarked on the opposite side of the locker rooms. It opened to a small room that looked like a mini market of swim gear, minus the stuff that was in the actual locker rooms. “Pick whatever you like!”

Carl smiled as they went into the mini mart style room. He looked around and grabbed goggles, small black and blue trunks, as well as a white and blue one piece for Judith. He walked around with Judith in his arms, seeing a box of floats that showed them on a little girl’s arms, so he picked it up smiling. “This is good,” he said, letting Judith hold it.

Daryl stayed behind with Negan. Once the kids were gone, Daryl turned to Negan. “What the hell do you want with the kids?” he asked, crossing his arms.

Negan didn’t even flinch at Daryl’s accusatory words. Frankly, he was expecting it at some point. He looked at the other man, licking his bottom lip as his mouth turned up in a half smile. He clicked his tongue. “Well, I want them to have a good life, get a good education, and become productive members of society, just like any caretaker would,” he replied, leaning his upper body back and chuckling slightly. He didn’t know why, but he really liked joking around with Daryl.

“I want to save them from their evil father and everything he’s done to them. We are called the Saviors after all.” He gave a silent shout out to Simon for that one. Negan straightened back up and crossed his arms over his chest. “Honestly, though, I do want the best for them. They’ve been through a lot of shit they didn’t deserve, and if I can help in any way, I want to.” He looked over at Carl and Judith, smiling fondly at them picking out floaties. “The little twerps have really wormed their way into my heart.”

Daryl didn’t know why he didn’t trust the man. Actually, no, he totally did, it was because this all sounded bonkers. “What are you getting from it? The boy’s letting you fuck him or something?” he asked, crossing his arms too. “I know what they’ve been through. I was there from the beginning. You have no idea what he’s done and what he’s had to do. If you touch a hair on his head, I’ll kill you a lot faster then he can.”

Jesus, why did everyone think he was boning Carl? He leveled a look at Daryl. “Is that what you think of me? Is that  _ really _ the only thing I could want from him? Is it really  _ that _ crazy to think I just care about him? You think I risked my life, and the lives of my people, and my friends, and their people, to rescue Judith and save  _ your _ sorry ass just so I could get balls deep in his?” he said, voice level but with a bite to it. He was really tired of people jumping to that conclusion.

“I  _ know _ you know him better, and frankly, I’m happy you’re here. He needs someone who understands what he’s been through,” he said with a sigh. “You don’t have to like me, but at least trust me. Have I done anything to you or to him or to Judith besides be hospitable?”

Daryl couldn’t get anything out because the kids came over with a ton of stuff.

“This is all the stuff we need I think,” Carl said and pet Judith’s head happily. “Can we go and change in the locker room now?” he asked smiling.

Negan snorted a laugh at all the stuff Carl was holding. “Yeah, of course. Go ahead.” He looked back up at Daryl. “You gonna swim or just stand in the shallows?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing towards the supply room.

Daryl looked at the man, shaking his head. “Oh no, I ain’t swimming.” He said, not telling him it was because he couldn’t.

Negan shrugged and followed Carl into the locker room, assuming Daryl would follow too since the only way to the pool was through the locker rooms. Negan went to his locker, spinning the combo on his lock, and getting out his swim trunks. They were black with red vampire bats on them.

Carl went into a bathroom stall with Judy and changed both of them before coming back out. Carl looked over himself in the shorts. They were a little big, but it was just because he was so skinny. Judith looked adorable with the bathing suit on, but her floaties weren’t blown up though.

Negan passed Carl as he made his way to the bathroom section to change. He cooed at Judith. “Aww, ain’t she adorable!” His gaze went to Carl. God, it broke his heart seeing him so skinny and knowing how difficult it was to make him eat. Negan ignored it for now and pointed to a door at the end of the room. “That leads to the pool. You can go on out. Just leave your clothes in a locker. I’ll be right out.” Carl nodded and smiled putting away his and Judith’s clothes, locking them in a locker.

Negan stepped into a stall and changed, going back to his locker to put away his clothes. He grabbed his black towel and headed out into the pool area. Carl followed to the pool deck going over to Negan, handing off Judith to him.

“Can you make the floaties blow up?” he asked smiling. “I just don’t know how,” he said awkwardly. 

Negan took Judith with glee, smiling at her and sticking out his tongue. “Do we need to blow up your floaties?” he asked her, fake shock on his face. “We do!” He bounced her gently in exclamation.

He shot a glance over to Daryl. Negan wondered if the other man thought the affection Negan portrayed was just for show. Negan wondered if Daryl had known Lucille. He shook it from his mind and gestured towards the pool with a nod of his head to Carl. “It’s actually easier to put them on if you blow them up first, get them wet and then slip them over the arm,” he explained, hanging his towel on a nearby hook on the wall.

No one else was in the pool, which wasn’t a big surprise to Negan. The pool was rectangular in shape, a sloping shallow end that gradually got deeper was the entrance besides some ladders in the deep end. There was a chunk that was sectioned off with floating lanes for swimming laps. At the deep end, which at its deepest was six feet, there was a small diving board, barely off the floor, and one about a foot up. The slide off to the side emptied into the four foot section.

Negan led the way to the shallow end, taking the deflated water wings from Judith. He actually handed her back to Carl as he popped the plastic plug on one, bringing it to his mouth and blowing it up. It only took a couple breaths, the water wings being so small, and Negan had both blown up in seconds.

He walked a little ways into the water and dunked the plastic things into the water, making sure to get the inside wet. Going back to Judith, he had her stick her arm out and he slid the floaties on swiftly all the way up to her little biceps. “There ya go!” he said, booping her on the nose. “Now, those won’t be enough to just let her run about. She still needs supervision,” he told Carl, but glanced at Daryl.

Carl held onto the girls waist, watching Negan wet the floaties and then bring them back to put on Judith’s arms. He smiled looking down at her, she looked so goddamn cute.

Daryl was watching the children’s every move, but he still was not fast enough for Carl when he placed Judith down and bolted like a bat out of hell. He rushed past Negan and he cannon balled into the deep side of the pool. Daryl just looked borderline amused, not that concerned even though the boy didn’t know how to swim.

Negan about had a heart attack. This was exactly the kinda stunt he was afraid Carl would pull. Luckily, based on where he jumped in at, Carl couldn’t be in any deeper than the four foot section. He’d easily be able to stand, but Negan knew that was only if he was in his right mind when he surfaced. If, for some reason, Carl started panicking, it wouldn’t matter how shallow the water, his body’s instinct would be to kick and flail.

Negan growled softly in his throat. He looked to Daryl and pointed at Judith. “Watch her.” He was also really concerned that Daryl didn’t seem perturbed by these events, and that he made no move in coming over to stand by Judith already. Negan assumed when he said he needed him to watch Judith, Daryl knew Negan meant ‘I need you to roll your pants up and stand next to Judith at all times’.

Regardless, Negan calmly made his way into the water, heading towards where Carl had splashed down.

Daryl did his best not to all out roll his eyes at the teen. To Daryl, it was clear what the teen was doing. He was trying to get the man’s attention. He felt a bit nervous seeing how desperate the teen wanted the man in any way he could get it. 

Daryl came over and picked up the little girl who instantly giggled when she saw his face. “Hey, baby girl.” He chuckled a little before turning to watch Negan.

When Carl went under, he nervously gasped. The water was colder than he expected. He had never been in a swimming pool before, only bathtubs, so it was freezing compared to that. He did what he was told when he was really little. He didn’t remember who told him, but he knew he had to relax. He relaxed and slowly his body raised up on top of the water. He floated to the top to see Negan over him and he just smiled at him.

Negan had his arms crossed over his chest and an unamused frown on his face as he watched Carl float up. He was kind of surprised he floated so easily considering the boy had no body fat on him to act as buoyancy. Even Negan had trouble floating because of his muscle mass. Granted, Carl was half starved, so there wasn’t much weight to him anyway. Negan raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, it looks like you know all you need to know about swimming and don’t need me. I’ll just go then.” Negan said, turning away from Carl with a small smirk.

“What? No wait!” Carl panicked and started to sink. He splashed a little, kicking before finding the floor and standing up, blushing a little. “I don’t know how to swim, I just know how to float,” he said, looking up at him. Negan didn’t turn around, so Carl shot his hand out and grabbed his arm in a death grip, not wanting the man to leave him. Daryl hid his smirk as he watched the boy interact with the man.

Negan snorted a laugh and flexed his arm, pulling Carl up out of the water a bit before dropping him back down. Carl was already so light and the water made it that much easier to maneuver him. “I’m just jokin’, kid. Calm down,” he said with a grin.

Negan began moving towards the section of the pool that was marked off with the floating lanes, pulling Carl along as he held his arm. Carl giggled happily as he was pulled around in the water in Negan’s arm. He liked this feeling of the water flowing past his body, feeling it wash down his ribs. Once they reached the first lane marker, Negan lifted it up and went under, getting Carl under it too. They stood at the end of the lane near the pool wall. 

“Alright, wait here a minute,” he said, shaking Carl off his arm. Carl stood up when he got on the side of the pool, smiling softly. Negan climbed out of the pool and went over to a rack of small kickboards against the wall. He grabbed two before making his way back over to Carl, sliding back into the pool and handing a board to Carl. “This thing is gonna be your friend for the entire time it takes you to learn to swim,” Negan explained, holding up his kickboard. “It’s job is to help you. Do not fight this kickboard.” Negan was having serious flashbacks to his time as a P.E. teacher during the swimming section of his classes. Man, he missed those days sometimes. 

Carl took the blue kickboard smiling and putting it to his chest before sinking his knees into the water. He yelped as his body went belly up, still hugging onto the kick board. He looked up at Negan with a smile. “So, I don’t think this is how it’s done.” He laughed, smiling.

Judith giggled as she watched Carl, clapping her hands together happily. “Yay, Bubba!” she yelled.

Negan laughed. “No, definitely not.” Negan sank down into the water so that it covered up to his shoulders. He moved to stand next to Carl, pushing him a little bit and laughing as he was made to rock slightly. “Alright, c’mon. Copy me. This is gonna sound really basic, but trust me. I’ve taught a lot of kids to swim, and this is the best way. Ok, you’re gonna hold the sides of the board and extend your arms forward,” Negan did so, waiting for Carl to copy him. “This is going to help keep you afloat while you kick to push yourself forward. Like so…”

Negan pushed off the wall with his feet and began heading down the lane, holding the kick board out in front of him and kicking, keeping his feet under the water. When he reached the end of the lane, he turned back and yelled, “Ok, you do the same! But when you kick, kick big! Splash the water!”

Carl smiled and did as instructed, reaching out the board and following Negan across the pool, kicking his legs behind him, kicking his way across the pool to Negan. He smiled and got up, standing up happily. “Yay! Did I do it?” He laughed a little giggling. It was a bit messy but he did get across to Negan. 

Negan smiled and pat Carl’s head. “Yeah, you did it, kid,” he said. “Now do it again. Go back to that side kicking and making splashes, and then come back here but try kicking under the water.”

Daryl walked over to the pools edge and lowered Judith into the shallow pool water. She screamed and splashed around with her arms happily.

Negan looked over at Judith’s squeals of joy and smiled. That was too pure. Judith started to splash again, trying to get Negan wet, even though he was yards away. Daryl just smiling at them, watching from the sidelines of the pool.

Carl repeated the actions and did as Negan said for another half an hour or so. “I think I got the hang of this.” He smiled back at Negan as he kicked himself over to him. 

Negan nodded. “Yeah, you’re doing great! Nice form. You wanna try going on your back now, or you wanna take a break?” he asked, bonking Carl lightly on the head with the kickboard he was still holding.

Carl smiled and looked up at him fondly. “Maybe a break. I don’t know why, but I’m a little dizzy.” He laughed a bit.

Negan cocked his head at that. Carl was probably hungry. Swimming was really good exercise, and he probably used up all his energy going back and forth. Negan took Carl’s kickboard, putting both of theirs on the floor behind him before sinking down to his shoulders in the water. He took Carl’s hands and, turning around, put them on his shoulders. “Hang on, kid.”

When he was sure Carl was secure, Negan started moving through the water, back towards Judith. “You should probably eat and drink something. You worked really hard, and you don’t really realize it in the water.”

As they got closer to the shallow end, instead of standing up, Negan kept himself submerged under the water. Eventually he was walking on his knees, and then, almost to Judith, he was walking on his hands. He let Carl stay on his back, able to hold him up.

Carl smiled. That was fun, like really fun. He was actually enjoying himself. He rested himself on Negan’s back, laying on him like a bed rather then riding him like a dolphin.

Judith splashed happily as they grew near but Carl knew what Judith wanted, so he quickly sat up, straddling the mans back so he couldn’t be splashed. When he was about a yard from Judith, Negan took a mouthful of water and spit it out in her direction. She squealed and started hitting the water in front of her in hope of hitting the man.

Negan laughed and closed his eyes against Judith’s onslaught. He was still a bit far from Judith, so she didn’t actually hit him, but he’d pretend. “Is that all you’ve got?” he asked her, taking another mouthful of water and getting closer, hitting her in the arm with it this time. God, when was the last time he’d been this silly? Kids were really something else.

She squealed and started to pick up handfuls of water to throw at the man. She was smiling ear to ear she really loved this.

Carl caught on the Negan was pretending to be hit so he pretended too. “Oh no, you got me!” he cried out as he fell back into the water, his tongue hanging out.

Negan laughed and knelt in the water, wrapping his arms around Carl’s waist and pulling him slightly out of the water like he was trying to “save” him. “Oh, no! You got Carl!” he said, a huge grin on his face. “Don’t worry, Carl, I’ll avenge you!” He dropped the boy ungracefully back into the water, chuckling, before turning and splashing little splashes at Judith as he got closer to her. “Take this! And take that!” None of his splashes were big enough to even hit Judith in the face.

Carl laughed and smiled as he felt Negan’s arms around him it kind of turned him o- nope. He was dropped back into the water, but he let himself go, sinking to the bottom, watching the two play from underneath.

Judith giggled. “No!” she squealed and splashed harder and harder trying to fight him.

Negan finally was close enough that her splashes were actually hitting him. He held up his hands as shields, but they just weren’t strong enough against her attacks. “Oh no! You got me too!” He flopped over, landing in front of her, belly up, eyes closed. “We surrender. You truly are the strongest splasher in the pool, Judith. Bleh.” He stuck his tongue out like Carl had done, trying so hard not to laugh. He opened one eye to look at her.

Judith screamed in joy, bouncing on her little bum as the two boys flop over. “Yay! Win, win!”

Carl got up giggling. “You win!” he said to the little girl, sitting in his bum too a few feet away from her as he tried stable himself, feeling dizzy still.

Negan cheered from his lying position, laughing. Oh, this felt so good. He turned his head to look at Carl, noticing how off balance Carl looked. Alright, time to fix that. He sat up, patting Judith’s head. “Good girl, Judith,” he said softly, before standing and moving to Carl. The little girl giggled and looked up at Negan when he got up. He looked like a giant from her angle.

Negan held out his hand to the boy. “Hey, come on. Let’s get you some water. You might be dehydrated.” There was a fridge in the locker room with bottled water, but Negan wanted to get Carl out of the pool before going to get one.

Carl smiled a little and took the man’s hand, pulling himself up. “I’m fine, Negan. I think I’m good,” he said and walked a little to Judith, helping her up as well.

Negan sighed. “Please, Carl,” he said, turning and walking towards the boy. He lowered his voice, a desperate plea on his lips. He just wanted Carl to be healthy and ok. “For me? Will you eat and drink something for  _ me _ ?” Negan reached out and cupped Carl’s face with both hands. “Please?” He stared into Carl’s blue eye. Negan hoped Carl could see the worry and fear in his own.

Carl was all smiles before the man got chest to chest with him. He didn’t know how he felt. It was strange the way Negan touched him. It was different from anything he had felt before. He stared back up at him and nodded a bit. “O-Okay, I’ll - I’ll do it,” he said staring up at him.

Daryl quickly squatted down and picked Judith up lifting her out of the pool. He put the towel around her to dry her off.

Negan breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” Negan wanted to place a soft kiss on Carl’s forehead, but he caught sight of Daryl and decided better of it. He took a step back, letting his hands fall. “Thank you,” he said to Daryl, nodding to Judith. “Carl is feeling dizzy. I think it’s just from all the energy he used and possibly dehydration. Let’s all get dried off and dressed and we can get dinner.”

Negan led the way out of the pool, quickly grabbing a towel for Carl and throwing it over his shoulders, placing his hands on them too in case the boy got dizzy again. He steered him towards the locker room, sitting him down on a bench once they got inside. He grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge and twisted the cap off, handing it to Carl. “Drink that first.”

Carl held the bottle in his hands shakily as he drank. “This is stupid,” he muttered, drinking from the bottle. His head was already spinning a little. He looked up at Negan, maintaining eye contact with Negan as he drank. “Thank you,” he said pulling the bottle off of his lips with a small smile.

Daryl took Judith in the locker room, patting her dry, keeping distance but keeping a close eye on Negan and Carl.

Negan look down at him, a small smile on his face. He reached out and touched Carl’s cheek with the tips of his fingers. “I just want you to be healthy, babe,” he said, softly. “Drink a bit more, I’m going to go get dressed. I’ll grab your clothes for you.”

Negan headed to the lockers around the corner. Out of sight, he sighed and rested his forehead against the cool metal of the locker door. He didn’t understand why Carl was so reluctant to eat and take care of himself. It frustrated Negan. Maybe he could talk to Daryl about it. The other man might be able to talk some sense into Carl.

Negan retrieved his clothes first, going to a changing station and swapping outfits. He threw his trunks into a nearby laundry basket. They’d be back in his locker tomorrow, clean. He grabbed Carl’s clothes and the big shirt Judith had been wearing and walked back to the others.

Carl was just staring off into space, completely lost, a gone look in his eye. They looked almost glazed over, just looking at the electrical outlet in front of him. His chest fell up and down shallowly under the towel that was draped around him. His hair was wet and clumped onto his pale neck. His vein was visible, beating fast and hard under the teens skin.  

Daryl had taken off the girl’s swimsuit and had her wrapped up like a little burrito in the fluffy white towel. Her hair was a mess but was mostly dry now thanks to Daryl.

Negan handed the shirt to Daryl for Judith and then went to Carl. He frowned at what he found. Setting Carl’s clothes down next to him on the bench, Negan knelt in front of Carl. “Hey, Carl, you ok?” Negan worried his bottom lip. He didn’t know what was wrong, and it was really worrying him. He shot a look to Daryl like, ‘a little help here?’.

Carl continued to say and do nothing as the man knelt down in front of him. Daryl caught the look and went over to them. “Kid,” he said reaching out and putting his hand on the teens shoulder to get his attention.

Carl growled a little, flinching back away from Daryl’s hand. If it was anyone else he’d probably have bitten them.

Negan’s eyebrows raised at the growl that came from Carl. And he flinched from  _ Daryl _ . Oh, something was definitely wrong. “What the hell? What’s wrong with him? He was mostly fine just a minute ago.” Negan tried softly resting a hand on Carl’s knee to see what he’d do.

“I can hear you.” Carl glared. “And I’m fucking fine.” He glared at Negan, crossing his arms angrily.

“Fuck!” Judith giggled.

“Shut up, Judith,” Carl huffed. “It’s a bad word.”

Negan’s eyebrows rose before they came back down in his own glare. Was Carl not feeling well, or was he angry at Negan for trying to make him eat? “Carl, you are not fu- fine.” Negan quickly stopped himself from cursing in front of Judith again. “Stop saying that. What’s wrong?”

Carl looked down and grabbed his clothes. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I’m a bit fucked up. My whole world just changed in the last twelve hours, so I’m a bit messed up,” he said. He meant shell shocked but he didn’t know the term. He seriously broke into his father's estate, killed eleven more people, shot his father and is now staying with the man who he was supposed to kill. It was a lot to take in.

Negan studied Carl’s face for a minute before nodding. He could understand that. Negan was still a little in awe of everything that had happened himself, but he knew how to handle it and move on. “It’s ok, Carl. No one expects you to adjust that fast. Let’s just… take it slow, ok?”

Negan took his hand off Carl’s knee and stood, giving him room. “Why don’t you go get dressed and we can go?” Negan was worried about the boy, but he had a feeling he was always going to be worried about him and wondered if he should just start getting used to the feeling.

Carl looked down, grinding his teeth when Negan’s hands left him. He hated that he was enjoying the touch so much. He grabbed his clothes and left to a stall.

Daryl got Judith dressed right there, trying to flatten her now wild hair down. 

“I want to go see my Dad.” Carl came out, now fully dressed, his arms crossed. He had tied his hair up again. Daryl knew that was a horrible fucking idea but he wanted to know what Negan had to say.

Negan hummed deep in his throat, studying Carl. He did  _ not _ like that idea, especially not with the mindset that Carl was in right now. But, dare Negan deny him his request and have to face his wrath? Lose some trust? Or does he allow him to visit Rick and risk even more damage done to him?

Negan crossed his arms over his chest and leveled a steely look at Carl. “I want to make a deal with you,” he said. “You can see your dad if you come with us to eat dinner and you eat everything you’re given.” Negan knew Carl wouldn’t like it, but that was what was weighing the heaviest on Negan’s mind right now. He just wanted to get nourishment into the poor kid. “What say you?”

“I eat what I want, I see my dad, and we get drunk,” he said looking at Negan with a hard look on his face. He was stubborn. “I’ll eat enough,” he said huffing a bit. 

Daryl still hated it. Rick would find a way to worm back into Carl’s mind and he’d make him do something he’d regret. “It’s not a good idea, kid. Please don’t go see him. He should be dead.”

Negan didn’t look away from Carl as he pointed at Daryl. “I agree with him,” he said, “but  _ my _ deal still stands.  _ I _ decide if you’ve eaten  _ enough _ .” He still wasn’t excited about Carl getting drunk, but Negan hoped Daryl was sane enough not to give him more than maybe two shots. After all, he seemed sane enough to believe Rick should be dead. Negan looked Carl in the eye. “Well?”

“I’m not a prisoner? Right?” Carl asked with a bite in his tone. “So, nothing is stopping me from doing what I want?” This was his first taste of control and the kid was liking it although he may be using it to work against himself.

Negan clenched his jaw, gritting his teeth. Oh, this kid was getting on his last nerve. “Just because you’re not a prisoner doesn’t mean you have free roam of my building.” In reality, Carl wouldn’t even be able to use the elevator without Negan. Sure the doors would eventually open, but the elevator wouldn’t go up or down, especially not to the basement floors.

“But you know what, Carl, maybe you’d like to be a prisoner. It’d seem  _ normal _ to you,” Negan bit out, his temper sparked. “Need I remind you that you killed and injured my men, almost killed me, and what did I do? I fucking helped you.” He pointed aggressively at Carl, glaring daggers. “I gave you food, a bed, a hot shower, my services. And why? For what? What did I get, Carl?” He shrugged, comically exaggerated but full of sharp sarcasm, his voice rising in volume. “Contrary to popular belief, I’m sure not fucking you. Did I get the satisfaction of beating Rick? Hardly, since he’s still alive and in my basement. Redemption for my dead wife? Yeah, a bit. Your trust? Hmm, obviously not.” He scoffed. He knew he might be going too far. He knew he was rambling. He needed to stop before his emotions got the best of him. He could already feel the hot tears pushing at the back of his eyes.

Carl’s heart fell to his feet as he listened to Negan’s words, ‘did he just fucking say what I think he just said?’ His knuckles were white from clenching his fists trying to not all but swing at the man. He just couldn’t believe what the man was saying. Fucking him? Did people think that? Why is ‘that’ what everyone saw him as? Did he just look like a whore?! He never asked for any of this! He wanted the pain to stop! That's fucking why he made the first deal he made with Negan. His brain was swarming with signals as the man continued to speak. Rage and fear just flooded his body.

“I made the mistake of caring about you and your well-being, of letting you in and thinking I was doing the right thing. I wanted to see you grow and thrive and learn.” Negan took a deep shaky breath, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “Well, it won’t happen again. Go back to your father. See if I fucking care.” And with that, Negan stomped out of the locker rooms before he could get any reactions, heading towards the elevator. He grit his teeth remembering that they’d need someone with an ID to get them either up or down.

“Fuck.” He shot a quick text to Dwight, telling him to meet him on the guest room floor. Negan would send him back down to the pool level once he was in his penthouse. He needed a fucking drink.

Carl finally just screamed at the space Negan previously occupied, “Yeah you shouldn’t have. You can’t help someone whose pretty much dead already!” He panted, his nose started to bleed again. “Don’t fucking walk away from me! Fight me like a fucking man!” he yelled. He wanted the man to come back. He couldn’t stand that he was leaving.

He bolted out to the hallway and down to the elevator, but he was too late. When the elevator doors shut, he started to just scream like he was being murdered. Obviously this freaked out Judith, making her start to cry. Daryl held the girls face in his shoulder. He knew better then to talk the boy or try to talk him down. He needed to wear himself out.

...

Negan had picked up Dwight, explaining the situation as they both rode the elevator all the way to the roof. Negan needed some air, he had decided. He told Dwight he might want to wait a few minutes before going to that floor. Carl was not in a good mood. Negan could still hear his voice as he had yelled at him down the hall echoing in his ears.

He sighed and stepped out on to the roof, breathing in the evening air. The sun had finally set, but it was a nice night. He moved to look out over the edge. The city below was sparkling like stars in the sky. He closed his eyes against the view. Carl had yelled at him to fight, but Negan couldn’t. He didn’t have it in him to physically hurt the boy. Not anymore. Barbed words were all he could throw.

…

Daryl took Judith out to the pool side away from Carl’s melt down. He hummed and shushed the small girl in his arms. He rocked her and did his best to get her tears to stop.

Carl could just feel his stomach churn and the liquids in his gut curdle as he thought. Dad was right. Dad’s always fucking right. He shouldn’t have let himself fall into Negan’s little fantasy world because that wasn’t going to work for him. He knew he didn’t deserve it and the universe knew too. Carl stopped screaming and just started crying. He hated this. This was stupid, all of this was stupid. Why the fuck did he let himself get fucking happy about things he knew he couldn’t have. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

He growled to himself through the tears. He tried consoling himself the best he could but in that type of mindset the only thing he could think of was going to be with his mom. After almost twenty minutes of uncontrollable tears he calmed down by making himself a deal. He could just go once he finished all the tapes. Once he watched them all he could let himself go finally.

…

Negan moved over to the rooftop bar and grabbed the first bottle he laid his hands on, walking over to one of the adirondack chairs that circled an unlit fire pit and collapsed into it. He unscrewed the lid, tossing it behind him, raised the bottle to his lips and drank.

…

Dwight waited a good twenty minutes or so before going down to the pool floor. The door opened to Carl and Dwight flinched in surprise. He cleared his throat. “Um, I’ve been ordered to take you wherever you want to go. Where’s your sister?” Dwight didn’t dare take a step out of the elevator.

Carl looked up when he saw Dwight and quickly wiped his face. He knew better then to act crazy in front of people. He didn’t want anyone trying to stop his plan. “She’s with Daryl. Can you bring me to my dad first and then come back for them? Please?” he asked as politely as he could, getting back up to his feet, coming over to the elevator, and getting on.

Dwight sighed. “It’s going to take us a little bit to walk to your dad…” He didn’t want Daryl to show up in the hallway, not see Carl, and not know what to do. Dwight wished he could text Simon or Arat. He sighed. Someone else would have to do. “Let me just…” He sent a message explaining the situation in brief to Fat Joey, who responded with a quick affirmative. “Ok, I’ll take you to your dad and someone else is gonna pick up your sister and Daryl.” Dwight nodded and pressed the button for the basement floor.

They rode in silence, Dwight not wanting to upset the boy. The doors opened to the familiar basement room they were both in earlier, but this time Dwight led him left instead of right. Carl walked down the hall, it felt so familiar but also so, so different then home. It was a long walk before the cell hallway appeared.

A guard sat in a chair outside Rick’s room playing on their phone. They looked up as Dwight and Carl approached. “You can talk to him through the glass window, but the door stays sealed.” They said, gesturing to the small glass panel that was inlaid into the huge metal door. It was perforated with small holes to allow sound through.

Carl walked up to the glass and saw Rick with his leg patched up, in plain blue shorts and a white t-shirt. “No, let me in. I want to speak with him, in there, alone,” he growled at the two workers, doing his best to not have an all out break down again.

The guard shook their head, not threatened at all by Carl’s growl. “Kid, I literally can’t open the door. It takes two people and one of them  _ has _ to be Negan.”

Dwight nodded in confirmation. “It’s a security thing. All the cells are like that.”

“Then just fucking leave.” He glared at the two, fighting tears. He did his best to not pull out the gun he was hiding and demand they get Negan. Everything takes time. He reminded himself, sighing softly.

Dwight frowned. “We can go down the hall a bit to give you privacy, but know that there are audio and video cameras watching.” The guard nodded, standing from their chair and walking a couple yards away. “Just wave when you wanna leave,” Dwight said, following the other.

Carl waited until they were far enough away to begin frantically tapping on the glass. “Daddy, daddy, it's me. Come over,” Carl said sounding panicky.

The man was on his cot, his back facing Carl. He was smirking to himself. He knew the brat would be back. He just didn’t think it’d be so quick. He really did do good work. He ignored Carl a little longer so he’d be more frantic, thus more grateful when he gave him the attention he desired.

“I’m sorry. You were right! Please talk to me. Please?” Carl started to choke up. Rick smiled wider hearing the boys broken voice. He sat up, struggling to get up with his bandaged leg. He groaned before going over to the window.

“Hello, Bambi.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Rick have a chat. Negan has a bit of a time on the roof. Things end... a bit unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts/implications, and alcohol abuse, and Rick being a manipulative bastard.

“I don’t like this,” Dwight told Naomi, the other guard, tilting his head back at Carl talking to Rick. “Negan said they got in a bad fight. I had to go pick the kid up.”

“Where’s Negan now?” Naomi asked, cocking their head to the side.

“The roof.”

“You don’t think he’ll…”

Dwight bit at his bottom lip. “I hope not.”

…

The bottle in Negan’s hand was half gone and he was a mess of tears and laughter and snot. God, if anyone could see him now. They’d think he’d gone mad. “I have gone mad.” He burst into a new round of laughter that ended in a sob.

God, he had thought he’d finally gotten what the universe had ripped from him. He had been so damn excited to take care of those kids. He still cared about them so much. He was so afraid what Rick was going to tell Carl. He hoped Carl saw past that evil man’s lies. That he remembered the good times with Negan. Negan snorted. Wait, what good times? All Negan had done was scare the kid, drug him, and then take him swimming. He took another swig from the bottle, wiping at his nose.

Crawling out of his chair, Negan made his way slowly on his hands and knees to the fence blocking the edge of the roof. He leaned his face against the cool metal. God, what had he done to deserve this? Maybe it’d be best if he just wasn’t here. Maybe he could just… Negan looked across the roof. He knew the fence had a gate that opened somewhere over there. He took another drink.

…

Carl lit up excitedly when Rick called him ‘Bambi’. “I’m so sorry, daddy. I shouldn’t have shot you. I’m so, so sorry,” Carl said to him with a small, sad, little smile. 

“It’s okay, Bambi. I know you didn't mean too. That man got to you, he got in your head,” Rick said sounding so caring and understanding. 

Carl nodded again. “Yes. I’m sorry.” He sniffled. 

“It’s okay, darling. You know better now. Daddy always loves you beautiful.” Rick flashed Carl a smile. “But what are you going to do now?”

“I-I don’t know. I want to be good.” Carl sniffled. 

“I know you do, baby,” Rick said but not giving any suggestions on how to be ‘good’ wanting the boy to figure it out himself. 

“I was thinking I would rewatch some of the tapes, and then I would go, be with mom,” Carl said not looking Rick in the eyes. 

“Look at me, Carl,” Rick growled, but as soon as Carl obeyed he softened. “You’ll be going to heaven, you’re whore mother won't be there.”

...

“It’s picking up what they’re saying, right?” Dwight asked.

Naomi nodded. “Ayup. The mic is right by the window.”

Dwight nodded. He wasn’t sure how it would help, but he wanted to listen to it later and figure something out.

…

Negan had made it halfway across the roof when he collapsed on his back and just stared up at the stars. He giggled as an old song entered his head. “When I find myself falling and I hit the bottom,” he slurred, raising his almost empty bottle. “It only makes me laugh! It only makes me laugh!” God, everything hurt. “Does it hurt? Oh, it really doesn’t matter…” he mumbled. “Does it sting? Oh yeah…”

…

Carl frowned a little sniffling away his tears. He was looking forward to seeing his mother again. He wanted to make sure she forgave him for everything. “Why won’t I be going to hell?” he asked Rick.

“Because, even though you were a little whore, I forgave you. I absolve you of any wrongdoing. An innocent soul won’t go to hell.” Rick spoke of himself as if he were God.

Carl nodded, smiling, wiping a few tears. “Thank you, daddy.” He sniffled. 

“You’re very welcome, baby. Now, I want you to go watch those tapes, but remember, I don’t like hurting you. It was for your own good.” Rick grinned. “Those who suffer hardships in life will have a greater heaven waiting for them when they go. I did this all for you, Carl. Everything I’ve ever done was for you. I love you.”

Carl started crying, letting himself believe the lies felt so much better than the truth. “Thank you, daddy,” he said again wiping his tears on his sleeve.

Dwight frowned as he glanced over and watched Carl wiping away tears. Alright, this conversation had gone on long enough. “Come on. They’re done.”

Dwight made his way back to Carl, Naomi in tow. “Hey, you done kid? I need to get you back.” He hated seeing the tears on his face. Was this how Negan felt? The desire to make things better for this kid? Dwight glared at Rick through the glass. “C’mon, kid.”

…

Negan had made it to the gate in the fence. With a few fumbled tries, he got the latch off. The gate swung open, swinging freely over the eight story drop.

…

Carl sniffled and looked back at Rick. “Love you, too.” He got up and went over to Dwight, his head hung low.

It was happening, finally. He was going to die. He had a week or two until he finished the tapes, but he almost had a downset date. He started to smile thinking about it. But, he’d want to play into Negan’s fantasy for awhile. Who was he lying to, the man was hot. He really liked him, and Carl wanted to feel his touch for as long as he could before he went.

“Bring me to Negan. I want to see him,” Carl said looking up at Dwight. “Now, please.” He began walking past him towards the elevators.

Dwight nodded and followed after the kid, giving one last look to Naomi who waved and sat back down in their chair. He pressed the button for the elevator once they made their way down the long hallway. “He’s on the roof,” Dwight explained, entering the elevator with Carl and pressing the uppermost button. It was a long ride from the basement to the roof, and the closer they got to the top the more paranoid and wound up Dwight got, Naomi’s question nagging at him. He wished he’d had someone check up on Negan.

When they finally reached the top, Dwight practically shot out of the elevator. “Sir?” He called out. It was pretty dark on the roof, but the surrounding city lights provided a low light. Dwight circled around, looking everywhere. Where was he?

That was when he heard it. A soft humming. Whipping around, he saw what he was most afraid of. The gate was open and Negan was sitting on the edge, his feet dangling off. An empty liquor bottle sat nearby. “Sir?” Dwight whispered. Negan didn’t hear him and just kept humming the tune to the song Carl had sang for him.

Carl looked around and saw Negan. He was shocked and scared at first before he settled himself down. Maybe this was a good thing. He wouldn’t have to do it alone. He could be with Negan. They could do it together.

“Let’s do it.” Carl smiled and rushed over to Negan. He leaned on the fence next to the gate smiling. “Negan, let’s do it. I was so scared to do it alone but now I can do it with you.” He smiled.

He looked at Dwight and pulled out his hidden gun. “You can go now,” He told Dwight, pointing the gun at the other man’s head.

Dwight narrowed his eyes at Carl and put his hand on his own gun on his hip. He didn’t draw it quite yet. “Kid, I’m not letting either of you leave the rooftop unless it’s in that elevator.”

Negan giggled from his spot on the edge. “Good one, Dwight,” he slurred.

Carl looked at Dwight with a smile. “Do it Dwight. I want to die.” He laughed with a twisted smile on his face. “Make this easy on me and do it for me.”

Negan turned around, seeing Carl with his gun drawn and Dwight reaching for his. He whined and furrowed his eyebrows. “Now, now, everybody… calm down..” he flopped onto his back on the hard roof, putting him next to Carl’s feet. He reached out and hugged Carl’s leg that was closest to him, starting to sob into it. “Carl, Carllll… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. Please, I love you, Carl.” He nuzzled into Carl’s knee, not really controlling his drunken body, not really realising that he was heavy and pulling on such a small person. He looked up at Carl through his tears and alcohol glazed eyes. Where had he gotten a gun anyway?

Carl giggled before Negan grabbed him, yelping as he was pulled closer to the older man. He liked listening to the sweet lies. “It’s okay, Negan. I talked to my dad, and I feel better now,” he said smiling. “I understand better, and it’s okay. We don’t say things we regret. We only say things we mean without a filter.” He looked down at him with tears. “How about we do this together. It’s so nice out tonight. All we have to do is step another two feet,” he said and inched his other leg outside of the fence towards the edge.

“Carl, Carl, c’mere,” Negan slurred, pulling on Carl’s shirt, practically climbing up the boy. He looked up into Carl’s one eye, trying to keep eye contact, but everything was fuzzy and spinning and honestly, Negan didn’t know if this was real life or just a nightmare. He scooted farther away from the edge as he got up on his knees, pulling up on Carl. Negan’s hands made their way clumsily to Carl’s face, trying to caress his cheeks.

“Carl, will you kiss me? Please? I think I want that?” He giggled, pulling Carl’s face closer to his. “You’re so strong and beautiful, Carl. You protect your sister.” Negan sniffled, his tears falling down his own cheeks. He buried his face in Carl’s chest. Negan’s mind was jumping around to fifty things at once, and he couldn’t focus on just one. All his inhibitions were gone, but he couldn’t focus.

Carl blushed as he was pulled down to the man, his face firmly in the man's grasp as Carl listened to him.  Did Negan really mean this? About the kiss?

Dwight took a deep breath, watching the scene, slowly drawing his gun while Carl was distracted by Negan’s drunken rambling. Carefully, he aimed at Carl.

“Really? I never kissed someone I liked before.” Carl giggled a little. He leaned in a bit about to kiss him when a soft  _ pop  _ sounded out. Dwight had fired. A tranquilizer dart was nestled perfectly in Carl’s upper arm.

Carl gasped as he felt the dart in his arm, and he looked down at the trank. It’d take a minute before he was fully out, and he just looked at it shocked. Then he looked down at Negan.

“Th-This was a set up? So you could shoot me?!” he yelled at Negan, beginning to break down in tears.

Negan looked just as shocked as Carl did, looking from Dwight to the dart and back to Carl. He shook his head vigorously. “NO! NO!” Negan reached over and pulled the dart out, unaware that it was already injected into Carl’s bloodstream. He grabbed Carl’s face again, making him look at him. “I swear to you. I had no idea. Carl, Carl, please,” Negan sobbed.

“He’s telling the truth. We don’t carry tranquilizer guns here. I borrowed this from Maggie just in case something like this happened,” Dwight said, holstering the gun back on his hip.

Carl started getting panicky. “No! No! This is not okay!” he screamed crying. “What the hell?!” he sobbed down at Negan. “No this isn’t fair!” He started feeling woozy. He sunk to his knees next to Negan as waves of exhaustion came over him. “I wanted to die with you… this isn’t fair... not fair.” He slowly collapsed onto Negan’s broad chest, trembling a little. “I’m sorry,” he cried into his chest.

Negan held Carl close as the boy slipped off into his drug induced sleep, crying into his hair. After a moment, Dwight stepped close to the duo and crouched down. “Come on, sir. Let me take him to Daryl and his sister, and let’s get you to bed.”

Negan rocked back and forth slightly, sniffling as his tears dried. He stared off the side of the building as he said, “Dwight, I think I’m fucked up. Like, real messed up.” He looked up at Dwight, shocked. “Dwight, am I a monster?”

“No, sir. You’re not. You’re fighting inner monsters, but you are not one yourself.” He placed his hand on Negan’s shoulder and squeezed. “Come on now, sir. Let me take him. Put your arm around me. That’s it.”

Dwight managed to pry Carl from Negan’s grip, holding him bridal style, and helped Negan stand at the same time. It was slow going, but they got to the elevator in one piece. Dwight dropped Negan off on his personal floor first, depositing the man on the couch since the bed was too far, before making his way to the guest rooms where he hoped Fat Joey had successfully dropped off Daryl and Judith.

He knocked on the door, offering Carl to Daryl when he opened it. “Can we talk?” he asked the other man. “I have audio recording of Carl and his father speaking in the cell that I’d like you to hear... and I have a lot of explaining about... this.” He nodded down at the knocked out Carl.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwight and Daryl have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this took a bit to get out. The holidays were very busy and not so great, but I'll try to get back on a good timing schedule again~
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Daryl looked at Carl, shocked as his head hung low, completely unconscious. “Yeah you have a lot to explain. What happened? What the hell did you do?!” he growled, quickly taking Carl’s limp body out of Dwight’s arms. Shit, the boy was so light. He’d force him to eat. He promised himself.

Dwight didn’t put up any resistance in giving Daryl Carl, and he wasn’t phased by his anger and shock. It was all understandable and Dwight just wanted to help.

Judith was behind them, sleeping under the covers on the large queen sized bed. She was sleeping soundly, exhausted from the day of rescue and play. 

Daryl walked back to the bed, laying the boy down on top of the blankets next to his baby sister. He came back over to Dwight. “What kinda audio you talking about?”

“The audio of the conversation he had with his father in the cell,” Dwight explained. “I need to get the file from security, but I wanted you to listen to it. I don’t know… I just think it might be able to help us help  _ him _ somehow.” He gestured towards Carl. “May I come in?” he asked with a deep wavering breath. “You may want to be sitting when I explain why Carl’s been tranquilized.” Truthfully, Dwight was a little shaken from what he had just witnessed, and  _ he _ wanted to sit down. 

Daryl looked at the other man before looking back at the kids and nodding. “Yea, come in,” he said getting out of the door way with a small sigh. He needed to start trusting people if he was to stay there, and this man looked like a good candidate for it. He brought Carl back, relatively unharmed, from whatever happened. He didn’t seem too full of himself, and he looked like he was worried for the boy.

Daryl walked back to the bed, sitting on the edge of it before gesturing to the desk where Dwight could sit. “Take a seat yourself. Just keep ya voice down. Girl’s sleeping too.”

Dwight nodded and thanked Daryl, closing the door as he stepped into the room. He took the desk chair and moved it closer to the other man before sitting, leaning forward with his hands clasped and elbows on his knees. “Alright,” he started, “you know that Carl and Negan got into a fight. I met Negan on the elevator and he went up to the roof, giving me orders to get Carl and take him wherever he wanted to go. So, I took him to the cells to see his dad.”

He explained that father and son had talked, but that Carl made him stand away so he couldn’t hear. Once they were done, Carl had asked to be taken to Negan and so Dwight had taken him to the roof. He ran his hands over his face, pausing for a moment and taking another deep breath.

“I found Negan sitting on the edge of the building, legs dangling, blind drunk.” Dwight didn’t think he’d ever truly felt fear until that moment. Seeing his leader, his mentor, his friend, in such a vulnerable position had been gut wrenching.

Daryl just looked at the man, shocked. The man he met before, Negan, he was stable. He had a bit of fight to him, but any good leader had that. He looked to the teen, grateful that he was okay. “Carl saw this? I’m sorry, but this still doesn’t explain why you tranked him,” he said reaching up and putting a heavy protective hand on the boys calf as he spoke with Dwight.

“Yeah, he saw him, and to be honest I expected him to either push Negan off or pull him back, but instead he,” Dwight swallowed thickly, “He ran to Negan and wanted  _ both _ of them to jump. Some kinda double suicide plan. He told me he wanted to die, told me to shoot him.”

Dwight wrung his shaking hands together. “He didn’t know my gun was a trank of course, and neither did Negan, but Negan distracted Carl with some drunken rambling just long enough for me to shoot Carl.” Dwight didn’t think Daryl would like to hear exactly what Negan had said, so he skipped that part. He looked up at Daryl. “I was so afraid he was going to pull Negan off the edge with him.”

Daryl stared him down with a poker face. “This isn’t the first time the kid’s done something this stupid, but he’s never tried bringing someone down with him,” he said, rubbing the boy’s leg. “He doesn’t want to die. He just doesn’t adjust well to new things. If something major changes, he gets like this. After his mom died, after he lost his eye after… something else happened, and then after Judith was born,” Daryl confessed. He really loved the kid but he needed serious help.

“He just needs time to adjust. It was too much, too fast,” he said to Dwight. “He only ever really tried once before. The other times he tried to get someone else to do it... like you, tonight.” He sighed.

“Thank you for telling me. I know his father has something to do with this...” Daryl let go of Carl’s leg, rubbing his face tiredly. “When will Negan sober up and when will the trank wear off on him.”

Dwight nodded at the man’s words. God, this kid has been through so much. Dwight definitely understood why Negan’s protective instincts had kicked in. He sighed. “It’s gonna be a while on both their ends. The dart I shot Carl with is made for taking down, you know, a healthy adult. Not a starving kid. He’s gonna be out for a good amount of time.”

Dwight scratched at the back of his head as he grimaced. “And I’m pretty sure Negan finished off a  _ whole _ bottle of something, so he’s gonna be useless till morning, and even then he’s not going to be in good shape.” Dwight had only ever seen Negan drink anywhere close to that during one New Years party where things got a bit out of hand. He was not a happy camper the next morning.

“Would you want to listen to the audio? We can use Negan’s office. It’s right down the hall, not far at all,” Dwight suggested. His stomach turned at the thought of listening to Rick brainwash Carl, but if there was something there that could help, he wanted to know it.

He sighed and rubbed his face, tiredly. “No, I can’t.” Daryl shook his head. “I can’t leave them alone,” he said, looking up at Dwight.  “Especially on the off chance that he wakes up and pulls another stunt.” He rubbed Carl’s leg again. “Could you wheel in something to listen to it on?” he asked him looking up at him with a hard set look on his face. He listened to Rick’s bullshit for almost twenty years. He could stand to hear a little more if it meant helping the kid.

“Yeah, that’s valid,” Dwight said, standing. “Just give me a couple minutes to get the file from security and I can actually play it on my phone.” He had wanted to watch the video too, on the large screen in Negan’s office, but he’d do that later if need be. He moved towards the door. “I’ll be right back.”

Entering Negan’s office, Dwight went right for his desk. The computer that sat on it auto recognized his ID chip and logged him in. Being one of the higher ups, Dwight had access to a lot of the security detail and other inner workings of the building. As he looked for the audio recorders in the cells, Dwight realized he’d could watch the video of all of them on the roof. He could also watch Negan drown his sorrows in a bottle, but he’d rather not. He saved that info for later and kept looking for what he needed.

After a few more minutes, he found what he was looking for. He cut the audio clip from when he and Carl arrived to about a minute after they left and sent it to his phone. He exited out of everything and left the office. He made his way back to Daryl’s room and knocked on the door, feeling weird about just busting in. 

“Come in,” Daryl called out, now with Carl’s head in his lap. He had undid the boy’s hair, pulling it out of the tie and began to play with his hair as he hummed some folk song to the boy. He had put the boy in sweatpants and a plain grey t-shirt. The boy looked a lot less threatening when he was cuddled up and small in the man’s lap like some sort of puppy. “I put some plugs in the girl’s ears so we don’t have to tip toe,” he said and pet Judith’s hair for a second.

Dwight came in and closed the door. “Good idea,” he said, moving his chair closer to the bed. He located the file in his email and got it ready. “Ok, so, it’s gonna start before they were alone, so you’re gonna also hear me and Naomi the guard,” he informed Daryl. His thumb hovered over the play button. “Ready?”

Daryl nodded, a bit and got out from under the kids body, lifting him up and tucking him in next to his kid sister. He sighed and walked over to the end of the bed, sitting closer to the other man. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let's do this.”

Dwight nodded and hit play. There was silence for a moment before Naomi’s voice spoke, informing Carl that he’d have to speak through the glass. Carl snapped back about wanting the door open, and on it went.

Dwight didn’t speak as they listened, training his eyes on the ground by his feet. He shivered when Rick first spoke that fucking pet name. As he continued to talk, feeding Carl lies and encouraging him to kill himself, Dwight didn’t know if he wanted to throw up or punch something. He glanced up at Daryl to see his reaction to all this.

Daryl just stared at the audio file as it played on Dwight's phone. He had his poker face on even though he was raging. Rick was a grade-A sociopath. It was just so easy for him to turn on the charming, handsome, and loving cop father act that it was sickening. Daryl fell for it for almost ten years before he saw the real Rick come out. 

Daryl almost growled at the little whore comment. He looked back at Carl. He knew somewhere down the line he was raped, but the boy never told anyone. It was about when he was fourteen when the change was. It made him sick to think about. 

After the tape ended he sat up, not realizing he was hunched over in the first place. He cleared his throat, thinking that Dwight deserved an explanation about Carl’s mom. If Carl wanted to tell Dwight more, he could later. “Rick… He… Judith isn’t his kid,” he started. “His wife, Carl’s mom, cheated, and for her punishment Rick made Carl cut Judith outta her stomach.”

Dwight stared at Daryl, wide eyed. He was still trying to process everything he had just heard on the recording and then Daryl dropped  _ that _ bomb on him. He wheezed softly, putting his phone into his pocket and running his other hand through his hair. “Jesus,” he breathed. “That- that’s fuckin insane. God, I feel so sick thinking about what that kid has gone through, and I don’t think I even know half of it.”

He shook his head. “Can I ask, how did you get tied up in this mess?” Dwight questioned, wanting to know how Daryl had kept his sanity while being in Rick’s presence for so long.

Daryl froze a bit looking down at his hands. “He- He was a cop. He was sent to my place a few times from my old man and my brother fighting when they shot up. He was a good cop then. He took me in. Let me stay with him and his girlfriend… and we had… I loved him,” he muttered. 

“We were together for years before Lori got pregnant with Carl. We quit fucking, but I still had a thing for him and his boy. I loved him even though he wasn’t mine,” Daryl continued. “When Rick had suspicions Lori was cheating, he started going bat shit. He was torturing enemies. Doing crazy things. Hurting Lori and then Carl, and it happened so fast I couldn’t back out in time. I couldn’t leave the boy with his dad like that, so I tried to protect him, but his old man saw and he separated us. He locked me up for six years on and off so I couldn’t have contact with the boy.”

“Christ,” Dwight breathed. He reached out slowly and set his hand on Daryl’s knee in an attempt at comfort. “I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t believe just how much damage Rick had managed to do to everyone he’d ever come into contact with. He was a walking ball of malicious energy, determined to fuck up everyone’s lives as much as he could. 

Daryl rubbed his face again trying to shake off the new feelings of sadness he felt thinking of the old Rick. “It’s fine. Past is the past,” he said with a hard sigh.

“If Negan hasn’t already, he’ll probably offer you a job here, and I encourage you to take it. He’s a good man and the pay is more than fair,” Dwight said, softly. “I know you can’t change the past, but you can work till you’re back on your feet, and get yourself a better future. For you and the kids.” Dwight glanced over at the sleeping children. How anyone could harm them was beyond him.

“What happens around here? What would I be doing? Could I leave at anytime?” Daryl asked. He probably wouldn’t, but he wanted to make sure he wasn’t trapped again.

Dwight nodded, sitting up straighter in his chair. “Oh yeah, you could leave whenever. Your contract isn’t signed in blood at all.” He shook his head. “I don’t know a lot of people who have quit, but it happens from time to time. I hear there’s even a pretty good severance pay.” He shrugged. The last person he knew that quit only did so because her mother was ill and she needed to move across the country to be with her. If Dwight remembered correctly, Negan even bought her the plane ticket to get her there.

“It depends where you’re stationed, but if you’re a guard like me, well, you’ve seen what I do. Escort guests, guard doors, guard Negan. Usually, when things aren’t so crazy like they have been, Negan doesn’t even leave his office unless he’s entertaining guests.” Dwight cocked his head at Daryl. “Do you know what Negan does? How he earns his money?”

Daryl started to grit his teeth just thinking about it. He shook his head, looking the other in the eyes before saying, “How does he make money?” He took a scoot back so he could be a bit closer to the kids as Dwight told him the answer. If it was trafficking Daryl would be busting the kids out tonight.

Dwight couldn’t help the small smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth at Daryl’s movements. What did he think Dwight was about to tell him? In any case, he probably wasn’t prepared to hear him say, “He started, owns, and oversees production of a baseball bat manufacturer.”

Dwight let that sink in for a moment before continuing, “He used to be a middle school gym teacher, before all this. He would wood work as a hobby. Managed to marry the daughter of a Major League Baseball team’s manager. Negan made the whole team bats just as a gift, and they won the World Series with them. Negan became rich practically overnight.”

“Of course, entering a new tax bracket so quick attracted attention, good and bad, and he made enemies but also friends. Down the line, some of his enemies even became friends and vice versa.” Dwight chuckled at his memories of when Maggie hated Negan. Those were fun times. “So, he squared up, started the Saviors, bought himself a hotel and restaurant chain.” Dwight motioned to the room around them like ‘look at this place’.

“Most of his money comes from his company, but we also get paid protection service fees from the people and shops in the area,” Dwight said, meaning extortion. “And some online sports betting.” Meaning illegal gambling that was ran through a Cuban IP address.

Dwight fiddled with his shirt sleeve. “He used to be involved in the drug market, but it was before I joined. Apparently, something went really bad and he refuses to get back into it. Won’t touch sex trafficking either.” He shrugged. “He does like his carnage,” Dwight mimed hitting someone with a bat, “but, I mean, could be worse.”

Daryl’s tension eased a little. He muttered, “Thank god,” to himself before shaking out of his thoughts. Rick’s allies, where the worst type of people. The Claimers worked in sex trafficking children, the Termites worked in the ‘meat’ industry, and the Wolves were just lunatics with a hard on for destruction.

‘ _ You’re safe now kid _ ,’ he said in his own head while rubbing the back of Carl’s leg again. “Has he ever hurt children?” he asked looking over at Dwight. He knew ‘protection’ wasn’t what it sounded like. He needed to know that the man was a safe, reasonable man. He needed to know he didn’t hurt a child during one of his extortion practices.

Dwight shook his head. “Negan? Hurt a kid?” He snorted. “I dunno if it’s from his teaching days or if it’s just how he is, but Negan loves kids. It almost killed him when Rick sterilized his wife. Probably would have if  _ she _ hadn’t been so strong about it.” Dwight sighed. It had been dark days around the place for a while after that. Dwight was honored that he was one of the few that Negan told about what had really happened.

His eyes flicked to Carl, remembering the bruises on his neck from Negan’s hands. “I’ve seen the footage of when Carl broke in,” he said. “Negan lowered his weapon when he first confronted him. Carl would have shot Negan point blank had Simon not been there to grab Carl’s arm.”  Dwight shook his head again, this time at Negan’s recklessness. 

Daryl nodded. “Understandable.” He laughed a bit. “Surprised the kid didn’t get more of a beating from the man for shit like that,” he said patting the boys leg before sitting up.

“He’s pretty fair. He usually lets you pick your punishment,” Dwight said, his hand trailing up to brush over the burnt side of his face. “I’m sure he made Carl do something.” Dwight shrugged.

“So… can we get some food for when the boy wakes up? I’m getting him to eat,” he said looking back at the boy, and not at Dwight.

“Of course! I can order you whatever you want, or you can use the phone on the desk, “02” for the kitchen.” Dwight pointed at said phone. He had ordered Daryl food when he first led him to the room but he wasn’t sure that the man had eaten it. “Do you want me to order some now? For you?”

Daryl got a bit nervous again. The kid was way too agreeable when it came to punishment, and Daryl had no idea what the boy could have agreed too. He just really hoped whatever he did it wasn’t too much to handle. “First, I wanna know what the hell happened to your face,” he said, looking at him, trying to contain his glare. What the hell did this man do to warrant something like that scar on his face. He didn’t want Carl around someone who was basically a toned down Rick with sympathy for children.  Mostly because Carl wouldn’t be a child some day and then the real punishments would start.

Dwight flinched slightly, turning his face away. Fuck. Dwight hoped he wouldn’t ruin the image of Negan he just instilled in Daryl because of a stupid stunt he himself pulled. He looked back up at Daryl, eyes serious.

“First, know that  _ I _ chose this.” Dwight pointed at his face. “I chose a hot iron, and Negan hated every second of it.” Dwight sighed and looked down at his hands. He could still remember Negan giving him the chance to choose something else, practically begging him to choose something else. But he’d been young and felt it suitable to his crime and he wasn’t going to back down.

“I… cheated on Negan,” he explained. “Not like… we weren’t dating, but I felt like that’s what I did. I was still a pretty new recruit and easily tricked by the honeyed words of other bosses. I slipped a few of Negan’s secrets to them, cost him money, almost lost his trust.”

He looked back up at Daryl. “Frankly, I was more afraid of being fired than any other punishment. Back then, I… I felt the need to be branded. I wanted people to know I had betrayed him. Was it foolish? Probably. But I made my choice, and Negan only did what I asked.”

Daryl sat up, still slowly scooting back from the other man. Jesus, was the man just plain old nuts, or was Negan more manipulative and better at brain washing then he thought. “Yeah, you are a fool.” If he learned anything from his time with Rick it was that no one is worth hurting yourself over. He said it to himself all the time, but he pretended like that didn’t apply while protecting younger generations. “Now, you’re fucked up forever just like the boy, only you had the choice to ruin your face and you choose it.” He shook his head in disapproval.

Dwight glared at Daryl. “Yeah,  _ I know _ ,” he bit out. “We were all younger and dumber. It’s like getting a bad tattoo. It seemed like a great idea at the time, and now I’m stuck with it.” He crossed his arms over his chest, huffing before throwing one arm out and gesturing. “Look around! Do you see anyone else with this? No! Because Negan refuses to do it again!”

Taking a deep breath, Dwight calmed himself down before he started getting too loud. “Look, just…,” he sighed. “Please, don’t let my stupid mistake tarnish how you view Negan. He’s not like Rick at all. He won’t hurt you or Carl or Judith.”

Daryl just stared at him for a long while before nodding. Judith began to stir, whimpering as the men's conversation got heated. “Okay, fine. Let’s drop this and get some food,” he said with a small sigh.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Carl talk about the night before and reach a new level in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! Here's a nice long chapter to bring you into what will hopefully be a wonderful 2019!
> 
> <3

The afternoon sun blazed in the sky as it shone over the city. For those milling about, going to work, shopping, it was a beautiful day. For Negan, being blinded by the sun through his large windows was only increasing the headache he awoke with. He groaned and turned away from the window, burying his face into the back of the couch. It was like a jackhammer was pounding into his brain.  _ Fuuuuck _ .

He groaned, loud and long, curling his knees into his chest. Unfortunately, the movement made his stomach roll and before he knew it, he had flipped himself back over and was vomiting onto his floor.  _ Oh god _ . What happened last night? He coughed and moaned, still hanging over the side of his couch. He closed his eyes to avoid looking at his own sick on the floor. At least it was hardwood.

Slowly, snippets from last evening came floating back into his mind. He remembered the fight with Carl… being on the roof… drinking… His eyes flashed open and he gasped. He… he almost killed himself. Taking a few deep breaths, Negan turned to lay on his back and look up at the ceiling. He couldn’t remember how he got back to his room. What happened after he got the gate open? It was all blackness.

…

Daryl shushed the small girl, bouncing her in his lap as she woke up from another cranky nap. Carl was still out like a goddamn light and Judith couldn’t stand it. Daryl had to continuously bring her into the bathroom so she wouldn’t see Carl to calm her down. The dose was way to much for Carl, so he was expected to be out for a lot longer than normal. Daryl had also tied Carl’s wrist to the bed frame with a piece of ripped fabric.

There was a knock at the door and Dwight’s voice came through saying, “Daryl? It’s me. I’ve got lunch if you’re hungry.”

“Come in!” Daryl yelled from the bathroom as he cradled the crying girl in his arms. He was singing to her this time. Something about flowers.

In the bedroom, Carl began to wake up when he heard someone come in the room. He couldn’t open his eyes yet or move but he could hear. He whimpered a little. His left bicep was super sore for some reason. As he woke up more, and tried to open his eye, he began to remember last night with Negan. The fighting, and his Dad, and the plan and… their almost kiss.

Dwight wheeled the food in and glanced over to the bathroom where he could see Daryl trying to calm down Judith. He looked down at Carl on the bed. Why was he tied up? Was Daryl really afraid of him waking up and doing something?

“I’ve got mashed potatoes, fried okra, country fried steak, and strawberries. Water and milk to drink,” Dwight said pointing to the cart. “Has Carl woken at all?” he asked, not noticing the boy’s movements as he looked at Daryl.

Daryl looked over shaking his head. “No, not yet, but I don’t need the boy waking up and trying to hurt himself while I’m not lookin’,” he said, coming back into the main room to see the cart of food. He was starving. He’d probably eat it all if Carl didn’t wake up. He went to the cart and lifted one of the strawberries, putting it to Judith’s lips. She smiled and took a big bite before clapping her hands happily. She liked them a lot.

Carl whined more, hearing clapping and his baby sister’s giggles. He peeled his eyes open, doing his best to try and sit up, “Judy?” he croaked, trying to move his arms out to her when he noticed one of his wrists wasn’t moving.

…

Negan threw his arm over his eyes. The sun was still so bright. God, he was so hungover. He knew he needed to get up and get some water and headache medicine if he planned on getting any answers today.

With a grunt, Negan grabbed the back of the couch and hauled himself to a sitting position. “Ooh,” he moaned, holding his head. He took a moment for the room to stop spinning before getting himself to his unsteady feet and making his way to the bathroom.

Turning on the light, the first thing he saw was himself in the mirror over the sink. Damn, he looked rough. Eyes bloodshot, skin pale, vomit in his beard. He scoffed at himself, turning the sink on and gathering the water in his hands. He splashed his face before gathering more and drinking it down. He sighed, gripping and side of the sink and hanging his head.

After swallowing a couple headache pills, Negan took a quick shower and got dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt. He found his phone in the living room on the coffee table. He grabbed it avoiding his mess on the floor. He needed to get a cleaner up here soon before it soaked into the floor.

He checked his phone. There was a text from Dwight asking if he was awake, a reminder from Denise about taking the kids to the doctor today, and his stocks were up. Well. At least that was something.

He put in a call to the cleaners and texted Dwight back, telling him he was on his way to Daryl’s room to get the kids ready for the doctor before stepping into the elevator. The jolt of it as it moved down almost through him off balance.  _ Woah _ .

…

Dwight looked over at the bed as Carl tried to move and speak. He looked back at Daryl, not sure what he wanted to do with him. Suddenly, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and read Negan’s text, his anxiety suddenly peaking. Carl was barely awake, and Negan was most likely hungover as hell. Dwight excused himself and went to stand in front of the elevator to wait for his boss.

Carl whimpered more trying to pull at the knot while he sat up. “My head feels funny, Daryl. Untie me right now,” he whined glaring at Daryl who was feeding the little girl.

Daryl shook his head. “Don’t need you stabbing yourself or some shit like that plan you had with Beth,” he said honestly as he took a few big bites of steak. He walked over and started to feed Carl some. “Wanna act like a baby and try and do stupid shit, then I’mma treat you like one and not give you a fork.”

“Fuck off, Daryl. Please untie me!” he yelled loudly.

When the elevator doors opened, Negan greeted Dwight and started walking towards Daryl’s room. “Uh, sir! Wait.” Dwight got in front of Negan and held his hands up to stop him. “Sir, how are you feeling?”

“I’m hungover as fuck, Dwight. How do you think I feel? What the hell happened yesterday?”

Dwight worried at his bottom lip. “What do you remember?”

“Uh,” Negan thought back. “I yelled at Carl, I went to the roof, got smashed, and… almost jumped off the building,” he muttered the last part, rubbing his neck in embarrassment.

“Anything else?”

Negan shook his head. “It’s black from there. Why? I assumed I just blacked out and you brought me back to my room.” What else could have gone down?

Dwight sighed and shook his head. He explained to Negan what happened when he brought Carl to the roof, watching Negan’s eyes grow and his hands start to tremor.

“What the fuck? He…  _ I _ …” Negan put a hand to his throbbing head. Oh god, Carl would remember all of that, he was sure. How could he look the boy in the eye after the stunts they both pulled?

When Carl’s voice echoed slightly in the hallway, the two men looked towards the door. Dwight told Negan to wait and he knocked softly and reentered the room silently, seeing what was happening.

Carl growled at Daryl, reaching up to try and pull on the knots, but Daryl grew up in the back woods and he knew how to tie knots good, so Carl wasn’t getting out with his one free hand recklessly pulling at his bound wrist. Carl looked up at Dwight when he entered and saw Negan behind him. He instantly started blushing, looking down, clearly embarrassed and flustered at last night's actions.

“Dwight, come over here and untie me, please? Daryl is being a twat,” Carl said with a pout on his lips and a frustrated look on his face.

Daryl was ignoring Carl’s struggles as he fed Judith the strawberries. He was trying to block out the boy’s insults.

Dwight snorted. “Sorry, kid. Not after what you pulled last night.” Dwight caught Carl’s reaction to seeing Negan. He tugged the door not all the way closed, but enough that sound could escape easily but so that Negan couldn’t be seen.

Negan huffed at that. He was an adult. He could handle his own problems. But he gave in, leaning against the wall and nursing his headache. 

Carl whined more. “No! I wanna see him,” he growled. “I know he is there, cunt,” he yelled at Dwight. “Negan, come untie me! Please! If you get to do what you did and walk free, then I don’t deserve to be tied down like this.”

Dwight sighed and let go of the door handle, letting it open freely. Fine.  _ Fine _ . “Sir?” he said, looking out.

Negan ground the heel of his hand into his eye and stepped into the room. “Carl, please, shut up,” he said, voice scratchy. “My head is pounding and yelling isn’t helping.” He finally looked up at the boy, examining the situation with the bed he was in. In another time and place, Carl tied to a bed would be a very kinky sight, but right now it was just exhausting him. “And don’t call Dwight names.”

Negan looked to Daryl and gave him a nod in acknowledgement. He was also glad to see him and Judith eating. At least someone ate around here. Negan realized he had not eaten yet, but the thought of food made his stomach turn, and he did not want a repeat of earlier.

Carl looked at Negan with pleading wide eyes that almost looked cartoonish in the way of their fake innocence and begging. “Please, Negan. I’m sorry I yelled and called them names. I just... it freaks me out being tied down and not having any control. It’s scary and unfair,” he confessed. 

Negan sighed. It hurt his heart hearing the words from the boy. Being tied up probably wasn’t something new to him. He made his way over and sat in the edge of the bed next to Carl. He didn’t look at the boy as he dropped his head down into his hands, elbows resting on his knees, and rubbed his temples.

“Carl,” he said, “I don’t remember all of last night. I don’t remember you on the roof at all, but if what Dwight tells me is true…” He groaned softly, still rubbing his head. Maybe food  _ would _ help. “How do I know you won’t try to hurt yourself if I untie you?”

Carl glared at Negan. “Why won't you look me in the eye? Am I not pretty now that you’re not plastered?” He growled before huffing a bit. “You don’t get to know just like we all don’t know if  _ you’re _ going to do something stupid,” he bit back at the man, clearly upset.

“He won’t do anything until he finishes all the tapes,” Daryl spoke up, thinking back the audio of Carl promising Rick.  “He would wait but he had this thing about dying alone, so when he saw you he jumped at the opportunity.”

Negan growled softly. He heard Daryl’s words, but turned to look at Carl, dead in the eye. “Something stupid?” He quirked an eyebrow up. “Like trying to kill myself or like stealing a gun? Because let’s admit, we’ve both already done some stupid things, Carl.”

“Or how about getting so plastered that you try and jump off a building and then try to kiss someone you ‘don’t’ care about.” Carl glared back, a blush creeped onto his cheeks. “Now, you won't look at me?” He sniffled. He felt played even though logically he knew he hadn’t been. “Please, untie me and take me to your office. I promise I’ll eat and whatever, but please, Negan,” he quietly begged the older man.

Negan bristled at Carl talking about the kiss. Not because the idea of kissing Carl was a repulsive one, quite the opposite, but because he kept mentioning it  _ in front of Daryl _ . Sure, Negan had been drunk, but alcohol was like truth serum, and now he couldn’t hide the feelings he’d tried so hard to keep down.

His face softened as he studied Carl’s. “Kid,” he reached out and lightly touched Carl’s cheek. “I  _ do _ care about you. So much.” His voice was soft and dripping with emotion. “That’s why I’m so concerned about you. That’s why it… scares me...” He sighed. God, he needed to explain so much to Carl that he really would rather not say surrounded by people.

Dwight could tell Negan was taken by Carl’s words. He sighed and made his way to food cart, loading up a plate with all the fixings. He turned to leave the room. “Sir, I’ll put this in your office.” He gestured to the plate.

Negan nodded, not looking away from Carl. He could tell the knots holding the boy were intricate and wasn’t sure he himself could just untie it. “Daryl,” he spoke. “Would you please untie Carl? I’d like to speak to him privately.”

Daryl didn’t like the mention of the kid kissing someone so old, but then again he couldn’t control everything in the kid’s life. He reluctantly went over and untied the boy’s wrist.

Carl took it down and rubbed it with a pout. It was red but it wouldn’t bruise because Daryl was careful. “Thank you,” Carl muttered to the two of them. 

Dwight returned to the room seconds later. That was Negan’s cue to stand up. He held his hand out to Carl, palm up. “Let’s go then,” he said gently, wondering if Carl would even take his hand. It was still hard for Negan to judge Carl’s wild emotions.

Carl took the man’s hand almost instantly. He really liked the mans touch. He pulled himself up on weak legs. “I’ll be back, Daryl,” he promised the man who gave him a small grunt. Carl began walking out to the hallway before stopping to look at Dwight. 

“I don’t know if I’m pissed or grateful that you shot me so… fuck you and thank you.”

Dwight crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged. “That’s valid.” Negan snorted as he followed Carl, letting the boy lead the way to his office.

Once inside, he tugged Carl gently by the hand to a two seater couch at the side of the room. The coffee table that sat in front of it held the plate of food Dwight dropped off. He sat, pulling Carl down next to him. “Eat. Please,” he said, pointing to the plate.

Carl rolled his eye at the man’s words. “You’re all fucking nuts.”

God, Negan wanted to yell at him. Wanted to scream about how  _ no _ , they were  _ not _ all  _ fucking nuts _ . He wanted to yell that he needed food to live and survive. He wanted to shake Carl and beg him to just  _ fucking eat _ . But he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Instead he sighed, and looked at Carl with probably the most begging expression he’d ever had on his face.

Carl reached out and picked up some fried okra, popping a few into his mouth at once. “Are you happy?” He laughed.

“I’ll be happy when all the food on that plate is gone, and I don’t have to keep forcing you to eat.” Negan let his hand fall to Carl’s knee, rubbing it with his thumb. “Carl… I’m sorry for what I said in the locker room. I just… I felt so betrayed and like you didn’t trust me, and… I’ve tried so hard... all I want for you is to be happy…” Negan rubbed at his temples. His head still hurt so bad. It was like someone slamming a hammer against the back of his eyes. “It scares me, Carl. It scares me that you don’t seem to care about your life. It scares me how much I care about you.” 

Carl looked up at him, put the okra down, losing his appetite. He licked his lips and looked down at the man’s hand on his knee. “I didn’t think what I said would set you off. I didn’t say it to piss you off or challenge you, so when you got angry it scared me too,” he confessed. “Because, I like, do trust you, and I’m scared that all this new freedom I have is fake or it's not as amazing as I think it’s gonna be, and it’s fucking me up.”

Carl looked down, sniffling. “Do you like, really want to kiss me or was that just to like distract me from trying to kill us both.” He laughed a little awkwardly, looking down. He was so nervous his hand was shaking a little. He wanted the man to be honest because he wanted to kiss he man, sober as he was.

Negan reached his hand up, touching under Carl’s jaw and tilting his head up. Carl’s face was pretty hot to the touch with how nervous he was. He gave a slight smile and leaned into the man’s hand, liking the feeling of it on his skin. Negan swallowed thickly. “Carl, I… don’t remember what I said to you on the roof.” He leaned forward slightly. “And that scares me too… but, if I said I wanted to kiss you…” He leaned closer, bumping the tip of his nose against Carl’s. “It wasn’t a lie or a trick.” He looked into Carl’s eye. Negan really hoped he wasn’t reading Carl’s signs wrong. He was pretty sure the boy was into him, but he wasn’t one hundred percent sure. He wished he could remember last night.

Carl nodded a bit at the man’s words, his nose rubbing up and down Negan’s cheek when he did so. He wanted to kiss the man so bad, but he wasn’t sure if he should be making the first move. ‘ _ Fuck it, _ ’ he thought to himself. What’s the worst that could happen? He leaned in the extra two centimeters and kissed the man's lips.

Negan let his eyes flutter closed as Carl connected their lips.  _ Perfect _ . Everything about this was perfect. Carl’s lips felt so good against his. He pressed closer, tilting his head slightly to slot his lips with Carl’s and deepen the kiss. He let his hand slide back, caressing the back of Carl’s jaw and letting his fingers run behind his ears and into his hair.

The boy smiled into the kiss, pressing his lips harder against the other man. He giggled a little and pulled away a moment later, still relaxing into Negan’s hand happily. He loved this.

Negan huffed a laugh at Carl’s giggle as he pulled back. He placed a quick kiss on the boy’s cheek and one on his nose and one on his forehead before pressing their foreheads together and opening his eyes to look into Carl’s. “Was that ok?” he breathed, a smile on his face.

Carl nodded a bit and kissed the man’s cheek. “Yes. Thank you Negan.” He smiled excitedly.

“Good,” Negan purred. “If you ever don’t feel comfortable with something,” he pecked Carl on the lips. “Just say something. Ok?” He ran his thumb along Carl’s jaw line. His jawline was pretty sharp, and was even sharper because he was so thin.

What did this make them now? How far did Carl want this to go? Did he even understand what kissing led to or what romantic feelings were? He obviously had seen his mother and her boyfriend at one point, but years of being locked away from society could really stunt a kid. Negan really wanted to ask Carl to finish eating his food, but he didn’t want Carl to think he was faking the kisses just to get him to eat. He packed that worry away for later.

Carl cuddled into the man's arm smiling. He was so happy. He reached down and picked up the okra, finishing it. “My stomach feels not good,” he muttered softly. He looked up at the man. “Are you sure you’re not angry at me?”

Negan wrapped his arm around Carl and pulled him into his lap, sitting him sideways and wrapping his arms around Carl’s waist. He rested his chin on Carl’s shoulder. “I’m not angry,” he sighed. “Just a little frustrated.” He nuzzled his face into Carl’s shoulder. He was excited he was able to touch Carl like this. Carl smiled and cuddled into the man, happy to be so close to the man. He just loved the way he touched him. He loved being held. 

“I know I sound like a broken record, but I really wish you’d eat regular meals… and I wish you wouldn’t steal my guns from me.” Negan reached up and flicked Carl’s nose. “I know you’ve still got one hiding somewhere. You know, I should  _ punish _ you for that,” he purred the last line right into Carl’s ear.

“I know, but I can’t sometimes. It makes me want to throw up,” he said before hearing the second part. He froze, swallowing thickly, his body so still his chest was no longer raising for air. “But you won’t right?” Carl asked having no idea of what Negan would say. He wasn’t immune from punishment because he kissed him but his body language was different, so would it be different and lighter. He wasn’t giving him his other gun.

“Shh,” Negan rubbed the boy’s back softly. “Calm down. Don’t you remember what your  _ last _ punishment was?” Negan asked, tilting his head. “All I asked for was a song.” He placed a soft kiss on Carl’s jaw. So much for trying to be flirty with the kid. That obviously went right over his head.

“And, yeah, that happens because you’re not eating regularly,” Negan explained, putting his hand on Carl’s stomach. “You need to be eating little bits throughout the day so you can get used to food again.” He took the hand that was on Carl’s back and reached around to take the boy’s hand. Negan ran his thumb over the back of it, feeling the bones protruding. “I want to be able to hold your hand and not feel your bones,” he sighed, resting his cheek on Carl’s shoulder.

He blushed as the man more intimately touched him. “I just, that’s just a weird punishment I guess.” He giggled a bit, smiling looking at Negan’s hand on his stomach. It was almost as big as it. Almost. “Okay, but I want to eat what I want. You guys are crazy though. I do eat. Just not a shit ton,” he said reaching out to grab a strawberry, taking a bite. 

Negan felt the urge to yell ‘ _ WE’RE NOT CRAZY, WE’RE RATIONAL _ ’ rush through him, but he swallowed it down. Carl  _ was _ eating, and that was what he had asked for. Kinda. It would work for now.

His phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket. Fishing it out, he checked his texts. “The appointment at the children’s hospital is in two hours, Sir,” Denise had sent. “He wants to know if it's just a physical exam or do you want everything, including a psych exam?” Humming, Negan tried to decide what he wanted. He knew a psych exam would be good, but he was already afraid of how Carl would react about the physical exam, he couldn’t imagine what he’d think about someone poking around in his head.

He set his phone down without answering. “Hey, babe?” he said, bumping his nose against Carl’s jaw. “Listen to me for a second, ok? I’ve got a doctor’s appointment set up today for you and Judith at an actual hospital, not just our little med center. Just a check up, a quick look over to assess injuries and overall health. It won’t be like what happened here. No drugs, I promise. It won’t even smell like a med center.” He squeezed Carl slightly.

“But, I need to know if you’d be ok also getting a psych exam? They’d just ask you questions, but they’re gonna be personal, about your life, your family. I understand if you don’t want to, but know that I would prefer you do, just for my sanity at least.” He just wanted to know everything about Carl so that he knew how to help him. He squeezed the hand he was still holding. “It’s your choice though.”

Carl sniffled a bit looking up at the man, he wasn’t so thrilled about this psych exam kinda thing. It didn’t sound too fun. He shrugged his shoulders a bit.

“Maybe. It just depends on what I’ll get if I do it?” he asked with a small blush on his face. He was smiling. He knew he what he was doing. He just wanted a prize if he did it. He was still in that kinda mindset.

Negan relaxed. He’d been so prepared for Carl to fight him on either the physical or the psych exam. Or both! Instead he got a cheeky answer. Negan smiled coyly and pulled Carl closer. “Oh?” Negan chuckled. “Well, what would you like to get?” Negan asked.

Carl thought for a second or two before looking up at him and answering. “A three day pass to go anywhere I want,” he said with a smile. “To go outside this place.” He didn’t know how well that would fly with Negan, but it was worth a shot. He always wanted to see things and do things like go to the zoo, mall, theme park, etc.

Negan leaned back and stared at Carl, confusion written all over his face. Had Negan convinced him he was trapped here?  _ Shit _ . “Babe, Carl…” He cocked his head at him. “You don’t need a pass. You can go out whenever you want. I- I encourage you to go out!” He reached up and tucked some hair behind Carl’s ear. “Anywhere you want to go, I can take you. You’re not bound to this building at all.” He shook his head.

Negan had only been a stickler about keeping Carl in at first because he was still afraid Carl would run, but now that they’d rescued Judith and everything, he was open to letting Carl have all the freedom he wanted. He still needed to get him an ID chip so he could use the elevator. Maybe they could do that after the doctor. 

Carl just looked at him kind of shocked. “Wait, really?” He smiled. “Fuck, this is totally awesome!” he said, bouncing a little. “Okay um- um...” he stammered trying to think of what he wanted. “I want a tv and a phone,” he said looking up at him licking his lips. “And I want to decorate my room. And I want to keep the gun I have,” he said looking Negan dead in the eyes. “Pleaseeeeeee.” He smiled excitedly. He was milking this shit for as long as he could so he wouldn’t have to buy all of this stuff for when he would be working for Negan. It was just so weird for him to be able to want things just because he wanted them not because he needed them.

Negan laughed. These were all things that he was going to give Carl anyway. Except the gun. “Carl, I don’t know how to tell you this.” He leaned in close and snickered. “But all that stuff is already available to you… except the gun. Didn’t I tell you earlier that I’d buy you anything you wanted?” His hand absentmindedly started tracing circles on Carl’s back. “But... the gun. That’ll work if you tell me why you want it?” Technically, Carl would get one when he started working, but Negan didn’t think that would happen for a while anyway. Not until Carl was in decent shape.

“If you’ll buy me anything I want and need, you have no bargaining chip,” Carl said, a bit confused by the man, although grateful. He smiled and cuddled him closer. “Thank you and to protect me and Judy. It’s a safety net kinda thing. I’m not gonna, you know...” He made a gun with his fingers, pointed it at his head and made a sound effect with his mouth of pulling the trigger. “I already have one to many holes in my head.” He laughed and cuddled his head under the man's jaw.

Negan sighed, not liking to even think about Carl blowing his brains out. That was hard to trust after last night. Or… what he was told happened last night. “There are things that money can’t buy, kid.” He pet Carl’s head as he fit under his chin before grabbing his phone and texting Denise back, confirming the psych test. He put his phone back in his pocket, just wrapping his arms around Carl and holding him tight against him. This was nice.

“I still think I should punish you for stealing it in the first place,” he mumbled. He was too damn soft on this kid. If he found out anyone else had stolen two guns, there’d be hell to pay. He hummed. “Should I request another song, or do you have anything in mind?”

Carl smiled as he was cuddled by the man. He loved it so much, loved the affection and the feeling if his arms wrapped around him made him feel so warm inside.

“What can’t money buy?” he asked, a bit confused, before adding, “You can request another song I guess.” He giggled. “But then you gotta answer some questions I have.”

Negan hummed and thought about it. “Money can’t buy… a true honest opinion or respect. It can’t buy memories, or a first kiss. It can’t buy the experience of stargazing or the first breath of fresh air after being inside for so long. It can’t buy the butterflies you get in your stomach when you see your lover in the morning light. It can’t buy true happiness.” Negan ran his fingers through Carl’s hair as he spoke. He was getting really introspective here.

Carl nodded a little although he truly was to young and simply naive to understand what those things meant at this time. “I guess you are right.”

Negan hummed again and kissed the top of Carl’s head. “Sing me a song, Carl, and I’ll answer anything.”

Carl smiled and thought of a song. “I like this one that I heard when I was with Claimers.” He thought about the words before singing. He started shaky and quiet but as he went on the singing was much more smooth and flowy.

“ _ I am a lost boy from Neverland, _

_ Usually hanging out with Peter Pan, _

_ And when we're bored we play in the woods, _

_ Always on the run from Captain Hook. _

_ "Run, run, lost boy," they say to me, _

_ Away from all of reality. _

_ Neverland is home to lost boys like me, _

_ And lost boys like me are free. _ ”

Negan closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch as Carl sang. The song sounded familiar to him, perhaps heard on the radio or in a club. He thought Carl’s version was much better. Negan would never get tired of hearing the boy’s singing.

When Carl finished, Negan kissed his head again, smiling into his hair. “Thank you. That was beautiful. Now, what do you want to ask me?”

“I wanted to know why last night you got so angry when I asked if I could go anywhere since I’m not a prisoner, and you said no I wasn’t allowed to roam or whatever, but today you said I could go anywhere even outside of the building? What changed?” he asked. ‘ _ Was it because we kissed? _ ’ he thought to himself.

Negan sighed. “Carl, I say a lot of shit when I’m angry. I just… wasn’t thinking straight. I’ve planned to get you an ID chip since before we even rescued Judith so you can use the elevator yourself.” Negan lifted Carl’s head up so he could look him in the eye. “Just… forget what I said last night. It was a stupid fight and shouldn’t have happened and I’m sorry.”

Carl nodded softly. “Okay, Negan,” he said before finishing up his strawberries. “Judith likes applesauce,” he quipped. He placed the leaves down on the plate. “But I still prefer orange juice and chicken nuggets.” He looked up at Negan.

Negan snorted. “You and those chicken nuggets,” he said with a smile. Watching Carl finish off the fruit made Negan feel better. It was a start. He couldn’t expect change to happen in seconds. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Carl’s cheek, rubbing his bearded chin on Carl’s soft face afterwards.

Carl squealed a little feeling the rough grainy manly chin against his soft unmarked cheek. He curled his face into the mans chest to get away as he giggled childishly.

“We have like an hour and a half before we need to leave for the doctor. Is there anything you’d like to do?”

“We could play questionnaire?” Carl smiled.

Negan snorted a laugh and hugged Carl as he curled into him. God, this kid was cute. “Isn’t that practically what we’ve been doing, or is there more to that than just asking questions?” He cocked his head to the side. “I mean, I’ll play, but I’m just saying.” He chuckled.

“Yes, book questionnaire is more fun questions. Like about favorite colors and songs and animals. Also, it could be about favorite foods like chicken nuggets,” Carl said, giggling with the dorky smile on his face before looking up at the man. “But fine. What do you want to do?“ he said, sassily crossing his arms over his chest.

Negan tapped his chin, thinking. Hmm. Well, if Carl wanted to play simple question games, why not make it a little interesting? He smirked, teeth gleaming, as he suggested, “How about Truth or Dare?”

“Okay.” Carl smiled brightly, sitting up a little. “Anything goes. I am not one to lose at this sort of game. So, as a sign of my good sportsmanship, I’ll let you go first and I pick truth.”

Negan grinned and laughed. In this game, letting him go first was still kinda Carl going first, but he didn’t dwell on the specifics. “Alright, truth, eh? Hmm…” Negan tapped his chin again, trying to think of what to ask. He snapped his fingers when he had something. “Ok, truth. How long have you wanted to kiss me?” One eyebrow quirked up as he asked.

He looked up at him with a smile. “Since the first night I was here and you had your hands around my neck,” he said, poker face on. 

Negan shivered. Fuck. That was hot. Negan let his hand raise up and he trailed a finger softly along one of the bruises on Carl’s neck. Carl blushed a little when he felt the man’s hand. He could keep a straight face until that. “Truth or dare.” He looked up at him.

Negan grinned. “Dare.”

“I dare you too...” Carl had to think, he didn’t want the man to stand up. “I dare you to send a blind text to a random number in your phone.” He smiled.

Negan laughed, taking out his phone. “Kid, if I start a turf war doing this, you’re to blame.” He opened up a new text message before putting a hand over his eyes and typing away. He had to look to pick the contact and he laughed when he saw the message. Someone was going to get “Dfj xbhc fried gdy. Did sk”. He got to the contact screen and covered his eyes again, scrolling blindly before clicking one and sending it.

“Well, Ezekiel is gonna be confused as fuck.” He laughed, looking at his phone, before setting it down and looking back at Carl. “Alright, truth or dare?”

Carl looked at him strangely, trying to place the name as best he could before remembering and laughing. “Well, yes, he is.” He smiled. “Dare.” He looked up at him, bouncing in his lap.

Negan wrapped his arms around Carl’s waist to try and hold down the bouncing. “Alright, alright. I dare you to…” He looked around, eyes falling on the plate of food. Hmm. Should he? He should. “I dare you to eat half the mashed potatoes that are on your plate.”

Carl just looked at him. “Seriously? That's so stupid,” he said rolling his eyes and taking a few fork fulls of mash into his mouth so he couldn’t even talk anymore. “Eee stuuid!” He tried to talk without opening his mouth full of potatoes. 

Ezekiel got the text and texted back, “?????”

Negan burst out laughing at Carl trying to talk around the food in his mouth and looking so damn off put about it. Then he looked at his phone and laughed even harder. “Jesus Christ!” He leaned forward, holding Carl so he wouldn’t fall, as he shook with laughter. “Lord!”

When his laughter died down, he wiped his eyes and texted Ezekiel back, “Sorry, pocket texted you!” before putting his phone back down. He looked at Carl, smiling like an idiot. “Oh, that was good. Who’s turn is it? Mine? I choose dare!”

Carl was still trying to chew and swallow the half a cup of potatoes in his mouth.  He chewed and swallowed in smaller bits before drinking some water to get the rest down. “Oh my god he answered back?” He laughed happily.  “Okay, um, I dare you to kiss me again.” He giggled happily.

Negan grinned. “Ah, happily,” he said, taking Carl’s face in his hands bringing it down, sealing their lips together. Sparks flew through the soft contact. Negan would stay like this forever if he could. He tilted his head slightly and pressed closer.

Carl blushed and kissed him harder, wrapping his arms around the man. He giggled into the kiss, pushing up his chest against the other mans, trying to get closer.

Negan helped/manhandled Carl to get one of his legs on the other side of Negan, effectively straddling him. He moaned softly as he now pulled Carl even closer.

Carl squeaked and pulled away for a few seconds as he was roughly handled. He liked it though it felt so weird, but nevertheless his crotch twitched and he got just a little hard. It felt weird because he was on top but he made him feel a lot safer that way. 

Negan parted his lips against Carl’s, licking at Carl’s softly, silently asking him to open his too. Carl kissed back, but didn’t open his mouth because he didn’t know he was supposed to. Negan hummed when Carl didn’t the hint. He kept forgetting how inexperienced this kid was.

He broke the kiss but barely leaned back, talking right on top of Carl’s lips. “Babe.” He reached up and ran his thumb over Carl’s bottom lip. “Open your mouth just a little. Trust me.”

Carl blushed more and nodded, opening his mouth just a little into the kiss, still pulling at Negan, trying to get closer. His pony tail kept brushing across Negan’s hand as they kissed.

“Mmm.” There we go. Now, Negan could kiss Carl properly. He nibbled at Carl’s bottom lip before kissing it better, their mouths working against each other perfectly. Carl smiled into the kiss happily.

Negan reached up and slid the elastic out of Carl’s hair so he could bury his hands in the soft locks. He groaned at the feeling, loving every second of this. Carl whimpered softly when Negan undid his hair to hold it. Carl didn’t know why, but he loved the man’s touch. Even when it was rougher in nature.

Negan melted at that whimper from Carl. Oh, that was nice. He wondered if he could get that again somehow. Humming into the kiss, Negan pulled at Carl’s hair. Just a soft tug, nothing too much. He made sure to gently message Carl’s head afterwards, a pleasure to follow a pain. He needed to see what Carl’s reaction to that was before he continued. He had to be low and slow. He didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to scare him.

Carl moaned a bit into the mans lips, whimpering more as his hair was rubbed and his scalp was soothed after the sharp and small tug. He started to squirm into the mans lap. He didn’t notice at first because he wasn’t consciously doing this but he was grinding against the man's stomach, whimpering into his lips.

Negan swallowed all of Carl’s sounds like they were water and he was dying of thirst. Negan gave a sharper tug on Carl’s hair, disconnecting their mouths and pulling his head back. Negan began trailing kisses down Carl’s jaw and his throat, licking and nipping softly as he went, groaning into Carl’s neck. He loved the feeling of Carl moving against him. He let his hands fall from his head and instead moved them to Carl’s hips, trailing them down to his thighs and squeezing.

Carl gasped louder, moaning a bit more, “N-Negan!” he whimpered more, his breathing getting a little more wet and ragged. He felt so strange and that tug stung, but it felt so good. He continued to grind a little more onto the mans lap. When he felt the man touch his hips and thighs, he felt kind of weird. His crotch twitched again, his parts getting harder as he was touched.

“Fuck, Carl,” Negan felt a tremor go through him as his name left Carl’s lips. He could feel Carl’s hard on as he ground it against him, his own just starting to respond. He wasn’t a teen anymore, so it took a bit more than a make out session to get Negan up. He was afraid that Carl didn’t know what was happening though. All of Negan’s flirts had gone over his head, and he didn’t get the kissing cues. Negan was sure that Carl might have been used for sex, but he wasn’t so sure Carl had ever experienced it for himself.

Negan detached his mouth from Carl and leaned back to look at his face. “Carl,” he panted. “Carl, how far do you want this to go? Do you want to stop? Do you want me to touch you? Get you off? Take care of you?” He trailed his hands up Carl’s thighs, giving him the hint of where he was asking to touch Carl. His mind started turning and he almost offered Carl a blow job, his mouth watering at the idea, but he thought that might be a bit much a bit fast.

“What?” Carl asked cocking his head. Everything outside his body felt like it was going in slow motion, like it had been slowed down a hundred times and he couldn’t understand because he was moving so fast.

He looked down at where the man was touching and blushed. “I- I don’t know.” He frowned. He didn’t want to stop what was happening. He didn’t want to stop this messing around, but he was nowhere ready for sex. “Take care of?” he said confused. The honest truth, although a bit unbelievable, was that Carl had never masturbated before, so he really didn’t know what to do after this. All he knew was that he liked what was happening, and his dick kind of hurt.

Negan took Carl’s face in his hands and looked him right in the eye. Carl’s pupil was blown so wide in desire. “Carl, I want to help you feel good. Do you trust me?” he asked, leaning his forehead against Carl’s. Negan could not touch Carl if he didn’t get explicit permission. He’d never be able to live with himself if he didn’t.

Carl nodded. “Okay, yeah. I want that.” He giggled happily. “Whatever. That's okay.” He smiled. He leaned in close to Negan’s ear and whispered. “Just remember that I still have a gun.” He purred.

Negan shivered again. Did Carl just threaten him? Why was that so  _ hot _ ? Negan huffed a laugh and moved his hands back down to Carl’s thighs, running them up teasingly slow. “Hey, Carl,” Negan bucked his hips softly. “So do I,” he purred back. He was sure the innuendo was lost on the boy, but Negan couldn’t pass up a good joke.

When his hands reached Carl’s crotch, Negan pressed his palm right against Carl’s hard-on, letting Carl grind into that instead of Negan’s stomach. He leaned in, mouth near Carl’s ear. “I’m going to touch you here, ok?” He pressed his palm in harder. “I’m going to put my hand in and I’m going to touch your cock.” He breathed into Carl’s ear. “Do you understand me? Is that ok?”

Carl nodded whimpering. “Okay, yes… please.” He hid his face into Negan’s neck moaning softly. “I... it feels weird,” he whimpered, humping into Negan’s hand. “Please, more. Please.” He practically cried into Negan’s shoulder and neck desperately.

“Shh, babe, don’t worry. I’m going to make you feel so good.” Negan unbuttoned and unzipped Carl’s pants, moving his hand to Carl’s stomach, fingering at the waistband of his underwear. He wished he had some lube on him. Negan quickly pulled his hand back and licked a stripe of saliva onto his palm, before going back. In one quick movement, he had his hand under the elastic and on Carl.

Carl started panting. “Negan, Negan...” he moaned in his neck, gripping and clawing at the man’s shoulders as he was touched. “I feel weird.” He whimpered more, squirming down onto Negan’s crotch as he himself was touched. 

Negan pumped him a few times, before running his palm over the tip to grab the precome that was leaking out to use as a better lube than his spit. Negan looked down at his hand on Carl. He groaned. This was all he needed. He could die a happy man.

Carl looked down to see the precome on the man’s hand he went wide eyed at it. “I- I’m sorry?” he said, not sure what it was as he was touched. He flinched a little when the man’s hand moved just a little while he was watching. It just felt so good.

Negan chuckled softly. “It’s ok. You’re doing fine.” Negan reached up with his free hand and tilted Carl’s face back up to look at him. God, he was beautiful like this. Panting and moaning his name. Long hair cascading around his shoulders. Negan had barely done anything and Carl was undone. Fantastic. “Just tell me if you want to stop, ok?” He leaned in and connected his lips with Carl’s again as he started moving the hand on Carl’s cock up and down at an even but slow pace.

Carl whimpered and kissed at Negan’s lips, beginning to bite at them too. He had all this energy and it felt crazy. He felt like he could run a marathon or pick up a two hundred pound weight. He panted more. “Negan. It feels so good,” he moaned, smiling. “I feel so weird.” He moaned more, shaking. His thighs were trembling in the mans lap.

Negan increased his speed on Carl, twisting his hand and thumbing over the tip. He kissed at Carl’s lips and his cheeks and his neck, anywhere he could reach. God, he couldn’t get enough of the boy in his lap. “You’re doing great, babe. Not much longer now.” He reached up and brushed the hair from Carl’s flushed face. “God, you’re beautiful,” Negan breathed, looking at Carl with reverence in his eyes.

Carl leaned in and bit Negan’s neck, shaking, closing his eyes tightly. Negan groaned at the bite, panting. Fuck, that was good. Carl let go of the man's neck, panting. He felt like he was going to- he didn’t know. Pee? He closed his eyes. “Negan, Negan... I think I have to go to the bathroom or something,” he panicked a bit.

He shushed Carl as he spoke, trying to ease his panic. “That’s - that’s normal. You’re about to cum. That’s the goal here.” He huffed out a laugh. “Just, let it happen.” Negan squeezed lightly as he increased his speed on Carl again. He bit his own lip, watching his hand work. Come on, come on…

Carl yelped and grasped onto Negan’s shoulders, mouth falling open as he came hard on the man’s hand. He looked down, his face flushed and a bit sweaty. He felt exhausted all of a sudden, completely drained of all of his energy.

Negan grinned. Yes! He felt like he just won first place in a contest. He pumped Carl slowly, milking out all he had before he let him go, tucking him back in and doing up his pants. Carl whimpered more when he was rubbed through his orgasm. He felt so exhausted for some reason.

All of the spunk had landed on Negan’s hand and Negan’s shirt, but he didn’t mind. He rubbed Carl’s back with his clean hand. “Whew.” He chuckled. “How was that? You ok?”

He fell against the man's chest; panting softly. He nodded a little. “I feel fine just tired. I- I feel good.” He sniffled.

Negan brought the hand that had Carl’s cum on it up to his mouth and licked it off. Mmm. “Yeah, that’s normal. Orgasms use a lot of energy.” Negan rubbed his cheek on Carl’s head, still running his hand up and down his back. “I’m glad it was good for you. That makes it good for me.” He kissed the top of Carl’s head.

Carl blushed more when Negan licked his cum of his own hand. He honestly couldn’t deal. He cuddled into the man's chest, closing his eyes. “I never had that before. It felt really good. I feel more relaxed I guess.”

“Good,” Negan said, petting Carl’s head. He was glad it had been a good first experience for Carl. Negan wanted to make a lot of those with Carl. “Get some rest now. I’ll wake you when we need to leave.” Negan kissed the top of Carl’s head again. He started to hum a soft song as he rested his own head back against the couch, setting an alarm on his phone and texting Dwight just incase he too fell asleep.

Carl nodded softly and began falling asleep in the man's arms, feeling safe and freed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The doctor visit begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you enjoy this chapter! Getting out of the house and meeting a new character!
> 
> Doctor Carters is played by Matt~
> 
> Enjoy~

An hour later, Negan’s phone buzzed and chimed softly in his hand. He jerked awake, looking around.  _ What? _ He looked down at the boy sleeping on him.  _ Oh. Oh right. _ He rubbed at his face and looked at his phone, turning off the alarm. He texted Dwight to get Daryl and Judith ready to go to the doctor. Man, he owed Dwight a bonus after all this.

Negan looked down at the sleeping Carl on him. He looked so peaceful. Negan was ecstatic about the shift in their relationship. He probably wasn’t as worried about Carl’s age as he should be though. The age of consent in Nevada  _ was _ 16, so he was safe from the law at least. He’d just keep checking in on him and take things slow. This could just work.

“Hey, Carl,” Negan whispered, shaking the boy slightly. “Time to get up.”

Carl whimpered softly, putting his hands on the man's chest, trying and push himself to sit up. “Hm?” he asked, sniffling. “No, I’m still sleepy,” he said, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand, moving his hair so it fell away from his face and shoulders. He looked down at Negan and smiled a bit. Negan smiled back.

“We gotta go, kid.”

“Oh yeah...” Carl mumbled, remembering the doctor appointment. He got up and almost collapsed. His thighs were so tied from straddling Negan’s lap while they slept.

“Woah there!” Negan reached out to steady Carl as he almost fell. Carl reached out to grab Negan’s forearm for leverage as he got himself rebalanced on his own feet. He looked up at him with a small smile.

When Carl was stable, Negan stood up, stretching his back out. He was getting too old to be sleeping on couches. He looked down to look at Carl and noticed there was a weird hard spot on his own shirt. He scratched at it before snorting, realizing it was Carl’s dried spunk. Well, it was a white shirt anyway and he’d wear his leather jacket over it.

“Come along then. Let’s go get Daryl and your sister,” he said, holding out his hand to Carl. “After the doctor, you wanna go somewhere fun? The mall or somethin’?”

“Okay, yeah.” Carl smiled excitedly, bouncing a bit. “Let’s do it.” He rushed over to the door waiting for the man to follow. “Wait Daryl’s coming to the appointment?” Carl asked a bit confused, cocking his head off to the side.

Negan shrugged, following Carl to the door. “Why not? He cares about you guys too.” Negan had basically gone to viewing Daryl as the kids' true guardian at this point, only because he had more time spent with them than he had. And, you know, didn’t torture them. “I mean, he doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to, but I figured he would.” Negan opened the door and gestured for Carl to leave first.

Carl shrugged a bit. “I don’t know. He can come I guess.” He smiled a bit and went out into the hallway, humming to himself sleepily. He was talking kind of off because he was still drowsy from sleeping moments earlier. “Can I drink tonight?” he asked with a pout.

Negan snorted. “You still want to drink after you’ve seen what that shit can do to a person?” he asked, leading the way to the elevator. He shook his head and sighed. “I really would rather you didn’t, but I guess one or two drinks won’t hurt.” He stopped when they were in front of the elevator and looked down the hall to see if Daryl and Judith had popped out of their room yet. He turned back to Carl. “But, I won’t touch you if you have alcohol in you, know that.”

…

Daryl watched Judith play on the floor, watching the kittens squirm in their box as she drank some milk. Dwight knocked on the door softly before opening it and stepping in. He had informed Daryl about the appointment earlier when Negan had told him about it, so now he was just stopping by to tell him it was time to go. “We can meet them by the elevator,” he said, waving to Judith on the floor.

Daryl nodded a bit and got up and went over to the little girl, giving her his hand to get her to try and stand up. Judith looked up waving at Dwight smiling. She liked him. Dwight smiled back at Judith and held the door open for the two. He followed them down the hall towards Negan and Carl.

“Boss, Gina informed me that the vet you called yesterday is here as well,” Dwight informed Negan.

“Oh shit, I totally forgot about that,” Negan said, running his hand through his hair. “Just let them into the room to look at the kittens and let me know what the results are when we get back.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alright, everyone ready? Field trip!” Negan whooped as he pressed the button.

“I’ll just drink with Daryl?” Carl asked again, smiling up at Negan. “You can come in and watch or check on us.” He laughed, hugging Negan’s arm. Daryl bounced Judith softly on his hip, watching Carl practically hanging off of Negan.

“Alright, kid.” Negan pat his head, tired of fighting him on the subject. He trusted that Daryl wouldn’t let Carl get totally plastered or hurt anything or anyone.

The elevator dinged and Negan held the doors open as everyone got on. He wiggled his fingers at Judith in Daryl’s arms. “Heya, darlin’. How’re you?” He cooed at her with a grin.

Judith giggled back at Negan, reaching her arms out to him wanting to be held. Daryl held her tighter, reluctant to give her over to the man before he understood why Carl was clinging to him like some sort of lost animal. Judith continued to reach for Negan. “Uppsie!” she said angrily, wanting Negan. She liked his beard a lot, and the way his jacket smelt. Negan gave her a sad smile, not about to take her from Daryl, but wanting to hold her as much as she wanted to be held.

The elevator opened at the lobby floor, Negan leading them out. They went through the turnstiles easily, Gina waving at them all from the desk. The vet was at the front desk and Dwight went to her as Negan led the rest outside the building. He inhaled the fresh air, as fresh as city air could be, and smiled. It was a really nice day out. Carl breathed in the fresh air with a smile.  _ What a good day it’s gonna be. _

A sleek black SUV was waiting outside the door, parked on the street. The driver opened the back and passenger side doors for them. There was already a car seat installed for Judith. Negan looked at Carl. “You wanna sit in the front?”

Carl nodded and laughed a little, still bouncing. He was so tired but it was well worth it to be out on a nice spring day like this. He got into the SUV, well more jumped in, excited to just do anything really. It was a nice car, and he liked how the seat felt under him.

Negan smiled at Carl’s excitement. He gestured for Daryl to go in next. Daryl climbed in and buckled up the little girl, petting her head as she squirmed in the seat. It pained Negan not to reach out to her, but he could see how Daryl held her and didn’t want to upset the apple cart. The car seat was in the middle of the three-person back seat though, so Negan got to sit next to her when he climbed in. He grinned at her. “Seatbelts on everyone.” 

Carl buckled himself in and opened the window. He smiled and looked out the window before back at Negan smiling. “Yay! Can we get slushies after this?” he asked. 

“We can get some late lunch and get dessert after, sure,” Negan said, nodding. He hadn’t eaten all day, and now the nausea he felt was from lack of food instead of his hangover.

The driver got into his seat, and they started off down the road. Negan leaned in closer to Judith, smiling. He took one of her hands in his and bounced it. “Heya, Judith. Judy, Judy, Judy~,” Negan cooed at her. He hoped she would good for the doctor. Negan suspected one of them would have to hold her or at least be near during it. He was extremely nervous about what they were gonna find out about her. 

Judith giggled and squeezed Negan’s hand happily. “Ap-all,” she said as she waved his hand in hers. She was very happy to have that kind of contact with him.

Carl looked around happily as they drove out into the city. “This is awesome. We should go to a place with chicken nuggets,” he said, looking back at Negan again.

Negan laughed at Carl’s suggestion, still playing with Judith’s hands. “You and those chicken nuggets, kid. There’s so much more food out there! Pasta, tacos, barbecue, burgers, and fries… just to name a few.” Negan was making himself hungry.

He looked down at Judith. “Isn’t that right, Judith? Tell your brother there’s more to life than chicken nuggets,” he said to her, reaching in to tickle her softly.

“More!” Judith said kicking the side of Carl’s arm that she could reach from her seat, giggling happily. 

Carl rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know, but I know I like nuggets. I might not like those other things,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest with a little huff. Judith pouted and kicked his thin arm again under his flannel. “Fine, we can get something else, but I get to drink later,” Carl relented.

Negan burst into laughter at Judith actually following his instructions and at Carl kinda listening to her. Oh, he’d use that later for sure. Still giggling, he lifted her hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on it. “You are too cute! Thank you for knocking some sense into him. Sorta. I don’t anyone could  _ actually _ knock sense into him. It’d be way too hard.” Negan snickered.

He looked back up at Carl. “I already told you my answer on that subject was ‘fine’ as long as Daryl said so,” he said, cocking his head towards the other man. “Don’t pout at me. Pout at him.” Negan stuck his tongue out at Carl. He looked back down at Judith.

“Judith, go ‘bleh’!” Negan imitated sticking his tongue out while making the bleh noise. “Go ‘bleh’ at Carl!”

Judith looked over at Carl, then Negan, and then Carl, before copying Negan, opening her mouth and sticking out her tongue. Her tongue was only stuck out over her little bottom lip because her tongue was so small. She said, “Behhhh,” like a sheep.

Negan wooped, laughing his ass off. “Yes! Good girl, Judith!” He kissed her temple, wishing he could hug her but the car seat was in the way. Judith giggled happily clapping her hands. She loved praise from Negan. She looked up at him and made a kissy face back at him with a big ass smile. 

“Please, Daryl?” Carl begged. “Please? Pleassssse?” Carl smiled at Daryl who sighed rubbing his head.

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable drinking with you alone. I need another adult there,” Daryl said looking at Negan who looked back up at him.

“What? Oh, yeah, I’ll be there if you want me there. I won’t be drinking though,” he said, shaking his head. It still kinda hurt. “No, I’m not gonna drink for a while.” Last night had really shaken Negan. He normally didn’t drink a whole bottle, but knowing what he almost did made him hesitant about putting any alcohol into his system. He also wanted to have a clear mind around a Carl who didn’t. Just in case.

Daryl nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine then.” He turned to Carl. “Have at it kid.” He laughed a little as the car came to a halt.

“Oo! We’re here!” Negan leaned in and placed a kiss on Judith’s forehead before blowing a raspberry there, grinning as he leaned back. Judith squealed and laughed excitedly as she was played with. Negan looked at Daryl. “Can I carry Judith? Pleeaaaassee?” he asked, imitating Carl. 

Daryl did crack a smile but he rolled his eyes, unstrapping the young girl from the car seat, picking her up and carrying her out of the car. Next, Carl jumped out looking around smiling. His smile quickly turned to a frown as he noticed all the parents bringing their kids in. They all looked sick or upset.

Negan huffed a pout as Daryl took Judith, but got out of the car as well telling the driver he’d call when they were done. He wasn’t sure how long this would take. Negan held his hand out for Carl to take but noticed his frown. “What’s wrong?”

Carl walked over the few steps and grabbed the others hand tightly. “Everyone's here with their parents and they all look sick...” he muttered and looked around. He noticed some of the staff including one security guard was looking at him strangely and it made him so much more anxious.

Negan smiled a little at Carl’s innocent worries. He squeezed his hand and began leading the group inside. “Well, of course there’s gonna be a lot of sick people at the doctor. They’re here to get checked out and get a cure for whatever ails them. That’s what doctors do. Heal people!”

As they entered, Negan looked around. He supposed it would be a little off-putting for a kid who’s never been to the doctor. Negan also made eye contact with a security guard who was scrutinizing them, silently telling him to fuck off. “It’s ok to be nervous though,” Negan assured Carl. “And don’t mind any looks. If anything it’s cause you’re with me and some of these people know who it is that writes their checks.”

Carl nodded a bit with a small smile. “Okay,” he said looking around. The security guard left eye contact with Negan but when he looked away the man went right back to Carl. The man was actually filling a new position that Negan had made for spotting traffickers, and to him, not knowing who Negan was, it looked awfully fishy. Two men coming in with two kids, one looking a bit unhappy and uncomfortable out in public coupled with a bruised neck and too thin body. It was all the traits of a trafficking victim.

“Negan, I want to go,” Carl leaned into the man, whispering.

Negan frowned. They’d barely gotten in the door and he was already wanting to leave. Negan had expected it, but not so soon. He rearranged their handhold so that their fingers were interlocked together and he leaned down slightly. “Why? What’s wrong? You haven’t even met Carters yet. He’s a great doctor.” He glanced back up at the guard. He was looking at Carl again. What was his problem?

Carl shrugged. “I want to do fun things. This isn’t fun. The smell is making my head hurt. Please?” he said getting more anxious as the guard looked at him. Negan leaning down and holding Carl’s hand like that had raised the guard’s suspicion even more than before.

They made it to the front desk and Negan shot the secretary a toothy grin. “Heya. We’ve got an appointment with Carters,” Negan dug his wallet out of his pocket and showed her his license. “Let him know we’re here, yeah?”

“Oh, yes. Right away, sir,” she said and got up from her desk going in back to call Dr. Carters personally.

Negan leaned back against the front desk, positioning Carl so that the security guard was behind him but in front of Negan. “I know, babe, but sometimes necessary things aren’t fun. I’ll let you get whatever you want to eat later. Even nuggets. Just, at least try, ok? For me?” Negan reached out and chucked Carl softly under the chin. He glanced quickly at the guard to see his reaction to that. “Don’t look back at him, but is it that guy, Carl? The guard? Is he freaking you out?” 

Carl just looked down, sniffling a bit with a small shrug. “I don’t know...” he said getting closer to the man before looking up. “Can I go to the bathroom? Where is it?” he whimpered looking around.

“Shh,” Negan pet Carl’s head. He really didn’t want Carl going off by himself. “The doctor will be here soon.” He cast a quick glance around them to see if he saw Carters yet. He gave Daryl a tight smile. At least Judith seemed to be ok. He looked back down at Carl, touching his cheek. “Carl, look at me. Where’s that badass who fought his way up six floors? Who led a rescue mission for his baby sister? You’re strong enough to ignore a few pointed looks.”

Carl smiled as he was pet by the older man, cuddling into the hand with a smile. “Yes, I am.” He smiled proudly up at the man. “But I still have to pee.” He laughed a little.

The elevator doors opened to reveal an older man in a white lab coat. He looked around before waving at Negan. “Negan!” he called out.

Negan snorted and smiled. “Well, you can go when we get to Carters’-,” he stopped as he heard his name. He turned and grinned, waving back at the doctor.

“This way. I’m on the eleventh floor today!”

“Alright, come on guys,” he said to the group, heading over towards Carters. He flashed another look at the guard, hoping he heard exactly who Negan was.

“How are you?” Negan asked Carters as they got to the elevator and stepped inside. “This is Carl, Daryl, and Judith.” Negan pointed to each as he said their names.

Carl followed Negan into the elevator. Carters tried keeping a straight face as he looked over the three. “Hello everyone. I’m Carters. Negan told me you guys had some injuries that I needed to look over.” He smiled but Carl was not having it. He just held onto Negan’s hand with a fucking death grip.

Negan winced slightly at Carl’s hold on him. He swung their connected hands back and forth slightly. The doors shut and they began to ascend. “I’ve known this man for a long time. He’s a very good doctor. It’s just a little check up, alright?” Negan told the trio, looking at all of them individually.

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, Negan let Carters out first so they could follow. Carter walked out and down a mostly unpainted hall. He got in front of two rooms. “Okay, Carl you go in this one and Judith can go in that one.” He pointed to the two rooms.

Carl whimpered looking up at Negan with a frown. He wasn’t comfortable at all. He hated this. He hugged Negan’s arm not letting go.

Negan placed a hand on Carl’s head and looked at Carter. “Uh, that’s not gonna work,” he said, shaking his head, voice solid. “We’re staying together.” Negan didn’t care if it’d make things awkward for the doctor, or if it wasn’t procedure, or whatever. He was not separating the kids, and he wasn’t leaving Carl. He gave the doctor a sharp look that said ‘just try and argue with me’.

“I don’t think this is a good idea since usually when more people are around patients aren’t honest about injuries and how they happened,” Carters said honestly, trying to be as calm as he could be. “We can go in one of the observing rooms so they can see each other through the glass?”

Negan frowned. It made sense. Of course it did. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Can... can the kids go in together?” he asked, sighing. “You’re not gonna get much talking out of Judith, so she can’t really lie to you, and if she gets scared her  _ tough _ big brother will be there to  _ reassure _ her that it’s  _ ok _ ,” Negan spoke, shooting Carl pointed glances.

Carl smiled a little looking up at the man nodded. “I can stay with Judith during her exam. We can do hers first,” he said as he hugged Negan's arm. He didn’t want Judith in with his.

Negan relaxed at Carl’s words. “Thank you.” He pet the boy’s head. “Ok, do Judith’s first.” Negan turned to the girl in Daryl’s arms and pat her head too. “We’ll be really nearby if you need us, ok?” he said to Judith and then looked at Carl.

Carl nodded and picked up Judith from Daryl’s arms. Negan and Daryl went into the viewing room as Doctor Carters went into the room with the kids and shut the door, but he turned on the light to the other room so Daryl and Negan could see what was going on.

Negan stood almost nose to the glass. His foot tapped on the floor as he crossed his arms. He was so nervous. He glanced at Daryl, biting at his lip. “Do you know what he’s going to find?”

“In the girl?” Daryl asked.

Carters had Judith lay on the table after Carl put her in a hospital gown.

Negan nodded. “Yeah. I already pretty much know what they’re going to find on Carl, but… god, she’s so young.” He looked back at the girl through the glass. He could feel his empty stomach twist in knots.

“I know the boy kept her out of most of the stuff. Convinced his old man he could do whatever, but I think he uh- ...I don’t know.” Daryl couldn’t say it.

Carters did the regular exam, touching, poking and probing. Carl muttered something, sulking in the corner of the room.

Negan looked at Daryl again. “You… don’t know, or you don’t want to say?” His words weren’t harsh, quite the opposite. Soft and a little shaky. Negan felt like this was the weakest he’d ever looked.

“Both. I only know what the boy could tell me, and after his father saw we were getting close I was put on a no-contact list.”

Carter shushed the girl as Carl threw a mix of daggers and soft sad glares at him as he reached his hand down looking between her legs.

Negan sighed and looked back into the room. He silently willed Carl not to disrupt the doctor. Hoped he understood this was needed. He gripped his own arms, digging his nails into his skin.

Carl was able to sit back for another minute before he jumped. He grabbed Carters’ stethoscope and jumped on his back, choking the man with it. Carters instantly let go of the girl and looked at the window asking for help as he tried clawing at the rubber around his neck.

Negan groaned and smacked himself in the forehead with his palm. “Goddamnit!” He stomped out of the observation room and into the exam room, throwing open the door. “Carl! Stop! Get your ass over here!” Negan pointed at the ground next to him, his voice loud, clear, and not playing around. “Now.”

Carl continued to choke the doctor, curling the stethoscope tighter on the man's neck. “I’m going to fucking end you, bitch,” he said to Carter, ignoring Negan completely. He may be young, but he could think for himself, unlike Judith who would have obeyed Negan.

“Fuck,” Negan growled and made his way over to the poor doctor. He didn’t want to hurt Carl, but he didn’t know how else to get him off. Grabbing one of Carl’s wrists in a tight grip, Negan tugged on it, trying to get him to let go of the stethoscope. “Carl, fucking drop it and get off. Now.”

Carl let go of the stethoscope, jumping off and leaning in to bite at Negan’s arms as harshly as he could. Unlucky for him, all he got was the taste of well-worn leather. Carl wasn’t thinking. He was just in pure fight mode.

Carters stepped back, leaning over with his hands on his knees as he breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath. “Thank you...” He panted. “And that’s another reason why I wanted them separated...” He panted some more.

Negan tssked at Carl as he attached himself to Negan’s arm via his teeth. He didn’t even try to shake Carl off, just let him stay there. Negan still had his wrist in his hand, so he wouldn’t be going anywhere. He looked back at the doctor. “Yeah, I know,” he snapped at him. “I had hope that  _ Carl, _ ” he looked at the boy, “would have been able to control himself a bit better, but obviously not.”

He moved towards the door, taking the boy with him. “Finish her exam. We’ll be down the hall. Talking.” Negan manhandled Carl out of the room and down the hall a few feet. Carl struggled the whole time, jerking and growling in the man's arms more frantically the further they got away from Judith and the doctor. He dug his feet down into the tile floor trying to not be moved but he was no match for Negan who dragged him into the hallway. Negan hissed at him, “What the fuck was that, huh?”

Carl looked up at him with a growl. If he didn’t think his sister was at risk this would have turned him on so fucking much. “He was fucking touching her! Did you see that?! He had his fingers in her!” he screamed bloody murder.

“Carl!” Negan shouted, shaking him slightly. “Carl, calm down!” Negan growled, thinking it over quickly, before shoving Carl up against the wall, not hard enough to hurt badly, but enough to send a message. “Listen to me!” he growled, looming over the boy.

The boy gasped when he was shoved into the wall, his wrist still in the man’s hand. He looked up at him with a semi-frightened eye. His chest heaved up and down quickly, still scared for his sister. He began blushing again, now squirming for a different reason.  “Negan...” he said in a much softer tone, much like the tone he had earlier that day.

Negan bit at the inside of his cheek. Did Carl just go from murderous to turned on in two seconds? Well, that may be the case, but Negan was still pissed at him. He growled and pressed Carl harder into the wall, leaning down closer to him. “Are you done causing a scene? Are you gonna do this when it’s your turn too? Fuck, Carl! I’m just trying to fucking help here!”

Carl whimpered and fought to free his wrists, his breath was kind of shaky. “He was- He was touching her there,” he said again, trying to get free even though he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t understand how touching her there would help her.

Negan sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing his hold slightly. “Carl, he wasn’t hurting her. He needs to examine her  _ everywhere _ to see if  _ everything _ is ok. It’s a completely normal thing for doctors.” He opened his eyes and looked into Carl’s. “I know it’s hard, Carl. I’m very worried about what the results are going to show because I’d like to live in ignorant bliss and pretend that she has come to no harm ever in her life, but I know that’s not true. So, suck it up. Deal with it.” He let go of Carl’s wrist, instead placing both his hands on the wall, bracketing Carl. “And please, don’t attack the doctor again.”

Carl huffed, looking up at the man. ‘ _ Stupid... _ ’ he thought, already knowing what the results would be. He looked down with an upset look. “He won’t fucking touch me like that,” he growled softly before looking up at Negan. Getting on his tiptoe, he leaned in and bit Negan’s lip harshly, before sucking on it a bit while growling again. He had some more energy that he needed to be released, and his teenage brain said biting Negan was a perfect idea.

Negan’s eyes went wide as Carl attacked his lips. Fuck, that was hot. Negan growled back, and bit back, pressing Carl into the wall. He put his hands on both sides of Carl’s face and pulled the boy off as he leaned back, panting. “Carl,” Negan shook his head. “You are going to let the doctor perform his exam to the fullest extent, or so help me, I won’t touch you ever again.” He knew that wasn’t fair at all, but he had little other leverage at the moment. “Do you understand me, Carl?” He ran his thumbs over the boy’s cheeks, still holding his head back. Negan could feel tears of frustration building up in his eyes. “Please,” he spoke softly. “Please, Carl. This is all I ask of you.”

Carl looked up at him pouting, a slow drawn out whine fell from his lips. This was so unfair. “What?” he panted still trying to refocus himself. Damn, he was like a dog with a bone now that he knew he could cum and touch the man. “No, that’s- that’s not okay.” He whimpered. “I don’t want to be touched there,” he said up at Negan. He was dead serious although, by the way he said it, he sounded more like a child then the almost adult he was.

Negan couldn’t fucking help it. The whines, the pouts. It was too much. Negan grabbed Carl and pulled him into the biggest hug, burying his face into Carl’s neck. “I know, babe. I know.” He shook slightly as he held the boy. “But, I want a report on you. I need to know your medical status. I know you don’t understand that, but it’s important to me.” He placed a soft kiss to Carl’s neck.

“What if I’m the one doing the touching?” he asked, suddenly. “Carters might need to feel a few things, but I can be the one touching you while he just looks.” Negan didn’t care if Carters tried to fight him on that, he knew the doctor would yield if he wanted to keep his job.

Carl whimpered and shrugged. “No, it’s embarrassing. It’s not fair. I don’t want too,” he said, hugging Negan’s waist and hiding his face in the man's chest, whimpering. “I don’t know if I want you in the room.” He didn’t know what he wanted.

Negan sighed, his warm breath ghosting over Carl’s neck. “Carl, you know I’ve already seen a few things,” he said, wondering just how much Carl remembered from when he was drugged. “But, we’ll do it in whatever way makes you most comfortable. Yeah, it’s still gonna be weird, but that’s life.” He rubbed Carl’s back, soothingly. God, he just wanted this to be over with. “Just think about whatever you want for dessert after this, huh?”

Carl sniffled and crossed his arms again, his forehead still pressed against Negan’s chest. “Fine, but you have to turn around when he touches there.” He sniffled and looked down, pouting. “I don’t want you to see.”

Negan had pretty much seen all of Carl at this point, but he still nodded and agreed. “I will. I promise.” He kissed Carl’s neck and then his cheek and then his head. “You’re strong. You can do this. Nothing is going to hurt. Just relax.”

Carl nodded and cuddled into him for another five minutes, just standing there before Carters came out with Judith in his arms. He was holding her differently than the way the others held her. She had four bandages on, two on each bicep. She looked pretty upset.

Negan looked up as Carters came out. He guided Carl over to the man and reached out to take Judith from him. “Heeeey, girlie. You did so good!” Negan assumed she did good anyway. He pet her hair and bounced her slightly. He looked to Carters. “You don’t have a lollipop on you, do you?”

“Um, they’re in the downstairs office. I’ll have Sharon bring up a handful just for you.” He booped Judith on the nose who giggled. Carl just looked at his shoes, clearly either still pissed off or embarrassed or scared because he did just attack this guy. 

“So, want me to tell you the results? Fax them over? Or finish when both of them are done?”

“Thank you. Fax me everything and I’ll look over it later unless there’s something I need to know right now?” Negan asked, taking Judith’s hand in his and bouncing it.

“Nothing that needs immediate attention, so you’re good.” Carters smiled a bit. He then looked at Carl. His smile lessened but didn’t fade away entirely.

“So how about you, mister?” he said to Carl. “Denise told me you have a few broken bones that didn’t heal right,” he said crouching down to try and see Carl’s face. 

“I’m not a little kid.” Carl glared at the man. The man wasn’t trying to be condescending, he was just used to working with children.

“How about I go call Sharon and you and Negan get set up in the other room?” he said, walking away from the two. “And please put on a hospital gown.”

Negan nodded to Carters as he walked away. “Alright, go on in, let me give Judith to Daryl.” Negan stepped into the observation room and handed off Judith, kissing her head once more, before making his way to the exam room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl has his exam and Negan learns all about what's wrong with the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you're all doing well! In this next chapter, trigger warning for mention of all the abuse the kids went through and also a feeding tube being put in.
> 
> Enjoy~

“Be nice to the doctor, huh? You already tried to kill him,” Negan said softly, getting a hospital gown from the cabinet and holding it out to Carl. “He normally works with kids around Judith’s age, so you’re a bit older than he’s used to.” 

Carl rolled his eyes and followed after him into the examination room. “Whatever… still weird that he treats me like I’m a kid.” He huffed, reaching out and taking the gown from him. “Thank you. Turn around, please,” he said taking off his flannel shirt, but waiting to take off the rest when Negan turned around.

Negan turned around before he rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright.” He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot. “Just promise me you’re not going to jump him again. If I have to pull you off him again, I am  _ not  _ going to be happy.”

Carl stripped the rest of the way and put on the gown. It was a little weird because he was taller than the average 12-year-old, and he was about to tie the back up like it was an apron but found he could pull the strings from the back around his sides and tying it in the front. He sniffled and sat on the table before shrugging at Negan’s words.

“I’ll do my best,” he said. “You can look now.” He seriously looked like a kid in the getup. A sad slightly angry kid but a kid none the less.

Negan turned back around and saw Carl sitting on the table. He nodded to him, petting Carl’s head softly. “Thank you.”

There was a knock on the door. “You good in there for me to enter?” Dr.Carters called in. There was something jingling a bit behind the door.

Negan dropped his hand and looked towards the door. “Yes, come in!”

The door opened to show the doctor holding a bag of tan mush, a clipboard, and a leash that lead to a medium size yellow labrador. Carl lit up when he saw the dog, sitting up and smiling excitedly. He really did like animals.

“This is Spot. He’s our mascot. I thought you may like it if he sits in while we do the exam?” Carters smiled a bit, he was hoping for that reaction out of Carl.

Negan could cry. There was a reason he recommended Carters to his people, and this was it. He flashed the other man a relieved ‘thank you’ look. He looked back to Carl. “Alright, I’m gonna leave now,” He pet Carl’s head again. “You got this.” Negan waved to everyone as he exited, heading right into the observation room.

The rest of the exam went pretty smoothly. A few times Carl pet the dog a little too roughly because he was in pain or didn’t like what the man was doing, but Spot was used to it and just took the rough pets from the boy, his tail still wagging back and forth throughout the exam.

Negan watched pressed against the glass as he had been for Judith. When Carters got lower on Carl, Negan turned his back as he promised. He looked at Judith and waved at her.

Carters did the exam as best he could with a straight face as he asked Carl about the injuries. Afterward, he weighed and measured Carl before leaving him with Spot, telling him he could get dressed again. He left the room and Carl quickly got dressed.

When it was over, Negan rushed out into the hallway to catch Carters when he left the exam room. “Give me the summary, doc. For both kids. I can’t wait.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit down?” he said and reached out to Negan’s arm. “I think we should go into my private office first,” he said guiding the man to his office, letting him sit on the couch before beginning.

“Judith, Judith, Judith.” He flipped to her page. “She is four years old, underweight for her age, but with some TLC she’ll fatten up quickly. She’s shorter than average because her growth was stunted. She had some bruising on her, but that will heal up. She does have some bruising and a bit of tearing on the vaginal wall. It doesn’t look like it happened many times before. Maybe once within the past week,” he explained as evenly as he could to keep Negan calm.

Negan stared at the other man. God, that’s what he’d been afraid of. He knew it was true, but Negan had denied it to himself over and over. He put his head in his hands and sighed. “Fuck,” he whispered harshly down to the ground. He took a deep breath and looked back up. Nodding he said, “Ok, continue.”

“Carl, since he was there for a longer time, has injuries that are a bit more extensive.” He took out his clipboard. “Okay, Carl, he’s said he is eighteen, but his body is more like that of a sixteen-year-old. Maybe even a little younger because of malnutrition. He’s ninety-four pounds and five foot six. Below average on height and very underweight.”

“Again, he had some major bruising. The most prominent deep tissue bruising are on his wrists, ankles, neck, and his ribs,” Carters started off. “Those will all take a month or two to heal. Other more serious injuries are some broken bones that healed wrong. His right knee, both his ankles, his jaw, six of his ribs, his left elbow, and a few fingers.”

“The one I’m really worried about is his ankles since he’s been almost entirely active on them since the first time the break happened. It was done with either a bat or a crowbar, he said he doesn’t remember, but if that's the case, I’m afraid there's more then one fracture in it.”

Negan nodded, his hand covering his mouth, as the doctor spoke. He took the words in, trying to process it all. God, the kid was so beat up. Negan felt immensely terrible about every hard touch he’d ever laid on Carl, including just a moment ago in the hall. He swallowed thickly. “It can all be fixed, right? Some food? Some surgery?”

“Yes, it can, but it’ll be long recovery time,” Carters said. He looked at his clipboard again and tapped the page. “These things are a bit more personal but I thought you should know. There is a lot of signs of sexual assault. There was over a two week period that he was in captivity with a different party besides his father. It’s been a while, so he is mostly healed, but there is some scarring on the tissue. There is also some scarring on his esophagus and stomach lining. I believe he ate something with glass or other sharp objects in it.”

“I know it’s a lot, but before you take him home I want to do a two-hour psych exam just so I can get everything in order to tell you. I’m about to put him on a calorie drip, and it’s pretty uncomfortable, so I think he’d like you there for that part.”

Negan felt his stomach clench. God, what had Carl been through? He took a deep breath and sat up straighter. “Two hours? Really?” He rubbed his face and groaned. He should probably call his driver and have him take Daryl and Judith out to get food and maybe some clothes for the girl. Unless Judith needed to stay in the hospital for anything, it would be better for them to get out.

“Ok,” Negan said nodding. “Let me be by him for whatever parts I can.” He bit his bottom lip. “By the way, did he mention anything about me during the exam? I’m just curious.”

Carters smiled at Negan’s concern. He reached over and touched the man's knee, rubbing it softly. “No, he didn’t, but I could tell he really likes you,” he said patting his knee before drawing back and sitting up. “I can tell he cares for you and you really care for him. Without the psych exam, I could already tell that he has some serious PTSD.  He will have outbursts of anger or fear. He also might try to say things to make you angry or try and get you to get angry at him because he wants to be hurt and his brain wants to know how far he can push you, but you can’t react like that. It’s better to take a breath and try and reason with him.”

“Also I can tell he’s already attempted on his own life once to my knowledge,” he continued. “And judging by his lack of control when he was staying with his father, it’s very likely he’ll develop unhealthy relationships with food.”

Negan chuckled and rubbed his face before looking at Carters. “Oh, yeah. He’s done that already.” He sighed. “I try to keep a level head with him, but sometimes it’s hard. You know me. A lot of what I deal with I have to use my hands.” Negan fidgeted with his fingers, popping his knuckles.

“And yeah, I’ve been fighting with him to eat for the past couple of days. I’ll get him to eat a little bit, but it’s a hassle. He told me he wants to ‘stay in shape’ which is why he doesn’t eat much, like… like he’s fat or something, and I’ve tried to explain to him how that’s not healthy, but I just… it won’t stick and I feel like I’m not helping him.” He looked up at Carters. “I just want to help.”

“I know you do, sir, but the only way to help right now is to let things run their course. He needs freedom right now, but I wouldn’t trust him to eat on his own just yet. I might let you bring home some calorie drips Denise can put in him,” he explained. “So, now I’ll tube him with your help and then I’ll do the psych exam, okay?” He smiled at Negan.

Negan nodded. “Ok… ok,” he said, standing. “Lead the way and tell me what I can do.” Negan moved to the hallway, eager to get this started and over with. 

“Just hold him, comfort him, possibly hold him down,” Carters said as he walked through the narrow hallways to get to the room. When the doors opened, they could see Carl sitting on the exam table still, petting Spot on his ear.

Negan smiled at Carl and walked over to him. He reached down and let Spot smell his hand before petting him on the head. “Hey, how you doing? That wasn’t so bad, huh? Made a new friend?” he asked Carl.

Carl looked up and shrugged. “I guess,” he murmured.

“Now, it’s time that I put in a nutrient drip to just get you back to being healthy.” Dr. Carters smiled at the boy.

“What? What's that?” Carl asked looking at Negan as Carters hooked a tube to the tannish mash in the bag he’d brought in earlier. 

“It’s an IV. There’s a needle attached to the end of the tube that is going to go into your arm. It’s to help you gain back the nutrients that you lack because you haven’t been eating regular meals,” Negan explained. He placed his hand on Carl’s knee and rubbed his thumb across it. “I’m going to stay with you while you’re hooked up to it, alright? I’ll be right here. It’s not gonna hurt except for a small prick where the needle goes in, ok?”

“Actually, Negan, that's just for water packets to get the blood flow going. The tube goes down his nose into his stomach,” Carters said. “It’ll be uncomfortable and might gag him, but he’ll be fine.” He walked to Carl with the tube. Carl curled back against the wall holding his nose and shaking his head.

“O-oh!” Negan looked between the tube and Carl. He was kinda embarrassed that he didn’t know how it was gonna work, but he pushed that aside. He turned to Carl, reaching out to place his hand on his head. “Ok, well, you’ll still be fine,” he tried to assure him. “I’ll be here. It’ll be ok. Please, Carl?”

“No! I don’t want to do that!” Carl said glaring at the older man, growling a bit like a scared dog.

“Please, Carl. It’ll only take a minute,” Dr. Carters begged him, coming closer with the bag.

“No, it’ll make me fucking gain weight!”

Negan sighed, taking Carl’s head and turning it towards him to look him in the eye. “Carl… that’s part of the point. You  _ need _ to gain weight.” He gazed at Carl, his eyes big. “I don’t know how to convince you of that. You just need to trust me. This is going to help you.”

“No!” Carl screamed. “I don’t want to Negan. I like this weight!” he yelled glaring at him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hold him down, please?” Carters sighed.

Negan glanced to Carters, but then back to Carl. Negan moved his hands to Carl’s cheeks, sliding his thumbs over his cheeks. “Carl,” Negan said, his eyes burning with held back tears. “Please, don’t make me hold you down. I don’t want to do that to you.”

“Then don’t. Let’s fucking go and get some nuggets and slush!” He glared and grabbed the light that the doctor uses to check the eyes and ears. “I will fight you,” he said. “Let's just leave.”

“Carl, you can’t live off of slush and nuggets,” Carters piped in.

Negan shook his head, taking the light from Carl’s hand and putting it back on the wall. He took Carl’s hands in his and held them, squeezing them gently. “Carl…” he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He let go of his hands and pulled Carl into a soft hug, petting his hair. He took a deep breath. “Please, forgive me.”

Too quick for Carl to react, Negan turned him towards Carters, wrapping an arm around Carl’s body to hold his arms down. He pulled Carl back against him, holding his head back with his free hand. Negan looked at Carters. “Go.”

“I’ll bite off your dick one day! I swear to fucking god!” Carl screamed, struggling as much as he could but with the firm grip Negan had on him his upper body didn’t move an inch.

“Carl, I’m really sorry, but this will make you feel a lot better I promise. Sometimes, when we’re underweight we can get very grumpy, so I think putting on a few pounds could make you feel better in here.” Dr. Carters said tapping on Carl’s head trying to calm the boy a little before trying to put the tube in his nose. It took about a minute to get it down his throat properly. He was struggling until the first time he gagged. He just started sobbing. That kind of heaving and gasps were not good, so Carters pulled it out right away. Carl continued to meltdown in Negan’s arms. 

Negan shushed Carl, holding him tight and rocking back and forth gently. Oh god. Oh god. Why did it have to be this way? He sniffed as tears fell from his own face. “Carl, Carl, Carl. Please. Shh. Calm down.” Negan looked up at Carters, silently asking him ‘what should I do?’.

“Carl, it’s okay. No tube,” Dr. Carters said patting the boys calve. “I’m sorry I accidentally gagged you. I didn’t mean too.” He saw that was the boy's trigger, not the being force-fed part. Carl continued sobbing, shaking his head no occasionally, keeping his eyes closed.

Negan quickly turned Carl around, holding the boy’s head and rubbing his back with either hand. He kept his rocking motion up as he shushed the boy softly. “Shh, Carl. Shh.” He hummed a soft tune in his chest, a lullaby that once comforted him as a child. He rested his cheek on the boy’s head.

Carl slowly started to calm down, it took ten more minutes. Spot had rested his head against the boy's leg. Carl sniffled ignoring everyone and just focusing in on the dog. This probably meant Negan wasn’t getting head in the close future.

Negan relaxed slightly when Carl finally seemed like he was calming. He kept his arms wrapped around him, protectively.

“Now what?” he asked Carters, softly, but with a hint of a growl. He knew it wasn’t the doctor’s fault, but Negan was so frustrated and concerned and emotionally drained, and frankly, he was hungry and his headache was coming back. This day was a rollercoaster for sure.

“You can both go it’s been a long tiring day. He can get whatever he wants. Don’t let him eat high-calorie foods just because they are high calorie. Have him eat some nutrient dense food like oatmeal, smoothies, chicken, or tofu.”

“Don’t let him be alone for more than ten minutes at a time. He shouldn’t have any weapons or anything he could use as a weapon because he may hurt himself or someone else during an outburst. Keep him away from all triggers and maybe get him an animal? He seems to like them,” Carters said with a small tired smile. He really did just want to help people.

Negan nodded, rubbing his cheek against Carl’s head. “He’s got kittens back at home…” Negan said softly. He didn’t want to let go of Carl. He wanted to hold him forever and protect him from everything. He hummed softly. “Carl, I’m so sorry,” he spoke softly into the boy’s ear. “This isn’t what I wanted. Please know that. Please understand. We can go whenever you’re ready.”

“Also ask him about himself. Ask him about things that have happened. It will help you to know his triggers. To help him out and it may be good bonding,” Carters said.

The boy continued ignoring him, focusing in on the dog. Well, he was more disassociating than anything, but whatever it took to block out his environment. After a few more minutes he spoke up. “I want my dad back.” He started to tear up. 

“Well, that can’t happen right now because you’re staying with Negan, buddy,” Carters said.

“He’s in his basement,” Carl said almost monotone. Carters eyes grew wide and he gave Negan the first ‘what the fuck’ look he’s ever given.

Negan rolled his eyes and sighed, shifting Carl in his lap, but never letting his death hug falter. “Yeah, we had to rescue Judith from their dad, and I promised this one here,” he gestured down at Carl with his nose, “that I wouldn’t kill the prick, so he’s locked up in one of my cells.” Negan explained this like he was explaining the weather outside. “It’s not a good idea for them to see each other though.” Negan shook his head. 

“You need to move him. It's not a good idea for them to see each other or for Carl to be able to have access to him,” Carters explained.  

Carl struggled a little in the man's arms. “I want to go home! To be with Shane and Mom,” Carl whimpered with tears in his eyes.

“I’m not letting him see him anymore. Not until he’s better. Stable. Healthy,” Negan explained. No way in hell was he having Rick brainwash Carl under his own feet. The basement would be made totally off limits until Negan said so.

Negan shushed Carl, relaxing his hold a bit to let the boy move. He didn’t know what to say to the boy, not wanting to remind him that those people were dead. Not in the fragile state he was in.

He started hiccuping because of all of the sobbing. “I want Shane!” he yelled at him, crying. Shane hadn’t died, but Carl was dead to Shane. Shane was convinced by Rick after Lori died Carl was dead too so he just gave up being in the kid's life.

“I’m sorry, Carl. I’m sorry.” Negan ran his hand up and down the boy’s back. “Come on. Let’s go home. You wanna see your kittens?” Negan asked, wiping the tears from Carl’s face.

The boy sniffled and cuddled into the man's arms. “I hate this. I want to go home,” he said again. “This is stupid.” He whimpered calming down a little.

“Carl, I really want to put a notch in you’re tummy before you go, since you’re calmer,” Carters said softly. “I promise this time will not gag you and I’ll give you some medicine to make sure it doesn’t hurt.”

Negan cuddled Carl back, looking at Carters over Carl’s head. “What does that involve? Explain to me how you do that.” He wasn’t about to make the same mistake he did before and just assume he knew how something worked. He wanted to know beforehand. He had a feeling Carl wouldn’t be receptive to this idea either though. 

“I’m going to cut a small hole in your skin to get to your stomach and then the food bag will go in there. Or, I can have you snort some medicine and I can put it back in your nose and I won't gag you again and you won’t feel a thing and you’ll be fine,” Carters explained. “But I can’t let you go in good conscience without doing one Carl. If you drop another seven or eight pounds your organs will shut down,” Carters said seriously.

“No, no cutting! No way! I don’t want a hole in my side!” Carl whimpered. 

“Carl,” Negan said his voice hardening. He was tired and done. He took Carl’s face in his hands and made him look at him. “The doctor gave you two options. Choose one.” Negan wasn’t playing anymore. “If you don’t choose, I will.”

“The nose, the nose! But if you gag me I don’t have to do anything else I don’t want to for the week,” Carl said.

“Deal.” Carters smiled and put a tube spray in Carl’s nose. “Sniff,” he said. Carl sniffed and squealed. “It’ll make you numb.” He smiled. After a minute Carl couldn’t feel anything so Carter was able to put the feeding tube down his nose with ease. “See? All good,” Carter said and patted Carl’s head who was pouting unhappily.

Negan hugged Carl around the waist and placed a kiss on his head. He really wanted to kiss those pouting lips but didn’t think that would be very smart in current company. “See? That wasn’t so bad.” Good lord. That was an ordeal Negan would not like to go through ever again. Carl probably hated him now. Great.

“How long will this take?” he asked Carters.

“I want to leave it in full time until he gets up to at least one hundred pounds. So he isn’t at risk of dying,” Carters said.

“What? No! No fair!” Carl looked up at Negan with pleading eyes. “Please, please no, Negan.” He whimpered.

Negan looked at Carl, his eyes serious. “Carl, you might not care about your life, but I do. I don’t want you to die, kid.” He pet Carl’s hair back, tucking it behind his ear. “It’s staying in until the doc says it can come out. Do you understand me?”

Carl sniffled. “Fine!” he cried into the man's chest, clearly not happy about this new knowledge.

“I’m sorry, but this is for your own good,” Dr. Carter said sadly, walking over to the door before turning back pair. “No over-exercising, but don’t let them just sit around either,” he said before calling Spot out into the hallway with him. “I’ll give you guys some space to talk.”

Negan sighed as Carters left, readjusting so that he sat farther back on the exam table and could lean against the wall. He looked down at Carl in his lap. “Do you hate me?” he asked quietly.

Carl sniffled and looked up at Negan with a confused look, “What? What do you mean? Of course not!” he said with a gasp, looking at the man. “Why would I?”

Negan let out a wet laugh. Oh, thank god. He cupped Carl’s cheek in his head. “Why? Because I’m making you do all these things you don’t want to do.” Granted, it was all for Carl’s benefit, but the boy hadn’t seemed to care about that all day. Negan was so relieved that Carl didn’t harbor any ill feelings towards him because of it. “Thank you for cooperating… finally.” He gave a small smirk at Carl. 

“Oh, I’m ripping this shit out when we leave, but I want to go. I eat food. I’m okay. I’m not my mom,” he said with a huff, resting his face in Negan’s shoulder.

Negan growled deep in his throat. “Don’t you even fucking think about it,” he said, voice sharp but not loud. “If you do, I will just drag your ass back in here so fast you won’t have time to blink.” The fucking kid was really pushing his buttons today. “You do NOT fuckin’ eat enough, Carl. You are NOT fuckin’ ok. And what does your mom have to do with this?” Did she not eat either? Did she influence this in Carl?

Carl glared. “She had a problem, she didn’t eat. I had to force her to eat so Judith wouldn’t die.” He sniffled. “She didn’t look pregnant when I had to cut Judith out. It was so scary, I couldn’t tell where Judith was inside of her.” He sniffled. “That's the scariest thing I’ve ever done.” He looked up at him. “So, you don’t fucking scare me you old cunt.” He glared at him. “I know you won't hurt me, so I have nothing to fear from you. You can’t scare someone who has nothing to lose.”

“Kid, I might not scare you, but  _ you _ scare  _ me _ ,” Negan said, glaring back at him. “That fear you felt for your mom? That’s what I feel for you. The only difference is I have the money and resources to help you get better, and trust me, you don’t have to be conscious for them to pump food into your stomach.”

Negan bumped his forehead against Carl’s. “Nothing to lose, huh? Your sister? Daryl? Me? Do we all mean nothing to you?”

Carl sniffled and looked down. “She’d be better without me, Daryl wouldn’t feel obligated to care for me, and you wouldn’t have to waste your money,” He said casually. He really did believe what he said. “And I’m not that skinny. You can’t see my sternum. That's when it’s ‘too’ skinny.” He looked up at him. “And if you threaten to knock me out, I’ll kill you, me and Judith. Don’t fucking threaten that.”

“Carl, that’s bullshit. Complete bullshit,” Negan scoffed. Did Carl really have that low of self-worth? “And I  _ will _ threaten that because I want you to get better. I  _ need _ you to get better.” Negan took Carl’s face in both his hands and tilted his head up to look him in the eye. He took a deep breath. “Carl, I love you too much to let you die.”

Carl looked down, sniffling. “You really love me that much?” He blushed softly,  he didn’t know how to feel. He never felt this before. “My dad loved me...” he muttered and cuddled into Negan.

Negan squeezed Carl in his arms. “Kid, I wouldn’t be doing all this shit if I didn’t love you that much. I thought you could see that…” Negan nuzzled his nose into Carl’s hair.

“Yeah, your dad might have, but I don’t think he’s your dad anymore, Carl. And don’t you compare me to him. I’m not changing. I’m not going to stop loving you, no matter how frustrated you make me sometimes.” Negan chuckled, kissing Carl’s temple. “You got that?”

Carl sniffled, nodding softly as he cuddled into the man's lap. “Thank you, Negan,” he said sniffling. “You’re a good man.”

“So I’ve been told…” Negan mumbled into Carl’s hair. He held Carl for a couple minutes, just feeling the boy breath in his arms. This was nice. Eventually, he leaned back slightly. “How you feelin’, tubeface?” he asked playfully. “You up for the psych test or you wanna go home? I’m sure Carters will understand if we ask to reschedule it.”

“Home, please,” Carl said with a sigh. “Please,” he said again a little more serious. He just wanted this all to be over. He was just so done with this. “I want fun things, Negan. Maybe we could buy stuff? Do things?”

Negan didn’t know how much they’d be able to do out and about with Carl carting around his bag of mush, but he didn’t want to keep him trapped inside either. “How about a movie? Wanna go to a theatre?” he asked. Carl seemed to enjoy the last film they watched, maybe he’d also like something more modern.

Carl shrugged his shoulders and pressed his face into the man's chest. “Maybe.” He sniffled. “Or maybe we could go shopping?” he asked, he didn’t want to say to Negan that he wanted all the material possessions he offered right now, but he really did want them.

Negan chuckled. “Shopping? Shopping? You wanna go shopping?” He poked softly at Carl’s sides, attempting to tickle him, grinning down at the boy. “Is buying stuff all you think about?” he asked with a laugh.

Carl laughed and squirmed in the man's arms before sitting all the way up against the man's chest blushing. “No!” he squealed. “No, but I’m just excited.” He giggled.

Negan grinned, laughing and wrapping his arms around Carl’s waist, keeping him pressed against his chest. “I know you are,” he said, placing his forehead on Carl’s. “But what else do you think about, hmm?” Negan asked a smirk curling up the side of his face.

Carl blushed. “I think about spending time with Judith, going outside, and redoing that thing we did earlier today. Also getting drunk with Daryl.” He laughed it off blushing as he avoided Negan’s eyes.

“Oh? Is that so?” Negan said, trailing his nose down Carl’s. Oh, he loved making this boy blush. “Those are all  _ excellent  _ things to think about.” Negan let one of his hands trace up Carl’s spine slowly.

Carl sniffled and smiled softly. “Yeah,” he said, reaching up his hands and resting them on Negan’s shoulders. “So, can we go and do those things or what?

Negan almost groaned in frustration. He forgot how dense Carl was when it came to Negan hitting on him. “You don’t really understand flirting, do you?” Negan asked, leaning back and ignoring Carl’s question. 

“Flirting?” Carl cocked his head laughing. “That's when you say someone is pretty so they’ll do what you want.”

Negan snorted. “Nah, kid. That’s… bribery. Manipulation.” He reached up and tucked Carl’s hair behind his ear. “Flirting is… when you really like someone so you do little things to show it, or you say little jokes or phrases that insinuate that you want to be with them or kiss them or something like that,” Negan explained, trying to boil it down to simple terms. “Like, how I was just talking to you? That was flirting. Sometimes when I touch you,” Negan trailed his fingers down Carl’s jaw to his chin where he hooked a finger and pulled Carl closer. He bumped the tip of his nose on Carl’s. “That’s flirting.”

Carl blushed and smiled up at him.  “I like that a lot.” He kissed Negan’s cheek. “I need a bath.” He muttered cuddling trying to say he wanted the man to bathe with him. Or something. He didn’t know. He kinda didn’t want to see Negan’s penis, but maybe he did. Carl was just confused. He hated and loved how the man made him feel. He leaned down and rubbed on the man's outer leg. He really appreciated Negan. “I really like being with you.”

Negan smiled. “I like being with you too, Carl,” he said, loving the affection Carl was giving him. He wondered what he meant by the bath comment, besides the obvious, but let it go for now. “Just remember, you can tell me to stop if we ever move too fast. If you feel uncomfortable doing anything, you tell me and I’ll stop, ok?” Negan leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Carl’s cheek.

Carl giggled and smiled, nodding. “Okay. I promise to tell you.” He kissed his nose before getting to his feet. “Now lets fucking go already.”

“Alright, alright, Tube McGee. Calm down. We gotta check out with Carters,” Negan explained. He was kinda surprised the man hadn’t shown back up on his own yet. He’d left them alone for a while. Negan wondered how Daryl and Judith were doing. “I guess… you wanna walk around the mall after this? There are lots of stores there, and I’m fucking starving so we could hit up the food court ASAP.”

“Sure.” He smiled. “I’m hungry too.” He said cuddling up to the man, rubbing his shoulder against his chest smiling. “Let's go.” He started pulling at Negan’s hand to get him to the door.

_ Yeah, I bet you are _ , Negan thought. He laughed at Carl tugged on him. “Ok, ok,” he said, walking in front of Carl and opening the door for him. “After you.”

Carl smiled and scampered out like a good boy holding Negan’s hand. He’s never been this bubbly before. Usually, he’s so angry and aggressive. He definitely had some form of bipolar with his mood swings. Carters was on the phone with someone in the hall when they walked out.

Negan laughed quietly as he followed Carl out. He liked this version of him and hoped he’d stay this happy as time went on. Negan noticed Carters on the phone, his back to them, and held Carl back a second. “Hold on, babe,” he said quietly to Carl. “Psst, Carters!” he said a bit louder. Negan wanted to alert the doctor of their presence but didn’t want to interrupt his call.

Carters looked up with a small smile and waved his hand before closing his door. Carl huffed rolling his eyes. “Let's go.” He giggled and bouncing up and down. 

Negan frowned slightly. He had wanted to get a few clarifying answers before they left. He supposed he could just call later. “Ok, let’s find Daryl and your sister,” he said pointing towards the observation room, wondering if they were still in there. Had they watched Carl and him in the exam room? Negan kinda forgot about that. He was glad they hadn’t started making out. Daryl was in there with Judith, spoon feeding her food and holding a lollipop as praise.

Carters came out quickly after. “Hi, sorry. Sharron called me.” He smiled. “So, if you guys don’t have questions you’re free to go.”

Negan turned to Carters. “Yeah, I have a few,” he said, taking Carters arm and walking a couple feet away. “I just want to know what I should be doing with his eating? Should he still eat real food even with the nutrient drip? Also…” Negan rubbed at his neck. “Is it ok for him to have alcohol? Maybe a shot or two of whiskey?”

“Yes, as many foods like oats, quinoa, rice, chicken as you can get into him as well as dark veggies,” he said lowly so they wouldn’t hear. “And yes, but make sure he doesn't throw up because it’ll mess up the tube.”

Negan nodded. “Ok. When do you want us back for the psych exam? Would it be possible for Denise to give it and fax you his results?” Negan bit at his lip. He just wanted to make sure all his bases were covered. Wanted to know everything was in order and on its way to getting better. He needed reassurance that everything was going to be ok or he’d worry himself to death. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“I would not leave him alone.” Carters sighed. “And no. I want to do a full day exam here sometime this weekend,” he said seriously. “He has a lot more than just PTSD, Negan. I’m a bit worried you might not be able to keep up. If you can’t handle what's happening please call my personal number? Okay?”

Negan nodded, frowning. “Yes, of course. Hopefully, it won’t come to that… I’ll have Gina call to set up the appointment.” Negan looked back at Carl and Judith and sighed. He wanted to help, but he was only one man. He’d do what he could. “Thank you for everything,” he said to Carters, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

He nodded. “Anything for you Negan.” He started to walk away before quickly turning back. “Oh yeah, please refrain from having sex,” he said more quietly. “He may say yes but it's not a good idea.”

Negan sucked in a quick breath, his face heating up. How did…? “I-I… of course. I wasn’t planning on it… Not yet…” Negan mumbled. He stepped closer to the doctor. “Like… do you mean just full sex or even like… just getting him off? I’m just… he’s probably going to ask for it and I need to know.”

Carters smiled a bit at how flustered Negan got, as if in his eight years of this profession and his fifty-four years of life he couldn’t tell when people were fucking. “Judging by his reaction he couldn’t be giving oral sex, and I wouldn’t advise you have him touch you at all. He seems pretty naive so he may not put two and two together,” he said, meaning Carl might not think Negan touching him was more than just that. “I would be hesitant about it. If you get into a fight, if he is drunk, if he is upset, or more importantly, you are upset in any way, do not touch him in that manner.”

Negan shook his head. “I wouldn’t need that from him myself, it would be all me touching him,” Negan explained. “And of course, not while alcohol is involved.” He sighed. He’d probably need to have a bit of a sex talk with Carl. Not something he was looking forward too. “I’ll just… try to avoid it, if you think that’s best.”

Carters sighed. “Yes, I keep forgetting you’re mostly asexual.” He sighed and rubbed Negan’s arm. “No, avoiding is not best,” he said quickly. “He’s just had so many bad experiences with sex coming in forms of prostitution and rape that we need to avoid making any negative experiences with sex. Everything about this needs to be positive.”

Negan gave Carters a small smile and nodded. “Ok. Ok, I can do that.” Negan looked over at Carl again. “I just want him to be happy and healthy, you know? No kid should have to have gone through what he and his sister did.”

“I know Negan.” Carters said smiling. “You’re such a good man Negan, and you can talk to me about anything,” he said, not straight out saying he knew what Negan did the night before, but he knew since Dwight did call to tell him.

Negan sighed and smiled sadly at Carters. “We could schedule a psych exam over lunch sometime soon, hmm?” He chuckled. “My treat.” Negan would, of course, be paying for the work done on the kids today, but he felt the need to say thank you in another way. Even if that meant telling his friend about his little slip-up.

“Yes, Negan,” Carters said smiling. “Now go, spend time with the boy.” He pat Negan’s arm and started to walk away. “Have fun, okay?”

Carl came out to the hallway, cuddling and bouncing Judith, kissing her nose and nuzzling his face to hers, beginning to just walk to the elevator. Unlike Negan’s building, there was no ID chip needed so Carl was leaving them because he was impatient.

Negan rolled his eyes when he saw him and nodded to Carters, thanking him one more time, before yelling after Carl, “Hey! Hold your horses, kid! I’m coming!” He rolled his eyes at his impatience. Negan informed Daryl that they were leaving before following Carl, stopping him from getting on the elevator without everyone. “Geez, can’t I talk to someone for five minutes?” He rolled his eyes, smiling at Carl.

Carl blushed and smiled. “You can but we’ve been here all day, and I’m tired, and I want to go home,” he said holding Judith as she reached out to Negan wanting to be held by him.

Negan grinned and picked up Judith, kissing her temple. “Hey, darlin,” he said softly. He looked back to Carl. He liked how he referred to Negan’s place as ‘home’.

“Just wanna go home? Not up for the mall?” he asked. He didn’t blame him. Negan was tired too.

Carl nodded. “Can we eat in your room? Bring the cats in there while we eat?” he asked him pleadingly. He would honestly do what he wanted anyway but he wanted the man's permission. Judith smiled and cuddled into the crook of Negan’s shoulder and neck, resting her face there, breathing the cologne. She closed her eyes, calming down.

Negan rocked Judith gently, rubbing her back. God, he loved holding her. “Sure, sure. We’ll see what Dwight says the vet said, but I’m sure they’ll be fine to move.” Negan pressed the button for the elevator, looking over his shoulder for Daryl. “You wanna watch another movie while we eat? I could find a kids one for Judith.”

Carl nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he said. He slowly got jealous of Judith so he came over and hugged onto one of Negan’s arms wanting to be touching the man too. “I want to see dad first,” he said looking up at Negan. Daryl was close behind, quickly stepping into the elevator and watching the three.

Negan stepped into the elevator, pulling his arm away from Carl so he could press the elevator button. He draped it over Carl’s shoulders after. Biting his lip, he glanced to Daryl, before down to Carl. “Carl, I’d really rather you not,” he said, voice clear cut. “Not until you’re in a better state of health.”

Carl frowned. “What? Why not?” He sniffled. “You can be there the whole time I promise?” he said, cuddling up into the man’s side more as Daryl watched. He saw how the boy clung to him. He needed to have a talk with him.

Judith yawned a bit and started sucking on her small thumb, falling asleep as she breathed Negan’s cologne.

Negan sighed, rubbing his cheek against Judith’s curls. “I don’t feel comfortable with you talking to him, Carl. Please, just… you can either respect my wishes, get better, and then you can see him, or I can be a hard ass and ban you from him totally. Which would you prefer?” Negan could see Daryl watching, and he was still unsure of where he stood with the man, so Negan hovered his hand over Carl, but he didn’t push him away.

Carl looked up at him with a frown. “This is unfair. I just want to touch him.” He sniffled, looking at Negan’s hand, upset the man wasn’t touching him. “Negan...” He whimpered, pressing his forehead to the man's bicep before the doors opened and they were on a ground level.

“I gave you your choices. Choose,” he said, stepping away from Carl to exit the elevator, but holding his hand out for him to take. Negan wondered if he looked like a Grade A Dad, holding a small child and taking the hand of a teen.

Carl held onto his hand quickly. “Can I touch him if I pick the second option?” he asked, squeezing his hand. He didn’t want him to be upset but he needed his dad.

Negan shook his head, walking the group towards the door. “You can touch him if you don’t ask to see him again for four months,” Negan said, finalized. That would be enough time for Carl to gain some weight and gain some perspective. Negan also had a hope that maybe Carl would forget about his dad, but that would never happen. “Deal?”

“Three and you have a deal,” he said looking up at him. “I don’t want him awake though. When he is awake he ruins things.” He sniffled and looked up at Negan with a small frown. “And don’t leave me,” he said squeezing his hand tightly.

Negan nodded. “Alright, deal all around.” Negan thought it was kind of weird that Carl wanted to see his dad knocked out, but who was he to argue. It’d make it easier for him too. He squeezed Carl’s hand back and leaned down slightly. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you.” Straightening back up, they finally made it to the front doors of the hospital. Walking out, Negan spotted his driver already waiting for them at the curb. He waved at Negan and opened the doors for the group. “You want the front again?” Negan asked Carl, making his way towards the car.

Carl shrugged. “I just want to sit next to you.” He held his hand tightly, scampering over to the car. Daryl rested a hand on the boy's shoulder, silently telling him to cool down. Judith rustled a little, climbing higher in Negan’s arms.

“Alright, alright. Just get in the back. Judith will be between us, but that’s as ‘next to me’ as you can get,” he explained.

Looking to Daryl with thanks in his eyes he said, “Looks like you get shotgun.” He smiled. Daryl gave a short nod and climbed in the front, buckling himself up as he watched the kids through the mirror. 

Negan waited for Carl to get in before shifting Judith in his arms. “Alright, girlie. We gotta get you in your seat. Shh.” As gently as he could, he placed her in her seat and buckled her in, brushing her hair from her face. “There you go.” Once she was in, Negan clicked on his seat belt and closed the door.

Carl got in and climbed to the other side of the car, buckling himself up, quickly rolling down the window. Judith, as soon as she was taken from Negan’s arms, began screaming and crying. Today was a lot for her and she just needed to relax.

Negan quickly gave the signal to his driver to go. “Home,” he said before turning to Judith and shushing her. He had expected this, but he wasn’t going to hold her while they drove. “Judith, Judith, hey, it’s ok,” he cooed, wiping the tears from her little cheeks. He took one her tiny hands in his and bounced it. “Hey, darlin’, shh. We’re goin’ home now.”

She continued to scream and scream. She was just not having it today. She needed to be held. After three minutes of this seemingly unending screaming, Carl got fed up. “Judith! Judith, please shut up,” he begged. He reached over and began to unbuckle the bottom of the car seat.

Negan hit Carl’s hand away from the buckle. “Hey, no,” he told him, voice dead serious. “I don’t care how much she screams, she stays in the seat. It’s a safety thing.” Negan didn’t even know how to begin to explain to Carl all the things that could happen while driving that would result in the death of a toddler if they weren’t in a seat. Worst case scenarios were flying through Negan’s head. “We’ll be home soon, you can deal with it.”

Negan shushed Judith again, placing his large hand over her chest, trying to simulate the warmth she’d get from a hold. “Honey, it’s ok, just relax and go to sleep.” He was hoping the vibrations from the car would have helped lull her to sleep. He rocked her seat back and forth softly.

As soon as his hand was slapped Carl hit the man pretty hard on the knee. “Don’t fucking hit my hand like that,” he growled at the man to hide his frown before unbuckling the bottom belt again. “It’s hurting her,” he muttered, keeping his hands over the girl's crotch so Negan couldn’t re-buckle it. Between the buckle between her legs being undone and Negan’s hand she started calming down, her screams going down to choked sniffles.

Negan was shook. Between Carl hitting him back and him also being right about the buckle, Negan didn’t know how to respond. He was angry but also relieved but also embarrassed. He wiped Judith’s tears off her cheeks again, before glaring softly at Carl. “You should have explained first,” he grunted.

Looking back down at Judith, Negan ran his thumb back and forth over her chest. He rested his chin on the edge of her seat, gazing up at her. He hummed the soft lullaby he’d hummed to Carl earlier. After a moment, he looked back over at Carl. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

Carl looked a bit nervous when Negan’s eyes looked down at him. He was pretty upset he hit Negan but when he heard the man’s words and he sighed out with relief and a little smile.

“No, it’s okay,” he said reaching out the rub over the place he whacked on Negan’s leg, blushing. “I’m sorry I hit you. I didn’t know how to explain it,” he said. “I learned quickly if someone is grumpy its because it hurts between their legs.” He kissed the girls head sleepily. “I know I was a grumpy mess whenever that happened.”

Negan felt his heart shatter at Carl’s words. God, he was not equipped to deal with this. He placed the hand not on Judith over Carl’s hand on his knee and ran his thumb over his knuckles. “It’s ok. I jumped to conclusions and should have trusted you,” Negan said. 

Carl blushed a little looking up at him. “It’s okay you didn’t know.” He played with his knuckles. Judith had finally fell asleep again. 

Daryl looked back and quietly asked, “Can we please not talk about this?” He couldn’t stand to hear it.

Negan looked to Daryl, amazed that he talked without being prompted. The conversation must have really irked him. Negan nodded, sitting up straighter and letting his hand fall away from Judith now that she was passed out. He squeezed Carl’s hand in his.

Carl sighed. “Sorry...” he muttered pushing his hand harder into the palm of the other man. He liked the touch. There was a bit of silence before Carl asked, “So, what's first, going to see dad or getting wasted?”

Negan rolled his eyes. “We’re going to eat first because I’m starving,” he said. “I’ll send down orders for your dad to be tranqed when we’re done, and then we can go there, and then you guys,” he pointed towards Daryl and Carl. “Can drink, but I’m just watching. And you,” he pointed exclusively at Carl. “Are not allowed to get ‘wasted’. If you throw up, that tube in your nose will do more bad than good.”

“Wait, I can’t throw up?” he suddenly looked very unhappy. “I’m not hungry.” He huffed, upset he couldn’t do everything he wanted. “And fine not wasted, just drunk.” He played with Negan’s ring on his hand.

Negan stared at him, bewildered. “Did you…  _ want _ to throw up?” he asked, softly. He was peeved that they were back to the argument about Carl being hungry or not. Negan was seriously about to turn the car around and have Carters knock him out and shove food into him. “You know if you don’t eat and then you drink, you  _ will _ throw up. You need the food to help soak up the alcohol.”

Carl crossed his arms, watching the city go by as they drove, effectively ignoring Negan. He watched the people in the streets as they zoomed by. He remembered his mom who would always throw up after they ate. She said it was because dad liked her to be thin, but he never remembered his dad saying anything about it.

Negan sighed, leaning back into his seat and looking out his own window. He couldn’t believe after everything they’d been through that day, Carl was still refusing to eat. Negan thought he’d at least try, if only for him. Negan worried that Carl didn’t actually care about him, but just the idea of him. Even when he in effect begged Carl to do things, the boy would still do what he wanted. Was Negan being too soft? Was he letting Carl walk all over him? Negan let his head thunk against his window. He wished Lucille was here. She’d know what to do.

Carl sniffled looking at the window, some more. His hand still tightly gripping Negan’s hand. “Only chicken nuggets and sauce,” he said looking up at him with a sigh. His stomach was hurting just thinking about the food he was going to eat.

Negan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through his nose, not moving his head from the cool glass of the window. Well. At least it was something. And chicken was on the doctor’s list. Negan would, of course, include sides and encourage Carl to eat them, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t go over well. Negan squeezed Carl’s hand to let him know he heard him, but he didn’t look over at the boy. They were almost home and he’d deal with it more there.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Daryl have a talk, and lunch is had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was kind of intense yeah? Let’s calm it down a bit, shall we?
> 
> Enjoy!

The driver pulled up to Negan’s building and parked out front. “We’re here. Have a nice day everyone.” He smiled.

Carl smiled a bit and undid Judith all the way, taking her out of the car seat and pulling her on his lap before scooting to get out on Negan’s side.

“Thanks, Bill,” Negan nodded towards the driver, getting out and leading the group back inside the building. He went up to Gina at the front desk as she activated the turnstiles to let the others through.

“Hey, call Dr. Carters’ office and schedule a psych test for this weekend. Better block out most of the day for it,” he said to her.

Gina nodded. “Okie, boss. Will do!”

Negan smiled at her and followed the others to the elevator. He pulled his phone out as the doors opened and sent in a text order to the kitchens. He got chicken nuggets, rice, broccoli, spinach salad, roasted cherry tomatoes, and strawberries. He got it all sent to his room, pressing the button for it on the elevator when everyone was in. He then sent a text to Dwight, telling him they were back, and if he would please bring the kittens up to his room. After that sent, he finally put his phone away and looked at the group. Negan was just happy to be back in a familiar environment.

Carl yawned a bit, holding the sleepy baby girl in his arms. “She’s really pretty. She’s gonna be prettier when she grows up.” He pet her head smiling. “She doesn’t look like my mom, or even my dad.” He cuddled her. “She doesn’t look like him at all.” He sniffled, bouncing her. “Maybe she really is my dad’s too.”

Negan smiled at Carl’s words, studying the siblings. He was excited to see Judith grow as well. Though, he’d rather her not be Rick’s.

The elevator chimed as it reached Negan’s floor and the doors opened. Negan realized he never asked Daryl if he’d wanted to come with them here, but he figured he wouldn’t want to leave the kids. “Lunch is being served in my quarters today. Hope that’s ok with you?” he asked the other man, gesturing for everyone walk off the elevator. 

Daryl nodded a bit. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he said, holding Carl’s shoulder firmly so he couldn’t walk off with the man. He got up right behind the kids as they left the elevator.    
“Give Judith to him now and come to the bathroom with me,” he said lowly in the boys ear. The boy huffed, clearly unafraid of the man, but he obeyed.    
“Negan, here’s Judy. I need to go to the bathroom with Daryl.”

Negan took Judith, confusion on his face. Yeah, because that didn’t sound suspicious. “Uh, alright. Go down the hall, second door on the right,” he said, cocking his head towards the hallway. He figured Daryl needed to talk to Carl about something, and Carl was just being unsubtle as usual.

Negan took Judith to the couch, sitting her down in his lap and turning on the TV. “You wanna watch a cartoon, Judy?” he asked, bouncing her on his knee. He flipped through a couple options on the TV before choosing “The Little Mermaid”. He leaned back into the couch and relaxed as the movie started.

Judith watched in his lap, bouncing happily at the movie. She loved the colorful pictures. She clapped her hands smiling. “Yay!” she yelled.

Daryl grabbed the boy’s shoulder, forcing him down the hallway and into the bathroom. He shut the door, before pinning him against the wall a bit roughly. Carl yelped and looked up at Daryl.    
“Do not, I repeat, do not touch that man like that, Carl. You hear me?” he growled at him.    
“What?” Carl whimpered.    
“If you fuck him, we’re all dead. Stop kissing him and leading him on!”

...

Negan chuckled and wrapped his arms securely around Judith, kissing her head. He was glad she was enjoying the movie. A second later, the elevator chimed. Negan pressed a button on his phone, not wanting to get up, and watched as Dwight walked in, box of cats on a food cart, the under shelf holding an array of cat supplies. He waved Dwight over.

Dwight picked up the box and brought it over to the couch, setting it on the floor, before sitting next to Negan. He waved to Judith. “How was the doctors?”

Negan shrugged. “Oh, you know. The kids are both abused, and Carl got a tube shoved down his nose because he refuses to eat,” he said, petting Judith’s curls. “We’ve got to go back for a psych test this weekend.” He looked at the mewling box. “What did the vet say?”

“The cats are fine,” Dwight said, frowning slightly at the news from the doctor. It’s not surprising, but still. You hope it’s not as bad as it seems. “They need to stay with their mother until they’re weaned off her milk, but they’re all in good health.” Dwight pointed back at the cart. “I took the liberty and bought you some cat food and a litter box and some toys and such. The mom is actually litter box trained we found out, so that’s good.” Negan nodded and thanked Dwight. “Where, uh… where is Carl?” Dwight asked, looking around.

“Daryl is talking to him,” Negan said, pointing towards the bathroom. Dwight hummed, but Negan didn’t explain anymore. He settled back in the couch with Negan and tuned into the movie.

When the elevator chimed again, Dwight got up to answer it. Two carts of food were wheeled in, Negan having ordered extra of everything just to be safe. “Are you feeding a circus, boss?” Dwight laughed, wheeling the carts towards the living room side of the room. He set the food out on the coffee table along with a stack of plates and cups.

“Look…” Negan said sheepishly and Dwight chuckled. “Can you get me a plate of stuff for Judith? And hand me a chicken nugget. I am starving!” Dwight did so and Negan shoved the whole thing into his mouth. He then got a little of everything on a plate and handed that to Negan.

“Hey, Judy. You hungry?” he asked, setting the plate on the couch next him and picking up a piece of steamed broccoli. He blew on it, to make sure it wasn’t too hot, and held it up to her mouth. 

The girl happily babbled about nonsense as she opened her mouth, eating anything he gave her. She loved the broccoli and clapped her hands when she tasted it.    
“Yay, dada!” She giggled and hit on the mans older jacket, keeping her mouth open for more.    
…

“He is a grown man, Carl. He is way, way to old for you,” Daryl said shaking Carl a bit. Carl whimpered, trying to get a grip on the man so he wasn’t shaken around, but he couldn’t.    
“Daryl, stop!” Carl whisper-yelled trying to get him to stop moving.    
“No, you don’t fucking get it kid. He’s using you for your body. The more you do this shit, the more he’ll expect it and see it as payment for you and your sister.” He glared down as the boy, keeping him pinned to the wall by his shoulders. The boy was too weak to fight Daryl so he didn’t try.    
“B-But I like the feeling of him touching me.” Carl sniffled, his face red, looking down. “It feels good to be around him.”

“You’re just trying to replace Rick, Carl. Don’t you see that?!”

Carl’s lip began to quiver and tears pricked the back of his eye. He didn’t want them to fall but they did, sliding across his red cheek.    
“Why are you such a dick?” he asked Daryl who shook his head.    
“I'm not a dick. I'm protecting you and your sister,” Daryl said sighing. “Now wipe that shit off your face and come have nuggets with me, huh?” he said rubbing Carl’s back. The boy nodded softly and wiped his tears, pulling himself together before walking back with the man's arm around his shoulder. 

...

Negan stared at Judith as he held a spoon of rice up to her. He looked to Dwight who was smiling back at him. “Did… did she just call me dad?” Dwight nodded. Negan looked back at her, sniffling as a grin filled his face and tears threatened to spill. He kissed her head and chuckled. “Oh, darlin’. You probably have no idea what you’re saying but that means a lot to me.” 

“I’m happy for you, sir,” Dwight said, patting Negan’s shoulder. He watched Negan feed Judith for a moment before clearing his throat. “How are you feeling, by the way? After… last night.”

Negan’s smile fell slightly but didn’t disappear. “I’m ok. I’m just… tired. Also, I’m not touching alcohol for like a year,” he snorted. He rubbed Judith’s back, holding a glass of water to her lips. “I’m not going anywhere though. Don’t worry.” He looked at Dwight. “And thank you.”

Dwight nodded and smiled at Negan. He hoped these kids were good for him. The sound of the bathroom door creaking open and soft footsteps made Dwight look over. “I think they’re done talking,” he said quietly. Negan just nodded and kept offering Judith food in small bites. He didn’t want to stuff her, but wanted to make sure she got a little of everything. 

Judith smiled when Negan smiled back at her. She accepted the water gratefully, drinking it, trying to hold the glass on her own but only holding the side of the glass as he held up all the weight for it. She looked into his eyes as the cup was pulled away and some water dribbled on her chin.    
Carl came back into the room, Daryl's arms tightly wrapped around his shoulder. His cheeks were red, and his eye a little wet, but he didn’t look too wrecked. He smiled when he saw Judith in Negan’s lap.    
“Are you being good, Judith?” he asked and ruffled her hair before finding his way to the end seat of the couch.    
“Goo Bubba.” She nodded, smiling. 

“She’s being a little angel,” Negan cooed, wiping away the water on her chin. “Yes, you are!” He nuzzled his nose into her hair and blew a raspberry against her cheek, chuckling. He leaned back and gestured to the food on the table. “Please, eat,” he said to both Carl and Daryl. 

He studied the two as he popped the leaves off a strawberry and held it out for Judith to bite. Daryl’s body language was protective and Carl looked like he’d been crying. What had they talked about, he wondered. 

Carl nodded with a small smile. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll eat.” He rolled his eyes and took a small plate with a handful of strawberries and some chicken nuggets. He looked over at the two, smiling a bit. He hated that he wanted that. He knew he was almost an adult but he wanted to be a kid again so badly.    
Judith cuddled into the man's neck and hugged his chest, watching the movie. She started to squirm when Ursula came out, scared of the dark squid lady.

Negan was glad to see Carl grab more than just chicken. He decided he wasn’t going to harp on the boy anymore about eating. He’d provide him with food and let him choose if he wanted to eat it or not. Negan was tired of trying to juggle between being Carl’s father and lover. He didn’t really know where he stood with the boy, or where he really wanted to. For now though, he was content. Both kids were eating, and everyone was safe.

Negan shushed Judith and rubbed her back. “It’s alright to look away if you need too. No shame in being afraid,” he murmured down to her. “I’ll tell you when she’s gone.”

Dwight stood up from the couch. “Sir, I’m going to take my leave.”

Negan nodded. “Alright, thank you again. Oh! If you visit Arat, will you tell her I’m sorry for not seeing her yet. I’ve been so busy…”

“I already told her, sir,” Dwight said with a smile. “She understands.” Dwight waved to the others in the room before making his way to the elevator. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl sees his father and then visits the kitchens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for reading as always!
> 
> In this chapter I'm Negan, Naomi, and Choquette. Matt is Carl and Daryl.
> 
> How do you guys feel about the OCs? I'm just curious! I know Gina already has a fan, which I'm very happy about. We each have a handful of OCs that run around through the story and I'm so excited for you guys to meet them all.
> 
> As always, enjoy~

A little while later they all were full and happily watching another princess movie while Judith droned in and out of sleep. Carl was on his knees, playing with the kittens smiling softly, petting their soft warm little tummies with his finger, he loved the feeling of their fur.

Negan’s phone vibrated softly. “ _ I just sedated Rick, sir _ ,” Denise texted Negan. “ _ You have a couple hours until he begins to wake up. _ ” Negan checked his phone silently before slipping it back into his pocket. He looked over to Carl playing with the kittens and sighed softly into Judith’s curls. Negan didn’t really want to see that man again, but he  _ had _ promised Carl.

Clearing his throat softly to get Carl’s attention, Negan said, “Hey, your dad is knocked out. Let’s go before he wakes.” He sat up slowly, holding Judith to him so as not to jostle her. He looked to Daryl. “Daryl, take Judith. You guys can stay here. There’s a guest bedroom at the end of the hall on the left if you want to put her in an actual bed. Otherwise, there are blankets under the table here, and here’s the remote, watch whatever…” Negan was fussing over things in an attempt to prolong the inevitable. He peeled Judith off of him, placing a kiss to her temple, before holding her out to Daryl.

Daryl got up, strolled over to the man, took the little girl from his arms and walked back to the couch, humming to her to get her to calm down as he sat back down. He sighed grabbing the remote. No one knew this but Daryl had already been two shots in of that whiskey before they went to the doctors and it was starting to wear off. 

Carl smiled softly and got to his feet, he was happy to finally get to see his dad. He began to walk to the door waiting for Negan to follow along. He didn’t speak until they were in the elevator.  “So, will you be there with me or do I get to be alone with him?”

“I’ll wait outside the cell, thank you,” Negan answered as they descended. He really hated going from the top floor to the bottom. It made his stomach drop weirdly. “But I’m going to be right there, and so is whoever’s on guard duty.” Negan didn’t really know what Carl had in mind, but if anything got funny, they’d put a stop to it quick. “I’m giving you ten minutes, alright?”

“An hour.” Carl glared at Negan, crossing his arms with a frown. He felt his stomach flip and knot as they descended now, not for the same reasons though. He was nervous about feeling Rick again.

The doors opened at the basement level and Negan led the way down the dim walkway to the cells. Carl stepped out of the elevator when they got down. His heart began racing a little when he got down to the cells. His hands were clammy and he felt scared but calm at the same time.

Negan sputtered. What the heck did Carl want to do with his unconscious dad for an hour? “No, you’re not getting an hour,” he said, stopping in his tracks right before the cell entryway. He turned to Carl. “Twenty minutes.” Negan crossed his arms over his chest.

“Thirty and you shut the cell door,” Carl growled, mimicking the man's movements, getting into a defensive stance. “You’re already punishing me for seeing him so at least let me have my time,” he said sniffling. “Please?” He looked like he was going to cry again.

Negan pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “God…” He dropped his hands in frustration. “The door stays open. 45 minutes. That’s it. Do  _ not  _ negotiate further or I’m not opening the door at all.” Negan was putting his foot down. He wasn’t going to let tears and a big blue eye control him… not on this topic anyway.

Carl smiled and hugged Negan’s waist quickly, squeezing him tightly. “Thank you, Negan.” He smiled a little as he cuddled into his chest like a stray cat for a few moments before letting go and running to his father's cell.

Negan sighed and followed Carl. Naomi sat in the chair by the cell again. They perked up as Carl ran towards them, followed by Negan. “Sir!” They stood up quickly. “He’s ready to be seen. Denise sedated him a bit ago.” Negan nodded, expressionless, and he came to stand by the large handle on the door.

There was a screen embedded into the metal above it. Technically, you needed two people to open the door, one of which had to be Negan, but there were certain override codes that were embedded in certain people’s ID chips, like Denise. You still needed two people, and even Negan could not open the door by himself unless the cell was empty.

He gestured for Naomi to go first, and they held their wrist up to the screen until it beeped happily. Negan then stepped up to it, tilting his head away from the screen and baring his neck towards it. It beeped again and a loud  _ clunk _ sounded as the lock dropped. Negan turned the handle and muscled the heavy door open.

Carl watched the two closely. ‘ _ So, there’s a chip in Negan’s  _ neck _ but in Naomi’s  _ wrist _ , _ ’ he thought to himself.

Soon the door opened and he saw Rick, unchained, unconscious on the floor of the cell. Carl quickly rushed in and fell to his knees, quickly getting Rick’s head to rest on his soft but skinny thighs. He pet Rick’s head as he stirred just a bit. He looked down at the man's face, smiling fondly as he stroked the man's hair out of his calm face.

Negan grimaced at the scene and turned around. “Watch him,” he said to Naomi.

“Yes, sir,” they replied. Negan went down a cell and picked up the fold-out chair that sat in front of it, bringing it back to Rick’s cell. He set it up on the other side of the cell door than Naomi’s. They could see Carl and Rick in the cell from their spot, but Negan could not.

“Your time starts now,” he called out, starting a timer on his phone before leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes.

Carl glared out the door at the person watching him. He felt like he was an animal in a cage. Throughout the time Carl just hummed to Rick and cuddled into his side, hugged his waist. He rested his head on his chest and kissed his dad’s cheek, clinging to him in desperation.

Negan dozed on and off, occasionally whispering to Naomi about what Carl was doing. Their answer was always the same. “Just hugging him, sir.” Negan would hum and nod and go back to looking at the timer on his phone or staring at the ceiling.

Naomi felt awkward watching the kid so intently, and actually ended up messing around their phone most of the time, just glancing up every now and then. Negan didn’t seem to mind.

When the timer finally went off, Negan let it play for a moment so that Carl could hear it before standing up and shutting it off. “Alright, time’s up,” he called out. “Say goodbye.”

Carl held Rick closer to him when he heard the alarm go off. He clung to the man's torso, in tears. He didn’t want to leave him. He loved the man and hated the thought of not seeing him for another three months. He didn’t know why Negan didn’t want him to see his Dad. Did he think he was being a double spy for his dad or something?

“No,” he said quickly and firmly, his arms snaking around Rick’s body, his legs curled around one of Rick’s. He was going to miss him too much.

Negan stepped within Carl’s eyesight, arms crossed over his chest. “Carl,” he said firmly but not angry. “We had a deal. You better honor that. Don’t make me regret trusting you on this.” Negan knew Carl wasn’t going to leave happy, so he gave him a little slack, but trust and deals were two-way streets. If Carl didn’t learn that, Negan was going to have a tough time trusting anything the other said.

Carl hugged onto the man's waist, whispering, “I love you, daddy,” into his ear before slowly unraveling himself from the man. He sat up a little, resting on his hands for support.

“Please, don’t make me leave him. Please. Can I please stay down here? I miss him.” His throat began closing up as he looked down at Rick. “I love him, Negan.” Tears began to fall as he looked at his dad

Negan looked away from Carl, gaze going to the ground by his feet. He shook his head. “I know you do, but no, you can not stay here.” God, this man really had Carl wrapped around his finger. Negan hoped that three months away was enough to help Carl loosen some of that hold. If he could get Carl away from him now that is. “He’s not going anywhere, Carl. Come on.”

Carl sniffled and kissed Rick’s head one more time before getting up and going over to Negan, crossing his arms in a more of a self-comforting way rather than defensive. “Okay, Negan...” He looked back at him.

Negan placed his hand on Carl’s head softly. “Thank you,” he said softly, giving him a small smile. He knew this was hard for Carl, but it’d be for the best. Negan moved to grab the handle on the door again, pushing it shut, the lock  _ clunk _ ing as soon as the door was closed. He nodded to Naomi and they nodded back. He turned to Carl. “Alright, come on then.” Negan held his hand out to Carl to take.

Carl sniffled a bit and reached out to take the man's hand smiling. “Okay, can we have some corn? I like corn.” He told the man as they walked to the elevator. “And when can we start drinking?”

“Sure,” Negan nodded, squeezing Carl’s hand. “We can stop by the kitchens on the way up and grab some, huh? You haven’t been there yet, have you?” Negan asked as they walked. He hummed at Carl’s question. “Think you could eat some corn and half a grilled cheese sandwich? I’d really like you to have some bread in you before you drink.” They reached the elevators and Negan led the way in, pressing the button for the kitchen floor.

Carl nodded. “Yeah, I like grilled cheese too.” He smiled softly, looking up at him, swaying their hands together.

Negan smiled. “Good, good,” he said, glad that Carl was being receptive to his food suggestions.

…

Meanwhile, Daryl was pouring himself a glass of brandy. He needed to get a head start on the kid before they started drinking. He needed it today.

…

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Unlike the usual hallway that it opened up to on many of the other floors, this time it opened to a small cafeteria. There were four long tables with attached benches spread through the middle of the room, and a buffet in the back corner. There were a few people sitting around eating and chatting. If they looked over to see Negan, they immediately straightened up and nodded at him. He nodded back.

Carl smiled softly and held Negan’s arm close to him. It seemed romantic but also childish in nature. He looked around at everyone. He was happy to see all these people happy.

“Ok, this way,” Negan said, tugging on Carl’s hand lightly as he led the way to a pair of double doors in the back. “Stay close. The kitchen can be a busy place.” He pushed on one of the doors and it swung open to reveal the biggest mess of organized chaos: a professional kitchen.

“Negan?” A woman with a French accent called out over the sound of pans banging and food simmering. Negan waved as she came over. Tall, slender, and ebony skinned, this woman was beautiful and she oozed authority.

“Hey, chef,” Negan greeted her.

“What are you doing here? Was something not to your liking?” She looked all at once worried and angry and shamed. Negan quickly shook his head.

“No, no! Everything was perfect as always. I was just wanting to show Carl here the kitchens and get him some corn and a grilled cheese,” Negan said, gesturing to Carl. The chef relaxed, looking down at the boy. She grinned.

“Are you the one eating all my chicken nuggets?” she said, leaning down to be at Carl’s eye level.

Carl looked up at the woman. “Oh, yeah. That- that's definitely me.” He laughed a little awkwardly. He didn’t know if it was her looks or the way she held herself but Carl had a huge crush immediately.

The chef laughed. “Well, I am very happy that you like them, young sir! Oh! Where are my manners? Bonjour, my name is Choquette but you may call me Chef if you’d like,” she said, before holding out her hand to Carl, wiggling her fingers indicating that she wanted him to take it. “Will you come with me? You can watch as I make you a grilled cheese.” She smiled at him.

Negan smiled at Carl and nudged him towards her. “Go ahead. I’m going to get me some cake!” Negan wooped and Choquette rolled her eyes at him.

Carl held Negan’s arm, a bit overstimulated by the kitchen. People were buzzing around mixing, stirring, running back in forth making all the orders. The sizzling meats, boiling water and fans going was all Carl could hear at the moment. Everyone sounded far away. He felt weird.

He snapped out of it when he was nudged, shaking his head. ‘ _ Must have been disassociating again _ ,’ he thought to himself before looking up at Negan, smiling. “What?” he asked.

Negan cocked his head at Carl. “Chef asked you if you wanted to go with her to watch her make your grilled cheese,” he said, making his voice clear over the noise in the room. “You wanna go with her?”

Choquette’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, a little concerned about the kid spacing out for a moment there. Her hand was still outstretched towards him and she wiggled her fingers at him again. “You do not have to, young sir, if you do not wish to.”

“Oh, sorry. I just- I guess I’m a little tired.” Carl laughed and reached out his hand to meet hers. Even though his hands were small compared to Negan’s, while his hand was in hers he finally did look like a teenage boy and not a child.

Her hand was soft and smooth aside from a few bumps from being in the kitchen all day. Her hands were also a lot warmer than his. He looked back at Negan with a small smile before stepping up to follow her.

“Ah! Magnifique!” She smiled at Carl before turning and leading him away.

Negan waved at Carl as he left before making a beeline to where the desserts were being decorated. He flashed a smile at the people who were icing cakes, piping filling into tart shells, scooping balls of cookie dough, and making a variety of other desserts. Most of them stood up straighter as he came by, but a few of the girls giggled as he winked at them and popped one of the sweets they were working on into his mouth.

Choquette led Carl down the center of the kitchen before turning to a stove right on the end. She grabbed down a skillet from an overhead area where multiple pans were hanging. Carl flinched when the cast iron pan was not-so-gently placed on the gas light stove. Choquette called for one of the other cooks next to her to bring her butter, bread, and cheese, which they jumped on quickly and were back within five minutes. Choquette plopped some butter down on the skillet and turned on the stove. “Have you ever made a grilled cheese, young sir? It is, how you say, easy as pie!” she chuckled, looking over at Carl as she started spreading butter on the bread slices.

Carl watched the fire light underneath the pan and the butter sizzle as it was thrown in. He shook his head. “No, I’ve never cooked anything before.” He giggled a little smiling up at her.

He thought of grilled cheese smiling, his mouth watering. His mom, before she stopped really parenting and before she was sick, would make him grilled cheese while he watched Martha Speaks and Cauli. He liked those shows. He really wanted to show Judith those shows. Well, now he could. He realized he wasn’t paying attention again,  _ shit _ .

Choquette scoffed at his statement. “Never cooked? Well, just watch and learn, yes?” She noticed Carl was kind of spacing out, but she didn’t slow as she placed a slice of bread into the melted, sizzling butter, and then began layering slices of cheese on top of it. Cheddar, swiss, cheddar, swiss, cheddar. She topped the sandwich with the other slice of bread, buttered on both sides, and grabbed a flat spatula, pressing down on the sandwich, making it sizzle more in the pan.

She waited a moment, watching the cheese begin to melt, before she slipped the spatula under the sandwich and flipped it. The side that was just down on the pan was a perfect shade of brown. “Almost done now,” she told Carl.

Carl watched the food as it was flipped. He was smiling excitedly. It smelled fantastic. “It looks great!” He smiled up at her.

Choquette smiled at him, her white teeth standing out from her dark lips. “Ah, merci! Wait until you taste it!” She winked at him and flipped the sandwich again, checking the other side. It was perfectly toasty and the cheese perfectly melty.

Grabbing a plate from the shelf behind her, Choquette turned the stove off and transferred the grilled cheese from the skillet to the plate. She grabbed a knife and cut it into fourths, the cheese oozing from between the cuts. She grabbed a pickle spear from a bucket of them on the shelf and placed it next to the sandwich, along with a sprig of parsley that she placed on top for decoration. Carl smiled watching her move around while she cooked was almost like a dance. “Cuit! Done!” She turned and handed Carl the plate. “Tell me how you like it, yes?”

He nodded and took the plate from her. Shifting it to his left hand, he picked up a piece with his other and blew on it to cool it down slightly before taking a bite. He made a slightly shocked face. He had never had these flavors of cheese before. He then chewed a bit more before swallowing. He finished cleaning his mouth out before answering. “That’s really good. I’ve never had a grilled cheese taste like that before!” He smiled up at her. “You’re amazing.”

Choquette giggled and waved her hand dismissively in the air. “Oh, merci, merci, young sir! I am so happy that you like it! It is nothing, really,” she said, smiling at him. She let her eyes quickly roam the boy’s skinny body, not breaking her smile at all. “You call me whenever you want to eat, yes? The kitchen number is ‘01’ on any of the phones in the building.” She leaned down to be eye level with him and booped his nose. “I can make anything.” She winked at him.

“Thank you. You really are too amazing!” He smiled and looked around, trying to find Negan. He finally spotted him and waved to get his attention. He had yet to pick up another piece of the sandwich. He wanted the man to watch him eat so he’d stop giving him shit.

Choquette giggled again before looking over as Negan approached. He held a plate with a slice of half-eaten chocolate cake on it. She raised his eyebrow at him. “I see you found what you were looking for.”

“Oh, you betcha!” Negan grinned, chocolate cake in his teeth. Choquette rolled her eyes.

“Your sweet tooth holds no bounds, sir,” she said, a smile on her face. She placed a hand softly on Carl’s head. “Je peux voir pourquoi tu serais attiré par ce gentil garçon.” Negan raised an eyebrow at her, not understanding, but not asking. He’d call her later. She winked at him.

Negan looked down at Carl. “Well, how’s your grilled cheese?” he asked.

Carl looked up at Negan as he slowly wedged his way into the man's side, wanting to be close to him. He needed his hands on him even if it wasn’t sexual, just craving the man’s contact more then his body craved the food.

Negan had to move his plate of cake up out of the way as Carl got next to him. He was getting used to the clinginess, but this was a bit ridiculous.

“I already told her that it is really, really good. Try some.” He picked up one of the three-quarters left, and put it to Negan’s lips, trying to get him to eat some too.

Negan laughed when he suddenly had a bit of sandwich shoved in his face. “Alright, alright!” Negan took a bite, eating about half of the piece, avoiding Carl’s fingers. He leaned back and chewed. “Mmm, delicious as always! Did you use that garlic butter?”

“Oui,” Choquette nodded. “As always.”

Negan swallowed and then scooped up a forkful of his cake, holding it in front of Carl. “You like sweets, right? Try this!” he said, grinning.

Carl blushed a little bit and ate the fork full of cake anyway. This was not apart of the deal. The deal was corn and half of a grilled cheese. Once he got over that fact, his face lit up, tasting the cake. It tasted so amazing. 

“That’s super good too.” He smiled at Negan and then Choquette. “You’re an amazing chef.” He giggled a little.

Choquette waved her hands dismissively in the air, but a big smile was on her face. “Please, please, you two are too much!”

Negan smiled at Carl, glad he seemed to be having fun and making new friends. He took a bite of his own cake, loving the chocolate. “Well, we can get out of your hair if you want. We do have some plans of our own,” Negan explained, glancing at Carl.

“Oh, didn’t you mention corn earlier? Excusez-moi.” Choquette turned and disappeared for a moment, coming back with a small bowl of hot corn with a spoon sticking out of it. “Here you are.” She handed it to Carl.

Carl took the bowl from the woman, “Thanks.”

“Thank you,” Negan said, nodding to her. “You all ready to go then?” he asked Carl, eating the last bit of his cake and setting the plate down on the table next to him.

Choquette rolled her eyes.  _ He couldn’t even walk the two feet to put it in the sink, could he? Men. _

Carl nodded up at Negan, “Yeah, let's go. I’m pretty excited,” he said turning a bit to show he was ready to leave. “It was nice to meet you,” he said to Choquette before turning his back fully, taking a few steps knowing Negan would follow.

Choquette waved to the two as they left, sighing once they got out of the door. Oh, what had Negan wrapped himself up in now?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl tries alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys~ Hope you're doing alright!
> 
> This chapter includes some underage drinking and the consequences thereof just fyi~
> 
> Enjoy!

Negan followed Carl back to the elevator and pressed the button for his room floor. He looked at Carl holding the bowl and the plate. He held a hand out. “You want me to hold something for you?” He hummed. Negan had a sudden bad feeling as they ascended, and he wondered if it had been a good idea to let Daryl stay in his room alone with his bar on full display.

“No, I’m good. I can do it myself.”

“Alright.”

Carl looked up at Negan, resting his head on the man's shoulder with a soft sigh.

…

Daryl was humming happily to Judith, pretty drunk already, four shots in now. He had Judith in his lap, bouncing her gently. When the doors opened, Daryl stopped humming, still bouncing the little girl on his knee happily. She looked pretty tired but happy to be bounced around and played with.

“Hello, hello,” Negan said, stepping out of the elevator with Carl. He led the way to the living room area and waved at Judith. He noticed the bottle of brandy on the coffee table already opened and the shot glass next to it wet. His hunch had been right.

“Carl, why don’t you eat and let me put Judith to bed?” he said, pulling away from Carl and reaching out towards Judith. He didn’t take her from Daryl, wanting to let the man have the option to give her to him. “You can drink when I get back, ok?”

Daryl didn’t let go right away due to the alcohol slowing his response time but he soon let go of the girl's waist, letting Negan take her.

Carl smiled at Judith who smiled, happy to see him back. “Yes, go to sleep Judy.” He giggled a little before going over to them once she was in Negan’s arms, kissing her on the cheek.

Negan cradled Judith in his arms and made his way back to his own personal bedroom, toeing the door open. “Ready to go sleep, Judith?” he said softly, brushing a soft kiss against her forehead.

She whimpered, shaking her head no. “No, not sleepy,” she whined although as Negan walked with her in his arms her eyes started closing.

He smiled as he laid her gently against the pillows in the center of his large bed, confident that she wouldn’t be able to roll off the edge at all, and pulled the blanket over her to her waist. He took her hand in his and ran his thumb over it softly. 

“I’m not tired...” she whined louder as he rubbed her little hand. She started to close her eyes. “I want bubba...” She sniffled tiredly, rolling over to her side to face Negan.

Negan shushed her, climbing up on his bed to lay next to her. He pet her hair with the hand not holding hers. “Your brother is right outside. You’re both safe,” he whispered to her.

He started humming the gentle lullaby he’d hummed earlier, but this time he actually sang the words softly. “Go to sleep, you little babe. Go to sleep, you little babe. Your momma's gone away, and your daddy's gone to stay. Didn't leave nobody but the babe…”

She quickly fell asleep, her small fingers gripped around Negan’s. She was worn out from the day and needed her rest. The bed smelt like Negan so it was even easier to just melt into the warm darkness of nap time.

Negan smiled as he finished his song and noticed Judith was sleeping soundly. He slipped his hand from her’s gently and placed one last kiss to her head. He sighed as he studied her. He’d never seen something so precious and it made his heart squeeze. He had the flickering of the thought that Lucille would love to be here to sleep by Judith’s side, but he shook it away. No time for that now. He made his way back to the living room, leaving his door cracked just in case.

…

“You already started? No fair.” Carl laughed a little, plopping down on the couch next to Daryl with a bright smile on his face. 

“Well, kid, I got ‘undred pounds on you. I can take a hell of a lot more.” He laughed with a small grin on his face as he started to loosen up.

Negan arrived back in the living room and took the armchair that was next to the couch, not wanting to intrude on Daryl’s space on the couch. “So, what’s on the menu?”

Daryl smiled a bit. “Whatever you two want? I’m already a few brandy’s in but I think the kid might die with this shit. Good stuff you got here.” he said, using his head to gesture over to the bar.

“Die?” Carl said, confused. Why the hell would he die from what Daryl was drinking?

“Not literally kid. Shit’s just too strong for a kid like you right now,” Daryl said, reaching his hand out and patting the kid on the back as a kind gesture.

Negan nodded, agreeing. “Thank you. I own that company,” Negan said with a slight laugh and pointing at the brandy bottle. He got up and moved to the bar, looking over the selection. “Let’s see…” He tapped his chin as his eyes roamed the bottles. What could he give Carl that wouldn’t cause him to vomit from the taste alone but would get him tipsy?

“How about a rum and coke or a gin and tonic? Something cut with soda just so it’ll taste good for ya,” he asked over his shoulder as he was still searching through the bottles.

“He likes oranges. Maybe some gin and Fanta. Get a few of those in him and the kid will be fucked.” Daryl smiled and rubbed the boys back, he could tell the boy was a bit nervous about his first drink.

“Whatever will get me drunk?” Carl laughed. “Does alcohol not taste good or something?” he asked confused. If it didn’t taste good, why were people so eager to drink all the time?

Negan snorted a laugh. “C’mere, kid,” he said, pulling out a shot glass from under the bar. He grabbed a bottle of scotch and poured the  _ tiniest  _ amount into the glass. “Just smell this and then drink it.” He pushed the glass towards the front of the bar before getting out a bottle of gin and opening his mini fridge to find a can of orange soda. He placed a small drinking glass on the bar and added some ice cubes before pouring the gin and the soda in at the same time, making sure it was fifty-fifty. He pushed that towards the front of the bar too.

Carl quickly popped up and came over to the man, trotting over and taking a seat at the bar. He sat down and grabbed the first glass and smelt the scotch. It smelt funny, weird, he never smelt this- wait... yes he did. Shane liked this. He’d sometimes smell like this if he was staying over at his house with his mom. He drank it and made a face, coughing. It tasted so fucking nasty, like burning water or something. What was this flavor!?

“Why?!” He looked at it confused before glaring at Negan. “Why did you do this to me?! Why does this taste so bad?!” He gawked before grabbing the other one and smelling it, basking in the fresh clean smell of orange soda.

Negan barked out a loud laugh. “Kid,  _ I _ didn’t do anything. Pretty much  _ all _ alcohol tastes like that, or some form of that.” He shook his head, wiping away laugh tears. “It doesn’t taste good. That’s why most people mix it with other stuff,” he explained, pointing to the can of orange soda. He leaned down on the bar, putting his chin in his hands. “You still wanna get drunk?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Carl frowned at the news that all alcohol tasted like trash. “That’s dumb. People need to make stuff that tastes good.” He smelt the drink again with a bit of a smile. He loved orange a lot.

“Yes, I still wanna get drunk. Just wanna do it on stuff that tastes good,” he said and downed the next drink in two and a half gulps thinking it’d be bad. The taste was refreshing since it washed away the other but still tasted like cleaning products and orange soda. He coughed a little before burping.

“It hurts, don’t it kid?” Daryl started to laugh a little as Carl nodded at his words.

Negan grinned and chuckled. “Sorry, but you’re gonna get that taste no matter what,” he said. He waved the bottle of gin. “You want another one of those, or you want me to make something else?” He looked around again. “I can make Sangria, that’s red wine and fruit juice with some brandy. I mean I have all kinds of fruit juice, peach schnapps. I don’t know,” Negan mumbled. He didn’t want to get Carl wasted, but he wanted him to enjoy himself and actually like what he was drinking. Negan looked to Daryl. “What do you think?”

Daryl started laughing. “Fuck, no peach fucking schnapps. That shit is horrible. The kid’ll puke,” he said seriously. While the two were talking he finished off his glass of brandy.

“I wanna drink this one. It isn’t so bad.” Carl said looking at the glass before handing it back over to the man to fill up again. “Pleaseeeee.”

“Alright, alright,” Negan poured another gin and orange soda for Carl. “Don’t just down it. Try and savor it.” Negan turned and grabbed a coke from the fridge, popping it open and taking a drink of it. He turned to lean back on the bar. “Did you eat your food, kid?” he asked, wary about how much to let him drink if he hadn’t.

Carl ignored the man's advice and downed it anyway. “I ate half a grilled cheese. I’ll eat the other half if I get two more drinks,” he tried bargaining as he giggled.

Daryl laughed a little. “Yeah, let's do it. Let's get the kid wasted.” Daryl got up and off the couch, stumbling over to the two.

Negan frowned at Daryl, watching him wobble on to a bar stool. “Oh, come on. You were supposed to be the other voice of reason here,” he said, half joking. “He’s not getting  _ wasted _ ,” he said to Daryl.

“And fine, but let me make you one with orange juice instead of soda, see if you like that,” he said to Carl, already getting the juice out. He took Carl’s glass and refilled it, sliding it over to him, but not letting go. Carl grabbed his corn and grilled cheese off the coffee table bringing it to the bar and eating another fourth as Daryl’s arm wrapped around his shoulder to hold him in place. Daryl rolled his eyes. “I’m fun too,” he said and fake bit Carl before laughing. He was pretty wasted. 

Negan looked Carl in his eye. “Do NOT down this,” he growled.

Carl nodded at Negan’s words before the drink came. Once it did, and Negan growled at him, he giggled, smiling. “Yes, sir,” he said in a more sexy manner.

Negan rolled his eyes at Daryl and at Carl’s tone. He was just happy Carl was eating. He filled a tall glass with water and set it in front of Daryl along with a bowl of peanuts and sugar cubes. “You’ll thank me later if you drink this now,” he said pointing to the glass.

Negan picked up the shot glass he’d used to let Carl try the scotch and began cleaning it out with a rag. The whole scene was very picturesque. He looked to Carl. “How do you like that one with the juice instead of soda?”

Carl sipped at it, trying to savor it as Negan told him too. “I like it a little more I think,” he confessed. “Less bubbles to hurt my nose,” he explained, his legs swinging a bit since they couldn’t reach the ground while on the stool. 

Negan nodded. “Yeah, the juice is sweeter and should cut through the alcohol taste better too,” he said. He wondered how it felt having the tube in his nose and the fizz going up it. Perhaps he should have considered that beforehand.

Daryl muttered out something like a thank you and drank half the water in one go. “Carl we’re- we’re gonna have fun ya know?” he said nudging at the boy's side.

Negan looked to Daryl, glad that he was drinking the water. Negan filled a water glass for Carl too. He was kinda having fun playing the bartender!

“Oh,” Carl said to Daryl. “How so?” Had the man meant fun in getting drunk or something else?

“We’re gonna, like, go camping and like, we’re gonna get you out there,” Daryl said, slapping Carl’s arm again as the boy finished off his drink.

“One more!” Carl smiled and gave Negan his glass back as he ate the last of his grilled cheese. “Please!” He was getting tipsy.

Negan snorted at Daryl. The man had definitely loosened up with the help of the alcohol. Negan liked hearing his rough voice. The idea of taking Carl camping was a fun one as well. Negan too wanted to get Carl out into the world, though he was thinking more of the city, of society. Sticking him into the woods might be counterproductive.

He looked back to Carl as the younger handed him the empty glass. He took it and started filling it again. “This is your last one. I’ll give it to you when you drink some water first,” he said, nodding towards the water glass.

The boy groaned at Negan’s request but began to drink the water anyway. Daryl was humming to himself, and before they knew it, was twenty minutes later and Carl had drank half of his drink already.

“Negan?” Carl looked up. “Who… who drank my drink?” he said confused. The alcohol had hit him all at once and he was nearly shit faced like Daryl was at this point.

Negan laughed softly. Oh, boy. “You did, Carl,” he said gently. He pushed the bowls of peanuts and sugar cubes between the two, just in case either decided to eat them. Negan leaned forward, resting his forearms on the bar, and raised an eyebrow at Carl. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine!” Carl quickly defended, crossing his arms in a huff before noticing the nuts and sugar cubes. “What’s this?” he asked picking once up before crunching it in his mouth. Oh my god, it was straight sugar. He liked that. 

Daryl got up and started stumbling around, just getting antsy.

Negan smiled. “It’s said that sugar cubes are supposed to help keep you from getting a hangover,” he said, picking up one of the sweet cubes himself. “I’m not sure how accurate that is, but they taste good, so I keep them out.” He shrugged and popped the sugar into his mouth, watching Daryl get up. If he fell, Negan was not going to be able to help him in time, his attention more on Carl. “Don’t eat too many, or you’ll get a stomach ache.” Negan eyed the boy, ready to take the sugar away at any moment.

“Hey, man, pop a squat somewhere. I don’t need you stumbling into anything expensive,” he called to Daryl.

Carl whimpered and took another handful. “I love them. They’re so good.” He popped more into his mouth. Daryl looked over at the boy as Carl continued to speak, “I love you Negan.” Carl giggled back at Negan, munching on the cubes. “I miss daddy.” He whimpered.

“Your daddy is dead, Carl,” Daryl snapped at the boy a bit too harshly. 

“No, he fucking isn’t. He’s downstairs!” Carl yelled.

Alright, that was enough of that. Negan took the bowl of sugar cubes and put them under the bar, eyeing the two as voices began to rise. He didn’t take Carl’s admission of love to heart at all, not trusting his alcohol filled brain. “Hey, now, settle down,” he growled out at Carl and shot a look to Daryl. “Judith is sleeping.” God, this was turning into a herding cats situation. Negan never had had to be the designated driver before, and he felt so sorry for all of those who had dealt with him while he was drunk.

“He died the second he told you to cut the girl outta your mom. He was dead the day he locked me up. He was gone the fucking day he convinced you to take those pills. He’s dead Carl!” Daryl yelled.

“Fuck you! He never fucking loved you anyway! He loved me. You were nothing before him! Mum told me. You were just some low town farm cunt that got beat by his daddy, so shut it!” Carl snapped.

Before Carl could react Daryl was already across the room, slamming his shoulders to the wall as hard as he could, “I never slit my wrists for my Daddy’s attention like you did!” Daryl yelled in his face.

Negan was up and around the bar as soon as he saw Daryl going towards Carl, but he wasn’t quick enough to stop the man from slamming Carl against the wall.  _ Fuck, fuck fuck. _ Negan was learning so much from their yelling, but he’d rather no one get injured just so he could eavesdrop.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Negan stepped up behind Daryl and firmly wrapped one arm around his chest, pressing up against the man, showcasing the height advantage that he had. He gripped one of Daryl’s wrists with his other hand, trying to encourage him to let go. “Back off. Now.” He growled into the man’s ear. Negan flashed a warning look at Carl too, daring him to say anything else.

Carl immediately panicked when Daryl was on top of him. “I’m sorry,” he said to Daryl who still looked fucking pissed as all hell. He didn’t even notice Negan. 

Daryl snarled at the kid under his grip, but then hissed as his chest was snatched and wrist grabbed. He had a good few inches on the kid, but he wasn’t about to seriously hurt anyone, so he let go. The weight of Negan behind him was also an encouragement to calm down. “You think that you know but you don’t kid!”

Negan let Daryl go as he backed up, putting himself between the other man and Carl. Negan huffed, looking back and forth between the two, not sure if there was going to be more yelling or not. He felt the urge to protect Carl, but the kid was just as much to blame for the outbursts as Daryl was, so Negan stayed in the middle. “Y’all done?” he bit out.

Carl just started to cry hard into his hands, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed. He hated this. “Fuck you, Daryl,” he sobbed.

All of the noise must have woken Judy, who now began screaming at the top of her lungs. Negan groaned and rubbed his face. He had been afraid that would happen. Carl’s tears didn’t even phase Negan, he was so tired and he knew it was partly just the alcohol. Throwing his hands up in frustration, Negan shook his head and began making his way to the hallway that led to his room. “This,” he spat, pointing between the other two in the room, “is one reason I didn’t want y’all drinking. Now, either kiss and makeup or fucking ignore each other while I go be a fucking adult.” With that, Negan made his way to his room.

He pushed the door open and walked to his bed. “Hey, Judith, shh. Negan’s here,” he spoke gently, sitting all the way on his bed and pulling Judith up and into his lap. He pet her hair and rocked her gently. “It’s ok.”

She continued to scream and cry, shaking her head no. She hated this. She wanted Carl. “Bubba!” She screamed and looked up at the man. “Bubba!”

…

Carl looked at Daryl before rushing over to the bar, grabbing the glass bowl of peanuts and chucking it at the man. Daryl ducked and it shattered against the wall.

“What the fuck was that kid!?” Daryl screamed as Carl continued his own fucking meltdown. He wanted the bubbly feeling back. He went around the bar and started chugging random alcohol.

…

“Bubba hurt!” Judith screamed. She was getting more upset by the minute. Her little face was getting red and blotchy.

Negan shushed Judith as he held her close and continued rocking her, wincing at her screams. They were ear piercing as well as heartbreaking. “He’s not hurt, Judith. He’s ok. He’s just a little upset right now.” Was that glass Negan just heard shatter? He reached down and took her small face in his large hands, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Judith, look at me, darlin’. It’s ok. Calm down, now.” He kissed her forehead. He didn’t want to bring Judith out to the living room to see Carl if there was a fight going on, but Negan knew at some point he’d have to take her to see her brother.

Judith cried. “No- need Bubba,” she screamed bloody murder louder. 

“Ok, ok!” Negan gave in, standing up from the bed, cradling Judith. “Can you stop crying for me, please? Take a deep breath, Judy. I’ll take you to Carl, but you have to try and stop crying, hmm?” He walked towards his door, still rocking her gently, trying to calm her down even a hair. Negan really did not want to walk back out there, especially since he just heard Daryl yell.

…

Carl continued chugging, tears in his eyes as he drank the bad tasting liquids. Why wasn’t Negan coming back? He was so confused.

By this point, Daryl gave up and laid down on the couch, covering his ears. This was not good. He hated drunk Carl.

…

Judith stopped screaming but her tears had yet to cease as she slowly nodded her head, wanting to see Carl.

“Good girl. Thank you,” Negan wiped at her cheeks and kissed her forehead. He held her close and took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever he was about to walk into.

As he walked back into the living room, the first thing he saw was the glass and peanuts on the floor by the wall. He frowned. He liked that bowl. Looking up, he could see Daryl’s arm hanging over the arm of the couch. Well, he couldn’t complain about that. It was turning towards the bar that he was so hesitant to do. He knew Carl was over there. He could hear him. Judith could see him from the angle he was holding her, but Negan couldn’t look. He just closed his eyes and sighed.

Judith slowly calmed down as she saw Carl in her line of sight. She just needed to know he was okay. Carl was still crying and drinking, fucking exhausted. Why wasn’t anyone smiling anymore? He was so confused and sad.

Negan shifted Judith over to one arm, resting her head on his shoulder closest to Carl. He rubbed her back. “See. He’s ok,” Negan whispered to her, nuzzling his nose into her hair. “He’s ok.” Negan turned back towards the hallway. “You wanna go back to bed now?” he asked her. “Maybe Carl will come with us?” he said a bit louder and in Carl’s direction, still not looking at the boy.

Carl looked up at Negan. “Fuck you! Why don’t you love me?!” he yelled at him, crying more.

This got Judith a little more upset, scared of Carl yelling and crying. “Bubba hurt,” she said again into Negan’s neck.

Negan sniffed, his own eyes burning. God, how had it come to this? He buried his face into Judith’s hair. “No, darlin’. He’s ok. He’s ok.” Negan shushed her softly, holding her tight. His eyes finally flicked up to Carl. “He’s just upset and doesn’t know what he’s saying. He can’t see that his actions and words are hurting those around him who love and care for him. He’s drunk and in a bad state. He disobeyed me, which hurts  _ me _ because all I’m trying to do is make sure that you two are safe and healthy and happy, but it’s so hard, Judith. It’s so hard.” Tears ran down Negan’s face as he spoke, his voice heavy. “Judy, please, tell your brother we love him and just want him to come to bed.”

Judy looked over at Carl, whimpering as he continued his meltdown. She looked up to see the tears falling down from Negan’s cheeks. Everyone was crying. Was something bad happening?

“Bubba? Bubba! Come!” she yelled before Carl suddenly collapsed behind the bar, his legs giving out.

Negan sighed and sniffed, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He crouched down, peeling Judith from him. “Judy, can you stand here for me?” he asked softly, placing her by the wall so she could use it to keep herself up if need be. “I’m going to go get your brother. He’s ok, he just can’t walk right now. Can you stand right here?” He let go of her, confident that she’d be ok, and quickly moved around to the back of the bar.

He picked up Carl easily, the kid weighing nothing, and moved back to Judith. He was holding Carl bridal style, curling him into his chest.

Carl whimpered as he was picked up, “No- No, I can do it,” he said even though he wrapped his arms around the man's neck.

“Can you walk with me back to bed, Judith? Hold on to my leg if you need to. I can’t pick you up when I’m holding Carl.” Negan tried to explain to her. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever seen her walk before, but he supposed if all else failed she could crawl. He just wanted to get them both to bed as quick as he could.

Judith didn’t make too much of a fuss when she was put down. She was able to stand just fine on her own. She began to walk to the bed in front of Negan, seeming to walk pretty well. She didn’t even stumble once. 

“You love me right?” Carl asked, sniffling and clinging to Negan, clearly desperate for his approval and affection.

Negan sighed, placing a soft kiss to Carl’s temple. “Of course I love you, Carl. Never doubt that.” Keeping a close eye on Judith, he followed her back to the bed. He was pretty impressed by her walking skills, expecting a small slip up at least once. She only whimpered when she wasn’t able to climb into the monster king sized bed though since she was still too small.

Negan placed Carl on the bed first, easily unhooking him from around his neck, before bending down and picking up Judith, placing her next to Carl. Negan climbed up onto the bed, leaning against the headboard and using his legs as a barrier to keep the siblings towards the center. He brushed Carl’s hair away from his face, trailing his fingers over the boy’s forehead. “Sleep now, you two. Please.”

Carl clung to Negan as soon as they all got settled as he continued to cry. He wasn’t done with crying but he was done with his meltdown of screaming. “Why does daddy hate me?” he asked, resting his head on Negan’s tummy. 

Judith quickly snuggled her way under Carl’s arms and listening to his heartbeat start to slow. She focused in on that instead of his crying words, now knowing everything would be okay by Negan’s secure guidance.

“Like one day me, mom, and Shane were having dinner, and I was going to school, and we cuddled on the couch, and the next I was with dad, and he was so mean and he would throw me in the tub of hot water, or he’d hit me with his belt. Then I tried to kill myself with Beth, then he made me kill mom, and then hurt your wife, and then he took out my eye and gave me to  _ them _ , and then I needed to care for Judy, and then I tried to kill you, and he still doesn't love me like he used too,” he just rambled, hiccuping tears into the man.

Negan carded his fingers through Carl’s long hair as the boy cried and went on. He listened to him talk. Some of the things he’d heard before, some were new. Nothing surprised him anymore. “I don’t know, Carl. I don’t know.” He wished he knew. He wished he had an answer for Carl. Something that he could say that would make everything ok, that would make everything make sense. But he didn’t. “Sometimes people change, and you can’t stop it. You either have to live with the changes or cut them out of your life. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much pain. I understand he’s your father, but after all he’s done to you, why do you still want his approval?” Negan didn’t know how coherent Carl was anymore, or if he’d give him a straight answer, but he’d try anyway.

“Because he always kissed my head and said I love you always and forever, no matter what, when he tucked me in at night. It wasn’t a lie. I know it wasn’t,” he said hugging Negan. “I’m sorry about Lucille.” He whimpered. “She said it was okay but I know she was just saying that so I’d do it and I wouldn’t make dad more mad.” He sniffled, wiping his tears. “Can we have slush and English muffin for breakfast?”

Negan tensed slightly at the mention of Lucille, his fingers pausing for a moment in Carl’s hair. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before resuming his petting. “I don’t know about a slush, but English muffins sound good. Maybe some sausage, hash browns, gravy?” Negan suggested. “You’re gonna want something substantial after all the alcohol you drank… trust me.” 

Negan had the urge to lean down at kiss Carl’s head, but after what he just told him, he suddenly wondered if Carl was comparing him to Rick. Was he just a replacement? “Carl… what am I to you? What do you feel for me?”

“I love you,” Carl said, cuddling into the man. “I love you so much, and I’m grateful, and I’m sorry?” he said, still out of it, thinking the man was looking for something from him. “You’re my Negan?” He giggled. He didn’t understand relationships. The only ones he’d seen was his mom with two guys while all three individuals were not stable. Also, Daryl’s brief moment with Rick.

Negan sighed, smiling. Well. That was probably the best he was gonna get out of Carl in this state. Maybe he’d ask again when he was sober… Or after he got him some people skills. How did one go about teaching a socially stunted teenager about relationships? “Alright. I love you too. Will you go to sleep now?” Negan asked, booping Carl on the nose.

“My tummy hurts so yea,” he said, nodding softly looking down at Judith, pulling her closer to him. “But you have to stay with me and she has to stay too,” he said, rubbing her back. “Right?”

“Of course, babe. I’m not leaving. Judith isn’t leaving. Just close your eyes and breathe deep,” Negan said softly, still petting Carl’s head and also giving Judith a quick pat. Negan prayed to every god he could think of that Carl did not throw up at some point. He prayed that the food he had actually eaten had been enough to combat the liqueur. Oh, Negan had never been a religious man, but how he prayed at that moment would put all the saints to shame. He pulled a blanket up over the siblings, tucking them in together, and softly hummed his lullaby.

It only took two minutes for Carl to begin to fall in the warm depths of sleep that felt like soft bed sheets, smelt like Negan, and sounded like the man's voice as he hummed to them.

Negan fell asleep not long after he felt Carl’s breath even out. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, leaning against the headboard with two children pressed against him, but he was tired and warm and happy to be close to them in their time of need.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the booze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving right along~
> 
> TW: This chapter has a slight implication mention to sexual abuse of a minor.

When morning broke, the sun shone lazily through the window in Negan’s room. The blinds were only half closed, so they allowed a wash of light to come up over the bed and land in Negan’s face. Negan huffed, turning his face away from the window. He could feel the crick in his neck that he got from sleeping at such a weird angle. He groaned and reached up to rub at it, going to sit up when he felt a weight on him. He opened his eyes and saw the siblings, last night rushing back at him. Oh yeah…

Carl was still asleep but Judith had begun to stir. Carl kept his arms around his little sister who slept against his chest. Carl smelt strongly of alcohol and looked a wreck. If he wore makeup, it’d be everywhere due to the tears and his sobbing last night. Judith looked fine, however. She looked comfortable in her spot near the two men, her thin blonde hair covering up most of her peaceful-looking face. 

Carl was having a pretty intense dream. He wanted to wake up, but he couldn’t.

…

Carl could feel pressure on his insides below his belt. He could feel a stabbing pain in his head in his eye socket but he couldn’t see what was going on. His vision was too blurry from no longer being able to get oxygen, something was squeezing tight around his neck. He wanted to throw up but he couldn’t. His esophagus was nearly closed up tight, no air or liquid could get through. He would have screamed if he could. His lungs were burning, his chest heaving for air, but quickly the pain started fading as his vision began spotting black before consuming him whole.

...

Negan reached down and brushed Judith’s hair from her face as she stirred. He felt his heart squeeze at the sight of the siblings together. As he reached over to caress Carl’s tear-stained cheek, he sighed. The boy needed a shower and would probably want some aspirin once he woke up.

Negan shifted slightly, sitting up a bit more, before settling back and running his fingers through Carl’s hair. He fished his phone out of his pocket and texted a breakfast order to the kitchens, asking for it to be delivered in about half an hour.

...

Carl whimpered, waking up in the same plain room. Now, the TV was on, cartoons were playing. He didn’t sit up since it would hurt so he stayed on his side, shaking slightly.

Soon a man came in. He was extremely overweight, was balding and smelt like processed meats and beer.

“Hey, Dolly,” he said coming into the room. He came over and crouched down beside the boy, reaching out to pet his hair. “I’m sorry we were so rough last night,” he said. “I brought you some food?” He put down a plate of chicken, cheerios and a cup of grape juice. “Here I brought you this too.” He handed the boy a small iPod. “It plays music so you have some things to do. You like cartoons?”

Carl wasn’t speaking.

…

Judith started to wake up, her eyes fluttering open. “Dada?” She sniffled, shifting in Carl’s arms before looking up to see Negan and smiling.

Negan set his phone down on his bedside table before smiling down at Judith. “Hey, girlie. How are you?” he asked softly, reaching to gently run his fingers over her cheek. He couldn’t help but puff in pride at Judith calling him dad again. It was probably just what she called any male figure taking care of her, but he didn’t care. It made him feel good and so he soaked it up.

She giggled and smiled. “Good,” she said, climbing up to be closer to Negan. “Good?” she said more like a question, asking him. 

…

Carl accepted the food and looked at the TV, eating slowly as the man pet his head while he watched cartoons.

…

Negan nodded and hooked his hands under her arms, picking her up easily and holding her to his chest. “Yeah, good,” he said, kissing her cheek, blowing a raspberry on it. He reached down and took Carl’s hand, giving him something to hold since Negan had taken Judith from him.

Judith giggled and clapped her hands as raspberries were blown onto her. “Yay!” she squealed, which woke Carl up. 

Carl sat up, sniffling, tears in his eye as he arms shook, trying to hold himself up. He sniffled harder, thinking he could sniff the tears away if he sniffed hard enough. His head hurt but it wasn’t too bad at all.

Negan shushed Judith but it was too late. He offered a small smile to Carl, saying softly, “Welcome back to the land of the living.” His smile fell when he noticed the boy sniffing and his eye wet with tears. He opened up the arm not holding Judith and gestured for Carl to come to him. “Hey, what’s wrong? You ok? Got a headache?”

Carl shook his head a bit, sitting up all the way. “It’s not that bad. I just had a bad-ish dream,” he said and rubbed his eye sadly. He felt so weird after he had those types of dreams. He knew it was bad what happened, but he always liked it afterward when it was done. The guy would bring him gifts and let him watch TV. Dad never did those things.

“Well, you’re awake now,” Negan said, his arm still open for Carl. “Your dreams can’t get ya out here.” Negan knew a thing or two about nightmares. He used to be plagued by them while Lucille was with Rick and after she died as well. He shook the memories from his mind, focusing back on Carl. “Do you remember last night?”

“I remember fucking Daryl yelling at me because he’s mean and then I fell asleep,” he said wiping his tears. “Can we go to the gym today?” he asked looking up at him with a small smile. The headache wasn’t seeming to affect him at all.

Negan frowned, his arm finally falling. “He wasn’t the only one yelling. You put in a few licks, and then you helped yourself to half my bar,” Negan said, raising an eyebrow. His voice wasn’t angry but there was a flicker of annoyance. “You two woke up and scared Judith,” he squeezed the girl as he said her name. “And you broke my favorite peanut bowl.” He sniffed hautyly and rubbed his cheek on Judith’s head. “Frankly, I think I deserve an apology before you start requesting things.”

Carl paused for a few moments after the man spoke before nodding. “I’m sorry… I don’t remember that,” he said pouting. He didn’t remember any of that. “What do you want?” he asked, subconsciously putting his hand on Negan’s lower thigh. It wasn’t a conscious thing, he would never, especially with Judith here. But his subconscious had been conditioned to believe that sex sells. Just like it does in the outside world. 

Judy cuddled to Negan, reaching up and feeling his beard with her small fingers.

Negan hummed as Judith touched his face, eyeing Carl’s hand on his thigh. “I just want a sorry and I want you to tell Daryl and Judith sorry. Maybe help clean up the mess you made?” He sighed and reached out to take Carl’s hand, lifting it away from his leg, but not letting go. “I know you don’t remember, but you’re still responsible for the things you do, sober or not.”

Carl sighed and nodded a little. “Okay,” he said leaning over to kiss Judith’s head. “I’m sorry I scared you, Judy.” She just smiled at him and reached up to tug his hair, again.

Negan watched the exchange with a small smile. He reached up and chucked Carl under the chin softly with his knuckle. “See now. That wasn’t so hard.”

Carl keened into the touch. Jesus, why did he love when Negan touched there so much? Or when he grabbed his chin, or touched him, or- he was getting carried away. What was happening?

Negan chuckled and rubbed his nose into Judith’s hair, tickling her softly. “It wasn’t so hard, was it Judy? No, it wasn’t!” He cooed jokingly into her hair. He flicked his eyes back up at Carl, fondness swimming in them. “Judy, tell your brother we love him but maybe he shouldn’t be allowed to drink anymore.” Negan smirked into her hair. He liked trying to use Judith to tell Carl things. It was fun.

“Wuv you but no ore dwinking.” Judith giggled and Carl growled, crossing his arms over his chest in a huff.

“No fair,” he said growling at Negan trying not to crack a smile. He wanted the man to grab him.

Negan giggled, hugging Judith and rocking her back and forth slightly. He raised an eyebrow at Carl’s growl. Well now. Negan rested his chin on top of Judith’s head. “Judy, growl at Carl. Go ‘grr!’” Negan imitated a really childish kinda growl, putting his hands up like claws to show Judith what he meant.

Judith mimicked him, looking up at Carl and growling cutely before looking back at Negan for approval.

Negan beamed at her, hugging her close again. “Oh, you are going to fit in real well around here! Great job, darlin’! Real good job!” He kissed her cheek. “I love you so much, Judith,” he said into her ear softly.

He looked back up at Carl, chuckling and grinning at the sullen boy. If Judith hadn’t been on his lap and Daryl wasn’t in the next room, passed out or not, Negan might have considered doing something flirty to Carl to ‘scold’ him for the growl. As it was, Judith was there and Daryl was in the next room.

Instead, Negan reached out and hooked his finger under Carl’s chin, keeping it there as he pulled the boy forward. Oh, he’d seen the way Carl has reacted the first time he’d touched him like that, and he liked it.

“C’mere, Carl. Sit by me?” He cocked his head, smirking. He wanted the boy next to him so he could wrap his arms around both siblings at once. Negan wasn’t as touch starved as the kids for sure, but he still hadn’t had this much affection in a long while and it was addicting.

“Yay!” Judith squealed and clapped her hands. “Food?”

Carl smiled and came close to the man. He loved it. He cuddled up to Negan and leaned down, kissing his lips harshly, wanting him to kiss back. He put his hands on his shoulders whining.

Negan made a noise of surprise as Carl kissed him, not expecting it, though he probably should have. He put a hand to the boy’s cheek, holding him while he himself leaned back, disconnecting their lips. How could he explain this without crushing Carl? “Hey, woah. Calm down, Carl,” he said gently. “There’s a time and place for that and this isn’t it.” Negan flicked his eyes down to Judith. “That’s something people do when they’re alone.”

Negan also really needed to have a talk with Carl about what their relationship was and where he wanted it to go. He was also probably gonna have to give him the birds and the bees talk and explain about that as well. Negan wanted to be with Carl, but he needed Carl to know what he was getting in to.

“Plus, Judith’s right. It’s time for breakfast!” The food he ordered was bound to be there in a few minutes. He patted Carl’s thigh softly, still concerned about how skinny it was. “Let’s go see if Daryl is awake, hmm?”

Carl whined a little when he was pushed away, but he wasn’t that upset by the man's actions, just a little confused. “Okay,” he said sitting up again before getting off the bed to stand. He was a little wobbly but he was fine. Judith smiled and kissed Negan’s cheek before clapping.

Negan followed Carl off the bed, glowing from the kiss from Judith. Gosh, she was cute. He placed a steadying hand on Carl’s back when he noticed the wobble, keeping it there as they walked out.

Entering into the living room, Negan told Carl to be careful of the glass shards that were on the floor. He pointed behind the bar. “There’s a broom and dustpan back there,” he said, a hint in his voice.

“Okay, sir,” Carl said, rubbing his eye before going to get the broom and dustpan. He grabbed it and walked over to the mess, starting to sweep up the glass bits and peanuts. 

Daryl was on the couch, pillow over his face, groaning as his head was ringing. Jesus Christ his head hadn’t felt this bad since... since he couldn’t even remember.

Judith smiled and held into Negan. “Dada,” she said again. 

Negan’s heart squeezed as Judith spoke. He’d never get over that. He thanked Carl, walking around him to get to the living room. He looked down at Daryl on the couch. The pillow was over his face so he wasn’t sure if he was awake or not. “Psst, Daryl,” Negan spoke softly. He knew all too well the headache that the man probably had. “You awake? You need some aspirin?”

Daryl groaned a bit. “Yea, please,” he grumbled. “I feel like I got hit by a train.” He said trying to stay quiet.

Just then the elevator bell dinged and Daryl flinched. It was so high pitched and hurt like a bitch. Negan shifted Judith slightly in his arms and made his way over there, opening the door. The food cart that was dropped off contained an entire breakfast spread: English muffins, eggs, hashbrowns, gravy, bacon, pancakes, syrup, strawberries and blueberries, milk, apple juice, and water. It smelled delicious.

Carl was cleaning up the glass, picking up the bigger chunks with his hands. He jumped when the ding rang out and he nicked the butt of his hand on one of the glass pieces. “Shit,” he muttered, pushing the hand into his pants while cleaning up the rest of the mess with the other. It wasn’t serious but it did sting. 

Judith squealed when the food came. “Food!” she squealed happily, clapping her hands together.

Negan tried to shush Judith, but he was chuckling at her excitement. “Shh, Daryl has a headache. We have to be quiet,” he explained, picking up a strawberry and handing it to Judith. “Let’s go get him some medicine and then we can come back and eat, ok?”

Negan started making his way back towards the bathroom, stepping around Carl, when he noticed the way the boy was only using one hand. He frowned. “Did you cut yourself?” he asked, concerned. “Are you bleeding?”

“No, I’m good,” Carl said. He only nicked his hand a little. He’d be fine. He stood up with the glass shards in the dustpan and looking up at Negan. “So, what do I do with it now? Can I just throw it away?” he asked cocking his head to the side.

Daryl groaned more and covered his ears. “Oh yeah, sorry, Daryl!” Carl didn’t yell but he said it louder than necessary, clearly a bit salty about last night.

Negan rolled his eyes and bopped Carl on the nose. “Don’t be a brat. Go apologize for real to him.” Negan turned towards the living room. “Daryl, apologize to Carl for last night or I’m not giving you medicine.” He turned back to Carl and pointed towards the bar. “Trash can is back there. I’ll be back in two seconds.”

With that, Negan took Judith down the hall to the bathroom, opening the mirror and grabbing the bottle of aspirin. He pocketed it before making his way back out to the living room.

Carl sighed and went over dumping the glass in the trash.

“How badly did you cut yaself boy?” Daryl asked slowly sitting up, his head in one hand as the other held himself up.

“Nothing bad,” Carl said looking down at it as blood pooled in his palm. 

“Bleedin’? Daryl asked nervously. 

Carl nodded a little. “Yeah, a bit. A four maybe,” he said, meaning on a scale of one to ten.

“Run it under cold water. It’ll clean it out and make it stop,” Daryl said and Carl did as told, going to the sink and letting the water take away all the blood. 

“Thanks,” Carl said. 

“Welcome, kid.”

Negan walked back in, noticing Daryl sitting up and Carl by the sink. He hummed and handed Daryl the bottle of aspirin. “You guys cool?” he asked, moving back to the food cart and wheeling it to the coffee table in front of the couch. He set Judith down on the couch, near Daryl’s feet, and started getting a little bit of everything on a plate for her and him to share. He sat next to her and handed her a piece of bacon, looking between the other two in the room. 

Judith giggled happily. “Ank you,” she said taking the bacon piece and eating it happily. She looked up at him while she chewed.

“You’re welcome, dear,” Negan said to Judith, holding out half a muffin to her while eating the other half himself.

Judith took the muffin giggling before finishing the bacon and taking way too big bites of the muffin happily. It was blueberry. She liked blueberries. 

Carl continued until his hand was freezing cold. The blood slowed but didn’t stop. He pushed his palm down on his thigh. It’d stop in time.

“Yeah, we’re all good but the kid needs a bandage,” Daryl said, sitting up and maneuvering his feet around Judith to sit up with his feet on the ground. 

“No, I don’t. I’m okay,” Carl said. 

Negan looked back at Carl. His eyebrows furrowed. “I asked if you were bleeding, Carl. Let me see it,” he said, holding out his hand over the back of the couch towards Carl.

Carl quickly pressed his palm into his pants as hard as he could as he walked over to the man, giving him his hand. His palm was pale from being pressed on but as soon as the color came back beads of red formed over a long thin slice on the palm of his hand.

Negan clicked his tongue and shook his head in disappointment. Sighing, he dropped Carl’s hand and stood, handing his half-filled plate to Daryl. He reached down to touch Judith’s cheek. “Hey, small bites. Chew slow. Ok?” he said to her. 

He looked back up at Carl. “Come on, let me bandage it.” He motioned for Carl to go towards the bathroom, rounding the couch and heading that way himself. 

Carl sighed a little, holding his hand back to his pants. “It doesn't hurt and it’s barely bleeding,” he told him with a pout. The only reason he was going with him was the off chance of getting to make out with him again.

“It’s still good to cover it so that nothing bad gets inside.” Negan dug out the first aid kit from under the sink, motioning for Carl to sit down on the closed toilet seat. He placed the kit on the sink and opened it, looking for some Neosporin and a bandaid in the box. “Ah!” He pulled the items out of the box. “Ok, let me see it again.”

Carl sat down on the toilet and looked up at Negan’s lips, watching him speak. “Want you to kiss me,” he whimpered, not giving him his hand. He wanted the man on him. He wanted him to touch him. “Please?”

Negan gazed at Carl, a shiver going up his spine at his words. God, this kid knew how to get under his skin, in more ways than one way. Negan sighed and set down the first aid supplies.

“Carl, what do you want me to be to you? Your father? Your lover? I can’t be both,” he said softly, reaching out to caress Carl’s cheek, running his thumb under Carl’s good eye. “Do you like me or just the idea of me? Do you understand what I’m asking?” He cocked his head to the side. This was so hard for him to put into words that he thought Carl would understand. There was a hunger in Negan that wanted Carl so bad, but the logical part of him kept holding him back.

Carl frowned. “Why can’t we just do this?” He pouted, nuzzling down into the man's hand. He didn’t understand why the man was trying to make him say these things. “What are we doing right now? I like this,” he said with a little pout before kissing the palm of Negan’s hand before looking up at him.

Negan worried at his bottom lip. “I… don’t know. I don’t know what this is,” he said, his voice soft. This was a new situation. Something he’d never imagined himself in. Maybe he should just let go. As long as they both wanted it, did it really need a label? Carl obviously had feelings for him, just not the words to explain them. It would be ok. Right?

Negan sighed and leaned down, placing a kiss to Carl’s forehead, and then his nose, and then he hovered over his lips. “We take it slow, ok?” he said, looking into Carl’s bright blue eye before pressing his lips against the other’s.

Carl didn’t know what that meant fully, but he knew that meant things wouldn’t change right away. He liked that. He nodded, “I can do that.” He leaned up and kissed the mans lips a little before pulling away.

Negan smiled as Carl pulled away. He honestly hadn’t been expecting the boy to do that. “Thank you,” he said, pecking Carl’s lips quickly before backing up. “Can I bandage your hand now?”

Carl nodded softly, handing over his hand. It wasn’t too bad but he did cut it in the right way for it to bleed. “Here,” he mumbled.

Negan went to work putting the antibiotic cream on the cut and then a large bandaid so it covered the injury and wrapped around Carl’s hand enough that it would stay on. “There. All better,” Negan said, leaning down and placing a kiss over the bandaid.

Carl giggled a little when it was kissed. “Thank you,” he said, looking up at the man with a big ass smile on his face. The man was just so good to him. “Can we watch cartoons?”

“Sure, kid,” Negan nodded and packed up the first aid kit, placing it back under the sink. He held his hand out for Carl to take as they walked back to the living room. “But you gotta eat some breakfast. I got English muffins just as you requested last night, though I’m not sure you remember that.” He chuckled. 

Carl shook his head no. “Yeah, I don’t remember, but I do like English muffins.” He shrugged and laughed a little before standing up. “And then after can we go to the gym?”

Negan led the way out of the bathroom, letting his hand fall back to his side. “Why do you wanna go to the gym so bad?” he asked. There wasn’t much in there that Negan would call ‘fun’, but he’d take Carl there if he really wanted to. 

Carl quickly followed him, smiling big. “We could have a competition.” He smirked. “I mean unless you’re scared I’ll deal you old man? Because you know I could?” He smirked more.

Negan let out a loud scoffing laugh and clapped Carl on the shoulder, shaking him slightly. He loved when Carl broke out that sass of his. “What would you wanna challenge me in,  _ kid _ ? The only things in there are punching bags, a boxing ring, some treadmills, weights, and a track.” There were a few other things like yoga supplies and other exercise machines, but that was neither here nor there.

“Anything,” Carl smirked. “I could beat you. I would bet something on it. Isn’t there a trainer there or something?” he asked. “I’m sure they can think of something.”

Negan shook his head and ruffled Carl’s hair as they stepped back into the living room. “You got balls kid, I’ll give you that. We can go down and you can pick something, but I’m going to make you eat your words,” Negan said, laughing again. “But, first, you need to eat breakfast.” Negan pushed Carl softly towards the food.

“Make me,” he almost purred at the man before he sat down with a little huff, looking at the food. He quickly grabbed his own English muffin, eating it plain as Judith ate her strawberries.

Negan just rolled his eyes and made himself a new plate of food since he’d given his old one to Daryl. He looked at the three of them on the couch and smiled. What a weird bunch they were. Negan grabbed the remote and sat down in the recliner chair off to the side, turning the TV on and flipping to the first cartoon channel he found.

It had Ed, Edd ‘n’ Eddy on. Carl smiled a little and looked like he suddenly got a lot more relaxed. He took a bowl and filled it with fruit before sitting back and watching. He really liked cartoons and they made him feel like he was gonna be okay for some reason.

As the kids watched TV, Negan looked to Daryl, who was sitting closest to him and said, “Carl wants to go to the gym after breakfast. You wanna join or do you wanna rest here?” Negan knew the man probably had the worst headache in the world, but he wanted to let him know where he’d be taking Carl, and maybe Judith. If Daryl did want to rest, having a toddler in his midst probably wasn’t the best.

Daryl was eating hashbrowns covered in ketchup when Negan looked over. He had already chugged two glasses of water and a glass of apple juice. “Just wanna go back to sleep. Try and sleep off this monster, ya know?” he said looking up at Negan.

Carl was helping to feed Judith eggs while he drank some juice. He was not paying attention at all to the others in the room. Usually, he was on high alert for everything but the cartoons just made him relax.

“That’s understandable,” Negan said, nodding. “I’ll take Carl and Judith down with me then and give you some quiet. There’s a guest bedroom down the hall on the left you can use instead of the couch. I know it’s not very comfortable to sleep on.” He had, after all, just slept on it a couple nights ago in the same state Daryl did just last.

So much had happened in such a few days. Negan was gonna need a vacation soon.

“Thanks,” Daryl grumbled. “I actually might head off now.” He shook a few pills out of the bottle before handing it back to Negan.

Carl smiled when the next thing that came on was Codename: Kids Next Door. Shit, he loved this. Judy looked like she did too since she clapped at the intro with them chugging down root beer.

Negan took the bottle and put it in his pocket. “Go rest,” he said gently. He felt bad that he hadn’t really had the chance to get to know Daryl yet. He’d been so focused on the kids. Had he even had a full conversation with the other man? He didn’t seem like much of a talker, but Negan would like to get to know him a bit more, especially if he was going to stick around.

He looked to the siblings, glad they were eating and seemed relaxed. At that moment, he felt good. Like things would be ok. He hoped to god it lasted.

Daryl nodded thanks to the man before getting up and heading off to the guest bedroom to get some much-needed rest. If he was thinking straight he’d be shocked the kid was still standing with the way he was drinking last night. Chugging and mixing drinks. Maybe he himself was just getting old and not used to the alcohol or maybe Carl was just used to the pain.

Carl continued to eat, almost mindlessly, calories flooding his body as he watched the cartoons. He looked over at Negan. “After the gym can we go out for slush or something?”

“You really want a slushie, huh?” Negan chuckled, shaking his head. He thought for a moment. “Yeah, we should hit up the mall, get you and Judith some clothes, get you a slush so you stop asking me for one,” he said playfully. He needed to put in an order for some clothes for them too. They weren’t going to buy an entire wardrobe during one trip to the mall.

He also needed to get them chipped, and check when they were going back to the doctor, and talk to Denise about the tube thing, and get Judith set up with the daycare system he had in his building. That didn’t even touch what he needed to do for himself; actually visit Arat, check on his businesses, get the update on what had happened to Rick’s place in the aftermath of the fight. Negan sighed softly. There was a lot of housekeeping he needed to do that was difficult to do while watching the siblings.

Negan watched them eat and smiled. He wouldn’t give up his time with them for the world. Everything else could wait.

Carl cuddled into his little sister.  He loved her so much. He ate more before feeding her. Watching the crazy robot vegetables trying to take over and force feed the kid's vegetables. Judith giggled excitedly, eating the fruits from Carl’s hands as she watched the cartoon. 

Negan finished his food and got up, taking Daryl’s spot on the couch. He placed a hand on Judith’s back and rubbed softly. He had no idea what was going on on the cartoon in front of him, but he was glad the siblings were entertained. “Just let me know whenever you wanna leave. No rush,” he said to Carl quietly.

Carl looked over and nodded softly before turning back to the TV, not even saying a damn thing. He really liked this craziness on the TV. Judith relaxed into Negan’s hand, looking up at him happily. She even made a kissy face to show she liked him. Negan chuckled down at her and leaned in to kiss her head.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Carl have a little competition in the gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, what's up you guys? This next chapter is pretty long and kinda fun! We hope you like it!

Half an hour later, the credits for the show rolled up the TV and Carl looked over. “Okay, let’s do this.” He smirked, bouncing in his seat excitedly.

Negan mentally cataloged the fact that if he ever wanted Carl to calm down, to just throw some cartoons on. The kid was so sucked into them, and the last thirty minutes had been so relaxed.

Negan booped Judith’s nose, picking her up as Carl started bouncing. “Alright, alright. You’re real eager to get your ass handed to you,” Negan smirked, turning off the TV, and making his way to the elevator. There was no way Carl would win in anything relating to physical strength against him. Yeah, he was strong, but he didn’t have the weight to back up punches or kicks. Adrenaline was probably the only thing keeping him going. Negan stepped into the elevator, holding the doors open for Carl, and pressed the button for the gym floor.

Judith cuddled into Negan’s chest, smiling. She loved to be held and touched and cuddled by the man. If she started sleeping alone, he would have to give her a stuffed animal that smelt like him.

Carl grinned eagerly, trotting to the elevator. “God, you really don’t know what's coming do you?” He smirked up at him.

Negan laughed. “You’re really full of confidence this morning, huh?” He liked seeing Carl like this. Happy and more himself. Negan liked that spitfire attitude of his.

The elevator dinged as it stopped on the gym floor, and Negan led the way to the double doors. There was a woman running on a treadmill in the corner, headphones in, not paying any attention to anything but herself, and a man using one of the punching bags across the room. He stopped his punches to nod at Negan who nodded back.

“Alright, what do you wanna do? Arm wrestle?” Negan asked, turning to Carl. He bounced Judith slightly as they stood there.

“Oh hell no. How about individual stuff. We win by comparing numbers, not actually fighting. You’re three times my size and my age.” He laughed looking Negan up and down, not meanly but with some fighting words. He wanted to get the man riled up before they started. “We need to do something like running or hangups.” He looked up at Negan, the spark in his eyes growing stronger. He could feel his muscles twitching, excited for use, excited for a challenge that wouldn’t end in pain.

Negan laughed again. The kid was smart. Knew what he was doing. “Alright, alright. You got me there,” he said. Negan was built for strength and stamina, but not speed. He could swing a bat, but he always had trouble dashing to first base. Carl would most definitely be able to win anything that was speed over strength.

“Can we change real quick?” Negan asked, pointing towards the locker rooms. “Or do you expect us to do all this in the jeans we slept in last night?”

“What would you change into?” Carl cocked his head with a little laugh. “Some secret thing you got up your sleeve to try and beat me?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Shorts and a fresh shirt, kid. Normal gym clothes,” Negan explained, rolling his eyes.

Soon the women on the treadmill saw the trio out of the corner of her eye. She quickly turned it off and pulled out one if her earbuds. “Hey, boss. Looking for some booty kicking today?” she asked with a smile.

Negan watched the woman approach and smiled back at her. “Heya, Laura,” he greeted. “I’m not, but Carl here is. Thinks he can beat me in different challenges.” Negan snorted a laugh. He shifted Judith from one hip to the other, putting her closer to Laura.

She smiled at the two of them. “Oh well, Carl you’ve come to the right place. I’m great at training people, slimming them down and building them up.” She smiled flexing her bicep. She was fit and well toned. “And we have lots of fun in the process,” she said and gave a little wave to Judith who quickly waved back, already liking the woman. “How about I bring this little cutie to the playroom, while you boys go change?” She smiled.

Negan smiled, glad that Laura had read the situation well. He hoped that Carl would utilize her skills in the coming days. Negan bounced Judith slightly. “This is Laura, Judith. Will you go with her for a few minutes? Carl and I will be right back,” he said, already pulling the girl off of him. He saw how she waved at Laura, so he was sure she’d be ok.

Judith nodded softly, she liked the lady. She looked like someone Judith liked.

Laura smiled and picked the little girl up happily. “Oh, I think you’re gonna love the ball pit aren’t you?” She smiled as she took the girl into her arms, bouncing on her own side.

“We’re gonna do some challenges,” Carl said looking up at Negan. 

“Challenges?” Laura asked.

“Like who can run the fastest or longest. Or do more pull ups or sit ups or anything else.”

Laura lit up like a Christmas tree. “Oh, boys I already have a few ideas,” she said beaming with excitement. “You guys go get changed and I’ll get stuff started.” Laura took Judith to the seven-and-under area of the gym, putting her down on the foam mats and letting her do her thing.

Negan nodded and gestured for Carl to follow him to the locker rooms. “C’mon, kid. You’ll be more comfortable in gym clothes. Trust me.” He pushed open the door to the men’s locker room. It looked almost identical to the ones by the pool except instead of swimming supplies, there was a table and lockers filled with workout supplies; shirts, shorts, water bottles, sweatbands, etc.

“Check the lockers for clothes, changing rooms are over there,” Negan said pointing to said places, before making his way to his own locker and getting his own clothes. He told Carl he’d just be a minute and went to a changing room.

Carl nodded and after a few tries found a locker with size small clothes. He gathered them in his arms and went into one of the small stalls, slipping into the light blue shorts and a white t-shirt. He came out with his old clothes, shoving them in the same locker he got his new ones from.

Negan came out of his room soon after Carl, in black shorts and a white tank. He put his other clothes back into his designated locker and clicked the lock shut. He looked Carl up and down. You could really see how skinny his legs were in the shorts, and Negan had to take a deep breath and steel himself from making a face at them.

“Ok, ready to lose?” he said, a grin on his face, walking back towards the gym door, holding it open for Carl.

Carl smirked, glad Negan hadn’t noticed at first, but he’d ripped out his nose tube while changing. He would be able to move and work a lot better without it. “Uh, no, old man. You’re going down for sure.”

“Quit calling me old, boy,” Negan growled, ruffling Carl’s hair playfully as they walked back across the gym. “I’m not old till I’m, like… seventy? I’ve got a ways to go.” Negan laughed. He waved at Laura as they approached her, giving two thumbs up.

Laura quickly came over with three yoga matts. “It’s time boys!” She smiled, clapping her hands together. She gave a blue matt to Carl and a red matt to Negan. “We’ll stretch and then we can get straight into weight training.”

Negan took the mat given to him. “Aww, you know my favorite color!” He grinned at Laura. They moved off the side a little before Negan rolled his mat out, gesturing for Carl to do the same next to him. Carl quickly mimicked Negan. “Are we starting standing or sitting?” he asked Laura.

“We’re standing of course. Stretch out these muscles.” She smiled. “We don’t need to be pulling anything now do we?” She laughed. Bending down, she started by touching her toes, expecting the boys to follow suit.

Negan followed along, watching Carl out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if he’d ever done anything like this. Perhaps in gym class at school as a child? Ah, Negan missed the days when he was the teacher doing this with kids. He’d really enjoyed it. Negan could feel his muscles stretching nicely. After all the sleep he’d been getting in weird positions or in weird places, it felt good. 

After almost ten more minutes of various stretching, Laura sat up and stretched her arms to the sky. “Okay, boys. Are you ready for weights now? Want to start with bench or deadlift?” She smirked at the two.

Carl just looked at Negan, having no idea what either if those were.

Negan groaned slightly as he felt a muscle in his shoulder relax as he stretched it, letting his arms flop to his sides after. “Let’s do deadlift,” he said. He could just imagine Carl trying to bench press something too heavy and dropping it onto his body. Yeah, he didn’t think so. Not yet. “That’ll be a nice starter.”

“Okay. Carl what’s your weight?” she asked him. 

“Ninety pounds,” he said straight-faced.

“Okay well, we’re gonna lift thirty percent of our weight right now. Negan how much are you right now?” she asked already moving to the weights.

Negan was so glad Laura didn’t mention anything about Carl’s low weight and just continued on like normal. He’d need to give her something after this to say thanks. “I’m about one eighty at the moment, give or take a few pounds,” he answered, following her to the weights. She smiled happily and set up two deadlift pads, one with thirty pounds and one with sixty pounds.

“Okay, boys come over and put your feet shoulder width apart on the mats, squat down, grip the hands and pull up while lifting with your knees,” she explained. 

Carl went over and just picked up the weight like it was nothing. “What now?” he asked confused. It was thirty pounds. Judith was literally heavier than that. He usually carried her in one arm too.

Negan snorted a laugh at Carl’s reaction and lifted his own weight. It was easy enough for him. Not a featherweight, but a little amount of resistance, like picking up a small child. He set it back down at his feet. “Really, Laura?” He looked at her with a raised brow.

“We’re just starting boys. Warming up your bodies. Put the weights down,” she said. “The average person can lift forty percent of their body weight. I wasn’t being too outrageous. Since you’re so eager to get on with it, we’re going to do hangups after this,” she said as she changed the weights to half of their weights, forty-five for Carl and ninety for Negan.

Carl watched Laura put the weights on Negan’s bar. Did he really weigh the same as those two disks?

Negan grinned. Alright, now it’d get fun. He followed Laura’s instructions on how she wanted them to lift, picking up the weight. It was definitely more than the last one, but Negan didn’t have any problem with picking it up, holding it for a few seconds and then dropping it back down. He’d picked up Carl enough at this point to know what ninety pounds felt like. He looked to the boy, watching him lift his own.

Carl lifted it up and looked at it. It still was pretty easy. “We both need more weight.” He smirked and looked at Negan, happy he still hadn’t bitched about the feeding tube. He slowly put down the weight.

“Fine, we’re going up to eighty percent of your weight,” Laura said, trying to hide her smile. She expected them to struggle a little on this one. She pulled out the weights and slid on the heavier disks, one-forty-five for Negan and seventy-five for Carl.

Negan took and breath and let it out, getting ready for this one. He  _ had _ lifted Rick the other day, so he knew he could do it. The man couldn’t have weighed more than Negan himself. “Alright,” he mumbled, squatting down and gripping the bar. He glanced up at Carl, shooting him a wink before standing and lifting the weight with a soft grunt. Oh yeah. There it was. He held it as long as he could, letting out a breath, and then dropped it down, letting it thunk to the floor. “Woo! Now that’s what I’m talking about!” He wooped and flexed his arms while beaming.

Carl picked his up with apparent ease. He didn’t even make a noise or show any sign of strain, so either he was pretty strong for his size, or he was faking it to try and impress Negan. Truth was a little bit of both.

“Woah boys! You guys are going great!” Laura said as Carl let the weight down, smirking at Negan.

“I can beat you,” Carl said cockily.

Negan raised an eyebrow, impressed. A little. He knew the kid was strong. And so did his jaw. “Don’t hurt yourself just to try and win, Carl,” Negan warned, seriously. He almost considered stopping just so that Carl  _ didn’t _ do that.

As he was looking at Carl, studying his cocky smile, Negan realized something looked different…  _ Oh _ . Oh no he did not. He frowned, clenching his jaw, but he let out a breath and turned back to Laura. “Add more weight.”

Laura said ‘ _ fuck it _ ’ to herself and added seventy pounds to Carl’s and one-twenty to Negan’s. Negan’s totaled at two-sixty and Carl’s at one-forty-five. “Now, every professional ounce in my body is telling me not to let you guys do this, but after this and the hang-up, I’ll give you guys massages, so I’ll let you do it. If you feel any stress at all you will drop, no trying to put it down slowly. Also if you feel any strain in anywhere besides your arms and calves you dont try to pick it up. Got it?” she asked looking at the two.

Negan nodded in understanding. He knew he wouldn’t put his pride over his health, but he  _ was _ worried for Carl… and he was furious at him. Negan huffed, channeling that anger into his arms and legs. Alright. He could do this.

Getting down, Negan took a moment to breathe, stretching his fingers out. He gripped the bar, shot a glance to Carl, shot a glance to Laura, and then stood.

The weight rose off the ground. Negan stood up straight. He held it for a second, feeling the heaviness in his arms, the stretch in his legs. He huffed a short laugh and dropped the weight. He panted, looking at Laura and at Carl. “Piece of cake,” he said, shrugging.

Carl had this weird sly smile-smirk on his face. He was watching Negan as if he himself was some sort of predator instead of prey. Like he had something over Negan. Carl smiled at the two adults, cracking all the joints in his fingers before leaning down and picking up the weight. It took him a few tugs to get it off the ground but shit the thing weighed fifty pounds more than he did. He looked at Negan just holding it until he could feel his wrist grow hot and his fingers grow cold. He looked down away from Negan to see his fingers had turned white. He was using his bones just as much as his muscle to support the weight but he wouldn’t be beaten. He squatted back down to drop it and just smirked over at Negan.

“Got guns too.” He smirked, crossing his arms to hide his hands that a few blood vessels had now burst in.

Negan whistles impressed, but he’s still concerned. Something didn’t seem quite right about how Carl had looked down at his hands suddenly. It had definitely been too much weight for him, that much was certain, but Negan had to hand it to him. He did lift it. “Why don’t we call this one a tie, hmm?” he suggests, flashing a look to Laura. “You sure showed me, kid. I didn’t think you were gonna get that one up.”

“Yeah. Don’t underestimate a dead kid. Didn’t I tell you that much already?” He smirked at him, still shielding his hands. Fuck, they were cold. He sniffled a little. Not realizing it could draw attention to his nose where he had taken out the tube.

“For a dead kid, Carl, you’re pretty damn lifelike,” Laura cracked and laughed a bit at her own joke. “Next we’re gonna do hang-ups. It’ll help with stretching out your back before we do the actual exercise,” she said, leaving them for a few moments to get the ankle hooks which were in the supply corner.

Negan watched Laura walk away before turning to Carl, a soft glare on his face. Carl’s sniff confirmed Negan’s realization. The tube was gone. Negan wanted to yell at Carl, spit fire at him, pick him up and shake him and ask ‘ _ What the FUCK is wrong with you? _ ’. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to ruin the… fun they were having, and it wasn’t like they could fix it right now anyway. He sighed softly, clenching and unclenching his hands.

“Are you ok, Carl?” he asked, voice tight. “You really probably shouldn’t have tried to lift that last one. If you’re going to hurt yourself just to beat me, I’m stopping this.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I care more about your health than I do my pride.”

Carl looked up at Negan, his smile slowly fading. “I’m not hurt. Nothing hurts,” he said pretty quickly. “Seriously, I’m not in any pain at all,” he said whimpering, not from the pain but because he was upset Negan was upset. “I didn’t drop it. You dropped it. My hands are just a bit cold now. That’s all.”

Soon Laura grabbed the ankle straps and hooks before scampering back over to the two of them. “So, we ready for the next one boys?”

Negan looked to Laura when she spoke and then back at Carl. He studied him for a moment before dropping his arms. Laura would know better than him if Carl  _ was _ injured, and since she seemed to be alright with continuing, he would allow it. “Yeah, we’re ready,” he said. “What do you have for us then?”

“We’re gonna do hang-ups. Come over to the bar and I’ll show you,” she said and went over to the bar. “Now watch and learn boys.” She grabbed the bar, pulling herself up like a pull up before curling her legs around the back and hooking the hooks on the ankle braces she had on to the bar so she was hanging from the bar by her ankles, not much strain on her body.

“Impressed boss?” She smirked upside down at him before curling up and touching her toes, crunching her body in half before releasing. “One.” She stopped and rested back upside down. “That's a hang-up.”

Negan watched Laura, carefully but as soon as she flipped upside down he sputtered. She expected  _ him _ to do  _ that _ ? Oh, nuh uh. “Yeah, color me impressed,” he said, laughing in awe and shaking his head. “But there is no way you’re getting me upside down.” Negan didn’t doubt that he  _ could _ do it, he was just not about to. The thought of swinging by his ankles made his stomach flip. He looked over to Carl. “You can win this one, I don’t care,” he said.

“Really, Negan? Not gonna try?” Carl asked pouting. Laura did another hang-up, but grabbed the bar this time, unhooking herself and bringing her legs down gracefully. She took the cuffs of herself and put them on Carl, helping him hook his ankles to the bar since he wasn’t able to swing himself up as Laura did. After he was hooked, he let himself relax upside down, looking up at Negan, laughing a little. “Oh my god, this is cool,” he giggled at Negan.

Negan just shook his head and smiled at Carl as the boy went topsy turvy. “I would prefer to stay right side up and just enjoy the view,” he said, putting up his fingers like a picture frame and looking at Carl through them. He really did wish he had a camera. Carl looked hilarious with his hair hanging down from his head, almost touching the floor with it. “Well, let’s see how many you can do, kid.”

Carl smirked. “Okay,” he said beginning to do the crunches, his head up, curling over, again, and again, and again. He got to sixty-four before he literally couldn’t pick himself up again. Jesus did his stomach burn.

“Okay, I’m gonna take you down and then we can all head in for a massage, okay?” Laura said. Carl wasn’t really paying attention since he was started getting dizzy. Laura helped Carl grab the bar and helped unhook him. She held his waist while he dropped so he wouldn’t fall.

Negan stepped up to Carl, putting a hand on his shoulder, more to stabilize him than anything. He could only imagine what it felt like having been upside down for so long and then suddenly flipped back. “Damn, kid. That was nice. I thought you were gonna stop after like… twelve,” he laughed. “How do you feel after all that? All the blood go to your head?”

Carl laughed, a little giggly. “Yea, I’m a bit dizzy,” he said looking up at him, his eye a bit wonky.

“Okay, boys it’s time for a massage. Let's go to the massage room, and I’ll loosen up you’re muscles. I know you love this part boss.” She chuckled.

Negan snorted, wrapping his arm around Carl’s shoulders and following after Laura. He wooped and threw his free fist into the air. “Who doesn’t love a fuckin’ massage?” he said, laughing. “Laura, your fingers work miracles, you know?” Negan rolled back one of his shoulders, the muscle tight from the lifting. He should really schedule regular massages to keep himself loose. A lot of the time he was barreling into action without limbering up first or was stuck behind his desk for hours, hunched over his computer.

Carl smiled a bit, walking with the two, practically glued to Negan’s side. “I don’t know. I’ve never had a massage before.” He laughed a little before they entered the low lighted room. It had a small pond in the back, not for swimming, but for the waterfall noise. Two large koi fish swam to and fro in it. There were two beds with a small sheet and a blanket on each of them in front of it.

“Okay, now I’ll just go out while you guys change out of your clothes and I’ll be back in a minute,” Laura said before she walked out. 

“No,” Carl said the second the door closed.

Negan groaned exaggeratedly. He just  _ knew _ Carl was going to get uncomfortable when he found out they had to take off their clothes. He’d hoped Laura and him had hyped it up enough that Carl wouldn’t mind, but obviously not.

“Carl, it’s ok,” Negan said, rubbing the boy’s shoulder. “Trust me. All she’s going to do is rub and press against your muscles. It feels  _ fantastic _ .” He knelt down beside Carl, looking up at him. “All you have to take off is your shirt and shorts. Hell, you can probably keep the shorts on.” He cocked his head at him. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I can go first and you can watch if you’d like?” No matter what Carl chose, Negan was not leaving without a massage damn it.

Carl looked at Negan blushing as he crouched down eye level with him. He licked his lips nervously, looking away from the man's eyes. “The only one allowed to touch me is you,” he said, his cheeks growing hotter. He didn’t mind staying with the man during his massage, but if he were to have one himself, which was unlikely right now, it would be from Negan’s hands touching him and no one else.

Negan was taken aback for a second before he smiled softly. He reached out and cupped Carl’s cheek, running his thumb across it. Carl leaned into Negan’s hand, purring at the man's touch. He felt so good. “Alright. You can just watch, ok?” Negan leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Carl’s forehead, making him giggle, before standing up and walking to the closest bed.

He slipped his shoes and socks off, placing them under the bed, before crossing his arms and grabbing the bottom of his shirt. He glanced at Carl over his shoulder, smirking, and slowly pulled his shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the side. He slid his shorts off just as slow, leaving him in his black briefs.

Carl watched the man strip before he quickly looked away, but he did peer sneakily at the man's body through his thick black lashes.

Negan turned to sit on the bed, winking at Carl, before laying down on his stomach, pulling the blanket over his legs and up to his waist. He crossed his arms and rested his chin on them, closing his eyes and breathing. “When Laura knocks on the door, you can let her in.”

After a minute the door was knocked on. Carl got up and opened the door. “So, just Negan today?” Laura chuckled a bit coming over to Negan.

“Yeah, Carl’s just gonna watch,” Negan said, not explaining any further. “Maybe another day.” He watched Laura as she came over, smiling at her. “But I am here and ready for you to work your magic! You still got that one oil stuff that smells like coconut?” he asked, settling down onto the bed, putting his arms down by his sides.

“Oh, also,” he popped his head up. “I know you usually stay quiet during these, but could you explain what you’re doing as you go? I want Carl to understand what’s happening,” he said to Laura, quiet enough for her to hear but not Carl.

She nodded to both of the things at once to not seem suspicious. “Of course.” She smiled and got up and grabbed three bottles putting them on a little table before going over to the side, striking a match and lighting a small fire in a bowl, putting smooth rocks on a rack about a foot over the flames before coming back.

“Okay, your shoulder is always tight, so we’re gonna work from there out.” She poured some coconut jojoba oil in her hands before kneading Negan’s shoulder.

Carl sat on the other bed watching. He was a bit jealous. Maybe? He didn’t know. He just knew Negan was his.

Negan hummed in pleasure as Laura’s fingers dug into his muscle. God, that felt good. He was so glad she knew his body so she knew where to work and how much pressure to apply.

Negan wondered how Carl was going to take watching this woman work on his body. He would look over at him, but he didn’t want to move and mess Laura up. He relaxed into her hands, sighing.

She soon moved down to knots in his back. “I can feel you’ve been stressed, Negan. You should have come to me sooner.” She got out a cool freeze dried towel explaining it would be cold and relax his nerves before putting it on his lower back. 

Carl decided to look away, focusing his attention on the koi fish instead of his jealousy that was building in his chest.

Negan chuckled, making small noises as she worked him. “You know how it goes,” he said, tilting his head so his mouth was towards her. “I get busy with work, I plan a battle, I adopt some kids.” He shrugs as best he can from his position, talking like these were things he did on the daily. Even though Laura wasn’t apart of the siege of Rick’s place, Negan isn’t stupid, and he knows the word has gotten around to everyone about what went on and who was now living with him. “It’s stressful stuff.”

“Yes, I’ve heard the stories, sir,” she said and began working on a knot in the center of his shoulders, using all her weight to try and force it apart. “You are a brave man.”

Carl listened silently. Everyone knew who he was and who Judith was and who they were with. This was fabulous.

Negan grunted and groaned softly as she pushed on him, trying to breathe through the pressure. “Ah,” he gasped softly, turning his head to look at Carl. “I’m not the only brave one. Don’t give me all the credit.”

Carl looked back at him, feeling more and more tense as the woman continued to touch him. He wanted that so badly. God, what was wrong with him.

Laura nodded softly, beginning to massage the hot rocks into the man's back, placing a wet towel down on his neck before putting two hot rocks there.

Negan sighed as the heat from the stones radiated through him. God, that was good. He could tell Carl was not having a fun time watching, but Negan didn’t know how to help the boy. It’s not like Carl could be the one giving him the massage. Negan hummed.

He turned to face Laura again. “Psst,” he said softly, getting her attention. “Is there anything Carl could help you do?” he whispered to her. He couldn’t lie to himself, he’d love to have the boy’s hands on him. He just didn’t know if Laura would allow it.

“Hey Carl, want to feed the fish? The food?” She waited until the boy nodded his head. She smiled. “The fish food is under the rocks cabinet,” she explained and Carl quickly came over and opened the cabinets, grabbing the fish food. “Now feed them a large pinch full every five minutes until we are done.” She smiled as Carl went over to sit next to the little waterfall.

“He’s a strong kid, sir, but you’ll have your hands full,” Laura said in his ear as she rubbed him down, almost done. “He trusts you,” she whispered.

Negan smiled as Carl fed the fish, putting his face back down into the hole on the bed. He was glad to have people like Laura working for him. “Thank you, Laura,” he sighed, knowing her words were true. He looked over at her. “Remind me to give you a raise, or a vacation, or something. You saving up for anything?” He hummed as her hands touched him softly.

“I was thinking about taking my sister to Cuba for her summer vacation from school.” She chuckled. “I’m saving up for a new car but, damn boss, you do treat us well here,” she said, rubbing out another knot in his calve. “I also plan on getting a house soon, instead of living here.”

Negan hummed as he thought over her words. He wasn’t going to get her all of the things she mentioned, no that’d be too much. He was nice, but not  _ that _ nice. “Give me the dates of your sister’s vacation and consider yourself in possession of two tickets to Cuba, all expenses paid.” Ok, he was sometimes  _ that _ nice.

Laura wasn’t expecting Negan to pay for it all. She just was telling him her plans for the future, what she was doing with her life. She was only twenty-five after all. “You’re too kind, sir. Thank you.” She laughed a little with a smile. “I think I’m gonna get a third dog when I move out.” She said with a smile, lotioning the man’s arms as she spoke. “Also… I didn’t want to say anything but I was thinking and...” She gulped. “Do you think that maybe a normal house would be the better for the girl than to grow up in an old factory turned hotel?” She laughed a little.

He looked over to her when she seemed to get nervous asking her question. The girl? Who- oh. Judith. He frowned slightly. “Of course a normal house would be better,” he said, an edge to his voice but not at Laura, more just the situation itself. “I don’t want either of them growing up here, but what can I do? I could send them away, but who would they live with? I can’t just leave and go live in the suburbs,” he huffed. Sure, he’d been away from the main building before, but never for longer than a month, and always on business-related excursions. Who knows what would happen if he just left for good.

“I’ll… figure something out. They can at least be here for a few years right now.” He remembered Carl telling him something when he first met him. About moving out of town with Judith and living somewhere with ducks. Negan would love to make that dream a reality for him. He sighed. “You see why I have so much stress?” He snorted a laugh.

“Yes, you’re stressed because you are taking in to much. Sometimes you need a break,” she said, slowly pulling back, done. 

“If I don’t take it in, then who will?” Negan mumbled into the bed. When he realized she was done he whined. He always hated that massages couldn’t last forever. He brought his arms up, crossing them and resting his chin on him, inhaling the lovely coconut smell.

“I heard you recently got some cats for the kids?” Laura asked.

“Word really travels around here, doesn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow at Laura. “It was less me getting the cats and more Carl finding them and begging to keep them.” He rolled his eyes. “I know Gina already claimed one, if you or anyone else wants one. I can’t remember exactly how many there are…”

He turned his head to look at Carl. The boy looked picturesque next to the waterfall. “Carl really likes animals.” Carl continued to feed the fishes, ignoring the other two in the room.

Laura smiled over at him. “Yes, he seems like he does.” She smiled. “I’m gonna get him built up strong. You put food in him and I’ll make him stronger then he already is.”

Negan let out an exasperated scoff. “Believe me! I’m trying!” Negan flipped over to his back before sitting up slowly. “Little shit ripped out the feeding tube he got put in him at the doctors,” Negan whispered to Laura, miming yanking something from his nose. “So, I gotta deal with that.” He ran his hands down his face, exhausted.

“He is doing better about eating actual food though, I’ll give him that. Ate more at breakfast today than I’d seen him eat before.” Negan sighed. “It’s just hard to do this alone.” Of course, Negan didn’t mean literally alone. There were plenty of people in The Sanctuary that were helping him. What Negan meant was, ‘without Lucille’.

Laura nodded slightly. “Yeah, it’d be hard,” she said and started walking to the doorway to let Negan dress. “I’ll go get the girl,” she said and left.

Carl looked up after hearing the door shut. “Sorry, about the tube,” he said, rubbing his arm, his shoulder curling up to hide his face in a submissive defensive position. He would let his walls go when alone with Negan but he was still defensive.

Negan looked over at Carl as he spoke, sighing out his nose. “Will you go get my shirt, please?” Negan asked, pointing to the article of clothing that he’d thrown off to the side, as he turned letting his legs dangle off the side of the bed. He rolled his neck and his shoulders around, humming in pleasure at how relaxed everything was. He’d need to remember to drink some water to flush the toxins that were just massaged out of him. He slid off the bed, slipping his shorts back on.

Carl got up and went to go get his shirt. He came back and handed it to Negan. Negan slipped his shirt back on, plucking at it as it stuck to his oiled and sweaty skin. Ugh. They needed showers.

“I want that with you,” Carl said softly, not looking at him as he spoke. He put away the fish food in the cabinet. “I want your hands on me. I don’t know why but I didn’t like when she touched you.”

He looked over at Carl as he sat back on the bed and started getting his socks and shoes back on. “That’s called jealousy, kid. It happens when you see someone you have feelings for getting attention from someone else.” Negan paused, listening to his own words. Could that mean that Carl did feel something for him that wasn’t straight lust or some form of familial love?

Carl pouted when Negan didn’t react to him saying he wanted to feel his touch. “Okay,” was all he said before he got up and walked out trying to not show that he was feeling something. He hated this feeling because he felt stupid. He felt like he didn’t know anything and the man knew everything.

He walked over and went to the playpen to pick up Judith, holding her with one arm, resting her on his hip. He was strong. He needed to prove that to himself because, shit, he didn’t have much else.

Negan threw his hands up as Carl just brushed him off and left. The kid couldn’t wait one goddamn minute? He sighed and followed him out, watching him go get Judith. Negan spotted Laura close by and went to her. “Hey, thanks again. Don’t forget to give me those dates and I’ll hook you guys up with that trip,” he said, taking one of her hands in both of his and patting it. “We’ll be back, of course. I think Carl will like working with you.”

He leaned down to talk into her ear. “And right now I’m being a little shit and hoping that he’s looking at me because he’s super jealous that you got to touch me. You should either slap me or give me a kiss on the cheek and help me play this up.” He leaned back, grinning wide at her, mischief shining in his eyes.

Laura was always up for some drama, and she had nothing else to do, so she shrugged and loudly said, “Negan!” She started to laugh to get Carl’s attention. He looked around and smiled seeing the two.

Laura hung off of Negan’s arm before getting on her toes to kiss his cheek, daringly close to his lips. Carl kept his smile on watching the two, bouncing Judith in his arms who knew instantly something was wrong. Carl was already raging.  _ Raging _ .

Negan grinned, trying not to burst into laughter. This was too funny, and Laura was playing it up perfectly. “Oh, you’re fantastic, doll,” he said, chucking her under the chin softly with a knuckle. “You better run before the sea of teenage jealousy gets over here.” He winked at her and patted her softly on the hip.

Laura smiled and got off of Negan’s arm. “Yeah, I need to go on a run with the dogs anyway. See ya.” She trotted out.

Negan finally turned towards Carl, grinning at him like he knew exactly what he was doing to the boy… because he did. “C’mon, Carl. Let’s get some showers and then head to the mall, yeah?” he called to him, acting nonchalant.

“Sure,” Carl said through his gritting teeth. He was holding Judith a bit too tightly and she was getting uncomfortable, starting to cry a little.

“Hey, now. Loosen up on your sister,” Negan said shaking his head. He could tell how tense the boy was and it made him giddy to think that it was because Carl wanted Negan all to himself. “You’ve proved you’re strong. No need to squeeze her.” He reached out and pet Judith’s head.

Negan headed towards the gym doors, holding them open for Carl. “We can use my personal showers back up in my room. Something tells me you would not enjoy using the communal in the locker room.”

“Whatever,” Carl said, holding Judith tightly still. It wasn’t tight enough to leave a bruise but it was enough to make the toddler squirm still. He hated this. Negan was his. Did he not just tell that to him? Tell him his feelings? So then Negan went out and pulled this bullshit?! Was this Negan’s confession that he didn’t feel the same way?

Negan led the way to the elevator. He felt great after the massage, a chip of his stress gone. He felt loose. He eyed Carl, unable to hide the smirk at the boy’s attitude. Oh, he was cute when he was angry.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Negan take a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, you ready for a little smut cause that's what this chapter is bringing you. ;3

Once everyone was in the elevator, Negan pressed the button for his floor. Once the doors shut and the elevator began to climb, Negan leaned over and spoke into Carl’s ear, “My shower is big enough for two people at once. If you’re interested.” He straightened back up, licking his bottom lip and smiling at Carl. Would the boy accept or had he pissed him off too much?

Carl took a few moments to think. How could he piss Negan off? He took a few moments to think up a good plan to get back at him before answering. He looked up at Negan’s chest before sighing. “Yeah, I like that idea,” he said, bouncing Judith. “Good to know I’m not the only whore here.” He looked back at Judith, not once making eye contact with Negan.

Negan bit his tongue, holding back a laugh. The kid was trying to get under his skin. Get back at him. Negan could play at that too. He reached out and tucked some of Carl’s hair behind his ear, combing his fingers down through it and grazing Carl’s neck. “You sure are the prettiest,” he quipped back, smirking. 

Carl blushed, his face and neck hot. He was just getting more upset. “If I’m the prettiest then why do you whore yourself to women?” he asked, not looking at Negan, shivering a little when he was touched. He hated that he still loved it. He was so mad at him. Carl looked down at Judith, doing his best not to lean against the man's hand. Shit, why did he feel so safe?

Okay, Negan was starting to feel a little bad now. He kept forgetting Carl didn’t understand certain social cues and took things pretty literally. He leaned back down to growl softly into his ear, “Carl, who is it that I’m taking up to my room right now?” He nudged Carl’s ear with the tip of his nose. “Who is it that I’ve kissed and held?” He placed a hand in the middle of Carl’s shoulder blades and ran it down to his tailbone. “Who is it that I’ve touched?”

Carl growled a little when Negan first leaned in but quickly shut it and let out a mini whine when the man's hand traveled down to his lower back. This somehow calmed down Judith. She started sucking her thumb, resting on the opposite shoulder that Negan was on.

“Me,” Carl whispered as goosebumps raised on the pale skin if his neck. The bruises in the front of his neck had begun to pale in color, not really that noticeable unless you were looking. “All this means is I’m your favorite.” He looked up at Negan.

“Of course you’re my favorite, Carl,” Negan said, smiling, glad the boy finally looked at him. He cupped Carl’s cheek with the hand not resting on Carl’s lower back and pressed their foreheads together. “You’re the  _ only _ one. There is no gaggle of women. I don’t have a harem of wives.” He pressed a quick kiss to Carl’s cheek. “There’s only you.”

Carl blushed harder and cuddled into Negan’s hand. He loved feeling his skin against his. Being the favorite wasn’t always a good thing. But here, right now, it felt like a very good thing. “I’m glad,” he said, looking down at his chest before the door opened and Carl smiled, standing up straighter, away from his hand.

Negan smiled, loving the feeling of Carl lean into him. He felt better now that Carl seemed to be happy again. He led the way out when the door opened. “Alright, let’s see if Daryl is awake or else I’ll call Dwight up here to watch Judith. I don’t want her just by herself.”

Carl nodded a bit and walked down the hall to see Daryl on the bed, face down, asleep. He didn’t want to wake him, that would be a dick move with his headache, so he went back to Negan. “He’s out still,” he said.

Negan texted Dwight while Carl went to check on Daryl. He asked him to babysit for a bit and also to bring up clean clothes for Carl and Judith, something other than a large T-shirt for the latter. Dwight sent a confirmation as quick as it took Carl to come back.

“Yeah, I figured,” Negan said, nodding. “Ok, Dwight will be here soon. Why don’t you two go check on the kittens while we wait?” He pointed towards the living room where soft mews could be heard.

Carl smiled a bit, nodded. “Yeah.” He said and bounced Judy before going over, kneeling in front of the box and taking out Kilot. He loved that one so much. It was so cute. He pet the kittens head gently.

Negan leaned on the back of the couch and watched the two play with the kittens. It was a touching scene. The mama cat seemed to be getting used to people fairly quickly, for which Negan was glad for.

The elevator dinged a few minutes later, and Negan let Dwight in. The other man handed Negan a stack of clothes; jeans, briefs, a T-shirt, and a flannel button down for Carl and a purple and white polka dot dress with soft, pink leggings for Judith. Negan raised his eyebrow at the dress.

“Maggie sent a little care package,” Dwight explained. “A couple of outfits for Judith, along with…” he held up a stuffed animal sea otter. Negan snorted but smiled softly.

“We’ll have to send her something for her kid as well,” he said. He handed Dwight back the clothes for Judith. “If you would get her dressed, Carl and I are gonna take a shower and then I wanna take them to the mall.”

Dwight took the clothes back, cocking his head at Negan. “You’re… taking a shower together?”

Negan looked at Dwight, his eyes hard. “Did I stutter?” Dwight quickly shook his head and looked away. “Good.”

The two men walked over to the siblings, Dwight sitting down on the couch and waving at Judith with the sea otter’s paw. 

Judith instantly squealed happily, clapping her hands before reaching out for the stuffed toy. She thought it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen. 

Carl turned his attention away from the kitten in his hand to Judith who crawled from his lap over to Dwight and the toy. Carl pet the little kitten's tummy some more before looking up at Dwight. He didn’t know why, but he felt a bit of tension with the man. He felt like the man was looking at him for some reason.

Dwight smiled and handed Judith the stuffed animal, before watching Carl play with the kittens. He respected Negan’s decisions on most things, but he was still unsure about the relationship between him and Carl. Dwight couldn’t scrub the memory from his brain of Carl up on the roof, gun pointed at him, ready to take Negan down along with himself.

He gave a small smile when Carl looked up at him. “Maggie said she wanted to get you something too,” he said, gesturing to the stuffed animal. “But she wasn’t sure what to get you. She asked for a list of things you liked, so if you make one up I’ll give it to her.”

Negan reached over and ruffled Judith’s curls, glad she liked the toy. He made one of the paws reach up and bop her on the nose. She squealed happily as the stuffy booped her on the nose. “Ank ou,” she said smiling happily, standing before Dwight, one hand on his knee to support her and the other reaching for the otter's waist.

Carl looked up at Dwight, giving Kilot back to the mama cat. “That’s very very sweet of her, but I’m good with what I have,” he said looking back at Judith with a smile as she played with the toy.

Dwight nodded at Carl. “Alright, well, I’ll let her know.”

Negan chuckled looking to Dwight. “You know Maggie won’t take that for an answer.” Dwight huffed a laugh. Negan looked to Carl. “She’ll get you something whether you want it or not,” he said, letting go of the toy so Judith could take it.

“Doesn’t she keep getting you novelty socks for your birthday because you refused to tell her what you wanted  _ once _ ?” Dwight asked, chuckling softly. Negan groaned and put his head in his hands.

“Don’t remind me.”

Carl smiled more, looking between the two men. “Really?” He giggled. “Novelty socks?” He cocked his head and giggled harder.

Negan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, they got like animals and shit on ‘em.” Negan would never admit it, but he did actually enjoy all of the socks. His favorite was a pair with the word “FUCK” written all over them.

Judith took the stuffy and plopped down on her bum, hugging the animal. She loved it so much. It was so soft and smelt good and was perfect. 

Carl looked up at Negan, smiling. “Shower time?” he asked, stretching his arms and legs.

Negan hummed and nodded at Carl’s words. “Yeah, follow me. Here’s your change of clothes,” he said, holding said clothes out and moving towards the hallway. “Judith, be nice to Dwight, you hear!” he called out playfully.

Judith nodded a little, looking up at Dwight with a smile on her face. She reached up for him with the hand without the otter in it. Dwight smiled and took her hand, shaking it. Judith giggled. Her hand was a bit cold. She rubbed the otter against her cheek and yawned.

Carl smiled and took his clothes happily. “Thanks.” He looked down at the nice set of clothes and was grateful. He scampered off in front of Negan down the hall, excited to get another shower.

Negan followed Carl, chuckling at his excitement. “Go to my room. The bathroom we want is the one connected to it,” he explained. As they entered his room, Negan shut his door and pulled his shirt off. He walked towards the door to the connected bathroom and dropped it into the laundry basket that sat near it. He kicked his shoes and socks off as well.

Turning towards Carl, he smiled softly. “You can leave your clean clothes on my bed, put your dirty ones in here. I’ll go get the water to a nice temp,” he said, entering into the bathroom.

One side held a large shower with fogged glass doors. A vanity mirror and sink sat against the wall perpendicular to it, and the other side held a deep tub with jets all around the sides. Negan moved to the shower and turned a couple knobs, feeling the water with his hand. He wanted it comfortable, but not too hot.

Carl nodded and took off his shirt and after a bit of hesitation, he took off his shorts. He put them in the basket and put his clean clothes on the corner of the bed before going to the shower. His arms were crossed over his chest, not in an angry or defensive way, but in an attempt to cover up his body. He was so uncomfortable.

Negan stepped out of the way, offering a soft smile to the boy. “Go on then, I’ll just be a second,” he said, keeping his eyes on the boy’s face as he spoke to him. He stepped back out into his room and took a deep breath. ‘ _ Alright. Make this a good experience _ ,’ he thought to himself. 

Carl watched Negan leave and he started getting nervous. He felt so gross.

Negan removed the rest of his clothes before stepping back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Carl looked up at Negan when he came back. He tried not to look down at his crotch but it was hard. He himself was still in his boxers.

Negan noticed Carl’s eyes roaming and he smiled. He was comfortable in his nakedness and would gladly allow Carl to get an eyeful. Noticing the boy’s hesitation, Negan stepped up to him, placing his hand on the boy’s cheek. “Hey, you’re alright. I’m here,” he said, studying the boy’s face. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Carl blushed as the man’s hand on his cheek. He loved the feeling. “Okay,” he said and pushed off his boxers looking into the shower. He was clearly so tense. He didn’t know if he was ready for this. He wanted to be but he was already shaking a bit.

…

“Hey, Judith. C’mere,” Dwight spoke softly, helping her climb up into his lap. He used the paw on the otter like Negan had to brush it against her cheek. “You’ll have to name this guy, you know?” He smiled at her. He could see why Negan had fallen so hard for her.

Judith giggled happily, looking at the otter and then Dwight. She didn’t know really how to name. “Caa-rl?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. She only knew a few names.

Dwight laughed. “You’re gonna name him after your brother? I mean, I guess that works, but what about something like…” he racked his brain for some fun names that would be easy to say, tapping his chin. “Charlie? Bart? Matthew?”

Judith held the otter close, shaking her head no. “Carl!” she said again, this time with some attitude. She got to name it, and its name would be Carl.

“Alright, alright,” Dwight laughed. “Carl it is.” He pet Judith’s curls, smiling down at her. He looked around, spotting the remote on the table next to him. “You wanna watch a movie, Judith?” He really had no experience with kids, but he thought it’d be a good distraction.

The little girl nodded softly. She loved The Little Mermaid, and that was a movie. “Movie!” she cheered and turned around in his lap, plopping down once she was facing the TV. 

Dwight wrapped an arm around the little girl and picked up the remote, turning the TV on and flipping through the movies it held. He searched through the children’s section, finally settling on ‘Frozen’. It seemed to be popular from what he could tell. He set the remote down and relaxed into the couch. Judith smiled, snuggling back into Dwight’s chest and stomach as she watched the movie excitedly.

…

Negan let his eyes flick over Carl’s nude body. The bruises, the scars, the skin pulled tight over his bones. It was a little eerie and sad, but also beautiful in its own way. He looked back up at his face. “Carl, this doesn’t have to be anything more than just a shower. Don’t feel like I’m expecting anything more from you, ok?” he said softly, taking Carl’s hand as he stepped into the shower himself, tugging the boy along gently.

Carl nodded a bit. He felt a little bit of relief but it was still stressful. He stepped into the shower after Negan, keeping his eyes down on his feet as his heart pounded in his chest. He untensed as the hot water flowed over him. “I’m sorry,” he said, facing the wall, away from Negan. What the fuck was wrong with him?!

Negan shushed Carl as he reached over and slid the door closed. He stood behind the boy, close but not too close. “Nothing to be sorry about, Carl. Step under the water, get your hair wet. Let me wash it for you, babe,” Negan said softly over the sound of the water pattering on the floor and their bodies. The warmth felt great on his skin, relaxing his muscles even more than they already were.

He looked over at the rack on the wall holding a variety of soaps and the likes. “Do you want strawberry or woodsmoke scented hair?” he asked, chuckling.

Carl stepped a few inches closer to Negan, the warm water wetting his long hair. “Strawberry, please,” he said quietly. He felt ugly without his clothes to hide in. “You don’t actually think I’m a whore right?”

Negan picked up the strawberry shampoo and squirted a dollop into his hand, capping the lid and putting it back before rubbing his hands together and reaching out to start massaging it through Carl’s hair gently. “Of course I don’t, Carl. Of course I don’t,” he leaned down and place a kiss on Carl’s shoulder before resuming running his hands through Carl’s soft hair, making sure he washed every strand. He moved his hands up to Carl’s scalp and kneaded the shampoo softly into it. “I’m sorry for making you jealous and mad earlier. I was just teasing you. I didn’t mean anything by it, but I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Carl relaxed and melted into Negan’s touch. “It’s okay, old man,” he said, purring out the words with a breathy sigh of pleasure as his hair was washed. “Thank you, this feels good.” He giggled, stepping back so they were close together.

Negan clicked his tongue at Carl’s jab, but he didn’t say anything about it. He continued to work the soap into Carl’s hair, detangling it as he went. “You’re welcome,” he said, pausing for a second when Carl backed up, shivering slightly, before continuing.

Once he deemed it significantly washed, he pushed Carl’s head forward softly. “Go under the water again,” he said, reaching over to grab a dollop of the matching scented conditioner.

Carl actually moaned a little when Negan pushed his head forward a little, even though it was a soft touch. He liked it. He blushed immediately and tilted his head under the water. “Sorry,” he whispered again. ‘ _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck not now! _ ’ he screamed at himself as his heart beat a little faster. Why was he so weird? Why was that so hot?!

Negan raised an eyebrow at the noise that Carl let out. Damn, the kid was really into being pushed and pulled, wasn’t he? Negan wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He just chuckled and tilted Carl’s head back towards him when the shampoo had been rinsed, starting on getting the conditioner in there. He wanted Carl’s hair to be silky smooth. “Stop apologizing, Carl. You’ve done nothing wrong. Just let yourself relax,” he said, working the conditioner into his scalp. “Just let yourself enjoy.” Negan ran his hands down through Carl’s hair, tugging on it lightly as he did.

Carl whimpered as his hair was cleaned. “Okay,” he said again, looking at the glass wall in front of him. The hot water hitting across his chest. “This feels nice. I like this.” He rolled his head, his neck popping when he did. When his hair was tugged a bit he whined like a lost puppy.

“Good,” Negan purred, leaning down to place another kiss to Carl’s bare shoulder. He loved the noises that Carl was making, and he had to stop himself from moving too fast. His mind wanted to immediately touch Carl  _ everywhere _ . See what places made him whine, what places made him moan. Not yet though. Not yet.

He pushed Carl forward again a moment later. “All done. Rinse that out.” 

Carl whimpered but it was stifled but a bratty huff as he was moved away from Negan. He used his hands, rubbing out the conditioner, sniffling to himself. “I’m not gonna break if you touch me. I’m not made out of glass,” he said before going back into silence, rinsing out his long hair.

‘ _ Says the kid who looked like he was going to have a panic attack five minutes ago _ ,’ Negan thought, rolling his eyes. “I’m just getting you clean, boy,” he said, reaching out and running a finger up Carl’s spine. “All in due time,” he mumbled. Carl whimpered again, shivering.

Negan leaned forward, blocking the water from Carl for a second while he got his own hair wet, leaning back and shaking it out like a dog. “You wanna wash mine for me?” he asked excitedly, grinning.

Carl blushed while Negan leaned over him to get to the water. “Yea, I will,” he whispered. “Want to switch spots?” he asked, doing everything he could to not look at the man's cock.

Negan kissed Carl’s shoulder and then his cheek, trying to convey his thanks. “Sure,” he said, scratching his bearded chin along Carl’s jaw. 

Carl whimpered a little as he was touched and scratched.  “Negan...” he moaned a little. 

“You want me on my knees so it’s easier for you to reach?” Negan asked, growling softly with his chest pressed against Carl’s back.

Carl looked up at Negan, nodding. “Yes, sir,” he said, wanting the man on his knees. He wanted that view.

Mmm. Negan liked that. He placed one more kiss on Carl’s cheek before gently maneuvering him back so that Negan could get in front of him and kneel down on the warm tiles. He tilted his head back to look at Carl, grinning. “Like this, or you want me facing you?” Negan asked, not sure if Carl would get uncomfortable with Negan being able to see him.

Carl blushed and shook his head after a second. “No no, this way is good,” he said, turning around to grab shampoo. “Which one to do you want? Clear or black bottle?” he asked since he technically couldn’t read. Well, he could kind of read but it’d just be easier if Negan told him the bottles color.

Negan looked over and pointed at the shampoo. He’d take the woodsmoke. “The black please,” he said. “The one with the square cap is the shampoo, and the circle cap is the conditioner,” he explained before turning his head back to face forward and waiting in eager anticipation.

Carl took a large bloop of the shampoo before turning and rubbing it into Negan’s hair, running his hands through it with a smile on his face. His hair was longer than expected when wet. Easily as long as the length of his fingers. “I know I call you old man a lot, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you are so handsome.” He blushed as he massaged Negan’s scalp.

Negan hummed softly, his eyes fluttering shut, as Carl washed his hair. Oh, that was wonderful. They’d definitely need to do this more often. He gave a soft laugh at Carl’s words, feeling a slight blush on his neck. “Thank you, I think? You’re not too bad yourself.” He chuckled.

Carl giggled a little before leaning down. “I like you better on your knees.” He smiled, nipping the man's ear. He liked this sort of power it made him feel that he had.

Negan gasped and shivered at Carl’s words and the little bite. Oh, god. That felt so good. He actually kinda liked Carl getting to be in charge, standing over him. It was a nice change to their usual dynamic. And it was hot as fuck. He dropped his head back to look up at Carl. “What else do you like?”

Carl groaned softly, using his grip on Negan’s hair to force the man to face the wall. “I like when you listen to me,” he said grabbing his shoulders and putting him in the water stream to wash away the shampoo.

Negan laughed silently in his chest as Carl manhandled him about. He let the water rinse out his hair, reaching up and feeling to make sure it was all gone. It felt good rolling down his back at this angle. Once he was rinsed, he pushed himself back out of the water and shook his head, splattering water all around. “Oh, yeah? What else?”

“I like when you look at me like you’re trying to hold yourself back from pouncing. I like you when you pull my hair.” He tugged on Negan’s own hair a bit before rubbing conditioner in it. “I like when you kiss me, and grab me, and push me,” he said. “But most of all, I like when you let me do what  _ I _ want.” He put emphasis on the ‘I’ part. Carl didn’t know what this was, but Jesus, he was the definition of a power bottom.

Negan groaned and bit his lip when Carl tugged on him, listening to his words intently. “O-oh?” he breathed out. Negan was mentally writing all of this down and storing it away. “And what do  _ you _ want, Carl?” he asked, leaning into the boy’s hands as he worked the conditioner in.

Carl gulped, not sure. He was currently getting everything he wanted. He had the man in his hands. His sister was safe, and the man offered him literally everything he ever wanted. “I want to do what we did the other day,” he said, rubbing and massaging his hair more until he pushed him back into the water.

Negan hummed as he was hit by the water again, closing his eyes and letting it rinse out his hair. He knew what Carl was talking about of course, and he definitely wanted to help Carl out with that. Carters’ words of making sex a positive experience rang in his ears. Well, they were having a positive experience right now, right? Negan sure was, and he was 99% sure Carl was having a good time as well.

He leaned back out of the water, pushing his hair back with his hand. “Yeah?” he breathed out. He cocked his head. “Can I turn around and see you?”

“Yes,” Carl said, stepping away from the man to let him turn around. Having Negan on his knees gave him a sense of self-security. He wanted his hands on him so bad. Wanted him to be rough so bad but he knew the man was afraid to hurt him.

Negan turned, gazing up at the boy. He reached out and placed his hands on Carl’s hips, massaging his thumbs into the skin there. He felt something raised on the smooth skin and moved his thumb over, revealing a branding mark of some kind. Negan ignored the brand, for now, focusing on Carl. He’d ask about it later. He had more important things on his mind right then.

Negan felt like Carl was even more beautiful from this angle. He ran his hands up and down Carl’s sides, leaning in to kiss Carl’s stomach. Negan looked up at the boy, resting his chin on Carl’s stomach. “Do you know what a blow job is, Carl?” Negan asked, licking his bottom lip.

Carl nodded his head slowly. “Yeah.” He gulped, whining a little.

“Would you like me to give you one?” Negan asked, voice husky.

Carl nodded quickly. “Yes, sir,” he said, holding onto the man's hair. He was chewing his lip a lot.

Negan shuddered. Carl was going to kill him one day just by calling him ‘sir’. The man smiled and kissed Carl’s stomach again, his hands roaming over Carl’s chest.

Carl whined when his stomach was kissed and his chest touched. He felt weird. He felt ugly, but right now he felt safe and good and like he was pretty. 

Negan reached up, cupping Carl’s neck, and pulled the boy down enough for Negan to kiss him on that lip he kept chewing on. As he kissed him, Negan let one hand slide down to palm at Carl and get him ready for his mouth. 

Carl willingly came down to kiss Negan, whimpering again when his now slightly sore and sensitive lips touched the other’s. He jumped a bit, grabbing the man's shoulders when his crotch was touched. His heart started thumping harder as he was palmed, getting increasingly hard. “Negan...” he panted out his name into the man's lips.

Negan steadied Carl with a hand on the boy’s hip, his other still working the boy. The slickness of the water helped Negan’s hand slide easily. “Carl,” he said against the other’s lips, “I want to make you feel good. Do you trust me?” He kissed at Carl’s jaw, trailing to his neck. “Let me know if you want to stop, ok?”

Carl nodded, smiling a little. “Yes, yes, please,” he moaned holding onto his shoulders, getting more and more hard as he was played with. “Please more,” he whimpered.

Negan smiled. Well. He did say please. “As you wish,” Negan purred into his ear before kissing down Carl’s chest and stomach, removing his hand from the boy’s cock and gripping both of his hips.

Carl smiled a bit as the man hotly kissed him. This felt so good but his stomach was churning. He needed to get used to the feeling of being turned on. He squeaked a little when his hips were grabbed. He felt weak in the mans hands but in a good way.

Negan’s mouth watered as he examined the boy up close. “Beautiful,” he breathed. He pressed a kiss to the head of Carl’s cock, flashing his eyes up at Carl’s face. He didn’t look away as he kissed down to the base and then licked all the way back up.

Carl watched the man kiss and lick his cock. As he made eye contact, he felt like this was almost like a power move on Negan’s part, looking him in the eyes. Carl quickly broke that by closing his eye tight, shuddering under his touch while moaning, his hands balling into fists at his sides.

Negan leaned back a hair, taking one of Carl’s hands and kissing his knuckles. He rubbed at his clenched fingers, encouraging him to relax them. “Carl, tell me if I’m moving too fast. I can’t read your mind,” he breathed, nuzzling Carl’s hand. “And don’t be afraid to touch me. Softly, roughly...” He placed Carl’s hand on top of his head. “Pull me, push me. It’s ok. You’re in charge right now, Carl.” He held Carl’s hips again, rubbing down to his thighs and back up.

Carl didn’t relax until a minute after his hand was placed on to Negan’s hair. It took a little bit but he soon snapped out of it. He gripped onto the man's hair like a vice, pulling it closer to him. “Suck me. Now,” he growled before softening up his tone just a little and adding a little bit quieter, “Please.” He gulped. Carl was definitely a head pusher.

A thrill went up Negan’s spine at Carl’s change in demeanor, a soft whine coming from his throat as he was pulled. He panted, looking up at Carl with half-lidded eyes, pupils blown wide. “Yes, sir,” he whispered before opening his mouth and swallowing Carl down to the base. He moaned as his mouth was filled, his eyes fluttering shut. 

Carl moaned a bit, holding onto his hair panting. “Yeah, I’m in charge.” He panted, shaking a bit, his thighs growing weaker as if Negan was sucking his strength right out of him.

Negan bobbed his head along Carl’s length, taking him almost all the way out and then sucking back all the way in. He swirled his tongue as he went, moaning every time the head of Carl’s cock hit the back of his throat. He shivered at Carl’s words, opening his eyes to look up at the boy as he moved. Negan was in heaven.

It didn’t take long for Carl to reach his peak. The boy was in power for the first time. He felt safe. A handsome man was on his knees for him, and he was young. He cried out again and came in Negan’s mouth. He gasped, shaking, his grip tightening on the man's hair as he orgasmed.

Negan grunted slightly as Carl’s grip pulled on him, but he swallowed down everything Carl had to give him greedily. God, that was good. He helped stabilize Carl by gripping onto his thighs, holding him up, feeling him shake beneath his fingers.

He breathed heavy through his nose as he waited for Carl pull out, the grip on his hair a bit too tight for him back up himself. Also, he just liked giving Carl the power to choose. He’d have to let Carl take control more often.

Carl slowly unfurled his fingers and let Negan’s hair go completely, his arms falling limp at his sides. “T-Thank you, N- D- sir,” he said looking down at him, his face was flushed again, his legs still shaking but a bit less now.

Negan let Carl’s member fall from his mouth with a small gasp. He smiled up at the boy. The stuttering on trying to find a name for Negan was kinda cute. “No, thank you, Carl,” he said, voice rough. “C’mere, babe.” Negan pulled Carl gently towards him as he raised up in his knees so he was eye level with him. He wrapped his arms around Carl and buried his face into the boy’s neck, kissing it softly. “You did so well. That was so good,” Negan praised, kissing up to the boy’s temple. “And please, you can call me by my name.”

Carl blushed, shivering a little when he was called babe. “Okay, Negan.” He smiled, blushing hard, looking anywhere but the man's eyes. He pulled the man closer and hugging around his shoulders, he needed this. This felt good. The praise felt even better than the orgasm.

Negan hummed as they hugged, rubbing his back gently. He was always one for aftercare and post-orgasm cuddling. “Did you enjoy that, Carl? Was it good for you?” he asked, wanting to make sure.

Carl nodded, sniffling a bit, quickly wiping away a few tears behind Negan’s back before cuddling his chest closer to him. “Yeah, It- it was really good.” He sniffled some more.

Negan heard the sniffling and immediately leaned back to look at Carl’s face. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Negan brought a hand up to his cheek and cocked his head, his eyebrows furrowing in worry.

“Nothing,” he said quickly, sad they were separated now. “Nothing I just…” He rubbed his eyes a bit forcing them to go away. “You said I did good. I don’t know why I’m crying like this,” he said nervously, trying to smile.

Negan laughed softly at Carl’s words. “Well, not all tears are sad. Some are happy,” he said, pressing his forehead against Carl’s. The poor boy just had what Negan believed to be the second orgasm of his life and was praised for it. The kid was probably so overwhelmed, he didn’t know what to do!

The water that was hitting Negan’s back was starting to cool off and he shivered. “You ready to get out?” They technically had only washed their hair, but they’d been in the water so long, Negan just wanted to be dry.

Carl nodded softly, pulling away a bit to kiss the side of the man's cheek before standing up all the way. “Yeah, can we? I wanna get dry,” he said looking down.

It felt weird to be naked again and he wanted to cover himself and feel that fluffy towel on his body. He smiled softly, trying to show he wasn’t upset, but as Negan knew, Carl wasn’t always a smiley person.

Negan nodded, heart skipping a beat at the little kiss, and stood up. He winced a bit, one of his legs having had fallen half asleep. He really was getting a bit old for this wasn’t he? As he shifted, Negan realized he was about half hard, having been thoroughly turned on while he had been giving Carl head, but ignoring it for the sake of the other. He turned into the spray of the cool water and let it wash over him, willing it to just go away, and acting like he was just moving towards the knobs on the wall… which he was. He turned off the water and shook his hair out, opening the shower door.

He stepped out and grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapping it around his waist and tucking it in. He grabbed a second one, waiting for Carl to step out of the shower before wrapping it around the boy, rubbing his shoulders and arms through the towel. “There we go.”

Carl followed Negan, stepping out on the bath mat, smiling as he was greeted with the soft embrace of the fluffy towel. He snuggled happily into its warmth, smiling. “Thank you, Negan,” he said. “I really don’t deserve you.” He rubbed himself off with the towel, humming gently to himself. He turned his back to the mirror so he didn’t have to look at himself while he toweled off.

Negan took Carl’s chin in his fingers and tilted the boy’s head up. What a lie. If anything, it was Negan who didn’t deserve Carl. “Hush, now. Don’t think like that,” he said before leaning down and connecting their lips in a soft kiss.

Carl looked up at him blushing before the man kissed him. He kissed back and held onto the man's shoulders.

Without breaking the kiss, Negan reached down and scooped Carl up, towel still wrapped around him, holding him bridal style. He opened his mouth against Carl’s, encouraging him to copy, as he turned and walked out of the bathroom.

Carl giggled a little as he was picked up. This was kind of silly, he felt. Being scooped up like this. However, he indulged Negan. He opened his mouth a bit, kissing back more slowly. He wasn’t too bad considering it was one of his first times.

Negan smiled as he kissed Carl back, slow and lazy like. He made his way to his bed, sitting down on the edge and placing Carl down in his lap, wrapping his arms around the boy and holding him close.

Carl scooted down into his lap, giggling again. He liked being in the man's lap and was actually jealous sometimes with Judith. He leaned in and kissed a little harder before pulling back, smiling up at him.

Negan made a surprised noise when Carl pressed harder but smiled back when he pulled away. He squeezed Carl gently. This kid was too good to him. Despite all the hassle he put Negan through. “I love you, Carl,” Negan said softly, looking into the boy’s bright blue eye, a soft blush running up his neck.

Carl smiled brightly. “Promise?” he asked, his hands moving from the back of Negan’s neck down to his shoulders to steady himself. He wanted to know this was all gonna stay this way.

Negan grinned and nodded. “I promise.” He leaned in and pecked Carl on the lips. “Even when you pull some of your shit and make me angry, know that I still love you. I always will.” Negan placed his hand over one of Carl’s on his shoulder. “No matter what.” Negan held Carl, rubbing his back and kissing his head every so often, his wet hair cool on Negan’s lips.

Carl sniffled again, cuddling into the man's chest, enjoying just sitting there. It was calming. Relaxing. He nuzzled into Negan and just breathed.

Well, just for a moment anyway.

“Can we get slush now?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets ready to go to the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Dwight and Negan, Matt is Carl and Judith~
> 
> Enjoy~

Negan laughed and kissed Carl’s cheek before blowing a raspberry on it. “Is that all you think about? Slushes?” he joked, loosening his hold on Carl so the boy could get off of him. “Alright, alright. Get dressed and we can go.”

Carl giggled again smiling again. “No!” he squealed as his cheek vibrated. “I think of you touching me, chicken nuggets, the cats, and how I’m gonna overthrow your empire.” He laughed. “Just kidding, it’s mostly nuggets.”

“Nuggets and slush, that’s all you care about,” Negan chuckled and then fell silent, his eyes furrowing in thought. He placed a hand on Carl’s neck, trailing his fingers down to his collarbone, tracing it softly. He looked up at the boy, eyes questioning. “Do you only think about me touching you? Do you not just think about  _ me _ ?” Negan asked, wanting to know if Carl actually liked him or just liked getting off.

Carl froze, eye going wide and blown the second Negan made contact with his neck. His breathing stopped thinking the man was going to stop there and add to the now almost gone handprint from almost a week ago. As soon as his hands moved he slowly relaxed. “No, just mostly. I like when you touch me. Or hold me. Hold my hand and cuddling, but I think about you if I’m not with you,” he said in a much quieter and softer tone.

Negan traced Carl’s collarbone back and forth. He hummed. “But… you like me for me right? Not just my touch?” he asked softly, trying to get Carl to understand what he needed to hear. Negan felt like he’d done so much for Carl, he just needed a little affection back.

Carl looked up at him confused a little. “Of course I do?” He cocked his head. “Why else would I want to be with you all the time and want you around my baby sister if I didn’t like you?” he asked. “And I didn’t poison your food the first night when I wanted to kill you.”

Negan’s mouth twirked up at the edges at that last bit. He sighed and laid his head on Carl’s shoulder. “I just… would like to hear you say it from time to time. Ok?”

“Do… um...” Carl bit his lip, chewing it again like when they first met. “Do you want me to suck on your, um, yours?” he asked looking up at him. “I will.”

…

Judith whimpered up at Dwight. “Potty,” she said and poked at his chest.

Dwight startled as Judith poked at him. He’d been half dozing during the movie. “What? Oh. Oh! Ok, come on then,” he scooped up the girl, also grabbing her new clothes and headed towards the hallway bathroom. He flicked the light on and placed the clothes on the edge of the sink, setting Judith down near the toilet. “Let me take Carl while you go,” he said, holding his hands out for the stuffed animal. “Do you need my help, or do you got this?”

Judith shook her head. “Mine!” she snarled at him before pulling up the t-shirt and climbing up onto the toilet. It took a minute before she began to pee. She looked at her bare toes, wiggling them.

Dwight put his hands up. “Alright, alright. You got it.” He looked away from her as she peed, feeling awkward but not thinking he should just leave. When she seemed to be finished, he hummed and ripped a couple squares of toilet paper off the roll, folding them and holding them out to her, still trying to avert his eyes.

She smiled and took the toilet paper from him, wiping herself before putting it in the toilet, wiggling off and flushing. “Ank you,” she said.

Dwight nodded. “You’re welcome.” Damn, this little girl was pretty self-sufficient. He picked up her new clothes, the leggings and dress, and showed them to her. “You want me to help you get dressed, or you wanna do that yourself too?”

She nodded softly and put her arms up over her head so the man could take off the shirt for her to get her dressed in the new clothes.

Dwight crouched down and lifted the shirt off of Judith. He rolled one leg of the leggings up and helped Judith step her foot into them, rolling up the other one and repeating the process, pulling the leggings up easily. They were made from a super soft fabric and stretchy enough to fit her little body, but not too tight. He slipped the dress on over her head, helping her get her arms in the right places and pulling it down and straightening it. “There you go! You wanna see?” He picked her up and wrapping an arm around her waist, set her feet on the sink, holding her in front of the mirror.

She let him do everything, she was an easy kid to work with, with her and Carl’s meltdowns probably equalling the same amount. She looked in the mirror cheering.    
“Vey pwetty?” she asked with a smile looking over at Dwight excitedly.

Dwight nodded and squeezed Judith lightly. “Yes, very pretty.” He scooped her up. “Let’s go see if Negan and your brother are done yet, hmm?” He walked out of the bathroom and went down the hall a little. He held Judith up to the door of Negan’s room. “Knock on it and say, ‘Hey, you guys done?’” Dwight really hoped he wasn’t interrupting  _ anything _ , but it had been a while and he was getting antsy.

She smiled and nodded at Dwight. “But then more animals,” she said. She recently discovered her love for animals in movies. It was something she and Carl shared. She reached out with her little fist and hit the door seven times before calling in, “Hi! You guys done done?”

…

Negan sucked in a quick breath as he studied Carl’s face. He remembered what the doctor said about Carl’s throat and suddenly realized why Carl probably knew what a blowjob was. Negan wouldn’t ask that of him, but the thought of Carl getting him off, even with just his hands, was enough to send a shiver through Negan.

He reached up and cupped Carl’s cheek, opening his mouth to respond when suddenly there were seven knocks on his door. Negan flinched and hugged Carl to him, relaxing when he heard Judith’s voice on the other side. He laughed, and called back, “Almost! Just a few more minutes!”

“Okay! I wanna go to mall!” she reminded them before smiling up at Dwight.

Dwight was glad to hear Negan’s voice answer sounding clear and not… distracted. He nodded to Judith. “Alright, that’s all we needed to hear. Come on, Judy. Let’s find some more animals to watch.”

“Okay,” she said, holding back onto his shoulders. He carried her back to the living room, sitting down and putting on ‘Lion King’.

Back in the bedroom, Carl looked into Negan’s eyes. It didn’t look like he didn’t want to. He got off the man's lap and got onto his knees. His gut was saying no but his head was saying yes.

Negan bit his lip as Carl got down on the floor. Oh god. His mind was fighting with him so hard on whether he should let Carl do this or not. He bent forward and took Carl’s face in his hands. “Carl, Carl. You- you don’t have to,” he said, voice low, swallowing thickly.

“I know, but I just want to make sure that you know I care, and that you’re not upset with me,” he said putting a hand on the man's thigh. His heartbeat could be felt in his thumb. _ Bump bump bump bump bump. _

“I’m not, I’m not,” Negan shook his head, but he groaned softly as Carl touched him. He could feel his cock twitch beneath his towel that was still wrapped around his waist. He was doing a really bad job if his goal was to push Carl away. He licked at his bottom lip as he gazed down at the boy.

Carl nodded softly using one of his hands to brush the hair out of his face to get a clear look at Negan. “Promise you won't be mad? If I don’t want too?” He gulped down the forming lump in his throat. He didn’t know why he started feeling a bit panicky. Well, he did know why, but he didn’t want to think about it.

Negan shook his head. “No, no, I won’t be mad.” He reached up and pet Carl’s head. “Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable just to try and make me happy. Carl, if you’re not happy, I’m not happy.”

Carl smiled again, looking up at him as he was pet. “Thank you, Negan,” he said and kissed his knee before resting his head there. “Thank you, a lot.” He looked away as he rested his head. “You’re a really good person.”

A small smile grew on Negan’s face and he ran his fingers through Carl’s damp hair. It saddened him to be called a good person for simply honoring consent from his partner, a thing everyone should do automatically, but he was glad Carl thought of him as such.

“Come on, Carl. Let’s get dressed and go to the mall,” Negan said softly, bending down to place a kiss on Carl’s head.

Carl smiled as he was pet and kissed. “Okay,” he said quietly before getting off of his knees and going over to the closet before realizing. “What am I gonna wear? All the small clothes are in my room?”

Negan snorted and pointed at the end of the bed where the clothes Dwight had brought up were sitting. Right where Carl had left them. “Do you not remember bringing those in?” Negan asked. He stood up himself and walked over to a dresser pulling out a pair of black briefs and a white t-shirt, dropping his towel before putting the articles of clothing on. He grabbed a pair of black jeans and slipped those on before lacing up a pair of black boots.

Carl blushed, embarrassed. In the midst of sex and showering for the first time it slipped his mind entirely. “Whoops, yeah. I totally forgot.” He giggled embarrassedly. He scampered over and quickly put on the black shirt, boxers, and jeans. That’s when he noticed that the black shirt wasn’t plain. It had a chest pocket with a graphic of a turtle peeking out of it.

Negan looked Carl over and smiled. He looked too cute in his new outfit. He picked up a comb from his dresser, looking in the mirror as he brushed his short hair back. It was still damp so it stuck back easily.

He held his hand out to Carl and motioned for him to come over. “Let me comb your hair so it doesn’t dry tangled.”

Carl watched Negan before he trotted over and took the man's hand in his, rubbing his knuckles. He still felt bad about what happened so he told himself he wouldn’t let Negan touch him until he touched him back.

“Okay,” he said, standing in front of the mirror with him. He looked so much shorter but he looked like he fit in at Negan’s side. Like he was supposed to be there. “I usually just tie it up so it’s not in my face,” he said before looking up at Negan.

Negan smiled as Carl rubbed his knuckles. That was a little odd of the boy but not unwelcome. Negan hummed and put his hand on top of Carl’s head, tilting it back down to look into the mirror as Negan moved behind him.

“Even so, you don’t want knots in it,” Negan said as he began combing through Carl’s long locks. The comb glided fairly smoothly, but when he hit a tangle, Negan gently and slowly tugged it out to make sure he didn’t hurt Carl. “Do you like having your hair long?” he asked as he worked. “If you ever want it cut, just ask.”

Carl had never thought about that before. Only his mom had ever groomed him in any way since Rick was so possessive. “Only my mom has ever cut my hair,” he explained as the man gently brushed his hair through the tangles in soft, non-sexual tugs. “Never thought about cutting it. Do you like my long hair?” he asked looking behind him and up at Negan with a small smile, hoping he’d say yes.

Negan smiled down at him before pushing his head back forwards so he could continue brushing. Carl laughed a bit and touched the ends of his hair, playing with it. For someone like him who’s been to the brink of death a few times his fucking hair felt and looked great.

“Yes, I like it. It’s very soft and beautiful. Fun to pull.” Negan playfully yanked on Carl’s hair a bit, chuckling. Carl yelped, his cheeks rosing as he slowly recovered from the unexpected tug. He bit his lip, happy he didn’t moan and start more of a fiasco. “But I’m sure you’d look good with short hair too. It’s whatever you want.” Negan shrugged and leaned to kiss the top of Carl’s head, setting the comb down on the dresser, all done. 

“I’ll keep it long for now,” Carl said before he just started opening Negan’s dresser drawers and sifting through, not bothering to ask since he knew it was fine, until he found a hair tie. He used the tie and tied back the top half layer of his hair just so it was out of his face.

Negan watched Carl search through his drawers, glad he kept his gun and knife in the one by his bed. He looked at Carl in the mirror as he flicked the little updo ponytail Carl had made for himself. “Cute,” Negan said, leaning down to kiss Carl’s head. “You ready to go then? I think your sister is waiting on us, and I’m sure Dwight is over the babysitting gig.” Negan snickered.

Carl nodded softly, smiling as he trotted over to the door. He didn’t even try to bat away at the man’s hand when he was flicked. He just let Negan touch him now.

As soon as the door to the bedroom opened, Judith cheered excitedly clapping her hands as Carl came out of the room. Negan followed Carl to the living room, laughing at Judith’s excitement. Dwight looked back at the two with a raised brow but didn’t say anything, holding onto Judith as she bounced on his lap.

“Are you ready to go to the mall, Judith?” Negan asked, walking over to her and picking her up. He held her up in the air before bringing her close to him and squeezing her, kissing her head. “You look so pretty in your new dress!”

Carl did the same walking over and smiling happily at the two before watching Negan take Judith from Dwight. He was getting used to all these people touching her. He got on his knees again and picked up Kilot, petting him.

Judith nodded excitedly giggling a little. “Thank yoou.” She smiled almost getting ‘thank you’ completely right.

Negan smiled, glad to hear Judith talking more and more. “Were you good for Dwight?” he asked, flicking his eyes to the other man. Dwight stood and nodded.

“She was perfect,” he shrugged. “We watched a couple movies. She likes animals.” He pointed to the TV still playing Lion King. He reached out and poked Judith’s foot playfully. “Tell them what you named your otter there,” he said smiling at her.

She giggled when she was poked. “His name is Carl,” she said holding up the stuffed sea otter. Carl looked up from playing with Kilot, smiling at the name drop. He thought it was sweet she named it after him.

“Fantastic!” Negan said, petting the otter’s head. “A perfect name.” He flicked his eyes over to Carl playing with the kitten.

Dwight nodded and looked at Negan. “Would you like me to accompany you to the mall, sir?” He really had enjoyed watching Judith, and the thought of Negan alone in a mall with two kids was… worrying.

Negan nodded. “Sure, why not? I was going to see if Daryl wanted to go, but he’s still working off a bit of hangover,” he explained, shrugging. He looked at Carl. “Unless you wanna go check on him, we can head off.”

Carl shook his head. “No, he should probably just sleep from the way he was looking,” Carl said and rubbed his face on the kitten. God, it was just so soft and warm. He loved it.

Judith smiled and held onto Negan’s shoulders, cuddling into his neck and chest, whining a little. Judith was a lot like drugged Carl. She wanted to be close.

Carl eyed Dwight for a few moments.  He knew he was thinking something but he couldn’t tell what so Carl anxiously batted at Negan’s hand before getting him to hold it.

Negan gave Carl a confused look but took his hand anyway, rubbing his cheek on Judith’s head. “Alright, well, Dwight leave him a note telling him where we are and let’s go!” He tugged softly on Carl’s hand, telling him to put the cat down as Dwight left a note on the pad of paper on the bar. Carl held onto Negan’s hand and sighed a bit with a pout, putting the soft kitty down and getting up.

“Should I call a driver?” Dwight asked, moving to the elevator, already getting his phone out.

“If you would,” Negan said nodding before looking to Carl. “Ready?”

Carl scampered with them to the elevator with a little nod. He was ready to go.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan, Carl, Judith, and Dwight arrive at the mall at get some snacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo, we've got a chapter count for part two everyone! That means part three is not very far away! *eyes emoji*
> 
> In this chapter, I am Negan and Dwight, and Matt is Carl and Judith.
> 
> Enjoy!

The driver was waiting for them as they exited the building. Negan let Dwight take shotgun and let Carl get into the back first so that he could follow with Judith, snapping her into her seat, leaving that bottom buckle undone just in case. “Seatbelts, everyone,” he said, snapping his on as the driver started the engine.

Negan turned to Carl as they began the drive. “Alright, when we get in there, stay by me. There’s sometimes a lot of people and I don’t need you getting lost, ok? We’ll hit up the slushie place in the food court, and then wander around, but I definitely want to get you guys some new clothes, so we’ll plan on going to Macy’s at least,” Negan said, just rattling off the top of his head. He was excited to show Carl around.

Carl smiled softly, buckling himself into place before nodding at Negan’s comments. Whatever the man wanted to do he was okay with. Judith started whimpering and kicking a bit. She wanted to be held and comforted, not tightly locked into this weird seat. She started sniffling up at Negan, reaching for him.

Negan reached over and placed his hand over Judith’s chest, shushing her. He leaned closer to her, taking her hand in his other one and squeezing it gently. “It’s ok, it’s not that far. Just hold my hand, ok?” He placed a kiss to her forehead. “We’re gonna get you some clothes too, Judith. And maybe…” He leaned and whispered like it was a big exciting surprise, “Another stuffed animal?” He gasped exaggeratedly and grinned at her.

Dwight was watching in the rearview mirror and he couldn’t stop the smile from growing over his face. Watching his big bad boss act goofy for a toddler was not something he’d ever thought he’d see.

Judith calmed a bit when Negan’s hand was placed over her chest. It made her feel warm and safe. She sniffled, trying to listen to the man's words. She smiled gratefully at the thought of another stuffed animal. She clapped her hands nodding. “Yes, yes, yes!” she cheered giggling happily.

Carl smiled at the two. He noticed Judith was squinting a little so he turned around and pinched her nostrils together. “Blow,” he said and she did, trying to blow out of her little pinched off nose. She gasped and Carl pulled away. “All better.”

Negan watched the exchange between the siblings, always impressed by Carl knowing what his sister needed almost instinctively. He smiled at the boy. “You’ll have to find something fun you want too,” he said. “A toy or a book or something, yeah?” He shook Judith’s hand as he talked.

Carl wasn’t paying attention anymore, he was looking outside, looking at the city streets go by. Judith smiled, bouncing her hand up and down with Negan, giggling happily. “Dada.” She giggled. Carl instantly looked over, clearly shocked.

“No! Bad, Judy! Bad!” he said growling. “He is not dad!”

“Hey, hey! Woah,” Negan sat up slightly and looked at Carl, his brows furrowed. “It’s alright. She doesn’t fully know what it means and doesn’t have another word to replace it.” He rubbed her hand with his thumb. “Do not yell at her like she’s a misbehaving dog,” Negan said, a bite to his voice.

“Well, you aren’t her dad! You’re the guy that has him in-,” He stopped himself, sitting back with a huff. He kept forgetting Rick wasn’t Judith’s father. “Never mind,” he said crossing his arms. Judith was doing her best not to all out start balling in the car but she was back to sniffling and being upset.

Negan eyed Carl for a moment before looking down at Judith. “Shh, darlin’. It’s ok.” He let go of her hand to pet her hair. He kept his eyes on Judith as he spoke to Carl, “Then what would  _ you _ have her call me, hm?” Negan had liked being called dad, but he understood that that’s not who he was. Judith had yet to try and say his actual name, so what else could he do?

Carl looked down and sniffled too, shrugging. “I don’t know… her dad’s dead, so I guess it can be you,” he huffed, his stomach churning at the thought. He was unaware that Dwight knew Rick wasn’t Judith's dad and all about her birth.

Negan sighed, looking at Carl with soft eyes. “If it makes you uncomfortable, we can find something else,” he said.

“Uncle?” Dwight suggests from the front seat.

“Ehh..” Negan shakes his head, scrunching his nose. “I don’t like that.” He looked down at Judith and rubbed her cheek. “I wish she’d just say my name… or even ‘neeg’ or something. That would work.”

“I like uncle,” Carl said. “I had an uncle Shane and he was super nice,” Carl said, bringing his knees up to his chest while he watched the two.

“Dada,” Judith said, clearly glaring at Carl out of spite. Shit, she had some problems already being feisty and wanting to fight not even a week out of captivity.

Negan jiggled the hand that was still resting on Judith’s chest, shaking her a little bit just to get her attention. “Hey, now. Be nice to your brother,” he said to her, voice stern. “Judith, why don’t you pick something else to call me, hm? I’m really not your dad.” He tilted his head at her, hoping she could understand. He really didn’t want Carl to get pissy every time she called him dad.

Carl pouted, crossing his arms as he watched the two. He hated that he wanted to get between them in a non-defensive way. He wanted Negan’s hands on him. Hrmph. Why was he so obsessed with the man?

Judith sniffled up at him with a little whine. She didn’t know what to call him. “Papa?” she asked him, patting his thigh. Carl shrugged seeming to not mind it as much.

“I’m alright with that. Are  _ you _ alright with that, Carl?” Negan said, pointedly, taking Judith’s hand and bouncing it again.

Meanwhile, Dwight was biting his lip at the petty squabble going on behind him, trying not to laugh. He was used to Negan solving debates about territories and money, not what familial name he should be called.

Carl nodded softly. “Yes,” he said with a small smile. “Papa is fine,” he said with a little pout, a softer tone in his voice.

Judith cheered. “Papa!” She giggled and bounced her hands in Negan’s.

Carl got a bit jealous so he reached out, putting his hand on the man's thigh. After the hot shower, the broken blood vessels in his hands really showed and contrasted against his pale skin.

Negan laughed, glad that they settled on something. He flinched slightly at Carl’s sudden hand on him, but smiled at the boy, placing his hand on top of the smaller one. He took it, going to run his thumb over Carl’s knuckles when he noticed the discoloration. He frowned. “Carl, did this happen at the gym?” he asked softly, remembering when Carl was hiding his hands from him.

Carl didn’t answer, completely ignoring his question. He leaned down and rested his head on Judith car seat, closing his eye and listening to her breath. It was relaxing for him. Being touched by the man and listening to his baby sister.

Negan sighed, continuing to run his thumb over the back of Carl’s hand. Dwight turned to look at Negan, giving him an eyebrow raise. Negan just shrugged and rolled his eyes back at him. Dwight nodded and turned back around. “Should only be about ten more minutes,” he said from the front seat.

Carl hummed happily, he didn’t mind driving places. He found it relaxing and calming. Judith was actually half asleep, her bouncing hand had settled down into Negan’s resting tiredly, taking a power nap before they got there.

They pulled into the mall parking lot just as soon as Dwight had said, the driver taking them to the entrance that would pop them directly into the food court. Negan softly shook the siblings awake. “Hey, guys. We’re here!”

Carl smiled and looked out. There was a ton of people. Carl got excited and jumped out of the car, getting out and hopping up and down. He saw a group of kids his age by one of the entrances and beamed.

Judith woke up without much problem. She giggled happily when she saw Negan’s face. She lifted her hands up so the man could unbuckle and carry her.

Dwight got out of the car and rounded it to stand by Carl as Negan got Judith out of her seat, exiting with her in his arms. He waved to the driver, telling him they’d call when they needed him, and he drove off. Negan stepped up to Carl and Dwight. “Alrighty, remember what I said. It looks busy today so stay close,” he said, leading the way towards the entrance.

Carl went ahead of them, looking left and right at all the people. He was clearly excited. He was a lot more excited then he thought he’d be. “Oh my god, I love this so much already.” He giggled bouncing on his heels.

Judith held tightly onto the otter Carl, looking around. She was not having as much fun as Carl. She was scared of the loud noises and all the people buzzing and talking to one another.

Negan wanted to make a quip to Carl about buying him a leash but kept it to himself. It was quite possible that Carl had actually been on the end of a leash in his lifetime, and Negan knew he was just excited.

He turned to Dwight, noticing how very not into the mall Judith was getting. There was no way he could console her and watch Carl. He wondered if that’s why Dwight offered to go with them. “You’re on Carl control,” he informed him. Dwight nodded and moved to stay by Carl. “You hear that, Carl? Dwight is gonna be your mall buddy. You listen to him like he was me, ok?”

“So, not at all?” The teen turned around and smirked with this cocky grin spreading across his face. It was true in Carl’s mind at least. He respected him as a man, just not as a whole father figure. Before either could say a thing he trotted off towards the food court, smiling at all the people.

“You can’t buy anything without me, kid!” Negan called after Carl, rolling his eyes at the kid’s snark. Dwight had perked up as soon as Carl had started walking and was hot on his trail.

Negan rubbed Judith’s back soothingly. He knew the food court was loud and echoey. If they could make it through the area it’d get better inside individual stores. “Hey, darlin’. It’s ok. Do you want to get a slushie?”

Judith clung to Negan for dear life. She was afraid of getting snatched away from him in the crowds of people. She hiccuped a little as she tried to bottle in her cries. As Negan continued to touch her, it seemed to help and she nodded slightly. She wanted food. She was always,  _ always _ , up for food whatever that may be.

Negan followed after Carl and Dwight, but at a slower pace, focusing on Judith in his arms. “It’s alright. I’ve got you. We’re gonna get you and your brother a slushie, and I think I’m gonna get a pretzel with cheese,” he said, rubbing circles on her back. “I know it’s loud in here, but it’ll get better. You can cover your ears if that helps?”

Judith nodded again into Negan’s chest. She closed her eyes which seemed to help. “Never had slushie.” She sniffled and cuddled into him, trying to bury herself in his jacket. “Good?” she asked.

Carl continued forward looking around at all the restaurants, the smell of fast food and sound of all the people swirling around him. He looked around and read the signs to himself slowly. He got most of the signs right but a few were giving him trouble.    
  
He looked behind himself to make sure Dwight was there. “Which place has slushies?” he asked him since he didn’t know. He hadn’t ever ordered food before. 

Dwight was actually a little surprised Carl was talking to him in a nice manner. After all they’d been through, he figured the kid would mostly just ignore him. “Uh, the one over there. With the pretzels,” he answered, pointing across the way. “That’s usually where Negan goes.”

Negan chuckled at Judith, keeping eyes on Dwight on Carl. Dwight had just pointed to his favorite place.  _ Yes!  _ “Yeah, they’re good. They’re cold, made of ice, but they’re sweet! Like you!” He kissed her head. Judith smiled a little, hugging Negan closer as a little thank you hug for the kind words. She liked the praise almost as much as Carl.

Carl smiled. “Okay, let's go there.” He grinned before pushing past the people in crowds to get to the pretzel place. He didn’t mind the close contact with people right now. The anxiety had yet to kick in, unlike his baby sister. He got to the stand and stood in line, three people in front of him. 

Dwight excused and apologized to the people Carl and him were pushing past as he followed the boy, glad for when they reached the line.

“Now what?” he asked Dwight, looking up at the man, bouncing on his heels. He had no hard feelings for the man. He was just doing his job. And by his actions right now, he was happy to be alive and that was all thanks to Dwight.

Dwight looked at Carl and then up at the menu hanging from the ceiling at the front of the line. “Well, now we wait,” he explained. “You can look at the menu and decide what you want now though. Just so that when we reach the front we don’t take up a lot of time.” Dwight pointed at the menu. “They’ve got other stuff here too. You can get a slushie and something else. A pretzel, hot dog, cinnamon roll…” Dwight made a slight face. So much junk food. No wonder Negan liked this place. It was his guilty pleasure all rolled in one.

Negan smiled into the hug, glad that Judith could find comfort in him. “You wanna share a strawberry slush with me? I’m not gonna drink a whole one,” he asked her, playing it off like it was him and not her who wouldn’t be able to finish the sweet drink. There was no way he was letting her drink her whole one. He suddenly wondered if he should let Carl drink a whole one. Sugar rush Carl would hopefully not be so bad but thank god Dwight was here.

Judith nodded. “Okay, I like strawberry.” She said and sniffled into his jacket, feeling much calmer now. “We can share.”

Negan finally arrived next to the other two. “Y’all know what you want?” he asked.

Carl pretended like he wasn’t embarrassed when Negan got there and he asked, “Can you read the third, seventh and twelfth options?” He knew Negan knew he couldn’t read all too well but was unsure if Dwight knew.

He was pretty sure he wanted six, which was blue raspberry flavored slushie but he wanted to know the others. One of which was... tangerine? Was he reading it wrong or did he not know the word? Pomegranate... he downright couldn’t read that. The twelfth option was being blocked by a plant and he couldn’t see it from where he was. 

Negan looked up at the menu and found which ones Carl was talking about. “Uh, yeah. The third is tangerine, it’s like an orange flavor. Seventh is pomegranate, which is this weird fruit. I don’t know how to describe the flavor of that one.”

“I always thought it sorta tasted like cranberry,” Dwight said, shrugging.

“Alright… and the twelfth option is… kiwi strawberry.” The line moved forward a person as Negan read off the menu items.

Carl whimpered a little, nervous about how close they were getting. “Okay, thanks,” he said licking his lips. He felt a bit strange now.  He could feel peoples eyes on him. The next person ordered for her and the person behind her so Carl and Dwight were next.

Once he stepped up to the counter, the pimply-faced teenage cashier gasped. “Oh my god,” he said staring at Carl. “Are you one of those people that does make up?!” He smiled ear to ear. Carl cocked his head, not understanding at first. “I saw this lady, she did an eye just like yours for this really cool show called Underground Evil,” he rambled and Carl’s face grew red and his chest tightened up. What the fuck was he suppose to say to that?!

Negan caught on real fast what the worker was commenting on. He’d grown so used to seeing Carl’s uncovered eye, it never occurred to him that he should have him cover it up.

He went to take a step forward and pull Carl back when suddenly Dwight was there, putting an arm around Carl’s shoulder and getting in front of him. “Hey,” his voice was sharp but not loud as he spoke to the worker. “You need to be more considerate of what you say. Not everything is makeup or a costume.” Dwight turned his face slightly, to show off his own scars, glaring the worker down.

The kid’s face paled and he swallowed thickly, clearly intimidated by Dwight. “Shit, I didn’t know man. I’m sorry,” he said biting his lip, trying to take his eyes off of Dwight now. Carl’s stomach was churning and he felt gross and sick and like he was going to throw up.

“I’m really sorry,” the cashier said again, licking his lips and clearing his throat before saying, “Well could I get you gentlemen something? Free of charge if you don’t call my manager?” He smiled awkwardly at the four of them.

Negan placed his free hand on Carl’s head, a comforting gesture he hoped. He knew Carl was sensitive about his eye and he hoped this hiccup wouldn’t ruin the trip. Negan leveled a sharp look at the worker. He was only a teen, he really hadn’t known any better.

“You’re damn lucky this place makes the best pretzels I’ve ever had,” he said to the worker, voice stern. God, if this kid knew who Negan was he’d be shiting his pants more than he was right now. “Give me two cinnamon sugar pretzels with extra icing and a strawberry slush.” Negan looked at Dwight.

“Yes, sir. Right away, sir,” the cashier said and quickly typed everything in the register. His small name tag said Alex on it.

“I don’t want anything,” Dwight said, side-eyeing the worker, but looking mostly at Carl. His heart went out to the kid. Dwight may have chosen his scars and thus picked his own future of being stared at, but Carl sure didn’t. Dwight rubbed Carl’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort.

Negan leaned down to be at Carl’s level. “Carl,” he said softly. “What do you want?” He moved his hand from Carl’s head down to the back of his neck, massaging his thumb into it.

“I’m not that hungry anymore. My stomach kinda hurts,” Carl said, trying to relax at the feeling of the hand but all he wanted to do right now was puke.

Judith read the room, well, the group quickly and lost her smile. She reached out with her foot and poked at Carl’s arm in a comforting way. Carl looked at the small foot and smiled softly, following the leg up to his baby sister. ‘ _ Do it for, Judy _ ,’ He told himself, pushing away the bad thoughts. ‘ _ You have to be happy for her. _ ’

“Are you sure? You’ve been asking me for a slush for days, kid,” Negan said, cocking his head. He watched as Alex scampered to fill his order.

Negan shifted and held Judith so that her face was near Carl’s. “Give your brother a kiss, would you, Judy?” he whispered into Judith’s ear. Negan wanted to be one giving Carl a kiss, but he didn’t think it was a good place to do so.

Judith leaned down and kissed Carl’s temple making him smile. “Thank you, Judy,” he said smiling a little. “And yea, I’m good. I still want to get fit, you know? Can’t do that with eating all the stuff I’ve already eaten today,” he mumbled the last part, leaning up on his tiptoes to kiss Judith’s cheek. It was weird to see someone else holding her but he was getting used to it. Judith giggled again, much happier now that Carl was also smiling.

“Can we go to a farm one day?” Carl asked looking up at Negan, completely changing the topic.

“That’ll be done in just a moment, sir. I’ll even bring it over to you,” Alex said quickly, turning around to start making the things.

Negan made a face at Carl’s comment about not wanting to eat. He had thought they were doing better about this. He’d definitely ask Laura to make up a meal plan for the kid.

He leaned back up, patting Carl’s head again and giving him a ‘that was a random change of subject’ look. “Sure, Carl. Sure,” he answered, giving him a small smile. Negan looked up at Alex when he spoke and nodded. “Come on, let’s find a table.” Negan turned and made his way to the closest grouping of tables, Dwight not far behind, his arm still around Carl.

“Hey, kid, if you ever need someone to talk to about issues like this, come to me, yeah? And if anyone starts saying things you don’t like, come get me, ok?” Dwight told Carl, suddenly really protective. He’d never really known anyone else who suffered from the same fate he did, and he was determined not to let Carl fall victim to harsh words and looks.

Negan found a table and sat down, placing Judith in his lap and bouncing her on his legs. The table was in the corner where tt was relatively quieter than the rest of the eating area.  

Carl smiled at Negan saying yes to a farm. He really wanted to see a sheep. He knew they were soft but he’d never seen or touched one in person before.

Carl looked at and smiled at Dwight's words. “Thanks.” He blushed a little. “What happened with yours?” he asked sitting down, thinking they were close enough to talk about it.

Dwight stuttered a bit as he sat down, his eyes flashing over to Negan. Shit. Did he just tell Carl the truth or did he make something up? Daryl’s reaction to the story certainly had been a bit tense, and Dwight didn’t want to paint Negan in a harsh light for the kid who looked up to him.

“Uh, well, it was a punishment for something I did. I, uh, double-crossed some people I shouldn’t have and I got to choose my punishment.” He reached up and ran his fingers over the rough scarring. “I chose… well…”

“I burnt his face with a hot iron,” Negan stated bluntly. He couldn’t handle hearing Dwight beat around the bush, and he wasn’t ashamed of what he did. Dwight had asked for it, Negan had tried to tell him no, but Dwight had insisted. Negan hated every second of it.

Dwight looked at Negan and then back at Carl. “Y-yeah…”

Carl’s reaction was extremely calm. He had a good poker face on. It didn’t seem to faze him. Carl moved something in his pants one minute and the next minute a blunt object was placed on Negan’s thigh. “You got an artery right here. If you don’t want it blown up then you’re gonna put Judith down and she’s gonna come over to me,” Carl deadpanned.

Judith got scared seeing Carl’s reaction to what Dwight said. She started to squirm, trying to get over to Carl. Carl still had a gun that Negan hadn’t taken and he had brought it with him today. That's why he was so eccentric and happy, he wasn’t afraid because he had protection with him he knew he could count on. “And don’t give me that bullshit about not making a scene because we both know I don’t have a problem doing that,” he said.

Negan felt his heart drop.

He didn’t care that Carl had the gun, he knew he still did. He didn’t even want to know how the fuck Carl had managed to sneak it past him. He just couldn’t believe that Carl was so quick to turn against him as if everything they’d been through meant nothing. As if he didn’t even know Negan.

Negan was hurt a lot more by that than anything a bullet could do.

Negan’s face showed none this, he kept his expression stoic as he gazed back at the boy. He couldn’t keep the hurt and betrayal out of his eyes though. Taking a deep breath, Negan sighed it back out. He let go of Judith, allowing her to go where she wanted.

Dwight couldn’t see the gun from where he was, but he’d been in this business long enough and knew what was happening. He threw his hands up in a surrender position. “Hey, hey, Carl, no. You don’t understand,” he quickly said, trying to keep his volume down. “Negan isn’t the bad guy here. I asked him to do it! I chose it! God, no one understands when I tell them that…”

Negan’s head snapped over to look at Dwight. “Of course they don’t because it’s  _ insane _ !” Negan said sharply at him. “Who in their right mind would  _ want _ their face melted, Dwight?”

“I was young and stupid! It made sense to me at the time!”

“Yeah, and what did I tell you?”

Dwight looked down at the table in shame. “You told me no. That it wasn’t like getting a bad tattoo. It couldn’t be covered up later,” he said, voice softer, before looking back up at Negan. “But I still made you do it.”

Negan groaned and put his face in his hands. “I know. And I shouldn’t have. I should have just sent you away or locked you up or something, but I was so afraid that if  _ I _ didn’t hurt you,  _ you _ were going to hurt yourself.” He let his hands drop. Tears pricked at his eyes.

Dwight was taken aback. He had never heard that part. “Thank you, Negan…”

Negan scoffed. “For what? You’re permanently scarred and the kid thinks I’m a monster.” He pointed at Carl with his thumb. He had no fear about the gun on him. He almost wanted Carl to shoot him and just put him out of this misery.

When Carl listened to them he got angrier. Not at Negan now, but at Dwight. Like what the fuck?! He could tell when people where lying usually and he could tell Negan was serious.

Carl slowly took the gun back and replaced it with a small harsh boney hand. “You- you made him?” Carl was more than fucking bewildered. “We aren’t the same Dwight,” Carl said as soon as he understood the situation. “I didn’t ask for what was done to me.  I begged him not too.”

Judith got down from Negan’s hold and climbed up on Carl’s boney lap, snuggling into him. She was scared, but just like him, she did best in seemingly life-threatening situations, so she remained calm.

“My eye getting taken out? It wasn’t even a punishment. It was a reward put in the trophy hall,” he said with a deadpan expression. “He took it out because he had beaten me so bad he cracked my skull.” He sucked in a breath as Alex came over. 

Alex read the room and apologized once more before putting down the food. He had added a medium blue slushie and a hotdog to their order to try and win them over, but now it seemed they weren’t focused on his disrespectfulness, so he put it all down and scurried away like a scared mouse.

“My eye got infected and I couldn’t stop sobbing because of the pain. He came in to comfort me and it was great. He held me and cuddled me and I didn’t think anything could ruin that moment,” he explained. 

“But then he had my head in his lap, playing with my hair and he strapped me down so I couldn’t get away.” He reached over and took the blue slushie putting it to Judith’s lips and letting her suck on the straw. She seemed unfazed by the story. Mostly because she’d seen the tapes a million times.

“He poured alcohol in my eye and it got in my nose and my mouth. I couldn’t escape the smell. That's when he dug his fingers into my eye and ripped it out. He told me it was so it wouldn’t hurt anymore but I realized pretty quickly that wasn’t true.” He gently tugged the straw away from Judith’s little mouth so he could sip. His stomach ache of anxiety was gone now that he was back in survival mode. He put the slush down bouncing Judy on his thigh.

“He took it out because eight days later he sold me and he wanted them to have another hole to use.” Judith sat back against his face with an unchanged expression.  

“So, no, Dwight. I won't be coming to you with this shit because you asked for what you got. You were a selfish little fuck that didn’t even do it to die. You did it for the look. Did it because you were young and stupid and trying to prove something. I was forced,” he said squeezing Negan’s thigh before pulling away and putting one hand on Judith’s side and the other on his slushie.

Negan looked between Dwight and Carl as Carl talked. Half of him sorry for Dwight for getting roasted by the kid, and half of him wanting to take Carl into his arms and never let go. He knew Rick had taken Carl’s eye and put it on the wall, and he knew about him being sold off and what the socket had been used for, but, god, hearing the kid talk about it was heart-wrenching.

When Carl moved his hand off of Negan, Negan immediately reached out and put his hand on Carl’s thigh, squeezing. He was still a little ticked off at the fact that Carl was so close to shooting him, but he’d discuss that later.

Carl almost flew out of his damn chair when he felt Negan’s almost gentle touch on him. He wasn’t ready for that. He was in defense mode so he was expecting to have a knife put on him or something, but no. It was a calming hand. 

He quickly settled down and he looked at the hand. His leg was shaking a little. He was supposed to be still mad. Why was he relaxed now? Why did Negan always know what was the right thing to do when it came to Carl?

Dwight just stared at the table as Carl talked. God, he had no idea what hell the boy had been through. He sniffled and looked up at Carl as he finished. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I know that doesn’t make it better, but… Christ.” He shook his head, rubbing at his temple. He was kind of glad Carl had shifted his anger onto him and not Negan. He just hoped the kid didn’t try shooting  _ him _ now.

Negan patted Carl’s thigh before reaching and picking up one of the cinnamon pretzels and cups of icing. He drowned the pretzel in the sweet sauce before ripping a piece off and shoving it into his mouth with a delighted groan. “Fuck that’s good…” he murmured before looking between the others. “Can we be civil for the rest of this trip or do we need to go home?”

Carl sighed a little reaching out to eat the hotdog. “We can be civil. I’m not mad at you anymore. I did something a bit similar to a friend named Beth,” he said to Negan. “But I think Dwight’s a fucking idiot,” he mumbled, taking a bite of the hotdog. “But we gotta talk and cuddle a lot more before the next time you suck my dick dry.” He tried hiding his smirk as he waited for Dwight's reaction.

Negan smirked and started laughing at Carl calling Dwight an idiot, but quickly cut himself off as the next words flowed out of Carl’s mouth. Jesus, this kid was going to be the death of him.

Dwight went red in the face so fast as he looked between Carl and Negan. He had… suspected. After all, the two had gone to shower together, and while that could be innocent, they were in there for  _ a while _ . He quickly glanced down and coughed into his hand, trying to look anywhere except the other people at the table.

Negan leaned towards Carl, talking lowly though Dwight could probably still hear, “Kid, if you ever want me near your dick again, you better keep that gun in your pants the rest of the time we’re here, you hear me? I don’t care about causing a scene, I don’t want you causing a  _ riot _ . Guns and malls do not have a good history together, and if you get caught with it, even  _ I _ might not be able to save you from getting put into an institution.” He looked at him seriously, a slight bit of fear in his eyes. “Do that for me, and I’ll clear a whole day just to stay in bed with you,” He leaned even closer, mouth right next to Carl’s ear. “Doing... whatever... you want.” He smirked as he sat back in his chair and shoved another piece of sweet pretzel in his mouth.

Carl’s face got so red at the comment from Negan about anything he wanted.  _ Shit _ . He had a smart ass comment about how no one would take him away if they were all dead but he shut his mouth because he wanted what he wanted. He put the gun back into his pants and continued to eat about half of the hotdog before offering the rest to Judith. She could tell things have settled down but didn’t know if they were settled enough to where she could go back and be in Negan’s lap. She wanted to be fed by Negan and held.

She didn’t make to big of a fuss though, taking the half of hot dog in both her little hands and starting to munch on it, taking two big bites right away. Dwight stayed quiet as the others ate, fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

Negan liked seeing that Carl was eating, and Judith too. He chuckled as she went all out on the hot dog. “Judith, slow down there. It’s not going anywhere.” He broke off a piece of his cinnamon sugar pretzel and held it out to Carl. “Try this. It’s delicious.” Dwight had a comment about it being a deep-fried cavity, but he kept his mouth shut. 

Carl sniffed it a little before eating out of Negan’s hand, not trying to grab it since he had Judith on him. He bit into the sweet oiliness and purred a little, pulling away and chewing the chunk in his mouth.

It tasted great, and he loved that it was warm and soft, but he loved the flavor of his slush more. Though the pretzel won in terms of texture and mouthfeel. Judith smiled and only slowed down a little, taking time to breathe now. She took just as large bites but chewed them a lot more.

Negan grinned at Carl’s reaction and at Judith sorta following his instructions. He pulled his hand back and licked the icing off his fingers. “Good, huh?” He had finished off the first pretzel and reached for the second. Dwight was giving him a look like ‘ _ Really? Another one? _ ’ and Negan rolled his eyes at him. “So, where do we wanna go after this? Clothes? Toys? Just want to wander around?”

Carl shrugged a little. “Anywhere you want,” he said. He wanted to be good so he could have just a day with Negan in his bed. He would love that. He wasn’t really thinking long term yet. He wasn’t thinking about the clothes, room decor or toys. All he could think of was in the moment.

“Can we go to the bathroom?” Judy asked out loud to the boys. She needed someone to come with her.

“Alright, well we can explore and make our way to the Macy’s since it’s at the other end of the mall,” Negan said, making a mental plan. He chuckled at Judith’s words. “Sure, darlin’. We can stop by the bathroom first.” Negan was half done with his second pretzel, but he was suddenly quite full. He forgot how much bread really fills you up. He offered it to Dwight who shook his head and then offered it to Carl and Judith.

“How you liking your slush by the way?” Negan asked, realizing he never actually drank his. He dragged the red drink towards him and took a sip. It was kinda melted at this point, but still good. He pushed it towards Carl next.

Carl smiled a bit. “It’s wicked good.” He slurped the last of the slushie into his mouth as the red was pushed to him. “What flavor is this? I’d rather die than drink cherry.”

Judith quickly answered his question. “It’s strawberry!” She giggled a bit and Carl smiled putting it to her lips so she could drink some before he took a big sip.

Negan smiled, impressed that Judith had remembered. “If you wanna take that with you, we can get going,” Negan said, wrapping up his half-eaten pretzel since no one else seemed to want it. “There’s a bathroom right over there that we can stop at first.” Negan pointed at said bathroom right across the room. “It’s on the way to the main part of the mall, so that’s convenient.”

Carl nodded softly, holding the slushie. “Yeah, we can take it to go. You come with?” Carl cocked his head. He wanted to get Negan semi alone for a minute as he bounced Judith on his knee nervously.

“No bounce! Pee!” she said, and Carl stopped, realizing he was jiggling her bladder.

“Sorry, Judy.” He laughed out an apology.

Negan nodded, glancing at Dwight, who just felt like the odd man out again. Negan scooted his chair out and stood, tossing his half of pretzel in the trash can behind him. “Yeah, I’ll come with,” he said. He wondered if Carl actually needed help with Judith or if he just wanted to talk to Negan without Dwight hearing.

Negan gestured for Carl to stand and follow him just as Dwight stood himself. “I’ll wait for you by the mall entrance,” he told Negan. Negan nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a small smile. ‘No hard feelings’ it said. Dwight smiled back and continued on his way.

“Alright, come on then,” Negan said, looking back at the kids.

Carl nodded a bit getting up and scampering around the table to be at Negan’s side. He was controlling his outburst, burying it deep inside of himself until they got to the bathroom so he could let it all out. Judith was squirming more by this point as Carl looked at the bathrooms. There was a men’s, women’s, and in the far back, a family restroom.

Negan went to the family restroom, opening the door and waving Carl in. He stepped in and locked the door after them. The bathroom held a single sink and a single stall. A baby changing table was on the wall. “Does Judith need help, or does she know how to go?” Negan asked. He’d never had to help her in this area, so he was still unsure exactly what she knew and what she didn’t.

Carl put the girl down next to the toilet, shimmying her leggings off and putting her on before grabbing her a wad of toilet paper that she took gratefully.

Then, Carl went up to Negan and quickly hugged him as he began crying into the man's chest shakily. “Would you iron my face if I asked you too?” He cried into Negan’s chest almost brokenly at this point. He hadn’t snapped yet but he felt like he needed a meltdown since he had been so crazy tense earlier.

Negan was shocked at the sudden contact and tears, but he quickly wrapped his arms around Carl and squeezed.  _ Shit _ . Dwight’s story had really freaked him out. “No, no, no. Of course not, Carl. I would never hurt you, not even if you asked,” he said, leaning his head down to rub his cheek against Carl’s head. “No, babe. That was a long time ago, and I never did it to anyone else. I shouldn’t have done it to Dwight. I’m so sorry.” He kissed Carl’s head, bringing up a hand to rub at the back of Carl’s neck soothingly.

Carl snuggled down into Negan, tears still going pretty strong.  He just needed to be held and reassured by the man for a bit.

Judith finished peeing and wiped herself before jumping down and flushing the toilet. She did her best to tug up her leggings right seeing Carl was busy with his own thing.

“Promise you wouldn’t?” Carl asked with a small hiccup as his tears began to fade away. “I’m sorry I pulled the gun on you. I just got scared.”

Negan kneeled down on one knee, pulling Carl closer and burying his head into Carl’s neck. “I promise, Carl. It’s ok. I understand,” he said, leaving a kiss on the underside of Carl’s jaw. He rubbed a hand in circles on Carl’s back. “Have I done anything to make you think I’d ever hurt you?” he asked quietly.

Carl knew the answer was ‘no’, but it was all in the way Negan spoke and acted around others. Even if it was subconscious, the man had an alpha dog complex. His body language was much more, ‘Look at me! I’m in charge, and I’ll beat down someone to make sure you know it!’

“You’ve said things that hurt but you never _hurt_ hurt me, no.” Carl sniffled and snuggled in. “Promise no matter what?” he asked. It was hard to think that he had met this guy six days ago.

Judith finished up and stood back looking at her shoes, letting the two finish up their moment. For a four-year-old, she was very very observational.

Negan squeezed Carl ever closer. He knew he could talk big and mean, but most of the time, that’s all it was. Just talk. “I promise. No matter what,” he said. “Remember what I told you earlier. Even if I get mad and say a bunch of shit, that’s all it is. It’s all shit, kid. I will love you and care for you no matter what.” He looked at Judith standing off to the side and opened one of his arms, smiling,  gesturing for her to come over and join the hug. “Judith too.”

Carl sniffled and nodded into Negan’s chest. God, he needed this. Judith saw the opening and quickly trotted over and wormed her way into the hug, hugging lower on Negan’s waist then Carl was. Judith kissed Carl’s cheek to get him to finally fully stop his tears. He quickly wiped the rest away with a small smile.

Negan hummed as he hugged both siblings. It felt good having them in his arms. He leaned back after a moment and studied Carl’s face before standing up. “You ok? Wanna get going?” He reached out and ran a thumb over Carl’s cheek.

Carl nodded softly and smiled a little. “I don’t look too gross do I?” he asked. It was a good indicator that he was out of survival mode since when he was there he was just thinking about survival and didn’t give a shit about anything else.

Negan hummed, looking over Carl’s face. He licked his thumb and jokingly rubbed at Carl’s face like he was getting a spot out. “There. As pretty as always,” Negan chuckled and patted Carl’s cheek. He leaned down and picked up Judith. “Did you go all by yourself? I’m impressed! Let’s wash your hands and then we can go out and explore, how about it?” Negan tucked a loose strand of Carl’s hair behind his ear before walking to the sink and holding Judith so that she was level with it and could wash her hands.

The boy smiled and blushed at Negan’s words. The man was too perfect. He knew how to work Carl just right. He knew exactly how to give the siblings what they needed without making the other one jealous.

Judith giggled, happily nodding. She washed her hands in the water as Negan showed her. “I’m a big girl,” she said smiling.

“Yes, you are!” Negan laughed. He walked over to the paper towel dispenser and let Judith grab one and dry her hands. Judith seemed a lot less tense. She must have sensed something wrong in Carl. She always knew when things were wrong with him.

“Alright, let’s not make Dwight stand around forever, hm? He might be an idiot, but he’s my idiot,” Negan said, winking at Carl and holding his hand out for the boy to take.

Carl blushed softly and nodded, taking Negan’s hand. “Yeah,” he said, smiling.   
  
  



	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judith and Dwight go to Build-A-Bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to hang out with Judith!
> 
> I'm Negan and Dwight, Matt is Carl and Judith~
> 
> Enjoy!

Walking out of the bathroom, Negan led the siblings to where Dwight was standing. The other man gave a little wave. “Alright, let’s just head down till we hit Macy’s. If anything catches your eye on the way, let me know and we can go in,” Negan explains. He looks down at Judith. “Judy you wanna walk, or you want someone to carry you?”

“Walk,” she said happily as she scampered along next to Negan and Carl, happy. She loved this.

“Alright, but hold someone’s hand, Judith,” Negan said, not wanting her to get snatched up or fall. The main hallway wasn’t too crowded, most people in the food court, but people still passed by. Some gave the group a double take, probably trying to figure out the family dynamic going on. Judith reached up and took Negan’s hand, smiling.

“What are we looking for?” Carl asked Negan as they walked. He didn’t seem too hostile towards Dwight, but he didn’t apologize for what you said either because he meant it.

Negan shrugged. “I don’t know. Whatever looks fun,” he said, looking into the windows of the stores that they passed. His eyes grew at the sight of a candy store, but he held it together and kept walking, the pretzel from moments earlier still in his stomach.

Carl sighed a little. That still wasn’t really an answer. He needed specifics. He didn’t wanna ask for too much. They passed by Lush and Carl peeked inside. Across the hall was a Build-A-Bear that Judith was looking at.

Negan could smell the Lush before he saw it, but he noticed Carl’s interest in it. He also noticed the Build-A-Bear, knowing for sure that they needed to go in there. “You wanna go into Lush?” Negan asks Carl, nodding at it with his head since both hands are occupied. “It’s like soap and bath bombs and shampoo and stuff.” Negan thinks Carl might actually like some fancy shampoo if he plans on keeping his hair long.

Carl smiled and nodded as he heard the items that were sold in the store. “What’s a bath bomb?” He said with a blush, smiling at him. He knew it wasn’t a bomb, he wasn’t stupid, but he had no clue what it was. “Let’s go in?”

“I’ll show you what they are when we get in there,” Negan said, nodding. Carl smiled and clung to Negan’s side excitedly. He was so excited to be shown what they do. They could take a bath together or Negan could just be on the other side maybe. He was craving nonsexual intimacy now.

“I wanna go there!” Judith pointed to the Build-A-Bear workshop.

“I can take Negan with me this time and you take Dwight. Then next time, you get Negan and I get Dwight?” Carl suggested to his sister.

“That sounds good to me. You wanna go with Dwight, Judith? He can take you over there and you’ll get to build your own stuffed animal!” Negan shook Judith’s hand excitedly.

Dwight nodded and smiled down at the girl, holding out his own hand for her to take. Dwight felt alright taking Judith, but he was a little nervous thinking about being alone with Carl. The boy didn’t seem to be harboring any ill-will, he  _ was  _ allowing Dwight to take his baby sister away, but he still couldn’t calm his anxiety.

Carl was using Judith as a peace offering. He didn’t think Dwight would ever hurt him or his sister. He just thought he was a selfish idiot that didn’t know what he was doing.

Judith nodded a little, happy to make her own stuffed animal. “Yay!” She reached up to Dwight, wanting to be held.

Dwight smiled and reached down, picking up Judith. “Whoever gets done first, meet back here?” Dwight asked. Negan nodded, confirming. “Alright, let’s go see what kinda of animals they’ve got!” Dwight said to Judith as he walked away from the other two.

Negan watched them go before smiling at Carl and pulling him along into the Lush.

...

As they walked into the Build-A-Bear, Judith exclaimed, “Yay! I wanna wolf!” She giggled at Dwight and then she growled at him.

“A wolf, huh?” Dwight chuckled at her growl, wondering where she learned that one. “Alright, well, let’s just see.” The inside of the Build-of-Bear was less crowded than Dwight thought it’d be, but there was still a gaggle of kids with their parents filling up the place. Examples of finished stuffed animals lined the walls. Dwight held Judith so she could see them. “Do you see a wolf anywhere?” he asked her. He could see an employee making her way over to them, hopefully going to help them with the process.

Judith looked around excitedly bouncing in his arms. “Yay! So happy!” She giggled not even answering his question. “Down,” she said, tugging in his arms when she saw the stuffed animal she wanted.  

Dwight had just put Judith down when the employee reached them. “Hi! My name is Sam! Can I help you two make a friend today?” She smiled at them. She had dark brown hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and was radiating optimism.

Judith looked up as the women got there. She liked her a lot. She smiled back at her happily. She was so used to the boy's pessimistic attitude that she was so happy someone else was smiling. 

“Uh, yeah actually,” Dwight answered, patting Judith’s head. “Judith here wants to make a wolf.”

“Ooo, a wolf!” Sam giggled and held her hand out to Judith. “Will you come with me to pick out your new friend?”

Judith reached up, taking her hand and nodding. “Yes please!”

Sam led the way to the bins with the empty animal pelts. “Ok, a wolf you say? Let’s see…” She looked around for a minute before finding a grey wolf skin. “Ah, here we go!” She held out the skin to Judith. “He’s a little bit flat right now, but don’t worry! You’ll fluff him up soon! First, though, you get to pick a sound!”

Sam led Judith gently to the next station, Dwight following along close behind. “You can either pick a sound that already exists or make your own!” Sam picked up one of the voice buzzers and pressed it. It made a howling sound. “What would you like to do?” she asked Judith.

“I don't want it to make sounds. He’s a stuffy and stuffies don't talk,” Judith said looking at the wolf’s head, pouting a little. “We should puff him,” she said smiling again. “I want him big, fat, and strong.” She giggled a bit, going as far as to reach out and touch the woman’s hand. 

“Alright! That’s just fine!” Sam smiled and set down the voice box. “Follow me!” She led Judith to the machine that would insert the fluff into the animal. A window on the machine showed the fluff being spun around in it.

“Alright, let me see your new wolf for just a second so I can fill him up for you!” Sam gently took the wolf back from Judith and sat down in a chair at the end of the machine. She placed the opening on the wolf’s back around a nozzle that stuck out from the machine and began filling the legs. “We’re going to fill his legs first! Make them nice and strong so he can hug you tight!” She moved to the body and filled it about halfway before she picked up a small fabric heart from a basket nearby and held it out to Judith to take.

“Before we finish stuffing your new friend, you have to give them a heart!” Sam took a heart of her own out of her pocket and held it to her head. “First, you have to hold the heart to your head and fill it with lots of brains so that your wolf is smart and loyal!” Sam brought the heart down to her arm and rubbed it against her bicep. “Now, rub it on your arm to give them strength!” She held the heart to her chest. “Now, hold it to your heart and fill your wolf with love and a great wish just for them!” Sam pocketed her own heart and held the opening of the half stuffed wolf towards Judith. “And then shove it in there when you’re done!”

Judith jumped around happily. She  _ loved _ this. She held the heart to her head for a minute, making a real hard concentrating face. Then she put it on her heart and smiled before rubbing it on her bicep. She did it in the order she thought was the best for her wolf. When she was done she handed it over to Sam with a smile. “His name is Negan,” she said revealing to Dwight she could say Negan’s name fine. She was just being a brat like her brother and wanting to do what she wanted. 

Dwight snorted a laugh, covering his mouth as he did, when he heard the name of the wolf. Oh my god, that was precious but also too funny. He couldn’t wait till the real Negan heard that. Dwight patted Judith on the head.

“Negan? What a fun name!” Sam giggled as she took the heart and placed it inside the wolf, proceeding to fill it the rest of the way with fluff. “Alright! Almost done! Just a few stitches right here…” Sam whipped out a pre-threaded needle and sewed up the back of the wolf with quick, practiced stitches, tying off the thread at the end and snipping it with small scissors. She passed it over to Judith.

“There you go! You can pick out clothes for him if you want right over here next to the counter!” Sam said, standing and leading the two to the counter. A wall of clothes hung next to it. “You take a look while I print up a certificate! Is Negan spelled N-E-G-A-N?” Dwight nodded at Sam from behind Judith and Sam gave him a thankful smile. 

Judith ran around away from Dwight pretty quickly to try and get clothes for her wolf. She picked out boots, a leather jacket, a blue shirt, blue jeans. She was looking for something else, but she didn’t know what. She could care less about a fancy certificate. She didn’t need a piece of paper to tell her her wolf’s name.

Dwight went to the counter and collected the certificate that Sam printed and waited for her to ring him out. She punched a couple of things into the register and smiled at Dwight. “It’s always nice to see dad’s treating their daughters,” Sam said. Dwight blinked at her.

“O-oh, no! I’m not her dad,” Dwight shook his head. “I’m just, uh, the babysitter.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

Sam just smiled at him and said, “Well, that’s just fine!” Sam looked over and saw Judith with an armful of clothes. She made her way to her and crouched down. “Ooo! Look at what you’ve picked! Did you find everything you were looking for? Do you want me to help dress Negan?”

Judith nodded a little, she seemed a bit off though. She was trying to find something but realize she could just steal Carl’s and make it all better for this little mini Negan.

Sam helped Judith dress Negan before letting her go to Dwight, heading to the register after to punch it all in. Judith looked up at Dwight, smiling a bit, reaching up to hold his hand in hers and Negan’s paw in the other. Sam told them the total and Dwight reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out his wallet, passing over the company credit card. He assumed that’s the one Negan wanted him to use since he hadn’t said differently. He was a little shocked at how much it cost but… he looked down at the smiling Judith. It was worth it.

Sam ran the card, giving it back to Dwight and had him sign the receipt. He slipped it back into his wallet and then that back into his pocket. “Alright! You guys are good! To! Go!” Sam beamed down at Judith. “Have fun with Negan! Come back and see me again soon!”

“Thank you,” Dwight said, smiling at Sam. He looked down at Judith. “Alright, ready to go?”

Judith hugged her little Negan, jumping up and down. “Yay! I’m so excited!” she squealed, bouncing. “Thank you, Dwight!” she said hugging his leg before running back into the mall to meet up with life-sized Negan and Carl. 

“Hey, hey, wait up!” Dwight called after Judith, following closely behind her. When they reached the meetup point, Dwight looked around and didn’t see Carl or Negan yet. “Let’s wait right here, Judith. Carl and Negan will be out soon.” He crouched down next to her. “Tell Negan thank you for your new friend too, ok?”

Judith nodded to him before frowning when a few frat boys passed. They were noticeably wasted. She didn’t like the smell of the alcohol reeking off of them and she started whimpering.

Dwight frowned at Judith’s whimpers, and he reached out to draw her close. He noticed the boys but didn’t say anything to them. “Shh, Judith.” He pulled the certificate out of his pocket. “Do you want this for your wolf?” He held it out to her.

She shook her head no. She didn’t need that. What she needed right now was the real Negan. She took squeezed her wolf, burying her nose into his fur. 

Dwight shoved the paper back in his pocket and rubbed Judith’s back. “They’ll be back soon. I’m sure they’re almost done.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Negan go to Lush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand now Carl and Negan!
> 
> Enjoy~

As Negan and Carl entered into the Lush, the smell of the soaps floating about the air wafted over them. There were tables up in the front of different shampoos, conditioners, and an array of face and body washes. Towards the back held the popularly sought after bath bombs, and in the middle of the store was a large table full of soap. “You wanna just browse or you want me to show you what a bath bomb is?”

“Show me a bath bomb and then I’ll pick some stuff,” Carl said and held Negan’s arm tightly as they walked in the small store. It was full of women. There was one other guy behind the counter. He had a white button up on with a tight vest buttoned up as well. He looked around twenty-two or so and wore way too much hair gel. 

As they walked, Carl started eying a woman who worked there. She was in her mid-twenties, beachy blonde hair styled in waves, and a sheer blue shirt on with a bralette underneath. Wow, Carl didn’t know how to be subtle.

Negan led Carl over to the bath bombs, excusing himself as he pushed past people. He was getting a lot of awed looks from the women in the store, and he couldn’t help flashing a smile at a few. He noticed Carl looking around and checking out a few people, but Negan didn’t mind. This was probably the first time Carl had seen anybody else his age in a non-torture room setting. He wasn’t about to yell at Carl for having wandering eyes.

“Ah, here. This is a bath bomb,” Negan said, reaching out and picking up a pink and purple chalky orb, holding it out to Carl. “So, what you do is run a bath and then you drop this in and it’ll fizz or foam up and make the water a different color and smell really good.” He pointed to the shelf of them. “There’s a ton of flavors.”

Carl almost growled when he saw some women looking at Negan. Negan was his. He pulled the man closer, practically koala-bearing Negan's arm, making direct eye contact to the one looking at Negan. Even with his wandering eyes, he was a bit of a jealous brat.

He looked at the bath bomb Negan had and picked one up himself. It was a white bath bomb that smelled like citrus and flowers. There were a few dried out flowers on the outside and apparently some on the inside that would re-hydrate once it was put in the water.

Negan chuckled at Carl clinging to him. He could have called him out on his hypocrisy, but he found it amusing and liked Carl on him. It made him feel wanted. “Kid, ease up a bit. You’re gonna break my arm off,” he said gently. He looked at the bomb Carl was holding. “Do you like that one? You can pick out a couple if you want. There are little baskets over there to help carry what you want to buy.” Negan pointed towards the baskets stacked by the counter. He wondered if Carl was planning on using the bath bombs by himself or if he’d let Negan join. Hmm. He enjoyed that thought.

Carl gently released his grip on Negan’s arm, blushing a little. “Sorry.” He smirked, side eyeing the bitch still looking at them. He leaned up and pecked Negan on the lips before scampering over to get a basket. The woman finally looked away but now the pair had intrigued the gay stock boy behind the counter. Negan was looking awfully like a sugar daddy, and Carl was looking like fresh meat. He came back with the basket, picking out a few smaller bath bombs they could do together.

Negan was startled a bit by the sudden peck, not sure if he was comfortable with that level of PDA in such a public place. He knew Carl was above the legal age limit for Nevada, but he didn’t want to subject him to anymore looks from people who were quick to judge. No one seemed to have noticed though, not that Negan saw anyway, and he smiled and followed Carl as he picked stuff out and put it in the basket.

After the fourth and final bath bomb, the male worker came over. “Hello gentleman, can I help you guys with anything?” he asked with a smile, talking with a stereotypical gay lisp. “Get you some skin care?” He touched up Carl’s arm. “Or maybe something for this great hair of yours?” he said, gently fingering one of Carl’s locks. Carl blushed but didn’t pull away, unthreatened by the man.

Negan eyed the worker. Oh, he knew what he was doing. Carl didn’t seem phased, but Negan felt jealousy rip through him. He could allow Carl to look at others, but as soon as someone else touched his boy, uh uh. No way.

Negan draped his arm over Carl’s shoulders and looked down at the worker, smirking. Negan reached over with his other hand and carded his fingers through Carl’s hair. “You know, it’s already pretty soft naturally,” Negan said, playing along. “What do you think, babe? You wanna look at the shampoos?” He gave a light tug to Carl’s hair as his fingers threaded down to the bottom.

“Shampoos are good. Anything is good.” Carl smiled, leaning into the touch with Negan.

“Okay, right this way,” the worker said, his hand now on Carl’s mid to lower back, guiding him across the small store. Negan swallowed a growl at seeing the worker’s hand on Carl. He let it slide this time, but if he reached for Carl again, Negan was going to break his hand… or at least threaten to.

“Here are all the shampoos. We have the fruity ones here, the ones for dyed hair here, and other ones here.” He showed them the display, his hand leaving Carl’s back. Carl started picking some up and the man opened the lids for him to smell. “This one is pineapple,” he said and Carl smiled.

Negan looked around at the shampoos as Carl did, sending glares at the worker. Negan pointed to one and leaned closer to Carl. “That one is lavender. I  _ love _ lavender~” Negan practically purred in Carl’s ear. It wasn’t a lie, he did love lavender, but he gave the worker a sharp look as he said so. His eyes saying  _ back off _ . “But that’s just me. Get whatever you want.”

Carl smiled and got a lavender shampoo with matching conditioner and a small bottle of strawberry shampoo for Judith. He started looking at the soaps picking up different bars and sniffing them. The worker smirked at Negan’s reaction but he did back off a little, seeing how tense the man was getting.

Negan glowed in pride when Carl picked the lavender shampoo. He couldn’t wait to bury his nose into Carl’s hair after he used that. He trailed behind Carl as he looked at soaps. The worker had eased off, and Negan respected that. Carl found a few more things like lotions, and nail stuff, and oils he liked. He poked around in a few other things as he got lost in all the scents surrounding him.

Negan got closer to the worker while Carl was distracted. “Hey, do you have anything that would help scars heal? Or just… heal enough that they blend into the skin better?” he asked him quietly, pointing to the area around his eye and cocking his head towards Carl.

“Scars? Yes, we have some natural healing products, but to be honest I suggest going to a place like Whole Foods and get heavy duty shit,” he said, leaving and coming back moments later with an entire kit system. “Put the wash on, then cream one and then cream two, and then at night you use the night cream. It should help in about a month or so,” he explained.

Negan looked over the stuff the employee was showing him with a hum. Wow, there was a lot involved. He nodded but held his hand up in a ‘no thank you’ motion. “Thanks, but I think I’ll look into the Whole Foods option. If that doesn’t pan out, I’ll be back.”

He looked over with fondness at Carl, still searching around the store, and sighed. He didn’t know if Carl would be interested in this kinda thing, or just offended that Negan had wondered about it. Obviously, he couldn’t fix him missing an eye, but Negan wanted to help any way he could.

Carl got everything he wanted together and came back to Negan. “I have everything!” He smiled, bouncing on his heels, unknowingly doing exactly what his sister was doing at that moment.

Negan smiled at Carl’s excitement. “Alright, come on then.” He put his arm around Carl’s shoulder and led him to the checkout counter, getting his wallet out and waiting for it to be rung up. “You find a bunch of neat stuff?”

Carl nodded. “I found shampoo and conditioner, but in a bar!” He smiled showing him. “And this shampoo for Judith that smells like a strawberry milkshake.”

“Very cool,” Negan said. He was tickled that Carl thought of Judith too. He handed his card to the cashier as it was totaled up. “I’m sure she will love that.”

Carl giggled, batting on Negan's arms happily.

“Need lube too, you two?” the cashier asked with a laughed.

“Lube?” Carl cocked his head.

“Oh, you got yourself a fresh one.” The cashier snorted, handing Negan’s card back.

Negan scoffed and pat Carl’s head. “I’ll explain later, kid,” he said, taking his card back from the cashier, after flashing them a look, and putting it back in his wallet. “Grab your bag and let’s go. I’m sure your sister is done by now.”

Carl nodded, taking his bag and scampering out of the store on Negan’s arm, loving being there as a hot side piece. Negan just smiled and let himself be pulled along.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mall trip finishes up with some new clothes and a segue into the next part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've been really busy with work lately. 12 hour days make editing hard haha
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and gets pumped for part 3! It's gonna get a little more plot-y and a little kinkier so, stay tuned.

As Negan and Carl approached the meeting spot, Judith smiled, jumping up and down, and Dwight let out a breath of relief.  _ Thank God. _ He waved as they walked over.

Negan waved back and crouched down to Judith when they reached them. “Did you make a new friend?” He eyed the wolf in her arms. It looked… familiar. 

“His name is Ne-Neegun,” she said, blushing a bit, pretending she didn’t know how to say it. She still wanted to call him Papa.

Negan felt his heart swell and tears burn behind his eyes.  _ Oh god, don’t cry. Don’t cry. _ It was amazing how easily these kids affected his emotions. He reached out and petted her head. “That’s great,” he said, choked up. He shook the wolf’s paw. “Nice to meet you, Negan.”

Dwight smiled behind his hand, watching the scene. Seeing his boss so weak for the little girl was a fantastic look on him. “So, what did you get?” he asked Carl, pointing towards his Lush bag.

Carl smiled and pulled out the bar shampoo and conditioner, showing it and the rose soap and the bath bombs to him. “Also I got this for you, Judith,” he said. He got out the strawberry milkshake shampoo and opened it for her to smell. 

Judith nodded. “Yeah and it has the leather jacket like you, Papa,” she said, giggling. She looked at the shampoo and sniffed. She smiled, and that was enough for Carl, who pulled away.

Negan stood and put one hand on Dwight’s shoulder and another over his heart. “Dwight… Dwight, help me. I’ve been slain by a little girl,” he whispered. Dwight smirked and patted Negan’s back.

“I’m sorry, sir. She chose it all her own, I didn’t help at all.” 

“Don’t tell me that!” Negan wheezed and Dwight laughed. Negan crouched back down and opened his arms to Judith. “Come here, darlin’.”

“Thank you for the wolfie, Papa,” she said, coming closer and hugging him as tightly as she could.

Negan hugged her back and kissed the side of her head. “You’re very welcome, dear.” He stood, picking her up and keeping her close, nuzzling his nose into her hair. “Did you have fun making him with Dwight?” he asked.

Carl watched, feeling out of place, so he turned to Dwight. “Smell?” he asked, shoving the rose soap in Dwight's face.

Dwight flinched, but recovered himself and gave it a smell. “Mmhmm, that’s real good,” he said, nodding. He wasn’t a soap guy and didn’t really know what to say. 

Carl nodded. “I know, I like it a lot,” he said, putting it away. “Isn’t it so good?” He looked up at Dwight, not sure what to say. 

Judith nuzzled into Negan. “Papa, why do you hold me and bubba differently?” she asked.

At Carl’s question, Dwight nodded again, giving him a small smile. He appreciated the kid being nice to him after their little incident earlier. He reached out and squeezed Carl shoulder. “Come on, let’s get moving, hmm? Lots more to see.”

As Dwight relaxed, Carl smiled a little. He sighed, thinking they were all good now. “Yeah, we’re good, let's go,” he said and kissed Judith’s head. Negan nodded at Dwight and began leading the group down the walkway, looking at Judith questioningly.

“What do you mean? Carl is too big for me to pick up and carry like I do with you,” he said, bouncing her slightly. She smiled and giggled. 

“No! You could do it. You’re too strong!” she said, poking his bicep. Negan chuckled. 

“I mean, I  _ could _ do it, but Carl can walk just fine on his own. Plus, I like to carry you. You’re tiny and _ fun sized!” _ He used the stuffed wolf’s paw to bat at Judith’s cheek, grinning at her. “One day, you’ll be too big for me to carry, just like Carl,” he continued, feeling a little sad at the thought. “But not yet, huh?” He smiled at her. Not yet.

Dwight listened as they talked. He and his wife had never really wanted kids, but, after this trip, he might be having a talk with her.

Judith giggled. She liked being small and little. When Negan mentioned she’d be too big one day it brought tears to her eyes. “What? No! No! I don’t wanna be too big!” She started to tear up, her little lip quivering, and Negan tried to shush her. 

“Judy, everyone has to grow up. You’ll get taller and stronger and you won’t need me to carry you.” He brushed some of her hair away from her face. “That’s just life, but don’t worry. It won’t be for a while, okay?”

Calming down, Judith nodded. “Okay, okay.” She wiped her nose on her sleeve, whimpering a little. “I love you,” she said.

“Love you too, Judy,” Negan said, rubbing his beard on her cheek. “And I can still hold you even when you’re big. Just like Carl.” He reached over and wrapped his arm around Carl’s waist, pulling him against his side and leaning down to place a kiss on the boy’s temple.

“I’m too big,” Carl muttered to himself. “You want me to gain weight? Stupid bitch.” Just then he looked up and saw the store  ‘Torrid’. “What's that?” he asked pointing to it. It looked neat. Negan looked up to see what store he was pointing at. 

“Oh, that’s a clothing store for plus-sized women. Nothing there is gonna fit you,” he squeezed at Carl’s waist. “But it’s owned by the same company as  _ that _ store.” He pointed to the Hot Topic next door. Carl looked over, interested. 

“Can we go in?” he asked with a smile. He saw the shiniest most colorful shoes in the window that had about 4-inch soles on them and he wanted to see them up close.

“Yeah, of course,” Negan said, following him over. Negan was afraid it was going to be too loud in there for Judith because usually the music associated with the place was a bit heavy, but as they walked in he noted that it wasn’t bad. Dwight gazed around the store in awe. Was this what the kids were wearing these days?

“Hi! My name’s Wryn,” a worker says, coming up to them. She had half of her head shaved and the rest of her long hair was bright green with blue waves. “Can I help you find anything?” She popped the gum that she was chewing on and smiled, mostly at Carl.

Carl noticed and was a bit surprised, but he liked it. “Um, I actually wanted to know if you had those shoes in the window?” he said, pointing to the white holographic high-platform sneakers. He looked around and saw other things he liked. Mini skirts with suspenders, short overalls, a grey shirt with an alien on it. He liked all of it.

The worker nodded. “Yeah, of course. That’s why they’re in the window,” she said, snorting and winking at him. “Come with me. Shoes are in the back. What size do you wear?” She started walking through the store, leading them in. 

Negan was a little shocked that those shoes were what drew Carl in, but he wasn’t going to deny him the chance to express himself how he wished. The kid had been locked up for too long, the least Negan could do would be to let him break some gender stereotypes.

“I um—I don’t really know,” Carl said. He’d never been clothes or shoe shopping before. What the hell size was he? He looked down at his feet and at the sneakers he’d been given by his dad. “Size seven-and-a-half?”

The worker, Wryn, motioned to a chair by the wall of shoes on display in the back of the store. “Alright, you can sit there and I’ll go grab you a couple sizes and you can see what works for you, okay?” She smiled and went through a swinging door into the stock room.

“Interesting shoe choice,” Negan said as she left. “Never would have thought you’d be into things like that.” He shrugged, not berating Carl but just stating a fact.

“Why not?” Carl asked, sitting down on the chair. “They’re colorful, and I like colors.” He smiled. 

In Negan’s arms, Judith was looking tired again, sucking her thumb as she looked around.

Negan shrugged. That was as good an argument as any. He watched as the worker came back with a couple boxes, and stood back to let Carl do his own thing.

...

Carl smiled in the mirror as he looked at the outfit he had on. “Negan. Negan, come here?” He smiled, opening the dressing room stall door a little so he could come in. As Judith was fast asleep, Negan handed her off to Dwight and went over to the dressing room. He slipped inside, closing the door behind him and leaning against it as he ran his eyes up and down Carl. 

The boy had on a short, mint-green pleated skirt that went down to about mid-thigh. It had suspender straps and under it he wore a light grey t-shirt with a little alien on the right breast. He also had on large rubbery baby blue boots. They had one-inch platforms with three-inch heels on them.

“What do ya think?” Carl asked smiling. He looked very girlish with his figure being accentuated by the pinched waist on the skirt and the heels.

“H-holy shit.” Negan could feel his face flush as he gasped. Carl looked  _ so good _ . Negan hadn’t been expecting the boy to be into this type of clothing at all, thinking he’d be buying jeans and t-shirts, but he was not complaining in the least. “Babe, you look so cute. I love it,” he said, smiling. “How easy is it to walk in those shoes?” He asked, chuckling a little, reaching out to feel the material of the skirt, lifting the edge just a little.

Carl blushed a little and smiled. “You really think so?” He giggled, doing a little spin, the skirt flaring out until it fell back down. “Um, I can walk. I just may need your hand,” he said, blushing again with a goofy smile on his face.

Negan smiled. “Well, that’s alright. I’ll keep you from falling,” he said, winking at Carl. He looked around at the other clothes that Carl had grabbed to try on. Negan couldn’t wait to see him wear all of this, but he felt like he needed to explain something before Carl got caught off guard in the real world.

“Um, now, Carl, I just want to tell you something that I’m not sure if you… fully understand,” he started, reaching out to place his hand softly on Carl’s waist. “A lot of the clothes you’re picking are ‘for girls’,” he air quoted with his free hand, “but that’s only because society says they are. I believe that clothes don’t have a gender and you should dress in whatever you feel comfortable dressing in. I’m just telling you this because there are a lot of people out there who don’t think the same as me and who will be nasty towards a boy in a skirt, and I want you to be prepared for that.” He reached up and took Carl’s face in his hands. Negan could already hear the vile comments people would spit at Carl. Though, with his long hair, he might pass a girl easily.

“What?” Carl asked confused, blushing as he stepped closer to Negan and rested his hands on the Negan’s shoulders. A shock of thrill went up Negan’s back, liking just how tall Carl had gotten with the shoes on. He leaned his body on Negan’s front, his chest right under Negan’s. The heels made him a lot taller. He liked this. He was trying to contain himself by making sex hungry comments because, damn, feeling Negan’s hand on his waist was hot as hell.

“What kind of nasty things? Why?” He wasn’t understanding. Why would people care if he wore a skirt? “Who made the rules? The people who make laws?” Carl cocked his head, his ponytail falling off his shoulder.

Negan shook his head. “No, no. It’s not a written rule or law, it’s just… how the world decided to operate. It’s the accepted norm. I don’t know why. It just is. People are scared of things that don’t match how they think the world should work. That fear makes them angry, and that anger makes them mean.” He let his hands slide from Carl’s hips to his back, pulling him closer.

“Technically, even us being together is kind of out of the norm. Our age gap and the fact that we’re both boys is considered a bad thing by narrow-minded people, though, the world is getting better about same-sex relationships, so at least there’s that,” Negan explained, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, a lot of things people will say you might not actually understand. Mostly slurs relating to being gay, or something to emasculate you. I don’t know. People get creative when they’re spewing hate. I just want you to be aware of it, but don’t be afraid to just wear what you want, ok?” He let his hands slip down, resting right at the end of Carl’s back, and kissed his cheek. “I think you look good in anything.”

Carl smiled a little and kissed Negan’s cheek. He liked this. It felt good. He liked being held so closely. “But how is it emasculating? And whats bad about that?” He cocked his head not really getting it but didn’t think it mattered that much anyway. “I could probably beat their asses anyway. You saw the tape. That one guy? I killed him without a gun, so what do I have to fear?” He giggled and kissed down to Negan’s neck. “And I mean people are already staring because of my eye, so how about I give ‘em something to see.” He giggled happily, bouncing up and down. “And wearing a skirt is more masculine? I can literally just take out my dick at any time. It’s right there?”  He laughed smiling. 

Negan sighed into the kisses. “Kid, I can’t explain the way people think. I’m just telling you how the world works.” He gave him a pointed look. “Please, don’t kill anyone just because they call you a name either. That’s a little much. And don’t whip your dick out. That  _ is _ against the law.” Negan rolled his eyes, laughing quietly.

Carl turned around after that to gather some of the clothes he had collected. “Also, I don’t think I have to gain weight. I’m a medium here, not even a small,” he said matter of factly with a smirk on his face, thinking he finally had hardcore proof that’d stump the man for good.

Negan let Carl go so he could pick up the other clothes and frowned at his words. This again? “Carl, it’s not about what size you wear, it’s about what’s healthy for you. At your age and height, you should have more fat on you.” Negan reached out and took Carl’s hand, running his other hand over Carl’s skinny wrist. “You shouldn’t be bones with skin over them,” he said quietly.

Carl blushed a little, the contact making him shiver. “Okay okay, whatever,” he said blushing. “Now get out so I can change.” He looked at all the clothes he was about to hand over to Negan. “I want to get all of this. Is that okay or is it too much?”

Negan held his arms out to take the clothes that Carl was holding. “It’s fine. Getting you clothes is basically why we’re here,” he said smiling and stepping out of the room. He sorts the clothes in his arms, getting them all straightened up, as he walks back to Dwight and Judith, who was cuddled into Dwight’s chest sleepily.

Dwight looked over the clothes in Negan’s arms and cocked his head. “Does… does he know he’s picking girl clothes?”

Negan sighed. “I’ve told you before, clothes don’t have a gender.”

Dwight nodded and rocked Judith slowly. “Right, right, sorry.”

“Anyway, the kid grew up completely cut off from society, Dwight. I tried to explain it to him and warn him about what people will say. He seems pretty tough about it, but you never know what’ll happen if someone says the wrong thing,” Negan explained, shaking his head. The last thing he needed was Carl pulling a gun on someone. Though… the mental image of Carl in that skirt while holding a gun was very pleasing to Negan. “I’m encouraging him to just be himself and let him pick out whatever, so get used to it.”

“Alright, alright,” Dwight said, holding up one hand in surrender, the other holding Judith.

Negan walked to the counter and began laying the clothes on the counter. Wryn smiled at him and began ringing it all up. “He’s still got some things in the dressing room, by the way,” Negan said.

“That’s fine! I’ll just get this in first and get them out of the way,” she said, popping her gum.

Carl came back out in his plain clothes holding the last outfit he was wearing. He brought it up to the counter smiling, bouncing on Negan’s hip again. He was short again. Negan was now only a few inches shy of being over a foot taller than him. “I’m excited. This was fun,” he said, squirming as he adjusted the gun in his pants. Negan smiled at Carl. It was amazing how much of height difference the shoes had made. 

Judith accidentally dropped wolf Negan when she adjusted in Dwight’s arms. She began to cry. She needed a real nap and she was unhappy that the store was getting a bit more crowded.

Wryn wrung up the rest of his clothes and took Negan’s card, swiping it, before handing it back. Negan was signing the receipt when Judith started to cry.

“Hey, hey, shh. It’s ok, Judith,” Dwight said, softly. He bent down and grabbed the wolf, offering it back to her.

Wryn held out two bags, and Negan took them both in one hand, turning around to pet Judith’s head. “Shh, come on Judy, let’s get going, huh?”

“Have a nice day!” Wryn called out, waving and flashing another smile right at Carl. 

Carl smiled back. It was so weird having someone looking at him but not like at him. He waved goodbye as he trotted back out of the store after the duo and the crying toddler. Carl huffed when the girl didn’t stop crying, so he took her a bit roughly out of Dwight's arms.

“Shush, Judith,” he said, bouncing her up and down. “Sleep, it’s nap time. Tell me what you want, or stop crying,” he said in a non-harsh tone. He also grabbed her hand and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Within thirty seconds she stopped crying completely.

Dwight was a little startled when Carl grabbed Judith from him, but he was glad to see that he knew what to do to make her stop.

“Her crying really bugs you, doesn’t it?” Negan asked as they walked, continuing on the way towards Macy’s. He wished Carl wouldn’t be quite so rough with her.

“Yeah. Dad hated when she cried so I had to learn pretty quick how to shut her up,” Carl said and bounced her to sleep. Her little head lolled back as she passed out, way too exhausted from the day's events.

“Well, do you think we should head home and get her to bed? We can always come back another day,” Negan asked, not sure if carrying around a sleeping toddler was a good idea or not. He did want to get her clothes though…

“It’s whatever you want,” Carl said, bouncing her in his hip. “I can hold her. I’m strong,” he mumbled, holding the girl close as he pushed away memories of Rick that popped into his head.

“I know you are,” Negan said, reaching over and placing his hand at the base of Carl’s neck, rubbing his thumb into the skin there. “Let’s just grab a few more outfits for you, and some for her, and then we can leave, ok? Shouldn’t take too long.”

They had reached the entrance of Macy’s by then, and Negan steered them to the teen’s department. This place was much more divided up into “girls” and “boys”, but Negan told Carl to look wherever he wanted.

Dwight held his hands out to Carl. “Do you want me to take Judith so you can look through stuff easier?”

Carl was hesitant this time about giving Judith away to Dwight. He held her close for a few moments, looking up at Negan before handing her over to Dwight. He was just trying to reason with himself. Logically he knew she was safe. The man literally made Negan iron his face to show his… dedication? He wasn’t gonna hurt something Negan loved. “Here,” he muttered, giving her away before walking off to the boy's section when he saw some plaid shirts he liked.

Dwight rocked Judith gently and stayed in the walkway with the bags of stuff they’d bought. He was definitely giving off that tired-mall-dad vibe, and he was almost wanted to follow Judith and take a nap himself.

Negan followed Carl as the boy picked out clothes, pointing to things that he thought Carl might like as well. “Are you having a good time shopping?” he asked as he held a blue shirt with a paw print on it out to Carl, silently asking if he liked it.

“Yea, it’s pretty fun. I just kinda feel bad you’re spending all your money on me- I mean us,” he said holding a pair of comfortable looking joggers before looking up at Negan, smiling at the shirt. “That’s super cute, it’s a dog print.”

“Trust me, it’s fine. This is pocket change,” Negan said, gesturing around them. “Plus, I like spoiling you guys. You deserve it.” Negan just wanted to give the siblings the things that they’d never had. Judith would grow up better, since she was so young, but he was worried about how socially stunted Carl seemed to be. He wondered if explaining the internet to him would be a good or bad thing.

Carl smiled and looked over at Judith and Dwight. “We should grab a few things and get going. She’s getting more anxious,” he mumbled to Negan, watching Dwight rock his baby sister. “I can’t stand it when she cries, and I don’t know if I can get her to calm down again.” He sighed and grabbed some grey sneakers before coming back to Negan’s side like a lost puppy.

Negan took the clothes that Carl was picking up, throwing them over his arm if applicable. “Do you wanna try anything on, or just hold it up to yourself and hope it fits so we can get out faster?” Not that much wouldn’t, Negan thinks. If anything things would be too big, but Carl was definitely at a size where trying stuff on wasn’t really needed.

“No, it’s fine. I’m sure they’re fine,” Carl said with a small smile. “I wanna go home and watch another movie. Relax on the couch.”

Negan nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to Carl’s head. “Sounds like a plan.” He held up the stuff Carl had handed him. “You done here then?”

“I want that over there?” Carl pointed to the girl's section. The skinny mannequin had on a pink knee length pleated skirt and a white knit sweater.

Negan nodded. “Alright, sure,” he agreed and led the way across to where the skirts and sweaters were hanging. He couldn’t wait to see Carl in all of these new clothes. Not just the skirt, but everything. He was excited to see him grow into his style.

Carl grabbed a skirt off the rack. “Twelve?” he said looking at the tag, feeling a bit weird. “What does twelve mean?” Kids clothes usually had sizes, not numbers, and that’s the only time Carl went shopping so he didn’t know what number size he’d be.

Negan shrugged. “You got me kid. Men’s pants sizes are waist size and inseam. I don’t know how women’s work. I just remember Lucille complaining about them,” he said, smiling at the memory. “Just hold it up to your waist and see how wide the waistband is. If it’s too big, get a smaller size.” Negan could remember watching Lucille do that, trying to see if clothes would fit over her hips.

Carl nodded and went through a few sizes. The one that said 6 looked okay because 8 was too big. He’d just have to have Negan zip it for him. “Okay, now we can pay and go home?” He smiled happily. He liked being out, but he also wanted to relax.

Negan took the skirt that Carl finally picked and nodded. The checkout was at a round kiosk down the walkway some. Negan led the way, waving at Dwight as they passed him. He nodded, still rocking Judith softly.

No one was in line, so they got to counter automatically. Negan laid all the clothes on the counter, smiling at the cashier, a tall lanky man, who smiled back and began ringing everything up. Negan paid, took the bag and thanked the man, turning to walk back to Dwight with Carl in tow.

“Alright, ready to go?” Dwight nodded. “Carl, grab your bags, hand me one if you want, and let’s scoot.”

“Oh, yeah. Let’s go.” Carl smiled happily as he held Negan’s hand on his right and the bags in the left as they walked out. 

The group made their way out of the mall, going back the way they came, and Negan called his driver once they were outside. The vehicle pulled up and Negan popped the trunk, putting the bag he was carrying into it, taking the bags from Carl to put them in as well. He took Judith from Dwight and placed her gently into her seat, putting her wolf in her arms. As soon as everyone was in, he gave a signal, and off they went.

Once settled in the car Carl rested his head back down on Judith’s car seat. “I used to have one of these,” he mumbled to himself or anyone that was listening. “It was in Shane’s car.” He pouted a little at the fond and distant memory of the man.

Negan reached over and put his hand on Carl’s knee, running his thumb over it as they drove. He dug his phone out of his pocket and let Gina know they’d be back in about fifteen minutes before putting it back in his pocket and looking out the window as they drove.

…

Back at Negan’s sanctuary, a boy with short, wavy, strawberry-blonde hair walked in through the front doors. He approached the front desk and smiled at Gina as she looked up at him. “Hello,” he spoke, his voice a bit off, shaky, like he hadn’t used it in a while. His hands moved to match his words, signing them smoothly. “I need to speak with your boss.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me or Matt on tumblr! I'm [Ranebowstitches](https://ranebowstitches.tumblr.com/) and he's [Matthew-the-neko-boy](https://matthew-the-neko-boy.tumblr.com/). We love to chat :3


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